If You Had No Ties To A Place

[blondewithbrains]

He hasn't used the "no commitment" line this time around. He used it last August/beginning of last September but then he started chasing again in December when I wasn't ready and gave him a total cold shoulder. I finally called him again two weeks ago after he gave me his new phone number. I asked him if I needed to call him about a job I was applying for at his company and if so could I get his number. He said "No, you don't need to call me but my number is ......"

 

[AnaheimGirl]

What's the worst thing that could happen? He could say no, he doesn't want you to move with him, or visit, or whatever, right? That would hurt your feelings, yes, but wouldn't leave you in a much different position than if you never brought it up.

I'd talk to him about it. Probably not about moving immediately, but about visiting. Then if things went well on the visits, I'd bring up moving. Better to have it out in the open and know for sure, than to make assumptions and always wonder what would have happened if you'd brought it up. (JMHO)

 

[DVCJEN]

I say this gently---please try to look at the facts. You have broken up before. Now are back together. He hasn't asked you to move. I am sure he has feelings for you, but if he hasn't asked you to go with him and hasn't discussed the move with you in depth, he probably isn't as committed or as attached to you as you are to him. A man in love--the forever kind--would want you with him and committed to him while making these life altering changes. You deserve a man that can be that in love with you. Settling for anything else can lead to hearbreak. Good luck to you.

 

[blondewithbrains]

I don't think he realizes that I don't feel like I have any ties here. I'm a part-time student at one of the local universities. However, what he doesn't know because I've never mentioned it is that I could finish up the rest of the program I'm in with online classes and it wouldn't matter that I didn't live close to the school anymore. I'm going to at least ask him whether it would be okay with him if I visited.
It's also not a move that's happening next week. The company still doesn't have a location up there. They have to get that location, get it set up with all of the machinery needed, and hire people to work up there before they can even move him up there and it's a huge boat manufacturer that employs a huge number of people in the area so it's not like they're going to be ready to move before maybe a year from now or so.

 

[olena]

You'll never know unless you give it a chance. You can always move back.

DH took a chance on a new town with no job or other contacts just to be near me and it worked out. I suppose if it hadn't, he would've gone back home.

 

[blondewithbrains]

Out of curiosity, how did you feel when he said he wanted to do that Olena?

 

[olena]

Out of curiosity, how did you feel when he said he wanted to do that Olena?

Elated. We had been friends for several months, but we knew something else was there. Then we took it to the next level. About 6 months later, he had his degree and decided to look for a job in Atlanta, where he found one. We married 8 months after he relocated.

I don't remember any discussions or even asking him to move. We were so close and it just seemed natural to be together. One of the other reasons he came here was the job market. The opportunities here were just much better. If the situations had been reversed, I would have moved to where he lived without hesitation. I wouldn't have done that for just anyone though. He was, and still is, something special.

 

[blondewithbrains]

Congratulations, Olena. Jody and I were friends (well, he was a friend of my boyfriend's for 7 years and I had known him for a year....and he was always over at the house and teasing and joking around with me) before anything happened between us. I was always really happy when I heard he was coming over but I just chalked it up to the fact that he was always telling jokes and making me laugh not to the fact that there could be some sort of chemistry between us. Then, one night while my boyfriend and I were in the process of breaking up, Jody kissed me and I realized that I'd always had feelings that were a little more than friendship for him. It just seems natural to be with him.

 

[IceQueen777]

We broke things off last August because of the fact that I was tired of him not making a commitment

I thought you only dated him for three months last year. Did you want him to make a commitment after only 3 months? And now you want to talk to him about moving and/or visiting him in North Carolina, and that move is a year from happening?

My advice...you need to slow down. You are probably scaring him with all of this serious talk when you have only dated for about three months total! If the move is a year away, don't talk about it now! Date him for the next 6 months and see how things go.

 

[blondewithbrains]

I wanted him to at least be ready to call me his girlfriend, not commitment as in a diamond ring. I haven't talked about the move with him except in the most general terms. He was playing around last night saying that someday he'd buy a house in a cemetery (in other words, someday he'd die.) I said, "Yeah but that cemetery will probably be in North Carolina." He also mentioned something last summer about maybe moving to NC someday.

 

[Disney Doll]

I agree with icebrat. All this talk of moving etc. when you have just reconnected, would terrify him!!!!

You said the move won't be happening for a year or so. So relax and enjoy your relationship for the year and see if, and how, it develops. A lot of things can change in a year. You r relationship could mature nicely to the point where he couldn't stand the thought of you not being nearby or you may realize that he's not the be-all-and-end-all that you thought he was.

My advice, let the relationship develop at a normal rate of speed. As time goes on, if it is appropriate and it comes up in conversation, then you can subtly say that you don't feel "tied" to your current area or job and see how he reacts. Maybe throw in something about looking for a change of pace, or something along those lines.

But for now, enjoy! It's a new relationship, which may or may not take off.

 

[blondewithbrains]

I think part of what makes it not really feel like a new relationship is the fact that we were friends for a while before anything happened and I think the thought of not having him nearby as a friend to talk to is what hurts more than anything at this point. I think I'd miss his sense of humor more than anything. Oh, and all of us Disney fans would appreciate this....I hurt my knee really badly a year and a half ago (while I was still with my ex.) It was swollen to about three times its normal size and blue and purple and aqua and he said "It's so pretty with all those Technicolor colors.....Disney would be proud." It turned out that it reminded him of an old knee injury of his and he'd actually been worried about it, but used checking on the colors as an excuse to check on it every time he came over and make sure that it didn't look really, really bad because if it had he would have made sure I got to an orthopedic specialist instead of just my regular doctor IMMEDIATELY.

 

[DVC Sadie]

The best advice I can give is Slow Down. If it is meant to be he will ask you to move with him or ask you to visit. He may only want a friendship at this time, so please move slowly. Good Luck!