I'm in trouble now!

[The Mystery Machine]

I think this is an interesting suggestion! I have attended communion parties held the day after or the weekend after the communion.
That wouldn't solve the whole "missing the ceremony" issue, but the family could still travel to be able to celebrate it.
If I was the mom of the communicant, I would consider this. There was a miscommunication, plus the travel distance, which prevents close family members from celebrating that weekend. (Of course this depends on who else is coming, the other side of the family, etc.)

I was going to type that but it would not solve it. Most family is going to travel to see the communion and then go to the expected party after.

So sister would have to have 2 parties in order for this to fly.

 

[agnes!]

Speaking about missing family-events (and somewhat veering off-topic in the process)... does the other sister's family events get equal weight compared to everyone else's? Do grandma & granddad make it to the choir-concerts, the plays, the awards banquets, whatever or does Sis' family get slighted? Speaking as a sibling, maybe this is what is happening (or what is perceived to be happening by Sis.)

Maybe it hurts if one's adult siblings & their families get more attention from grandparents or the extended-family, if one is left out of the loop for family-news, if people speak in glowing terms about other family-members, if one tries to engage in conversation about what is going on in one's own life and that conversation is ignored or run-over.

Just sayin'.
agnes!

 

[ccgirl]

Didn't read all the posts. My DD8 is making her 1st Communion this year as well. It is a HUGE deal! I would be beyond disappointed, as would my DD, if her grandparents decided to go to a concert instead. I understand not all cousins may be able to make it. They have lives with activities as well. I am very careful not to assume things. When my Dsis told me I probably would asked for the exact date and time but I'm kind of OCD about that stuff. I already sent "save the date" messages for my DD8's Communion. I gave the exact date along with hotels people can look into as there will be a lot of out of state guests. Communions are big in my family. I'm so excited and looking forward to this incredibly special day.

 

[ccgirl]

I also don't get how they got the wrong weekend. If I told someone it was the first Sunday in May then I would think they could look at a calendar and the first Sunday that was in May would be it.

If someone told me the first weekend in May I would have looked on the calendar to see May 1st was on a Sunday. I then would have asked if she meant May 1st or the first full weekend. However, if I was the sister giving the date I would have given the exact date.

You're right, if they had said first Sunday in May. However, the OP stated that it was the first weekend. Since a weekend starts on Friday evening or Saturday (however you view it), then the weekend would be starting in May and not at the end of April.

To me, when somebody says 1st weekend or last weekend, there's no confusion and really no need to clarify. Everybody I know understands what it means. If my child's event were THAT important to me, I would be sure to say "May 1 is the date, please mark it down."

As you state, I would give the exact day as the as the first weekend in this case could be understood differently.

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

I'm from a very Catholic family and my DD goes to a Parochial school and her First Communion falls on a Saturday. They are not always on Sundays.

I would ask/give an exact date. I wouldn't assume anything.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

However if your parents decide to skip the JM concert and go to the communion, I hope other family members respect that decision and don't make them feel guilty for not using the tickets/Christmas gift.

And vice versa.


This may not be the case with the OP's parents, but my mom is a HUGE Johnny Mathis fan. I would not want my mom to miss that for anything, if I were in this situation.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

 

[Hannathy]

And vice versa.


This may not be the case with the OP's parents, but my mom is a HUGE Johnny Mathis fan. I would not want my mom to miss that for anything, if I were in this situation.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

Johnny Mathis plays many concert dates in a year and has played thousands in a career, A child only make ONE first Communion in their life and if you are Catholic and Religious it is an extremely big deal.

If their Mother was that big of a fan I'm sure she can find another date to go or has already seen him.

 

[Anne34]

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

You are wrong. At our church they have group communion masses on Saturday. We have one group in the morning and another large group in the afternoon. Every place does it differently & here in Chicago, most are on Saturdays!

If I was the OP -- I would probably make the drive up on Sunday morning & spend a really long day with the family. (We have done it many times with family events in WI --4 hrs- and we have three busy kids here.)

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Johnny Mathis plays many concert dates in a year and has played thousands in a career, A child only make ONE first Communion in their life and if you are Catholic and Religious it is an extremely big deal.

If their Mother was that big of a fan I'm sure she can find another date to go or has already seen him.

That's not necessarily true. My mother has never seen him in concert.

 

[Hannathy]

That's not necessarily true. My mother has never seen him in concert.

But still has the option of many, many dates he isn't only going to do one concert ever.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I just checked his website. He only has 15-20 shows this year, none of them anywhere near here.

I don't think he's been here once since we moved here 13 years ago.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It is not "rude" so much as it is a big deal to some people & does appear like you are not as close. You can equate it emotionally to missing a baptism of baby.

I can't see Catholic grandparents ditching a first communion over a concert. That is kind of odd to me.

Now with the OP, I understand why she would miss. She made a prior committment to her school and her son is in a play.

See, I feel it IS rude to say that those who do not consider it an equally big deal are not close. You are still insinuating that. At least you say it APPEARS that way to you--fine, I guess. we are not big on appearances in our family. We all know that we FEEL love and closeness among ourselves, so we don't much care how it APPEARS to busy bodies who decide we must not be close because of when we can and cannot get together.

I'm willing to give the Grandparents a pass for mentioning that they had planned to attend a concert or go to Vegas or wherever Mathis was playing that weekend. I can easily see the OP on the phone with her mother telling her that she didn't know how she was going to make it because of the mix-up on the dates and her mother commisserating by saying she knew, she and her DH made plans for that weekend, too.

Just because they have tickets an event in May doesn't mean they're actually going to go to that event, so I'm not ready to rake the GP's over the coals for something they haven't even done yet. In fact, if they've purchased airline tickets and made hotel reservations, I can understand all the unravelling they're going to have to do now and wanting to vent about it to their daughter.

Perhaps the GP's have changed their plans in order to attend the Communion, but were commisserating over the loss of the concert ticket prices (the dates can't be changed on those). I totally get that.

However, I agree with most of the posters here that the sister should have been very specific on the dates of the Communion. Perhaps if the OP had known the specific date, she wouldn't have volunteered to tear down sets that day and would have been able to see her son in the play AND attend the Communion the next day.

Her sister is just going to have to lump it. If this was such an important event, she should have confirmed with a card, an email or something last fall that told everyone to save the specific date. This is a good lesson in learning that the world (or even the family) doesn't revolve around her DD's milestones. It would be nice if they were there, but (like a wedding) the whole family doesn't have to be there in order for the DD to be confirmed.

I totally agree with the bolded. The parents of the confirmee are the ones who dropped the ball, and if this means fewer people are at the ceremony or the party they will have to deal with it--I doubt God will care.

Hold up a second. The OP wasn't given the date, and neither were her parents OR her other sister, who bought the concert tix in the first place.

If this is so important, then the sister whose child is making her first communion should have been the one to make sure everyone had the correct date.

That didn't happen.

The OP's family should go to the play... the grandparents should go to the concert. If the date had been correct in the first place, the second sister wouldn't have bought the concert tickets. They were a gift and I'm guessing it's something they really want to do. I say they should go.




Classy.

Again, I am in agreement THREE important households (grandparents and both aunts) ALL were confused about the date--thus it sounds pretty clear that the confusion stems from the parents of the girl and not from everyone else.

Ok posters are saying well she should send out invitations, fine, uh it is January even weddings only get sent out 6 weeks prior so when is she to send the invitations? So when they get the invitation in 6weeks from now that will make it better? they will change their plans then?

Sorry I still say Grandparents should change concert plans AND OP can tear down set and still get in the car in the Am and be there for the Communion later in the day it is possible it is only 4 hours so she can leave at 5 and still make a 10 AM service no problem.

I can see grumbling to each other but I can't see not making it when it is completely doable.

As another poster already pointed out--all of the people who REALLY matter for a wedding are told waaaaaay ahead of time (pretty much as soon as the date is set). If you truly feel someone should be there that is what you have to do (and even then there are reason they might not).

 

[MELSMICE]

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

Communions in our area are on Saturdays.

 

[FireDancer]

If someone told me the first weekend in May I would have looked on the calendar to see May 1st was on a Sunday. I then would have asked if she meant May 1st or the first full weekend.

This exactly. I would have looked at the calendar and seen that the vague description of first weekend in May could have meant the weekend that included May 1st or could have meant the first full weekend in May and not assumed either without asking first. She was wrong to be so vague and you were wrong to make an assumption without asking IMO.

Personally I don't think first communions are a big deal and I would not travel very far to attend one but to each their own. I'd just send a card.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, I consider the first weekend in May starting April 30-May 1st. I think everyone would.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

OP, I consider the first weekend in May starting April 30-May 1st. I think everyone would.

So far it looks like most in this thread agree that the first weekend is May is where Saturday is in May. Although I probably would have asked specifically the date. Still, it's the sister's fault for not specifying.

 

[Tiger926]

I just had another idea.

Maybe OP's niece can make her 1st communion on the same day, and not have a formal party, until the next weekend. She could have her 2nd communion the following weekend, with the formal reception, if that works for everyone.

I know it's not the same, but this way, OP can work at the play, and OP's parents can attend the concert. My DD would be very upset if her aunt, uncle and cousins (they are her godfamily) could not attend. The thing is, in our family, we sit down and plan out dates together, so this kind of problem is avoided. I'm still stymied by how this all happened...It's not fair to make the child suffer for the miscommunication and bad planning of the adults around her, IMHO.

Maybe I'm missing something, and this might not work, but just thought I'd throw it out there, as I know couples who had to do the same thing for their weddings.

Tiger

Edited to add: I just re-read the OP's original message, as I forgot this is her goddaughter, so it's even more important that she attend, and someway, somehow, she needs to figure out how to attend, if indeed the communion cannot be changed or re-scheduled, IMHO.

 

[plutotek]

This is actually amusing. Setting aside the nature of the event, OP's sis gave the date as the '1st weekend in May'.

OP/other sis/GP, and a majority of posters here, took that to mean May 6-8, not April 29-May 1. I think it's reasonable to expect an adult to give you the proper information withouth having to verify/double-check.

To expect people to adjust their lives/schedules because the sis made a mistake is ludicrous. Would I see what I can do? Yes, definitely. However, if I had made plans that could not be changed (ie: non-refundable charges), then no, I would make plans to be there when I could.

Is the 8 yr old going to suffer for this? In the long run, no. It's a couple of hours that she will, in all likelihood, barely remember as life goes on. And, yes, I was born and raised Catholic, so I'm well aware of the importance placed on these archaic rituals.

And for the PP that stated they would be upset w/their grandparents if they chose a concert over the wedding, if you delivered the date as the OP's sis did, you'd have no one to blame but yourself.

 

[Mermaid02]

OP, I consider the first weekend in May starting April 30-May 1st. I think everyone would.

Nope- the first weekend in May would be Sat and Sun having a May date.

Your sister TOTALLY dropped the ball here. BUT I would suck it up and do what I had to in order to be there- you said you are GodMother right?

 

[cm8]

ITA.

Sorry - you didn't mess up. Your sister did. She should have been specific. "Susie's first communion is on May 1st - I hope everyone can come!"
She left the date sort of vague.

Hopefully - you and all others can come to a compromise on celebrating this big event on a different day.

Going off topic - I worried for a whole year that my niece and my DD were going to get confirmed on the same day. Literally stressed over this. (My parents are DD's and niece's only grandparents.) As luck would have it...for the first time (and probably the last time) the person in charge of our program had a conflict as her DD was graduating from college on the first Sunday in May - so DD's confirmation was the last Sunday in April. Which - I couldn't have asked for a better solution as this totally avoided a conflict.

I happen to know that our church will NEVER, EVER do confirmation on Mother's Day. They firmly believe that Mother's Day is just that!!!

Good luck with the conflict. Is it possible for you to see the play on Friday and then just you go to the First Communion? It isn't the same thing as your whole family, but sometimes, an alternate solution just needs to be the way to go.

(OT again - we missed my niece's HS graduation party last May. I coach a team that my DD is on, and we made it to a national level of competition, and it just didn't work out to do her grad party. We felt horrid...this is DD's fav cousin, but the competition just couldn't be avoided.

Agreed!

 

[MELSMICE]

OP, I consider the first weekend in May starting April 30-May 1st. I think everyone would.

I consider the first weekend in May to be the first "full" weekend. When people ask me when my recital is for my dance studio is this year I always say, "The first full weekend in June", and then I reiterate the exact dates.