I'm ready to shoot my DH

[jeepgirl30]

We talked about going to Disney last year but the kids were too young. This year I sent an email to our whole family and invited everyone to come along. Only my parents said they'd come. Okay fine, I'll plan it all and we'll have a great time! I just want to see the look on my angels' faces as they see the castle and all the Disney Magic!

I keep emailing DH package pricing, hotel info etc. NOTHING. No response. So I said about making the deposit and he says to hold off. I don't want to turn things into a fight so I just keep trying to send little hints. He shows NO signs of interest at all. I'm so discouraged.

I asked why and he said he wanted to be sure we could afford it. However, there was no question of "if" when he got his football play off tickets, when he goes to the darn games and of course it won't come up when its time to pay for the season tickets again.

My parents are leaving for their very first ever cruise so they've been a little preoccuppied and not wanting to talk Disney yet! Which I understand.

I just wish SOMEONE would get excited about the trip with me. How do I get DH to soften up a bit?

I can't tell the kids yet, they are 4 1/2 and 2!

 

[bananiem]

I have a couple of thoughts.
1. Could it be that he sees changes coming at work and there's a possiblity of being laid off? It's happening to lots of people.
2. Maybe he doesn't "get" Disney and truly doesn't want to go. In that case could you, the kids, and your parents go without him?
3. Get the Unofficial Guide to WDW and see the food prices at various restaurants. Plan out your meals, tickets, souvenirs, transportation costs, and hotel fees. Then show him the plan along with the latest savings account statement.

 

[crisi]

Its time to sit him down and say "we seem to be able to afford luxuries that are important to you - like football tickets. But when something is important to me - like a vacation to Disney World - we suddenly have to check. I think we need to decide what OUR priorities for our money are."

(Don't expect miracles. I say this to my husband about every three months. In our house its a little different. I'm frugal. He isn't. Therefore, if he wants something, he thinks we can afford it - hey- money in the bank! When I want something, I think we can't (because I'd rather spend the money on new carpet or something). Then he goes and spends money I haven't been spending because I think we need new carpet - but I haven't told him that I've skipped manicures for new carpet - and now I'm mad at him because he spent the new carpet money I SHOULD have spent on manicures and the conversation starts again. But in ten years its gotten better.)

 

[Deesknee]

I cannot relate, but, what if you remind him things such as football and such will always be there. Your children grow up and move out very very fast. Also, to help put things in perspective.... I once whinced when a furniture sales man told me the price of the new sofa I wanted. He mentioned how long my previous sofa had lasted, then asked what I paid for my car and how long did that last me. I bought the sofa (and a chair). The vacation may only last a week the football game only a few hours...... which memories last longer????

Good Luck, oh and remember I also once heard this "mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't be mean when you say it."

Again, Good luck and pixie dust

 

[umbluegray]

I definitely empathize with you. We were supposed to go last September but DW decided we couldn't go. So we pushed it back to May. I'm counting down the days, but she doesn't want to hear about it as much as I want to talk about it.

Fortunately my 4DD (soon to be 5) is just as excited as I am. We watch our WDW: Where Magic Lives dvd all the time. We talk about the rides she rode last time and which rides we'll ride next time.

We're taking the parents, too. My mom & dad and her mom & grandmother are going. I wanted them all to be able to witness the joy and excitement on my 4DD's face.

So why don't we be excited for each other. I'll start....

:jumping4: You're going to Disney! You're going to Disney! :jumping4:

BTW... I enjoy football and basketball as much as the next guy, but we're talking DISNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[minkydog]

I have a couple of thoughts.
1. Could it be that he sees changes coming at work and there's a possiblity of being laid off? It's happening to lots of people.
2. Maybe he doesn't "get" Disney and truly doesn't want to go. In that case could you, the kids, and your parents go without him?
3. Get the Unofficial Guide to WDW and see the food prices at various restaurants. Plan out your meals, tickets, souvenirs, transportation costs, and hotel fees. Then show him the plan along with the latest savings account statement.

I'd go with this approach. If he doesn't "get Disney", he probably feels overwhelmed by your enthusiasm and the amount of info you are giving him. My DH was like that too and he could not see the point of it. I just quietly made all the plans and kept it to myself until I presented him with the figures AND my plans for paying for it. When he saw that we did have the money, he wasn't any more excited about Disney, but he was at least willing to go on vacation. Of course, the rest is history--DH had a great time and can't wait to leave in 2 wks for our first-ever WDW without kids! :jumping4:

Cathy--the trick to turning out a tender, soft-hearted husband is to never steam, fry, pickle or prune him.

BTW--Badgering him about his football games will likely not work. He will think that you "just don't get it."

 

[jeepgirl30]

Umbluegray: Thanks! I will be excited for you. Our DDs are the same age, how cool.

Thank you all for the responses. DH does like Disney, he just got a promo at work and is generally okay with it all. He does this with all our trips. I'm the planner, he just says to tell him when to show up. He just isn't real excited going with the inlaws. He hates to fly so he was thinking of driving but my parents like to do way too many stops and with the kids it would be a nightmare. I got a confirmation last night but I didn't actually book it so he got a little freaked out. However he will come around. I just would like some excitement and more buy in from him! I told him last night I understood but the kids and I were going no matter what and if he wanted to be a part fine otherwise he'd miss out. Actually, if he doesn't go I may try talking my parents into a deluxe resort.

 

[K & D Mickey]

I had the same ordeal with family, etc. My sister was excited, offered her vacation club villa points for the family of 10... but my Parents thought should use the money for the Kids needs ... not a vacation...
SO my sister back down and not going but we are going. and yes we 'discuss" disney all year - if were not going to disney we could get this or that.... but now it is 14 days away and he is so excited.. to get away from the cold, snow, ice.... I just go ahead and get the reservations --- save the money back here and there and we have went for 3 years straight with the same ole --- WE can't afford it ---- but I end up haveing the money and we have a great time.!!!! :jumping4:

My husband wants to put this comment --- Yes I had surgery Monday before christmas on a woman issue and not healing correctly --- but I said I will go back to dr after disney --- Probably have to be 'recut' so will heal properly but there is DISNEY to go to........ before anything else.......

 

[DisneyMomx7]

After our first DIsney trip DH liked it but wasn't obsessive. Our second Disney trip I did all the planning and his response was just "how much is this costing". I tried to make it less expensive - we were going to stay at POR instead of GF. He didn't really seem to have any interest. First day we're at WDW we check into POR really early (we were coming from HRH), catch a bus to make EMH at MK. When we get off the bus DH looks at the ferry coming from GF and says - I'm going to see if we can change our rooms back to GF. He went and did it - hurray! After that experience it seemed like a ton of pixie dust fell on him - suddenly he "got" DIseny. I don't know how it happened and I don't want to question it but now he's a complete Disney nut. We're going back in July and he's already registered for the 2006 marathon so an extra trip. He's as excited as the rest of us - even watches the Disney planning video (for the 100th) time with us. SO you never know what can happen at Disney!

 

[estherhead]

My dh never gets excited about vacation. When we were first married my parents (who we get along famously with) took us to France ALL EXPENSE PAID!!! Even in the airport he was not excited. But boy did things change when we were on the train into Paris. He absolutely exhausted me rushing from one site to another and said I was dragging HIS excitement down when I said I just had to take a break.

Since then I don't talk to him about vacations before hand, it only leads to my disappointment and him being sad that he can't get excited. I invite someone else who will be excited and I find a message board on-line to chitchat with. I do all the planning myself. I save all the money. And I tell him on the way down to wherever we're going what we will be doing and what I expect out of him. I feel kind of goofy, as if I'm his mother and it is not our normal day-to-day relationship. But after ten years of marriage, it works for us and we both get vacations we love and are excited about afterwards.

And in the long run, isn't that the goal? Family togetherness that leaves all members refreshed in their own way?

Esther

P.S. Dh and I are serious NFL fans. Don't mess with the season tickets. It'll get you nowhere! LOL!

 

[HenDuck]

LOL! Just kidding, sort of.

We have taken DS (4) to DL twice in the last year. Yes, he is spoiled and the grandparents contribute to this situation by taking all of us to DL as our Christmas presents. I certainly don't mind.

DH has a blast when we're there, but he is always resistant to going and often balks as the trip gets closer. I just hold my breath and my tongue, knowing that he'll love it in the end and will tell me so.

We each have our little idiosyncracies we have to live with.

Right now, I am trying to convince him to put off going to Israel on pilgrimage next year because DS is too young to go with us and I really don't want to leave him behind. (It just doesn't seem right to celebrate your faith without your whole family being there.) I am telling DH that we COULD go to WDW instead because I want to take DS while my DF is still healthy enough to really enjoy it.

DH understands my desires, but I know he really wants to go to Israel. I understand that we have done a lot of Disney lately and certainly feel that he is entitled to pick our next trip. For me, I'd rather take a trip with the whole family now while we can all enjoy it than just DH and I take a trip and leave DS behind, when we can still do that trip in a few years when our family can all go.

It's difficult to compromise, but I guess that's all part of being partners in life.

THanks for this thread. I needed a vent.

 

[robsmom]

My husband doesn't really get into the planning for any vacation either. He will ususally say "i don't really care". He isn't being mean it is just that he's happy on vacation no matter what hotel or restaurant we go to and really doesnt' need to spend alot of timing thinking about it. We have really evolved into a great routine. We discuss when we can take a vacation and where we might go. I research some of the ideas and estimated costs, we then talk about it and pick a place. Once we pick a place, I ask him to tell me those few things that he really does care about. I do all the planning but ensure that I include his few choices. He is usually impressed with what I can plan (o.k. the house i rented that had smelly water and a green pool, might be an exception, but we all make mistakes!).

 

[3mickeys&me]

My dh doesn't get into as much as me and our kids do. Infact his parents wanted to do the Disney cruise and the parks with us and dh wasn't really interested at all. The boys and I were so we told his parents yes will go with or without dh. Now there are 17 of us going and that # includes dh.
If he doesn't want to go start doing the planning without him, bet he changes his mind!! He wouldn't wanna miss the fun.

 

[estherhead]

Right now, I am trying to convince him to put off going to Israel on pilgrimage next year because DS is too young to go with us and I really don't want to leave him behind. (It just doesn't seem right to celebrate your faith without your whole family being there.) I am telling DH that we COULD go to WDW instead because I want to take DS while my DF is still healthy enough to really

I went to Israel when I was seven and remember it vividly. And it did help my faith tremendously. My parents brought a Bible story book and I would read it every morning to see what we were going to see that day. I use this as my guide for my children and am not planning on any "important/expensive" trips until my youngest is seven.

Just show this to your husband and tell him, for his son's relationship with God, wait three years for Israel, and in the mean time take you to Disney. The colors and stimulation is good for his mind at this age. (This paragraph is meant to to irreverant )

Esther

 

[Kallison]

Dh gets apprehensive too, but usually the closer it gets the more excited he gets. We're going on our fifth trip with kids since 1998 and each one was special at their different ages. We took our first trip when our youngest was 4 1/2 and she doesn't remember it. Maybe you want to wait a year or two if this is your one and only trip for a long time. Now they are teens and tweens and looking forward to some park freedoms, doing rides on their own, etc. I just told DH tonight I made a Crystal Palace ressies and dinner and his eyes got and he goes - oh ya POOH. He cracks me up.

 

[kerry34]

When I first brought up a trip to Disney to my husband last year, he was like okay fine, sounds good. He was open to it, but definately wasnt psyched up about it, and I think he thought I was going a bit overboard everytime he saw me reading or checking out these boards...until the day that i called him at work and told him I got a discount on our ressie from a code that I found out about on these boards! He thought that was great. He felt a little better about the money thing after that. Also he watched the travel channel specials with the kids and that helped. Now he keeps saying to me how he cant wait to go and how much fun he is looking forward to having with the kids and also spending some time with me. Once my husband opened himself up to see for himself how much fun it can be, his attitude changed alot.

 

[HenDuck]

You made me laugh and feel better all at the same time!

 

[poohpcgirl]

I havent caught the Travel Channel Specials yet, but I have shown my Hubby videos and pictures I can find. It really seems to help. You are not alone out there. My Hubby has been less than excited about this whole trip. But slowly with a little work, he is getting better. Keep it up... and keep smiling.

 

[3mickeys&me]

Our first trip to Disney with the kids was when they were 2 1/2 and 4 and they loved every minute of it and both remember the trip. We went back again when they were 4 and 6. Another awesome trip. Its what you make of it.
Dh had a blast, he was afraid that the kids were too little to really enjoy it. BOY WAS HE WRONG. We won't rub it in though. LOL

 

[remembrance490]

Wow, I cant relate to having any part of the family not jumping for joy at the chance to go to disney. My dad loves it there and always wants to go back, and my mom who is the #1 Disney nut, wants to live there. I of course absolutely love it as well as my 3 siblings. We haven't been in a year and a half We want to go this april or may but I don't think we can swing it. I personally think that going on a family vacation is just as important as "what the kids need", no one should ever give up the chance to take a vacation as a family... especially to Disney. The memories are so so much more important then almost anything. I know that I'll remember every moment of every trip we've taken (3) forever, way more then I'll remember what everyone says we should spend the money on. Every time we've went we've paid for it for months after, but thats never changed our minds about going again, lol. Anyway, everyone have fun on your trips!!!