I'm in trouble now!

[KiminChicago]

My mom just called to let me know that my youngest sister is very upset with all of us right now. Apparently when she said that her daughter (my niece and goddaughter) was making her 1st Communion the first weekend in May, she did not mean the weekend of May 6th - May 8th, she meant April 29 - May 1st!

Unfortunately, I didn't get the actual dates from my sister back in October and now my DS is committed to acting in his school's musical that same weekend, and my parents have tickets to a Johnny Mathis concert (a Christmas present from my other sister). None of us will be able to make the drive up to Michigan for the 1st Communion.

I know I messed up not getting the real dates, but really, who would consider a weekend that starts in April the "first weekend in May"?

 

[plutotek]

I would say there is a big difference between the first of May and the first weekend in May. Doesn't sound as if you misunderstood, as I think most people would have understood the same thing you did.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oops! Poor sister and niece. Well, what can you do? Split the difference? When is the communion and when is the play?

 

[MELSMICE]

To me first weekend in May means the first "full weekend in May" not the last weekend in April.

 

[clh2]

To me first weekend in May means the first "full weekend in May" not the last weekend in April.

ITA.

Sorry - you didn't mess up. Your sister did. She should have been specific. "Susie's first communion is on May 1st - I hope everyone can come!"
She left the date sort of vague.

Hopefully - you and all others can come to a compromise on celebrating this big event on a different day.

Going off topic - I worried for a whole year that my niece and my DD were going to get confirmed on the same day. Literally stressed over this. (My parents are DD's and niece's only grandparents.) As luck would have it...for the first time (and probably the last time) the person in charge of our program had a conflict as her DD was graduating from college on the first Sunday in May - so DD's confirmation was the last Sunday in April. Which - I couldn't have asked for a better solution as this totally avoided a conflict.

I happen to know that our church will NEVER, EVER do confirmation on Mother's Day. They firmly believe that Mother's Day is just that!!!

Good luck with the conflict. Is it possible for you to see the play on Friday and then just you go to the First Communion? It isn't the same thing as your whole family, but sometimes, an alternate solution just needs to be the way to go.

(OT again - we missed my niece's HS graduation party last May. I coach a team that my DD is on, and we made it to a national level of competition, and it just didn't work out to do her grad party. We felt horrid...this is DD's fav cousin, but the competition just couldn't be avoided.

 

[Ceila]

Your sister wasn't clear at all. I think most people would have thought that she meant the first full weekend in May. She really only has herself to blame.

 

[poohs_hunny]

IMO, I think the blame is shared. Your sister wasn't clear about the exact date, but no one thought to ask her the exact date either before plans were made. Is there a way you can at least get yourself there if the whole family cannot go (having your DH or someone else take your son to any performance you'll miss)? As for your parents, I guess it really depends on how badly they want to see this concert. If nobody gets there, then it's a lesson for your sister to be sure she's more specific next time. Good luck!

 

[marcyinPA]

Would the dates really have made a difference? If your son is in theater, he wouldn't miss the school play anyway, would he? Unless you miss one of the performances and go to the 1st communion by yourself for the day... Not sure if you live far away or not. If that isn't a possibility, well, then, I really can't see you missing your son's theater production, so it wouldn't have worked anyway.

 

[LilyWDW]

My mom just called to let me know that my youngest sister is very upset with all of us right now. Apparently when she said that her daughter (my niece and goddaughter) was making her 1st Communion the first weekend in May, she did not mean the weekend of May 6th - May 8th, she meant April 29 - May 1st!

Unfortunately, I didn't get the actual dates from my sister back in October and now my DS is committed to acting in his school's musical that same weekend, and my parents have tickets to a Johnny Mathis concert (a Christmas present from my other sister). None of us will be able to make the drive up to Michigan for the 1st Communion.

I know I messed up not getting the real dates, but really, who would consider a weekend that starts in April the "first weekend in May"?

I would have thought the same as you. To me, the "first weekend in May" is the first Saturday and Sunday that fall in May. Your sister should have been more exact about the time and date for such an important event. Especially if she was expecting you to travel any to be there.

I'll be honest. I didn't have much extended family come for my first communion and it wasn't a huge issue. It stinks, but since things were not made clear and information was not correctly given, then there is not much you can do.

 

[KiminChicago]

Unfortunately, when I thought the 1st Communion was the first weekend in May, I went ahead and told the chorus director that I could be the head of the set committee. So she's counting on me to be at both performances (Fri and Sat). The set committee also stays after the last performance to break down the sets since the school rents an actual theater space and we have to get everything out on Saturday or it costs extra. Last year we were there until 1am.

What really stinks is that the following weekend my kids have only a half day on Friday, so we could have left right after school and had a leisurely drive to Michigan (4 and a half hours from door to door, plus we lose an hour crossing into the Eastern Time zone) and been well rested and relaxed on Saturday for the big day.

 

[minniecarousel]

I think people make too big of a deal about First Communions. Do you think Sis would agree to have the party part the weekend following the actual First Communion? It's not like you guys live in the same town. It isn't even convenient for you all to get there.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I think people make too big of a deal about First Communions. Do you think Sis would agree to have the party part the weekend following the actual First Communion? It's not like you guys live in the same town. It isn't even convenient for you all to get there.

Seriously? I'm sorry but I totally disagree. In the Catholic religion a 1st Holy Communion IS a big deal, especially if it were my niece and god daughter , or granddaughter.

OP: Yes, your sister should have been more specific but I if I were you, I would have confirmed the specific dates before any other plans were made. And seriously, your parents think a Johnny Mathis concert is more important than their grandchilds First Holy communion?
Maybe our family puts more importance in our religious milestones than yours or maybe our family is closer than yours but I couldn't imagine not reconfirming dates and missing an important celebration for a concert.

 

[englishteacha]

Not being Catholic, I don't get the big deal about 1st communion. I'm Congregationalist/UCC, and anyone can take communion at our church. Being a theater geek myself, I would not have missed being in the school play to go to a cousin's communion, or to my niece's communion...or to my own, for that matter! I think it's perfectly fine to send your niece a nice card and then go for a visit the next weekend. Do something fun together then! Have your niece model her pretty dress and veil (Do they still do veils?) for you, gush, take tons of pictures, then go get ice cream...or go bowling or something!

I have a similar dilemma this year for graduations. One nephew and one niece graduate in 2 different states at the same time on the same day. I'll probably go to my nephew's because it's nearer, and he is my Godson, but I know my niece really wants me to attend hers. Arg.

 

[disykat]

I think it's a big deal, but I don't think that means you can expect/demand that everyone be there.

Many family members missed my son's confirmation and probably many will miss their graduations from high school. I missed my nephews wedding - actually because one of my son's was confirmed that same weekend. (And, yes, he planned his wedding after we had already invited everyone to confirmation - it just was the weekend that worked best for them. No hard feelings.)

I think most families realize that life goes on and, while it's nice to be able to be there for each other, it's just not always possible.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Well you obviously weren't the only one in the family who didn't understand. Sucks your sister didn't make things clearer.

Sounds like it would be less of a hassle for your parents to miss their concert than for you to miss your commitment to your DS"s school musical. I would send a card and gift (I dunno about anybody else, but I got cash).

 

[Hannathy]

Seriously? I'm sorry but I totally disagree. In the Catholic religion a 1st Holy Communion IS a big deal, especially if it were my niece and god daughter , or granddaughter.

OP: Yes, your sister should have been more specific but I if I were you, I would have confirmed the specific dates before any other plans were made. And seriously, your parents think a Johnny Mathis concert is more important than their grandchilds First Holy communion?
Maybe our family puts more importance in our religious milestones than yours or maybe our family is closer than yours but I couldn't imagine not reconfirming dates and missing an important celebration for a concert.

I agree and I would be extremely angry if my parents went to a concert and not their grandchilds communion!!!! I'm sorry but that is cold.

Is there any way your family could drive in thru the night? You may be tired but your DH could take a nap and the kids will sleep in the car. If it is only 4 hours you could also leave very early in the AM and even if you miss the church part be there for the party.

Seems to me things could be worked out, especially the concert, i truly can't believe that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I would have also assumed the first full weekend in May based on being told first weekend in May--I think your sister messed this one up.

Would the dates really have made a difference? If your son is in theater, he wouldn't miss the school play anyway, would he? Unless you miss one of the performances and go to the 1st communion by yourself for the day... Not sure if you live far away or not. If that isn't a possibility, well, then, I really can't see you missing your son's theater production, so it wouldn't have worked anyway.

I thought the same thing. I would not make my son sit out a show (or sport, or whatever his activity was) in order to not have a performance/game/etc on the say of his cousin's communion.
It sounds like YOU now have a commitment for the same time due to the misunderstanding about the dates. Is it possible that your husband can take over set duty and running strike and you and your DD can go to the communion?

I agree and I would be extremely angry if my parents went to a concert and not their grandchilds communion!!!! I'm sorry but that is cold.

Is there any way your family could drive in thru the night? You may be tired but your DH could take a nap and the kids will sleep in the car. If it is only 4 hours you could also leave very early in the AM and even if you miss the church part be there for the party.

Seems to me things could be worked out, especially the concert, i truly can't believe that.

I would say it is cold if the grandparents lived a reasonable commute away (they do), are the same religion (assuming they are) and knowingly chose the concert over the communion when buying the tickets. The last is not the case. The OP's sister gave bad information about when the communion was, so the grandparents bought concert tickets based on that information. Now, I think it is reasonable for them to go to the concert and make a point of spending some special time with their granddaughter, and looking through her communion photos with her on the following weekend.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I


Now, I think it is reasonable for them to go to the concert and make a point of spending some special time with their granddaughter, and looking through her communion photos with her on the following weekend.

Sorry not me! To me 4 hours is not that far away. And I don't know maybe the OP's parents aren't close to their grandchild like my mom is, but I couldn't imagine in this lifetime, my mom or for the fact even my inlaws who we aren't very close to not attending my child's first Holy Communion for a Johnny Mathis concert.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

 

[Hannathy]

Sorry not me! To me 4 hours is not that far away. And I don't know maybe the OP's parents aren't close to their grandchild like my mom is, but I couldn't imagine in this lifetime, my mom or for the fact even my inlaws who we aren't very close to not attending my child's first Holy Communion for a Johnny Mathis concert.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

I so agree! This is a big deal it isn't a 2nd grade school program.
Concert tickets can be sold or for heavens sake just not used for something this special in their grandchild's life. It would seriously affect the relationship I had with my parents if they went to a concert instead of my Child's first communion.

And 4 hours really isn't that far, I just drove 4 hours this evening taking my DD to school and back, wouldn't be a blimp on my radar.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sorry not me! To me 4 hours is not that far away. And I don't know maybe the OP's parents aren't close to their grandchild like my mom is, but I couldn't imagine in this lifetime, my mom or for the fact even my inlaws who we aren't very close to not attending my child's first Holy Communion for a Johnny Mathis concert.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

I think it is a bit rude to imply that those who do not think this is such a huge issue are not very close to their families.
I fully admit I am not Catholic, so maybe I just don't get it. However, my husband was raised Catholic--in a very religious family. All 4 kids had private Catholic educations, his parents met in the church choir and they still attend mass at least twice a week, etc. I asked him about it and he thought it was over the top to expect anyone to change their plans this late in the game if you told them the wrong dates for a communion. I'll have to ask my mother in law her opinion when we call her this week--I can't see her thinking it is worth getting upset about either beyond a "darn it, I sure wish I hadn't screwed up when I told people the date kind of way."

I so agree! This is a big deal it isn't a 2nd grade school program.
Concert tickets can be sold or for heavens sake just not used for something this special in their grandchild's life. It would seriously affect the relationship I had with my parents if they went to a concert instead of my Child's first communion.

And 4 hours really isn't that far, I just drove 4 hours this evening taking my DD to school and back, wouldn't be a blimp on my radar.

I said the drive was reasonable in this instance (it is not reasonable for us to expect my parents or in-laws to fly to another continent for ANY event for our children--but yes a 4 hour drive is within reason for most people).

Anyway, I guess the way that the people in my family would see it is: BECAUSE we love each other so much we would NEVER let any one event have a serious, negative effect on our relationships. Part of how we show love in our family is by not getting hung up an the details of who was where when and who said what to whom, etc. So, for example, when my brother in law did not go to his twin sister's wedding, we all (well almost all--one person had trouble with it, but even she did not let it ruin her relationship with him, just complained a lot about it to the rest of us for a few months) knew it did not in any way mean his sister was not terrible important to him, or that he was against the wedding, or anything else along those lines. We just knew it meant that attending that ceremony was not working for him (in his case it was logistical--it take a lot of time and money to get from France--where he lived, to Hawaii--where the wedding occurred) but that he was very much a presence in her life.

Given the choice between grandparents who attend all the big ticket things (communion, confirmation, graduation, big birthdays--10, 13, 16, etc.) or ones who miss all of those "special days" (when we are, quite honestly, distracted with a million other details) but are involved on a more day to day level--I would take the day to day stuff in a heartbeat.