I'm having second thoughts on flying international. (LONG)

[FireDancer]

You have a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with your roots and see relatives, and I hope you can work through your anxiety so you can go I think you will be glad you went. It sounds very exciting!

The first couple of times I went on a trip without my children I felt guilty and worried about how they would do while I was gone. But, for some reason, most of the stress disappeared when I reached my destination. I'm not sure exactly why-- I think I was busy, and excited, and truly having a great time; and calling home and emailing my children and realizing that they were happy and doing just fine made me feel so much better. With todays technology, it's so easy to keep in touch as often as you want.

I wouldn't worry about terrorist attacks--the chances are slim. Maybe you can get the kids excited about you going by doing a scrapbook and reading books and such about your destination, and let them know you'll bring them home some great souvenirs and call them everyday.

I do a lot of local races with a couple that goes to Europe every year for a week to cycle in the mountains and leaves their kids at home with mom and dad. I know other people that get all weird if their kids are at their parents for the night. People are just so different but I am pretty sure I would find a way to enjoy my vacation.

As for the technology it is so easy to not only talk to but see people on the other side of the glove. With services like Skype or Google Video Chat with a webcam and microphone on both ends you can converse in real time. Of course both ends will require at least some sort of broadband but the bandwidth needed isn't very high. Leo Laporte was streaming content from CES this week over a EVDO card that was only getting a 300k upload and it looked great. Even the most basic broadband service will give you 300K of bandwidth and you don't need the high resolution he was using.

 

[ChrisFL]

I keep thinking that if we go the Philippines we'll have to make a stop in Japan at Disney Seas. Seems a shame to go all that way and not make the pit-stop.

Thats what I did!

 

[Disney Ella]

I think it's normal to become more worried about something happening to you when you are the only parent. After my BIL died, my sister was sure every illness she had was cancer and that her kids were going to be orphans. While there is a small chance that something could happen to you while you are away, a bad thing is just as likely to happen at home as it is flying. You will miss out on a lot if you are always worried about the possibility of bad things happening.

It sounds like you have a great opportunity to go back. If you don't go, will you have this chance again or will life/finances intervene?

 

[JerseyJanice]

If I were in your place, I wouldn't let terrorism stop me. I don't know if I could be that far away from my kids, though, while they're still children.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm already scared of flying.. and all these issues that has been happening lately about terrorists/airport securities doesn't help.

I was so excited to go back to my motherland, the Philippines (where I was born and left when to U.S when I was 10.) up until now. My plan is to fly to Manila in May. It's been 17 years since the last time I visited. With all these negative things happening, I'm not sure now if I really want to go. The flight is approximately 22 hours including the layovers. I am going by myself.

I had my passport. At first I thought I had to renew it, but on the way to get it renewed, I looked at the date and it won't be expired til 2013. But a week or two later, I have misplaced it somewhere in the house. It's been about a month now and still can't find it. I am wondering if this is a sign?

I'm a widow with three children (two are by my late husband the last one was a blessing with someone I'm with now.) I would hate for something to happen to me while on the way there/back or during my trip. I would hate to leave my children behind. I am the only one they got since my two children already lost their father at the young age.

Is it right for me to feel this way? Feeling insecure about flying and having doubts? I don't know what to do. I haven't booked my flight yet. I want to take the children with me, but money is an issue and the children are still in school. I am going there to attend this big event and to reconnect with my culture and see my relatives/friends again. Sorry if I gave too much infos here. I just wanted you guys to know where I was coming from.. I hope I am making sense here.. Thank you for understanding..

If I don't go, I might just take the children to Disneyworld this summer. We will drive. = D

Any input or advice, they are welcome. Thank you in advance!!

Do the pro/con sheet.

List the pros and list the cons and when you start feeling the fear you look at the sheet. Make sure you put how you are going to feel after you get home from the trip.

Anxiety is something that our family deals with a lot. We have many tricks to squelch the beast.

Fear of flying & terrorism is real however using it as your excuse to avoid going home is not a way to live either.

So you use a system to help you to acheive your goals. Good Luck!

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

It is hard as a couple to fly off and leave the kids for the same reason. They could lose both of us at once! It is also hard for us to go to Disney without them, but we have! And we always relax and enjoy it as soon as we leave the house. The fears seem to melt away. Mine are older now (teens) and I still have those fears when we go away alone together. I think it is perfectly natural to feel that fear.

Good luck with your decision! I also can't believe how big your kids are. I also remember all you went through.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I understand, I would'nt want to leave my kids and travel that far either. I'd take a familyb vacation instead this year and save up till I could afford all of us to go together.

 

[ChrisFL]

If you don't have a certain time that you want to go back there, I'd say that it would be better to be able to take your kids with you...it would be a great experience for them!

 

[padams]

Check out fearofflying.com The website is run by a pilot and a psychologist.

 

[abdmom]

Fantasia,

I'm also a widowed mom with 3 kids. My children are about the same age as yours. I have traveled more since my dh died four years ago than in all the years before. My dh and I loved to travel, and planned to do much of it - when the kids were older, when we were older, when we had more money etc etc. Well, fate intervened, and he never got to do any of that.

I vowed to not wait until the "perfect time" to live my life. In 2008, I took my oldest 2 to China, to visit their roots. BTW, we went to Hong Kong Disney, which was much more empty than WDW and had a great time. I do think that it's so important for kids in the States who are not white, to have a firm confidence and pride in their heritage. I think the best way to do that is to take them to the country where their parents/grandparents are from.

This summer we will be going on a Disney Mediterranean cruise. As a widow, once the kids are grown, I'm not going to want to travel by myself, so I take my children as my travel companions.

We've also been to HI, Caribbean cruises, Alaska and other places. I don't want to have any regrets when I die, whether it's when I'm 95 or 50.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I'm going to take a different route on this, not because I don't agree with FireDancer and Bavaria (because I do), but because I'm a finance guy.

What makes you concerned about something happening to you and your children? Sure it would be heart breaking for them to lose you in any unfortunate accident/illness, but life goes on, people die every day, people lose their parents in accidents, every day. The best you can do is be for them, and make sure that your dreams for them until they turn into adults (ie. private school, college paid for, or whatever you dream) wouldn't change if you were not there.

This means financial planning, insurance, etc. My father passed away when I was 12, but he made sure the financially we would be taken care of, that our lifestyle, way of life wouldn't change outside of the emotional toll that time would heal.

Life is about risk, you can control some of it, but the rest you just have to prepare for, and that's looking at things with an objective eye and saying what would happen, what can I do to make sure that things are as good as they can be if they did.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

A phobia is not rational. The most dangerous thing you will likely do in 2010 is get behind the wheel of a car, and yet you likely do it every day. Flying to your homeland is probably among the least dangerous things you could do, especially right now with all the heightened awareness and restrictions. So why are you afraid of going on a plane? A better question might be, why don't you worry about your family's future every time you drive a car? The finance comments above deal with that issue. Future planning for your family is very important, regardless of what you do.

The answer is because, in general, we are not rational beings. We are creatures of instinct. We respond to fear just like any other animal will, with fight or flight, and like any other animal, our default is flight. Some time ago I was riding horses with my DH and his animal freaked out at a jogger that came up behind it. Did the horse have any reason to be afraid of the jogger? No, of course not, but that didn't make the fear any less real from the horse's point of view. Luckily, there was someone rational (me) nearby to calm the horse down.

You shouldn't feel wrong about being afraid to fly, many people are. But you need to recognize that the fear has no logical basis. You need to recognize that, as humans, our grasp of the nature of probabilities is inherently poor. You will never win the lottery, no matter how many times you play, and yet people do it. Dying in a plane crash is about as likely as winning the lottery, and correspondingly, people are afraid to fly. We cannot grasp the probability of something we have never seen, and I'm pretty willing to bet you've never known either a lottery winner or someone who died in a plane crash. However, you see people drive everyday, and you very likely know people who have survived car crashes. As such, you do not see this as an inherently dangerous activity, even though your likelihood of dying in a car crash is actually pretty high.

So what do you do in such a situation? Simple, find someone who isn't phobic of flying and ask them whether they would go to the Phillipines with you. Of course, you're not actually asking them to come along (although I suppose that's another option). No, what you're doing is figuring out whether your fear of flying in this current climate is irrational. In other words, let someone who's not affected by fear make the decision for you. Then follow his or her lead, and enjoy your well earned vacation.

 

[bavaria]

A phobia is not rational. The most dangerous thing you will likely do in 2010 is get behind the wheel of a car, and yet you likely do it every day. Flying to your homeland is probably among the least dangerous things you could do, especially right now with all the heightened awareness and restrictions.

Based on the security differences, flying internationally is still most likely safer than flying on a US domestic flight. I have tried to keep out of the recent discussions but the TSA has had some very significant failures recently which exposed some serious holes in domestic US security.

I have been to many places around the world which many here would consider 'unsafe', and honestly the security measures such as WTMD in shopping malls, and unattended packages/luggages being immediately removed/destroyed, and cameras in places like tube stations etc make me feel that something at least is being done, and that ordinary people have an awareness.

Ask any of us who grew up in the UK or in Europe in the 70's and 80's and we can try and reassure you.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Thanks everyone for replying to this thread. I appreciate all the infos and suggestions shared here.

I don't have to be there for the event, but it would be real nice to be there this year because my friends are hosting this event. That is the main reason why I wanted to go.

I just had a bad dream last night.. I dreamt of this empty grave and I saw about three of my winter scarves and the other scarf didn't look like it's mine. This dream sure didn't help me. Misplacing my passport, and the issues that has been happening lately, and this dream that I had.. I feel it's a sign...

I went to Hawaii (6 years ago) by myself and left the children behind and I had a hard time knowing that I had no way of getting in touch with them while I was up in the air for 12 hours. And I thought to myself, what if something happens to one of them, I'm thousands of miles away and there's no way of getting back right away. I don't know if I can go through aprox. 22hours in agony on the way there and then another 22 hours on the way back.

I think I would enjoy the trip if the children are with me. I would be more relaxed on the plane with them. My time is not restricted only to that date. I can go anytime with the children during their summer vacation. Maybe I'm not afraid of flying (ok maybe just a little) but to be away from my children, I'm concerned. I think I will just wait and take my children with me so everyone can experience and enjoy the trip.

 

[ChrisFL]

Thanks everyone for replying to this thread. I appreciate all the infos and suggestions shared here.

I don't have to be there for the event, but it would be real nice to be there this year because my friends are hosting this event. That is the main reason why I wanted to go.

I just had a bad dream last night.. I dreamt of this empty grave and I saw about three of my winter scarves and the other scarf didn't look like it's mine. This dream sure didn't help me. Misplacing my passport, and the issues that has been happening lately, and this dream that I had.. I feel it's a sign...

I went to Hawaii (6 years ago) by myself and left the children behind and I had a hard time knowing that I had no way of getting in touch with them while I was up in the air for 12 hours. And I thought to myself, what if something happens to one of them, I'm thousands of miles away and there's no way of getting back right away. I don't know if I can go through aprox. 22hours in agony on the way there and then another 22 hours on the way back.

I think I would enjoy the trip if the children are with me. I would be more relaxed on the plane with them. My time is not restricted only to that date. I can go anytime with the children during their summer vacation. Maybe I'm not afraid of flying (ok maybe just a little) but to be away from my children, I'm concerned. I think I will just wait and take my children with me so everyone can experience and enjoy the trip.

From everything you've said, I think that will make you feel the best.

It won't be worth it, even if you are in your homeland if you're worried about your children and can't fully enjoy yourself.

 

[chisnpeke]

Fantasia, I'm afraid of flying too. I know the statistics and that it is the safest form of travel but I just think that once I am on the plane it will go down.

Personally, I would wait until you can take your kids with you.

It is hard as a couple to fly off and leave the kids for the same reason. They could lose both of us at once! It is also hard for us to go to Disney without them, but we have! And we always relax and enjoy it as soon as we leave the house. The fears seem to melt away. Mine are older now (teens) and I still have those fears when we go away alone together. I think it is perfectly natural to feel that fear.

Good luck with your decision! I also can't believe how big your kids are. I also remember all you went through.

When my aunt and uncle would travel overseas when their kids were young they would fly separately in case something happened on one of the planes.