If you told a friend things in confidence

[Aidensmom]

Just curious on some opinions here.

If you vented to a co-worker/friend in confidence about something someone said that just really rubbed you the wrong way, what would you do if that friend told the person you were talking about? Would you still consider them a friend? Would you just "write it off" or would you say something?

BTW, it doesn't bother me that this other person knows they said something that didn't sit well with me.

 

[CLynnJones]

No, I personally would not be able to consider a person who does that a friend.

 

[Briarmom]

Nope. Telling someone something in confidnence does not mean 'go tell it on the mountain.'

I would not trust that person anymore.

 

[chell]

That is a tough one. It would depend on several things including why they felt the need to tell the other person. Maybe they were looking out for you and thought they were helping. I would talk to them first and see their reaction before deciding.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I would no longer trust that person. Don't know if it would be worth it to say anything to them about it. I would probably wait until the next time they decided to vent to me about someone and then look at them and say, "Don't worry. I'll keep what you've told me in confidence." Then wink, give my most charming smile and walk away.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Nope. Telling someone something in confidnence does not mean 'go tell it on the mountain.'

I would not trust that person anymore.

Ditto

 

[vivilasvegas]

I've had this happen, so what I did was not cut the person out of my life, I just treated her very casually. I didn't tell her anything of importance, and I didn't let her confide in me.

Her loss. Really.

 

[Aidensmom]

Her loss. Really.

Good point.

 

[bettyann29]

How did you find out she told that person? Did they say something to you?

No.. If I told something in confidence and that person blabbed what I told them then I wouldnt consider them a friend.. Id probably ask them why they said something to that person when what was said to them was said in confidence..

 

[Aidensmom]

How did you find out she told that person? Did they say something to you?

Another co-worker did.

 

[Michie]

I would no longer trust that person. Don't know if it would be worth it to say anything to them about it. I would probably wait until the next time they decided to vent to me about someone and then look at them and say, "Don't worry. I'll keep what you've told me in confidence." Then wink, give my most charming smile and walk away.

I agree with this. I learned long time ago there are very few people you can trust, and the ones you can trust are worth their weight in gold!

 

[zippeedee]

That is a tough one. It would depend on several things including why they felt the need to tell the other person. Maybe they were looking out for you and thought they were helping. I would talk to them first and see their reaction before deciding.

If she knew it was in confidence, I wouldn't trust her again.

Some people are great at "triangulating" though. Rather than directly confronting the person that annoyed them, they tell someone else in hopes that they will pass along the message and kind of deal with it for them. Maybe she thought that's why you told her rather than the offending party. My former co-workers were all like that, life was one big game of "telephone".

 

[Nite0wl71]

I used to have a co-worker that you couldn't tell anything to, she would smile at your face and stab you in the back. After one casual conversation with her I learned the hard way. After that I never said anything around her.

I also work with this guy who reminds me of Jack from "Will and Grace". If you tell him something you have to remind him a few times not to say anything. I really like him and we are friends outside of work also. He doesn't repeat anything to be mean he just forgets.

 

[delilah]

I agree that I would no longer trust that person to keep a confidence. Whether I would consider them a friend is a different issue. I have several coworkers that I consider friends, but, know that they could not be trusted with confidential information. In fact, one person is so bad, that if you wanted to, you could tell him something "in confidence" and almost certainly, it would be well known within hours to days. But, he is otherwise a wonderful person, and, I do consider him a friend.

 

[kristen821]

I wouldn't tell that person anything again. I would also let them know that I know they told the person. They probably just like the drama.

 

[cinmell]

I wouldn't tell that person anything again. I would also let them know that I know they told the person. They probably just like the drama.

Ditto

 

[Tink's Pixieduster]

I would not trust the person I confided in with any such sensitive matters in the future, but I have to wonder if someone said something to you that rubbed you wrong, why didn't you go right to them and ask them about it? Has there been bad blood between you and the person that said the thing that upset you, or was it a momentary lapse of good judgement on their part? I've been in the workforce for over 30 years now, and I usually find it's better to settle a difference between me and a co-worker by giving us both a chance to talk things over and clear the air. Now you're unhappy with two co-workers instead of one.

 

[Zurealsoon]

Here's a twist on this, my bosss will vent to me about something another emplyee is doing that she does not approve of. She does this with everyone. It's almost like she is afraid to confront that person. Sometimes I will alert that person that the boss said "such and such" about her.

 

[luv2nascar]

was the person just gossiping or were they trying to help you out and fix the problem. I guess it would depend on the situation. I would probably to talk to them to judge the situation. Sounds like there maybe a lot of gossiping going on.

 

[Stacerita]

Just be careful what you share with the person next time. For whatever reason the co-worker shared what you told them to the other. She may have accidently let it slip, told the other to "help", or maybe she didn't even mean to say it. Whatever the reason was, she let it out. Unless you know for sure she told the other person to be mean, I would let it go. But for the future, I would just be careful what I tell that person.