I'm thankful, but either angry or sympathetic and I'm not sure which

Rajah

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 17, 1999
Messages
9,633
DH just got home from work about 30 minutes ago, and after a few minutes, asked me when I was going in to work tomorrow and if I wanted to work later -- with this "sheepish-I'm-going-to-be-in-trouble" look.

I ask why.

He said he needed me to escort him to the car shop tomorrow and to go look at his car.

So I go out and look.

His entire driver-side mirror is gone, there a very noticable dent in the corner of the door, scuffs on the part of the car next to the front of the door but isn't part of the door (fender?), and he pointed out that his left front tire rim is dented.

So I ask what hit him.

A tree.

His story was he was accellerating through an intersection that's been having construction, had to make a sharp turn, hydroplaned, went into a spin, and hit the tree.

Thankfully (and this is where I'm thankful), he wasn't hurt beyond a couple of bruises, and his co-worker was two cars behind him so saw what happened and escorted him home to make sure he was okay and made it okay.

Because of the hydroplaning-spin part, and because this is DH's new car that is less than a year old, I'm feeling sorry for him or sympathetic or whatever the proper term is (I'm a little fuzzle-headed so someone please correct the term if I'm not using it right? :rolleyes: )

But, I'm also angry because I'm 95% certain that if DH had been driving *correctly* through the intersection, he wouldn't have skidded so badly. Certainly not enough to jump up onto a curb and hit a tree. I believe he was driving just the way that I was afraid he would if he got a Camero instead of a normal car.

You see, I've seen how those roads are torn up. It's a split road with normally two lanes going one direction and two going the other. But at the intersection in question, the direction he was coming from had two lanes (the two going his direction) entirely shut off for construction, and the two lanes going the other direction narrowed to one so that the traffic going his direction can get past the construction. But at this intersection, the construction on the usual side of the road was over so they were routing everyone back into their correct lanes.

He says he was stopped at the light, it changed, he accellerated through the curve, lost traction (so much for the traction control), started to spin, turned the wheel incorrectly (to correct instead of into the spin like you're supposed to), jumped the curb, and hit the tree.

Oh, did I mention it's been relatively cold today (it's 47 out there right now) and all evening it's been sprinkling a very light and cold rain?

Now I ask you... if properly accelerating through an s-curve in construction from a stop, is it likely that you would go into a spin and have enough momentum to jump a curb and hit a tree hard enough to break your mirror off, but not hard enough to break your window? Or am I correct in assuming that, like he usually does, he was hot-rodding it through the intersection and that's how he lost control? I've been with him twice when he thought it was "neat" to hot-rod from the stop and make the car fish-tail just to get a reaction out of me.

So... I'm asking the impartial DIS. Is he possibly telling the truth when he says he was doing a normal, safe acceleration and being careful because of the rain, but lost control *anyway*? Or is he lying to me for the second time where his car is concerned?

(Back in May, his passenger door got dented. He claimed it was because a car hit it in the parking lot. My dad and I couldn't figure out how a car could produce that kind of dent while leaving that kind of residue, so my dad went investigating and found that there was red paint on the entry edge of his old garage at the apartment where he more likely tried to enter the garage and didn't know the dimensions of his car and so caused his own dent but was too ashamed to admit to me. He never has fessed up to that one to me, though he did acknowledge that my dad was right when my dad confronted him)

I'm really beginning to feel that if this keeps up, that car's going to be traded in on one he's less likely to drive dangerously. :mad: :mad: :mad:

But, if I'm incorrectly assuming because of how he's hot-rodded when I've been with him... if it is possible that going from a stop at a normal, safe acceleration through a light, he could have gathered enough momentum to jump the curb and break off his mirror, then I owe him a huge apology for the assumptions I made and my reactions.
 
Rajah, the MOST IMPORTANT THING is that your DH wasn't hurt:D :D :D :D .

However, your post really has little to do with the actual accident. It has everything to do with TRUST in your marriage. If you really think that your DH is lying to you, he should be confronted. If he insists that he's telling the truth, I'd accept it at that unless you have absolute evidence to the contrary.
 

Three people can witness the same event and
tell three very different storiess. Perception is
what's at stake here. Explain the insurance issues
to your DH as your insurance company is likely
to take a look at your previous claims and your
rates will probably go up, especially with a Camaro
on the policy. They assume the same things you
do about drivers with jazzy cars.
 
Your father investigated and confronted him? How is it any of his business?
 
If he is just not being careful, sooner or later when the insurance companies start either raising the premiums, dropping him or refusing to sell him insurance, he will realize it's time to be a bit more careful. Too bad some people don't realize how driving is a priviledge and not a right.
 
Accidents happen no matter how careful we drive. Be thankful your not spending the holiday in the hospital.

Sending {{{HUGS}}} cars can be repaired. People can not.
 
I actually went back to the top ofhe post to double check that it was your DH and not your DS that you were talking about! Please don't treat him like a child. He is a grown man. He is acting sheepish now, and soon he will start to hide things from you altogether.
 
Rajah - He might be telling the truth. Since we had light rain, drizzle all day here you know that is worse than a heavy rain for wrecks. I have a van and just making a right turn after stopping when it's light rain causes a little problem.
Light rain or drizzle is much more dangerous than a hard rain.
 
My take? If driving proper for conditions, he would not have jumped a curb and broadsided a tree. Too fast for conditions, whether 'hot-rodding' or 'just too fast', and you can wind up as such. Sometimes we do not know what is too fast till after an event like this.

The other issues, trust, etc, I have no comment on.
 
I'm glad to hear that your DH is okay. He could have been driving perfectly normal and still hydroplaned. Over the summer, I was driving on the interstate in a light rain, I was passing an 18 wheeler because I couldn't see behind it b/c of all the mist the tires were throwing at me, I didn't think I was going "too" fast, and I hydroplaned into the 18 wheeler! Scariest momement of my life! I was fine...car wasn't but was drivable. I, too, panicked, and slammed on my breaks and turned the wheel away from the skid...couldn't help it! I saw myself going into that 18 wheeler and all I knew was that I just had to stop...yes, I didn't do the right thing, but I'm not sure many people would've been calm enough when they realized they're skidding into an 18 wheeler to think rationally about how they should react!

Just be thankful he's okay. :)
 
Here's two ways to look at at -- it is possible to drive normally and still hydroplane, spin, and jump a curb. The telltale sign is that, even though he collided with a solid object (which probably saved him from a much worse outcome), it wasn't hard enough to shatter glass. That, to me, says that he wasn't "hot-rodding." If he was, then the damage would've been much more extensive, because excessive speed would've rendered him completely unable to control the spin AND the collision.
Here's the other point... and I'm telling you from experience... boys (men?) will be boys and it doesn't matter how a woman begs, pleads, threatens, or pushes... they will do things however they wish and it's up to us women to accept it as part of their personality (I'm talking about the "harmless things" here ladies). If he doesn't feel that he has your trust, he will begin hiding all sorts of things, and won't be able to trust you.
The most important thing is that he's okay - the car is okay - and both of you will be okay. His car is very nice (so jealous) but ten years from now, it won't matter as much. You guys are lovely people, and I'm sure things will smooth over. Just put a little faith in him... and hugs to both of you. You guys are the best!
-MrsAPalm
 
Well, I think I reacted with anger because of fear. I've been afraid of him getting himself hurt or worse because he wasn't driving properly ever since he got his Camero. Other than when he "shows off", he is usually a safe driver. Safer than most in Houston, anyway :rolleyes: Unfortunately, he loves to "show off" for his coworker on that road, which is all the more reason I think he was driving improperly for the conditions.

Honestly -- I don't care about the car. That can and will be repaired easily. Not necessarily *cheaply*, but easily. And I am of course frustrated that this happened just before the holidays, but that's also when people are most likely to hydroplane and have poor driving conditions. Obviously, he didn't do this on purpose, so his timing wasn't on purpose. I'm not mad at him for that, maybe more mad at "fate".

What I care about is that in order to jump the curb and hit the tree hard enough to break something, I just don't see how he was safely driving through the intersection. Maybe he wasn't doing his usual hot-rodding from a stop on that road so, to him, he was driving "carefully". But still, I don't think he could have jumped the curb if he'd been driving *properly*. Hydroplaned, yes. Spun, yes. Jumped the curb? No.

And if he wasn't safely driving through that intersection, what's next? Trying to get around something on the freeway and getting hurt/killed there?

I think that's my problem -- no, I don't trust him to drive safely all the time. Shoot, *I* don't, and I'm not a male in a hot rod. :( I hate the traffic in Houston, and knowing he's driving possibly unsafely scares me to death. :( And no, I don't trust him to tell me the truth when it comes to his car. He knows I was against the Camero in the first place and if he keeps having safety problems with it because he's driving it as a hot-rod, it *will* be replaced. Either that, or I will.
 
Rajah- I had my Camaro for years and trust me when I tell you, that car can skid, spin out etc. very easily. I remember when I turned a corner too fast and there was a puddle in the road, I ended up spun around the other way and really scared!
Whether DH was driving safely or not, its not a good car for rain and snow. I always had big bags of kitty litter in the trunk to weigh it down.
Was he driving unsafely? You may never know. Glad hes not hurt!And maybe now that this happened, he will be a little more careful.
 
Things happen, accidents happen, that's why they are called 'accidents'. I really think the bigger issue is you thinking you can just 'take away his car' and had you Dad 'investigate' your husband. Isn't he an adult like you? I don't want to sound harsh, but I suggest you treat him like the adult that he is, or you'll have bigger problems than a broken mirror.
 
I had a Mustang/Maverick for years. YEs, they are big cars, and big engines if you aren't used to the power.

First off, Let it go.. Its his car! He is a grown person, not a teenager.

Be glad he isn't hurt. A car is just a piece of machinery.

AS for driving fast or not, he is an adult, making adult choices. Unfortunately that is the tough side of free will.
 
Originally posted by allicat
And maybe now that this happened, he will be a little more careful.

That's what I'm hoping!

had you Dad 'ingvestigate' your husband

Uh, no. My dad did that on his own because he didn't think something was right in DH's story because of the type of damage done to the car. He didn't tell me until 6 months later that he did that.
 
He is very fortunate that he wasn't hurt and should be thankful for that.

IMO, at this point, the details of what caused the accident aren't really important. He can't undo what happened. If he was driving carelessly, then hopefully he will learn from this accident. The car needs to be fixed and he'll have to deal with the insurance company. He is an adult and is making adult decisions, there are consequences for our actions/choices.
 





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