If you have ever switched your child to a new school--were things better or worse?

[katie01]

Thinking of switching our 3rd grader from Catholic to public school. She has said she hated school from kindergarten on. She is intelligent and does well in school, but the homework load has gotten unbearable to the point of her having physical symptoms from all the anxiety. She is also outgoing and cheerful and seems to make friends wherever she goes in outside activities, but at school has only made one or two friends in the three years she's been there, and even with those two there seems to be a lot of drama and stress (could be a girl thing though, and could happen anywhere).

She said she wants to try the public school. I am willing to try also, but still have reservations. If you have made a school switch for your kids, did it end up being a good or bad decision? If anyone feels comfortable in sharing the reasons for the switch, and/or what type of school they started feom and then switched to, that would be helpful as well. Thank you!

 

[mommasita]

We did the exact opposite. We switched our daughter for Grade 3 from a public to a semi-private with IBO at that Grade. She flourished and loved it. We never looked back. It was one city over, she needed the challenge, and just wasn't getting it where she was. For our son it was fine, and he was doing well, but she was bored.

She is now in Grade 11 in private, and we were glad with our choice.

What are your reservations exactly?

 

[Disneylover99]

I switched my kids from Catholic to Public when my kids were in grades one and four. There was a lot about their first school I didn't like, but then I found out from another parent that my son was getting bullied. I notified the teacher and principal, and while they were sympathetic, they did little to rectify it. Then I realized, enough is enough, so I switched them about a month after the school year started.

Best decision ever.

 

[katie01]

We did the exact opposite. We switched our daughter for Grade 3 from a public to a semi-private with IBO at that Grade. She flourished and loved it. We never looked back. It was one city over, she needed the challenge, and just wasn't getting it where she was. For our son it was fine, and he was doing well, but she was bored.

She is now in Grade 11 in private, and we were glad with out choice.

What are your reservations exactly?

Thanks for the reply. I guess my reservations are firstly, an emotional response. I have had kids at the Catholic school for 8 years. It feels similar to moving from one home to another. Leaving the familiar behind. Secondly I guess your post kind of illustrated another reservation: it seems like more people move out of public into private than vice versa--why would that be?

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Is it really the school or is there something going on with your daughter? In other words, have you looked at the actual homework load? Is it that unreasonable? Will you have the same issues with the homework at the new school?

Have you talked to her about the other students and her relationships with them? Is there something more going on than she's just not making friends? How about talking to her teacher about what she's observing?

I guess just make sure all bases are covered before making such a major move.

 

[mommasita]

Thanks for the reply. I guess my reservations are firstly, an emotional response. I have had kids at the Catholic school for 8 years. It feels similar to moving from one home to another. Leaving the familiar behind. Secondly I guess your post kind of illustrated another reservation: it seems like more people move out of public into private than vice versa--why would that be?

I had an issue moving her, as my son had been there a long time, I knew everyone, it was LITERALLY across the street from my house, but I did what I thought was best. So I do understand what you mean there.

I don't know why most people move, but for us it was because she really needed the challenge, wasn't getting it. My son never would have been able to handle it, we knew this, we never would have moved him. We felt that if we didn't offer her the challenge, it just wasn't right you know? She was bored there, she was in a split class, in the higher level, she was miss "chatty cathy".. She needed it.. Personally I wouldn't care what others did, if it was in the best interest of my child then it would be done. Having said that, I would investigate further into the anxiety and homework load, and if that was the reason, is there more to it. Again, this is me. Not saying what to do. For me the homework load/anxiety so young in age, I would try and dig a little deeper.

 

[katie01]

Is it really the school or is there something going on with your daughter? In other words, have you looked at the actual homework load? Is it that unreasonable? Will you have the same issues with the homework at the new school?

Have you talked to her about the other students and her relationships with them? Is there something more going on than she's just not making friends? How about talking to her teacher about what she's observing?

I guess just make sure all bases are covered before making such a major move.

These are all good questions. About the homework load, the official school policy is that homework in 3rd grade should take 30 minutes. It's been taking more like two hours. I have looked over what she has every night, and sat by her side to see if she is staying on task, and she is, other than having a really hard time initially sitting down to do it, because she is burnt out. Monday night she had to work on: spelling packet, two pages of math, read a chapter and study the study guide, do her 20 minute reading, and do a page of religion homework. Tonight it was more spelling packet, three pages of math (with very long, involved problems, 20 minutes of reading, and a religion worksheet. She didn't finish her homework until 10:00 pm on Monday, and not until 8:30 tonight (she had an activity each night, but the homework still took two hours).

At least if she went to the public school, she would not have the daily Mass (they go every morning, it last about 50 minutes), plus religion class. That would be less sitting time (shorter day) and no religion homework. Last year I asked her 2nd grade teacher about the friend situation, because every single day DD came home stressed out over "girl drama". I asked the teacher if DD was doing anything to contribute to the drama. She said was "so surprised" hear DD was having trouble, because she said that she is a "delightful girl who seems well-liked by everyone". She did admit there is cliquey behavior in many of the girls. I have talked to some other moms with kids in other grades who say their daughters complain of the EXACT same things my DD is saying is happening, so I do think it's probably true.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Thanks for the reply. I guess my reservations are firstly, an emotional response. I have had kids at the Catholic school for 8 years. It feels similar to moving from one home to another. Leaving the familiar behind. Secondly I guess your post kind of illustrated another reservation: it seems like more people move out of public into private than vice versa--why would that be?

Totally the opposite here. Once you start public, there's about a 99% chance you'll finish in public. OTOH, roughly 25% of the kids who make it through 8th grade Catholic school switch to public for HS.


My wife's cousin struggled at all 3 HS's he attended, but he's an ***, so I'm not shocked he had trouble.

 

[katie01]

I also wanted to add that one of our other kids (we have three kids) has a learning disability and ADHD, so I do have an awareness as to those things, but do not see any of those signs in the DD who I'm thinking of switching. It is not that she isn't capable of doing the work (she pretty much aces all her tests), it's just that there is so much of it, that she doesn't have time to play, or go outside. When I do let her play or go outside after getting home from school, it just means she has to stay up that much later, and she's exhausted every morning.

The daughter with the learning disabilities and ADHD also said she hated school from kindergarten on. I thought it was just the learning issues (she'd have them anywhere), but now I'm not so sure. Now that that daughter is in the 6th grade at the school (it goes K-8--well, preschool too), she says she is liking school MUCH better, because they change classes and teachers all day long. I think it's good for that daughter's ADHD to move around, and also they have a study hall period, so she is able to get more of her work done at school

 

[aaarcher86]

We moved from private to public. We've been really pleased.

Our main reason was that the private school couldn't provide what we needed for our special needs daughter. Class sizes were 10 kids more in private. Panda lastly, we had a really poor teacher who did very little for our oldest with her issues and bullying.

The initial switch was tough, but both kids really love their school a lot more.

 

[mommasita]

We don't have any Religion in our schools, so that is new to me. Since my daughter is in a former convent, once in while they will have a mass (all girl school), but there is no Religion taught in school, so that I guess would give us additional teaching time the way you explain it.. I can not really comment on that. We used to have it back in my day

The time of going to bed at 10, would be way too late in my books. School at that age starts at 7:40 here, my daughter was on a bus at 6:50, so no, that never would have worked, now at her age , 16, she does as she wishes, lol, she pays the price, but with her schedule, and homework ooh she is exhausted.

 

[Sabeking]

We have been all over the parking lot !! My girls went to private Christian till 6th and 8th grade. Then I homeschooled them both for a year. Then the younger one went to Catholic middle and now Catholic Highschool. The older one is a junior but still homeschooled. Although I use the Homeschooled term loosely, she takes classes at a tech college and a few at a homeschool program. All that to say, each has had its challenges but I have found the moves were the right ones at the right time. We moved the younger daughter in the beginning because she could not handle the academic load. It was brutal the length of time it took her to finish homework! I was a teacher so homeschooling worked well but she really missed the classroom setting. So....off to a Catholic school that I attended. They have fabulous support for academically challenged kids so it was a great move. The older one loves the homeschooling situation. Now that she is taking college classes she thinks she living the high life! She likes the freedom.

Every change comes with its challenges but when I look back even in the rough times I see some great things my kids learned when the going got tough. We had some awesome teachers and some down right mean teachers and I would say to my kids...well now you know what it is like to have a bad teacher and you got through it. It will just make the next experience easier to deal with. I count it all joy! Good luck!

 

[Colleen27]

Thinking of switching our 3rd grader from Catholic to public school. She has said she hated school from kindergarten on. She is intelligent and does well in school, but the homework load has gotten unbearable to the point of her having physical symptoms from all the anxiety. She is also outgoing and cheerful and seems to make friends wherever she goes in outside activities, but at school has only made one or two friends in the three years she's been there, and even with those two there seems to be a lot of drama and stress (could be a girl thing though, and could happen anywhere).

She said she wants to try the public school. I am willing to try also, but still have reservations. If you have made a school switch for your kids, did it end up being a good or bad decision? If anyone feels comfortable in sharing the reasons for the switch, and/or what type of school they started feom and then switched to, that would be helpful as well. Thank you!

For us it ended up being the best thing we could have done for DD. We went in the other direction - from a public school where she was bored senseless and frustrated by the classroom behaviour of her peers to a Catholic school that is much more able to keep her challenged and engaged - and it made a world of difference in her attitudes towards school. We went from stomachaches and rough mornings to her waking up on her own and going out the door with a smile.

That said, I think drama and social stress is a "girl" thing that will rear its ugly head where ever a child goes to school. We had it when DD was in a public school classroom of 30 kids, we had it when she was in a private elem class of 8, and we still encounter it now that she's in a private high school with 50 kids in her grade. I wouldn't let that be a deciding factor. IMO, all we can do as parents is make the best academic/educational decisions we can for our kids and then help them navigate the interpersonal stuff as best they can.

ETA: Just for a little background - I have three children, and they will probably graduate from three different high schools despite living in the same house. I firmly believe school decisions are highly individual, not only to the family but to the specific child within the family. My son is thriving at his public high school - a magnet program using project-based learning and offering strong vocational options - but would be a disaster at the private college-prep high school my daughter attends. And if my youngest continues her strong interest in music and drama she'll likely end up at a different public school within our district that is known for its programs in those areas. Just because a school is working for one child doesn't mean it is going to work for the other(s) and those of us who have the flexibility to adjust accordingly are truly the lucky ones IMO.

 

[Colleen27]

Secondly I guess your post kind of illustrated another reservation: it seems like more people move out of public into private than vice versa--why would that be?

Because a lot of public schools are hurting right now. I've been involved with some of our (Catholic) schools' marketing efforts so I hear a lot of the reasons first hand and they mostly boil down to the fact that the public district we live in and the one in the next town over aren't what they used to be. Declining enrollment has led to closing neighborhood schools, consolidating in fewer buildings which often means longer bus rides to/from, cutting AP/honors programs and other "optional" offerings that serve only a subset of the student body, etc. And the testing madness just keeps growing, to the point of it taking weeks out of the school year and dictating the lesson plans for even longer. But none of that applies to every public school, so the pattern in school choice outside of your specific district isn't necessarily relevant to the choice you have to make.

Also, public school is the path of least resistance. Most people sign their kids up because it is just what we are used to and don't really think twice about the choice until there is a problem, while most parents who choose private school from the start do so deliberately out of an ideological commitment that they're less likely to reconsider.

 

[DopeyDame]

My parents moved me for 7th grade (in my case, form one Catholic school to a different Catholic school) It was the best thing they could have done. I was pretty miserable where I was, and absolutely loved my new school and thrived there. My issues were mostly social, but then that started effecting my grades too. When I switched schools I was a million times happier and did much better academically.
It sounds like somethng has to change for your daughter. Maybe that is something you can work out with her current school, but if not, don't make her languish where she's miserable.

I will say, however, that at least around here public schools typically have more homework that private schools, so be sure you know that you aren't jumping into a situation just as bad as far as homework

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, it is hard for anyone to say what is best in your child's situation.
But, it sounds like she is not doing well where she is at.

After we pulled our son out of the public school here, we tried a small private (religious affiliated) school.
There were many indications that this might work well for him. It did NOT.
Lasted only a few weeks.

These kind of decisions are so hard for a parent!
One can only look as closely into the options as possible, and keep focused on what is BEST for your child.

I don't know about homework here... But, from what I can tell, in our public school system. DS had more homework in first grade than kids in high school these days. I think some of this might be subject to the particular school, school system, and grade.

I would find over one full hour of homework to be excessive.
That wouldn't fly here, as it was necessary for me to be involved with my son's homework at that level.

 

[holden]

OP, I'm not sure where you live, but here in the Philadelphia suburbs 3rd grade is a huge jump from previous years. My DD is in 3rd grade this year (public school) and the workload has doubled. I think it's because they take the state's standardized tests (PSSA) starting in 3rd grade. The math curriculum is very challenging for a a kid just beginning 3rd grade. It's all language based, so basically it's all word problems. The word problems are multi-step with several operations in each (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division).

In addition, she has nightly spelling homework (we also test her nightly for the Friday quiz), 20 minutes of reading (she has to read 25 chapter books this year and do a small project for each), and sometimes social studies (studying for test/quizzes) and science (same as SS). Thankfully, the only homework she gets on the weekend is the reading and projects ( a total of 4 presentations are assigned during the school year).

DD is having a hard time adjusting, but it's still only September. After homework and sports, she doesn't get much free time during the week to play. She might have an hour on Mondays and Wednesdays, and of course all afternoon on Fridays. Tues/Thurs/Saturday is sports and religious education class.

It's a shame, but it's the way the world is now.

 

[Jaime4004]

Each child and school are different so you won't know if it's better or worse to switch schools unless it's done. I went to the catholic school and hated it. Begged my parents to move for years. Finally they allowed it in 11th grade so I finished high school in a public school and did fabulous. For me, the catholic school was very small, which created all sorts of social drama, but more importantly, the classes could not be leveled, there weren't enough kids. It was way too easy and boring, really a waste of time. Once my parents understood that public schools were not evil, they let my brother switch. I was not happy, thought he should suffer through the same amount of years I did. DH had similar problems and switched from a private school to public the same year (we did not know each other then) so we're a little biased and put our 3 kids immediately into public school. Great choice, but we have a good system. Not all are...

 

[barkley]

These are all good questions. About the homework load, the official school policy is that homework in 3rd grade should take 30 minutes. It's been taking more like two hours. I have looked over what she has every night, and sat by her side to see if she is staying on task, and she is, other than having a really hard time initially sitting down to do it, because she is burnt out. Monday night she had to work on: spelling packet, two pages of math, read a chapter and study the study guide, do her 20 minute reading, and do a page of religion homework. Tonight it was more spelling packet, three pages of math (with very long, involved problems, 20 minutes of reading, and a religion worksheet. She didn't finish her homework until 10:00 pm on Monday, and not until 8:30 tonight (she had an activity each night, but the homework still took two hours).

At least if she went to the public school, she would not have the daily Mass (they go every morning, it last about 50 minutes), plus religion class. That would be less sitting time (shorter day) and no religion homework. Last year I asked her 2nd grade teacher about the friend situation, because every single day DD came home stressed out over "girl drama". I asked the teacher if DD was doing anything to contribute to the drama. She said was "so surprised" hear DD was having trouble, because she said that she is a "delightful girl who seems well-liked by everyone". She did admit there is cliquey behavior in many of the girls. I have talked to some other moms with kids in other grades who say their daughters complain of the EXACT same things my DD is saying is happening, so I do think it's probably true.

the homework issue was one of the key factors in our moving our kids (when they were young) from one private to another (public wasn't an option b/c we needed before and after care which the public schools didn't offer). the school the kids were going to always touted how much better their students were doing on standardized tests and such-what they didn't say was the amount of work they were piling on really young kids and how much of the teaching was strictly to those tests. it was literally sucking any enjoyment of learning out of my kids. so we moved them to a different private that while focused on academics was not causing 1st graders to get physically ill over getting their homework and projects done. my kids largely did well in that private school system though ds struggled due to his then undiagnosed autism.

when each of my kids finished 8th grade we moved them into the public schools. we figured they needed the experience of interacting in what was going to more resemble any public college or university they might attend-and, they needed to interact w/people of different attitudes and beliefs (their private school was very much, for lack of a better term-"a controlled environment" w/the student clothing, behavior, choices in reading, music......). fortunately our public district is small so it wasn't like going from a small private to a HUGE high school so that helped. dd really flourished. did well academically and socially (actually much better than at the private where there were cliques that had started w/girls in kindergarten and were still going strong in 8th grade). ds still struggles in school BUT by virtue of being in a public school they are REQUIRED to provide him w/the special educational services he needs. I no longer have a kid who fights me every day about going to school or claims to be sick. he's also done well socially. part of that is just a nice population of kids at the high school (VERY much fostered and encouraged by the administration) but also b/c he's not the 'only' anymore. the 'only' being the only kid at a small private school where it's apparent he has special needs. being w/other special needs kids and interacting w/them has taught him he's not alone in his struggles, and watching them succeed has encouraged him to succeed.


op I learned something in hindsight about the first private school (the HEAVY homework one) that was telling to me-you might want to ask your dd a question that might give you the same insight. is she among the youngest or oldest in her class-and what's the average age of kids in her grade. I realized after the fact that the private school that touted the great testing never made it publicly known that their students were on average 1-1 1/2 years OLDER than the grades they were placed in, so my traditional aged 1st grader was in a class made up largely of traditionally aged end of second beginning of third grade kids. the teachers traditionally had no issue w/piling on the homework b/c they were working either with (1) kids who had been doing HEAVY academics and homework w/in their education system since the age of 3 (preschool) OR (2) kids who had transferred in from the public schools and the parents went along w/the school's determination that they weren't up to whatever grade level they had been in the public schools-so they were placed in a lower grade (and the heavy homework was, despite what the school said to the parents-all nothing but a review for them so of course they could complete it in less than 30 minutes).

 

[powellrj]

We moved our DD from our local HS to another county her freshman year. It was the best thing we could have done for her and have never regretted doing it.