I'm feeling so guilty!

[SRUAlmn]

As some of you may have seen on previous posts, the first time my family (8 of us) went to WDW was the Christmas after my dad passed away 10 years ago. The next time we went was also Christmas and was also the 8 of us ( this is including some extended family.) It has always been a family event that we save for. Well, this year, my DBF and I came into some rather large tax refunds and the first thing I said was DISNEY!! The rest of my family, however, cannot afford to go this year and I cannot afford to pay for everyone. We have made our reservations due to the convincing of my family that they really think it's great if we go by ourselves, but I just feel so bad! I was sitting here last night and I found the Spectromagic music that I could download (it's my mom's favorite song) and when I started listening to it I started crying because I was picturing me standing there watching Spectromagic without her. Then I started thinking about all the times that she has given me money and helped me out as I started out on my own after college. Then my mind flashed to when I was home visiting her last weekend and she had pictures of a new couch and loveseat on her refrigerator that she is 'saving' for and I thought how selfish I am being. So now I'm torn.....I really really really want to go to Disney, my DBF and I have only been on trips with family and friends and never alone (we are in our mid 20s- just so you don't think I'm a teenager ) but I just keep picturing my mom with these pictures hanging on her fridge as she longingly saves for them- what should I do

 

[ibouncetoo]

What a delima!
My first reaction was to say, GO. But I can understand your feelings. But I guess you are posting here for people's opinions, so here's mine.

GO. Invest in your relationship with DBF (especially if you are thinking he's a 'keeper'). WDW is a whole different experience when seen as a couple. Also, my bet is your mom would want you to go. Were you thinking of spending the $$ on a new couch for her instead? I have a philosophy that DOING is better then HAVING.

 

[disykat]

I don't think you should feel in the least bit guilty about going on vacation without your extended family! Go and enjoy! It sounds like you would also like to give something to your mom. How about cutting your WDW budget a bit and then giving your mom a gift of some money to go towards her new furniture?

 

[SRUAlmn]

I thought about cutting the budget, but we are pretty strapped. Staying in value season at a value resort and driving instead of flying. DBF's parents see how hard we are trying to save and so DBF's mom said from this point forward she will match whatever we save. So maybe rather than having more money to enjoy for our trip I will give some to my mom to put towards her couch. Obviously I would give her some of the money we already saved or DBF's mom would be buying my mom a new couch I just feel like she has done SO MUCH for me and the first 'extra' money I get I want to run off and spend it on myself- you know? It's because of us that she cannot afford this new furniture. She was a widow with three daughters age 16, 14 , and 11 and she put us all through college and everything on a teacher's salary. I want to re-pay her in some way I'll figure something out!

GO. Invest in your relationship with DBF (especially if you are thinking he's a 'keeper').

I'm hoping this will be the proposal trip Shhhhh...I don't wanna get my hopes too high

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by disykat
I don't think you should feel in the least bit guilty about going on vacation without your extended family! Go and enjoy! It sounds like you would also like to give something to your mom. How about cutting your WDW budget a bit and then giving your mom a gift of some money to go towards her new furniture?

I guess great minds think alike . I was going to say the say thing.

 

[disykat]

Okay, since your budget is already strapped I'm changing my advice. It sounds like your family really wants you to go. Just do it! There will be time to help your mom too, just not all at once.

Before I was married I went to Europe for five weeks. At the time, I still owed my parents money for the used car they had helped me buy when I graduated from college. I wasn't on a specific schedule to pay them back but felt guilty about it. I called them and basically asked permission because I didn't want them to feel like I was spending like crazy and ignoring my debt to them. They were very clear they wanted me to go and worry about paying them back later. When I came back I immediately started paying them back and probably had it paid back sooner than I would have anyway - because I didn't want them to feel taken advantage of. (I'm so glad I did because when I came back I met dh. We had the wedding and honeymoon to pay for, followed in the next few years by a house and kids. Europe would never have happened had I waited! I know they are glad I did too.)

Parents want their kids to have the best. Your worry shows that you have an attitude of sharing - trust that she knows that! Enjoy this opportunity now and then keep your eyes open for things you can do for her later.

 

[SRUAlmn]

You made me feel better

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by SRUAlmn
I thought about cutting the budget, but we are pretty strapped. Staying in value season at a value resort and driving instead of flying. DBF's parents see how hard we are trying to save and so DBF's mom said from this point forward she will match whatever we save. So maybe rather than having more money to enjoy for our trip I will give some to my mom to put towards her couch. Obviously I would give her some of the money we already saved or DBF's mom would be buying my mom a new couch I just feel like she has done SO MUCH for me and the first 'extra' money I get I want to run off and spend it on myself- you know? It's because of us that she cannot afford this new furniture. She was a widow with three daughters age 16, 14 , and 11 and she put us all through college and everything on a teacher's salary. I want to re-pay her in some way I'll figure something out!



I'm hoping this will be the proposal trip Shhhhh...I don't wanna get my hopes too high

I came back to read additional posts. My mom is also a widow. I was 8 when my dad passed away and my 3 brothers were 10, 11 & 14. She's also a teacher so I can relate to some extent. Like your mom mine worked hard to provide for us and sent us all to college. She sacrificed things for herself so that my brothers and I could have what we needed and wanted. Even today she'd rather buy something for us or the grandkids than she would herself. I wasn't until I became a mom that I truely understood the joy you get from your own children's happiness and how easy it is to do without in order to give them things. You sound like a wonderful daughter who recognizes and appreciates all you mother has done and will continue to do. If you can't help her financially now don't worry about it there will be other opportunites down the road. Just sharing the happiness in being able to go to WDW with the one you love will be present enough for her. Have a great trip.

 

[Mom2Em]

First, I want to start out by saying you are so caring and mature to be thinking like this... your mother must be very proud of you...

I say go with your heart... I take my widowed mother with me every trip I take... I love sharing them with her... but I am married, with a child... DH and I never had the opportunity before we were married to travel but you can bet inviting my mother and at that time stepfather would never have come to mind...

maybe, you can think of something special to do for your mother that does not involve too much $$ before you go... like a "slumber party" or special girls night out for just the two of you... letting her know (as if there is any doubt) how special she is to you... or even a small "just because" gift towards her couch...

Being a mother, I am sure she just wants you to be happy.

 

[Feralpeg]

I'm not saying you shouldn't go on your trip, but do remember that WDW will be there for a very long time. Life is not that secure. I lost my mom at a young age. I have many regrets regarding her. Many times, I probably could have helped her out more and I didn't. I can't go back and do the things I wish I'd done for her. Go on your trip, but when you get back see what you can do to help her get the furniture she really wants.

 

[4greatboys]

Have you talked to your mom about the trip? As a mom (and especially one that loves disney) I would want my kids to go even if I couldnt. She will probably be happy you are going to go and will tell you to have a great time.
Maybe you could offer to let her stay in your room or help pay for hers. If she accepts great and if not that's fine also.
Good Luck and a big

 

[SRUAlmn]

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful advice. It sounds like all the sentiments that have been echoing in my head since we decided to go.

Feralpeg: I'm not saying you shouldn't go on your trip, but do remember that WDW will be there for a very long time.

That is one thing I have learned from losing my father. I just keep thinking what happens if something happens to her and I missed this opportunity to 'help' her. I know, I know...I will drive myself crazy thinking like that. But when you lose a family member you can't help sometimes thinking that.

4greatboys: Have you talked to your mom about the trip? As a mom (and especially one that loves disney) I would want my kids to go even if I couldnt. She will probably be happy you are going to go and will tell you to have a great time.

I have. She really wants me to go and have fun, but that's my mom. Just like CEDmom said...she always gets more joy out of doing for us instead of herself. Even when she wins $40 on a lottery ticket, she keeps $10 herself and sends my 2 sisters and I $10 each as well. As far as inviting her, I did. She thinks if just my DBF and I go it's different, but if she goes too then it looks weird to the other members of the family because it's a 'family' trip and not a 'couple' trip and the 'family' can't go this year. Does that make sense? The family is myself, mom, 2 sisters, grandmother (also widowed,) and un-married aunt. ( Plus, my mom is a teacher and we are going during the school year so she couldn't go due to the dates either.)

My sisters and I are doing something nice for her in July. She mentioned to me last Christmas that my dad could never afford to get her a nice engagement ring when they were starting out and he always said that for their 30th anniversary he would get it for her. Well, this July would have been their 30th anniversary, so my sisters and I are going to try to get her a nice engagement looking type of ring (from him) and then maybe we can each give her some money (from us) for her to start her furniture fund.

 

[SRUAlmn]

bumping to see what others may think