I'm Sad.... its over!

[twojo21]

i had to chime in again & agree with ead79, your opinion & dreams should matter more than his mothers, i would talk about this with your fi. i agree compromise is important but so are you.

im glad to here mishtb youre still getting married & were able to get back your money from disney. hope everything works out for you

 

[trampslady]

Flashback city! I've been happily married for almost 18 years, but your dilemma sounds so darn familiar it stings! We wanted a destination wedding, and decided to get married in Hawaii. It was a simple ceremony, and the money spent by family could be enjoyed as a vacation rather than a cold chicken breast in a banquet hall. My husband's parents decided last minute that they weren't going to go-couldn't afford it. Of crouse, this is coming from the General Manager of a major plastics manufactering company! Plus, mother-in-law didn't like the idea of us being wed outside. "You weren't born in a barn for God's sake." Of course, hubby's two other loser brothers are still being spoon fed 18 years later with the 40+ year old "working for dad" and calling in sick about three times a week, and younger brother (34) is now divorced and living at home.

What about the wedding? We went to Hawaii without them as this was our wedding and our celebration. My parents went and some extended family. It was a lovely and memorable occasion, and we never regretted it a bit. When we got home, we had a nice party with a Hawaiian theme. Of course, mother-in-law decided we weren't married in the eyes of God since a Catholic priest did not perform the OUTDOOR ceremony. Gee, we've been married 18 wonderful years and her two other "angels" are divorced (young one) and gay (older one). Wonder what God thinks about that?!?!?

Whew! Morale of story--do what you can live with, but remember, the two of you MUST put your own happiness and devotion at the top of the list or you will have little hope for a longlasting marriage. Regrettably, many years after our wedding, we split ways with inlaws. Lots of water under the bridge, and I only wish them happiness. However, our sanity was worth more than the grief we were living trying to maintain a relationship with them. Sad for hubby, but life is very, very short!!!!

 

[akalucky1]

First, I am very sorry to hear about your plight.

Your FMIL is defintely trying to manipulate the situation. She really needs to mind her own business. However, I am also quite upset with your FDH. He is obviously apathetic to your feelings, wishes and dreams of a DFTW. My point is and this my seem extremely rude-->if he is tied to his mother now and is willing to let her ruin your weddign plans, what will he be like once you are married. She may continue to pull his strings and you may continue to second in line to his mother. His family appears to be selfish and inconsiderate and you are probably to good to marry into that type of family.

Like other posters here, your best bet at this point if you still what to marry this guy is to go ahead with your wedding at his parents' and do a vow renewal at Disney or just keep your original plans and do the wedding when you get back.

Whatever you decide, I sincerely hope you have a very happy day and wish you best for your future.

 

[FutureAshleyDukes]

I'm happy to hear your making the best out of the situation. I'm still hoping that maybe your family will come around, but if you still have the wedding in Dallas then I hope you enjoy it. Are you thinking about having your honeymoon at WDW?

 

[Chuck S]

Your FMIL and family should offer to re-imburse your friends that already have their airfare for the full amount, since they were well aware of the dates and location, plus any Disney related expenses you may have incurred. And, since you are changing your plans at relatively last minute, they should also offer to pay for other unforeseen expenses associated with changing the location. Bad planing on their part does not constitute an emergency or change of plans on your part. If your DH lets his family manipulate him and you this time, it will be an ongoing cycle. Think Marie Barone.

 

[J and R's mom]

After talking it over -- all I want to do is get married, I don't care how/where/when. After stressing out for the past 3 1/2 yrs planning for a wedding in boston or dallas or disney.....I really just want to get married and get it done with.

I hate to hear that your dream of a wedding has come down to this quote. That's quite tragic in my opinion.

What's even more tragic is that your future husband placed his family's (FMIL) wants and desire ABOVE his future wife's. That's scarry and makes me wonder what the future may hold if he plans on choosing them each time in order to keep the peace with them and expecting/coercing you into doing the same. What about "keeping the peace" with you? That should be his priority. Of course he wants his family at the wedding, but if their stubborness and manipulation is going to keep them for going, then he should write it off as their loss. NOT change the plans to accomodate them. UUUHHHHGGGGG!

I'm glad you're not spending a dime for the wedding. Since it's the wedding that he and his family want (not you), you SHOULDN'T spend a thing on it.

I just can't believe he chose her over you instead of sticking up for y'alls' plans. That doesn't bode well.

 

[MrsTink04]

Your FMIL and family should offer to re-imburse your friends that already have their airfare for the full amount, since they were well aware of the dates and location, plus any Disney related expenses you may have incurred. And, since you are changing your plans at relatively last minute, they should also offer to pay for other unforeseen expenses associated with changing the location. Bad planing on their part does not constitute an emergency or change of plans on your part. If your DH lets his family manipulate him and you this time, it will be an ongoing cycle. Think Marie Barone.

Go Chuck!!!! Ha ha ha...I call my MIL Marie Barone sometimes (though she really is a sweet woman, she just oversteps her bounds occasionally) I am concerned about your FI putting Mommy's feelings ahead of yours. My MIL never did complain about the Disney Wedding (though some of MY family was unhappy about it - I ignored them...this was MY day!!!) She has, however, tried to exert her opinion in other places and I have explained (patiently) to DH that Mommy's opinions do not fly. We then diffuse the situation together.

 

[princess pooh]

What happened to your friends who booked a trip to Disney to go to your wedding? Did they get their money back?

Do you live in the same city as your in laws? If you do, you need to move and get your FH away from them. Your MIL is very controlling and you can be sure this won't be the last time she meddles in your relationship.

 

[CindeBella]

I just want to say, I am so sorry you won't have your dream wedding. No one has the right to take that away from you.
How would she feel if you canceled last minute and she lost her money It's cleary manipulation. She will do it until you won't let her.

As others have said, this is just the beginning. I was in a similiar situation. I was being told what I could have, couldn't have, etc (some of my ideas were stolen by his sister and they didn't tell her she couldn't do that!) in my wedding - ugh. I closely envisioned my future with those people - children, etc. and got scared! I ran so far away from those people and didn't look back!! For me, it was the best thing I could have done.

My MIL now has done this, but we showed her when she acts that way she gets left out. My parents aren't a walk in the park either, but my husband and I stick together - always. It's what marriage is about.

Good luck to you!!

 

[robsmom]

All I know is I got my $3,500 back and I am not spending a dime on the wedding here...... him and his family can. I'm gonna use my money to take our daughter to disney right after the wedding and use the rest on me!

If you hadn't said you had a daughter i would tell you to dump this guy as fast as you can. I understand that he is your child's father but what is the rush at this point. He basically canceled your wedding. His decision not yours. It was disrespecful of your feelings and completely rude to your family and friends who have made plans. This shows serious inmaturing and that he is not ready to be a husband. Your reaction, however, shows you may not be ready to be married either. The idea that he can spend his money on something and you will spend yours on something else usually doesn't work in a marriage. Do not plan a Dallas wedding this quickly. Cancel the date, go to pre-marital counseling with your fiance and marry him only after you are sure you are marrying someone you can live with for the rest of your life as equals not with him controlling you.

 

[angel*lady]

I have to agree with many of the other posters. There are HUGE RED FLAGS all over this! I would really have to question marrying a man who would let his mother manipulate him in such a big way. He obviously has no problem dashing your dreams and inconveniencing many other people who made plans and paid good money to come to your wedding at WDW in order to accommodate his mother. I'm afraid this will only be the beginning. It also troubled me when you said "All I want to do is get married." Things aren't going to magically get better once you have said "I do". I had a very dear friend say exactly those words and went ahead with the marriage and spent the next 17 years being miserable. Fortunately, she finally got out and has now been happily married for 6 years to a wonderful and thoughtful man who puts her needs and wants ahead of all others and knows the meaning of the word compromise. It seems to me that you shouldn't be planning any wedding at this time but rather find a reputable marriage counselor and see if this is really the person that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I just hate to see you enter into a marriage without making sure that this isn't going to be an ongoing problem. Best of luck to you! Take care!

 

[the kabuki]

I hate to hear that your dream of a wedding has come down to this quote. That's quite tragic in my opinion.

What's even more tragic is that your future husband placed his family's (FMIL) wants and desire ABOVE his future wife's. That's scarry and makes me wonder what the future may hold if he plans on choosing them each time in order to keep the peace with them and expecting/coercing you into doing the same. What about "keeping the peace" with you? That should be his priority. Of course he wants his family at the wedding, but if their stubborness and manipulation is going to keep them for going, then he should write it off as their loss. NOT change the plans to accomodate them. UUUHHHHGGGGG!

I'm glad you're not spending a dime for the wedding. Since it's the wedding that he and his family want (not you), you SHOULDN'T spend a thing on it.

I just can't believe he chose her over you instead of sticking up for y'alls' plans. That doesn't bode well.

Totally agree-this isn't about where the wedding is going to be, it's about the fact that your Dh2b is taking his mothers' feelings into consideration over yours'. For that reason alone, I'd be having some serious doubts about getting married to this man in the first place.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think my main concern would be that your husband seems to take his mother’s feelings/opinions as being more important than yours.

I agree. Your FMIL is a master manipulator, and your DF is putty in her hands. Neither of them care that they have disappointed and inconvenienced you, your friends, and your family. And your DF doesn't see that they obviously lied about being able to afford a trip to Disney. This is a very bad sign. And it is not going to get any better - she won this round, and she will not stop. Welcome to the rest of your life.

You might want to check out Mother in Law Stories - you'll probably end up being a regular poster there!

 

[alisonbestford]

If you hadn't said you had a daughter i would tell you to dump this guy as fast as you can. I understand that he is your child's father but what is the rush at this point. He basically canceled your wedding. His decision not yours. It was disrespecful of your feelings and completely rude to your family and friends who have made plans. This shows serious inmaturing and that he is not ready to be a husband. Your reaction, however, shows you may not be ready to be married either. The idea that he can spend his money on something and you will spend yours on something else usually doesn't work in a marriage. Do not plan a Dallas wedding this quickly. Cancel the date, go to pre-marital counseling with your fiance and marry him only after you are sure you are marrying someone you can live with for the rest of your life as equals not with him controlling you.

I was trying so hard not to say something along these lines but, unfortunately, I have to agree with robsmum

Obviously you know more about the whole situation than the posters on your thread so I wish you happiness in whatever you decide