I'm sitting here in tears :( -- NEW UPDATE (page 5)

[NY Disney fan]

My boss is a totally bully who loves to humiliate me in front of everyone and I don't know what to do. Normally I just let it roll off but my co-workers keep asking me if I'm ok. If I tell my boss somehting is blue, he will fight me that its actually green. For example: he got a notice that his email inbox was full to capacity. He doesn't want to lose any email. I tell him that he needs to start deleting insignificant emails to save space. He tells me that he's not deleting anything and that I need to figure it out. I put in a request to get him more email space and was denied by the really big bosses above him. In the meantime, he has to yell at me about it. Secondly, if I ask him the simplest of questions, he'll say "why are you asking me that?" or "what does that have to do with me?" I can't communicate with him on most subjects. He's so defensive. He's like a prisoner who is trying to protect their food in the cafeteria, he doesn't trust anyone!

We've only been working together for a few months. But I'm about to give 2 weeks notice (with no job lined up!) b/c I'm tired of being humiliated in front of everyone. Its so not necessary. Should I talk to my boss about this? Scared.

 

[horseshowmom]

My boss is a totally bully who loves to humiliate me in front of everyone and I don't know what to do. Normally I just let it roll off but my co-workers keep asking me if I'm ok. If I tell my boss somehting is blue, he will fight me that its actually green. For example: he got a notice that his email inbox was full to capacity. He doesn't want to lose any email. I tell him that he needs to start deleting insignificant emails to save space. He tells me that he's not deleting anything and that I need to figure it out. I put in a request to get him more email space and was denied by the really big bosses above him. In the meantime, he has to yell at me about it. Secondly, if I ask him the simplest of questions, he'll say "why are you asking me that?" or "what does that have to do with me?" I can't communicate with him on most subjects. He's so defensive. He's like a prisoner who is trying to protect their food in the cafeteria, he doesn't trust anyone!

We've only been working together for a few months. But I'm about to give 2 weeks notice (with no job lined up!) b/c I'm tired of being humiliated in front of everyone. Its so not necessary. Should I talk to my boss about this? Scared.

If you are serious about your intention to quit at this point, then you have nothing to lose by trying to talk to your boss (although it doesn't sound like it will do any good). Do you have a HR department that you can go to? Or someone higher up? As I said, if you're going to quit anyway, you have nothing to lose by trying to get some help from somewhere.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

I'm sorry. He sounds like a real jerk! Why is it that all the people with difficult personalities become managers? I feel for you.

 

[missypie]

Can you move to another assignment (e.g. work for someone else)at the same company? There are a few bosses who are downright abusive. We've got a guy like that in our firm. He went through many assistants. Finally, he found someone who tolerate him. I don't know how or why, but she puts up with his you know what without batting an eye. I can't figure out if she is emotionally very healthy or very unhealthy.

If the abusive employees are valuable (e.g. they make the company a lot of money), the company isn't going to fire them. They'll just go through many many assistants who are more or less sacrificial lambs.

If I were you I'd look for another job ASAP but, due to this economy, bite your tongue until you find another job.

 

[kinntj]

I had a boss similar to what you're describing. He even had a coworker of mind crying and she's a very strong person.

I took it to the HR department and that's the best thing I ever did. I didn't go directly to my boss, since communications with them were rough. I explained what was happening to the manager of HR and she became our mediator. My boss wasn't upset about it at all and was open to doing some exercises and we both learned lots of stuff from her. If you don't have an HR dept, then go to a higher up.

He has to learn to talk to you behind closed doors if he has a problem with you. Belittling you in front of coworkers makes him a terrible boss.

 

[Nette]

I'm sorry. He sounds like a real jerk! Why is it that all the people with difficult personalities become managers? I feel for you.

Because in most (big) companies, it's easier to promote a problem employee rather than get them fired. Either way, *their* manager then doesn't have to deal with them any longer.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Thanks for the feedback so far, everyone.

If I were you I'd look for another job ASAP but, due to this economy, bite your tongue until you find another job.

Assuming I take this route, I stay until I find another position, how do I go about communicating with this man. Should I still talk to him about it and see if anything changes?

 

[Ellie Mae]

Document EVERYTHING and then go to HR.

 

[Jennasis]

Ugh...mean bosses suck! Hugs to you. Try to pull yourself together at work for now. If your boss sees you as upset as your coworkers see you, he'll know he's getting to you. DOn't empower the bullies.

Since you are already at the point where you want to quit, why not take a stand? So what if you get fired?? At least you could collect unemployment while looking for a replacement.

When starts being a jerk, be a jerk back at him. About the email space...can he copy and paste his emails into a word document that he can save seperately? Then delete the e-mails.

I bet if you yelled back at him just once, he would back down with his tail between his legs. But you have to really give it to him without any crying or anything.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I bet if you yelled back at him just once, he would back down with his tail between his legs. But you have to really give it to him without any crying or anything.

I did this once and it worked. Its almost like he wants someone to match his attitude. This is so not in my personality but its do or die time. I'm afraid I might get fired if talk to him the way he talks to me. But you brough up a good point, if I get fired, I get unemployment. So, I guess I need to make a decision.

 

[walden]

Working for a bully is the worst and trying to talk directly to bullies seldom helps. Been there and done that. The chances are that he has a history of this behavior, and if your record is good the company may be able to intervene with him or move you. Do not quit just yet!

1. Go directly to HR (if you have an HR) and tell them what happened.
2. If there is no HR contact, consider approaching his boss with concerns. Think hard, because this is going over his head and will really annoy him, but you may not have much to lose at this point.
3. Try not to let him see you cry. Bullies get a kick out of that.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[NY Disney fan]

The worst part is, my boss (when he's not being a bully) is sooo nice to me. He seems like a nice person overall but when he gets nasty its abusive. There's this push/pull. And I defend him to people who think badly of him. He's got a lot of pressure on him at work. But I just find that there is no excuse to talk to me that way...me! (who is trying to help him do his job.). I'm on his side, not working against him.

 

[Mickey527]

Can you move some of the emails to managed mail? I used to do that with the mail I wanted to save and it cleared space for new emails to come in.
Or can you print out the emails and store them in a file for him then delete them?
sounds too easy maybe he will go for that.

 

[LukenDC]

Document EVERYTHING and then go to HR.

I'm an HR Director and I agree with this 100%. If you go to HR and tell them that you are being "bullied," they should take that very seriously and intervene. Does he treat your male co-workers the same way? If not, that is something else to consider and report.

If you go to HR and document everything and still feel compelled to quit, you may still be able to get unemployment because the work situation was intolerable.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I bet if you yelled back at him just once, he would back down with his tail between his legs. But you have to really give it to him without any crying or anything.

I actually had a boss that was like the OP's. Very much a bully and just wanted to always be able to say whatever he wanted with no filter. Many days the tension and walking on egg shells was so bad I wouldn't be able to eat (we think he was bi-polar as he was so sweet and nice some days and the littlest thing would set him off). No one would ever stand up to him and the company was so small we didn't have an HR dept.. He was a bully to customers and all of the employees. The owner never believed anyone that documented his behaviors and was really unconfrontational so he just stayed away and let this jerk run his business. One day I was working late along with a few other employees. A customer was coming in to pick up something late and wanted to talk to the manager (the one that's a jerk). The customer (I guess unknown to the jerk manager as he'd only been there about 8-10 months) was a good friend of the owners. He was unhappy about something and was confronting the manager with it (the customer was known to be a very it's-my-way-or-the-highway type of guy even though he was friends with the owner). All of a sudden I hear yelling and cussing and the customer and manager are on the ground physically fighting! A few of the other employees pulled them apart. The manager was finally fired but it's not always pretty when you stand up to someone like that.

BTW, the jerk manager is now a manager somewhere else . I'm glad I don't work there!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The way I would handle it is to tell him you need to talk, then have a private conversation telling him his behavior is abusive and needs to stop. But be prepared - have a log of incidents, discussions with dates and such. You could mention you have it as well as witnesses, and that you will be going to HR with your information if his behavior doesn't change immediately. Then if it doesn't, do what you said you'd do. This puts you in charge and him on the defensive. It also gives him the professional courtesy of changing his behavior on his own without the humiliation (and anger) of being scolded by HR or his boss or in front of everyone else (if you yell back at him). Protect yourself, though, by having your documentation and handling things professionally from your side in case it comes to a point where you have to defend yourself. Also keep your nose clean (lol) as he'll likely be looking for dirt on you, too, but this would happen regardless of whether you handle it yourself or go above him. Good luck. Be strong. (And imagine his wife kicking his butt at home if you want to chuckle to yourself.)

 

[busyshrew]

Every time your boss does or says something that is over the line, write it down in a journal. Note the date & time and the circumstances surrounding. If he fires off nasty emails, print those off and put them in the journal too.

I wouldn't, in today's economy, quit your job. At least not without something else lined up.

to you. Hang in there. Don't let this man ruin your life. You can get past this and in a year or so, hopefully you will be in a better place and well away from that jerk.

 

[wvjules]

Regarding the full inbox (which I have often):

Set up files on his hard drive and move them there. Once they are moved then you can delete them from the inbox. Oh, make sure you delete them from the trash as well. I have two windows open - one is my inbox the other is the folder I want to move the mail to. I just drag and drop.

 

[Planogirl]

You've been given some great advice. I would just add that you might want to get your resume out there too, just in case.

I feel for you. I never understand what abusive bosses or even abusive companies hope to gain by acting like this.

 

[WDWorBUST]

I did this once and it worked. Its almost like he wants someone to match his attitude. This is so not in my personality but its do or die time. I'm afraid I might get fired if talk to him the way he talks to me. But you brough up a good point, if I get fired, I get unemployment. So, I guess I need to make a decision.

Don't assume just because you get fired you get unemployment. If you "give it back to him" it could very well be classified as insubordination, which is most likely against your behavior policies, and if the employer contests you could very well lose.