I'm at a loss here, could use some help from parents

[Snoopymom]

Thanks everyone.

I guess what is so upsetting to me is that she WON'T talk about it. She keeps telling me "I don;t want to talk about it". She keeps looking at their pictures from the homecoming dance, and rereading the newspaper articles.

I just wish she WOULD talk about it.

Maybe you could suggest that she write a letter to him?

Sending hugs and prayers!

 

[Disneyenthusiast]

Just be there for her. A hug may be better than words for a few days. Get some counseling, attend the funeral, allow her to have friends over or to be with her friends. At this age, friends are the most important. Eventually, she will recognize and appreciate your support. Show her you understand by doing special things for her durint this difficcult time. Maybe do some of her laundry or make her favorite cookie. Sometimes, when grief is fresh, people don't want to talk about it because it brings all the pain to the surface at a time when they are just trying to keep one foot in front of the other. With time, she will be able to talk about her memories and her pain. Let her talk when she wants. It may be at unexpected times when something reminds her of time they spent together. Continue to reassure her that not speaking to him did not change the events. Let her know that most everyone has something they wish they had done differently when someone dies and that she is not alone.

My prayers are with you and with the other families affected by this tragedy.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will add your family to my prayers.

 

[SillyMe]

Maybe you could suggest that she write a letter to him?

Sending hugs and prayers!

THAT is a great idea! I don't know what kind of terms they ended on or how close she is with his family, but I wrote poems (as corny as it may sound), but it worked for me. In fact, his brother put one of them in the casket with him. That was more or less my therapy. I still have that notebook with the poems I wrote. Letters would be a great idea.

 

[missypie]

Regret can be very destructive. If she is beating herself up over not talking to him the last time she saw him, let her know that a terrific way to honor his memory would be to vow to herself to treat everyone in a way to insure that she will not have any regrets. Think how nice the world would be if we all treated everyone as if it was the last time we would be seeing them.

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

Regret can be very destructive. If she is beating herself up over not talking to him the last time she saw him, let her know that a terrific way to honor his memory would be to vow to herself to treat everyone in a way to insure that she will not have any regrets. Think how nice the world would be if we all treated everyone as if it was the last time we would be seeing them.

Missypie -- it doesn't get said any better than this. Beautifully stated and a beautiful sentiment. Wish we could all vow to live our lives this way!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe you could suggest that she write a letter to him?

Sending hugs and prayers!

I like it! She can do it privately and then mail it to the family (if she wants, of course). I am sure the parents would love to hear how their son touched people.

 

[Snowysmom]

How very sad. The boys and their families will be in my prayers as well as you and your daughter. It will be a tough time for her but it sounds like you are there for her and that is what she needs right now.