debloco
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2003
- Messages
- 4,578
From Judith Martin (Miss Manners)
"But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:
*That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.
Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends.
*That the hosts are responsible for answering their own invitations as well as for issuing them. If there are no preprinted responses and sometimes even if there are guests claim to be stumped about what they are supposed to do. If there are no stamps on the return envelopes, they turn indignant.
It is as if they had never received an invitation before ("Would you like to catch a movie tonight?") without being handed the possible answers ("Now you're supposed to tell me either yes or no").
*That hosts must allow anyone who is single to bring along that ubiquitous person known as "And Guest." And Guest doesn't know the hosts or care about the wedding, and if left at home, would allow the person who was invited to meet someone better disposed toward the occasion.
*That the wedding couple is not only entitled but obligated to think up their own presents, and that guests are bound to buy them as directed. Worse, that guests are supposed to bring goods equivalent in value to the cost of the food and drink they receive. And that the couple has a year after the wedding in which to send their thanks.
Getting married does not endow people with the privilege of levying taxes or charging admission. It does give them the obligation of expressing their gratitude in writing immediately, and to refrain from complaining about what a burden it is to be the recipient of so many people's generosity. Presents are voluntary, and should be selected by the giver, but never brought along to the wedding, where collecting them causes no end of trouble.
*That anyone who seeks to resist the pace, expenditure and anticipated take of a wedding, while increasing the amount of thoughtfulness required from and on behalf of the guests, must have no sense of romance. Or be impossibly romantic."
"But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:
*That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.
Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends.
*That the hosts are responsible for answering their own invitations as well as for issuing them. If there are no preprinted responses and sometimes even if there are guests claim to be stumped about what they are supposed to do. If there are no stamps on the return envelopes, they turn indignant.
It is as if they had never received an invitation before ("Would you like to catch a movie tonight?") without being handed the possible answers ("Now you're supposed to tell me either yes or no").
*That hosts must allow anyone who is single to bring along that ubiquitous person known as "And Guest." And Guest doesn't know the hosts or care about the wedding, and if left at home, would allow the person who was invited to meet someone better disposed toward the occasion.
*That the wedding couple is not only entitled but obligated to think up their own presents, and that guests are bound to buy them as directed. Worse, that guests are supposed to bring goods equivalent in value to the cost of the food and drink they receive. And that the couple has a year after the wedding in which to send their thanks.
Getting married does not endow people with the privilege of levying taxes or charging admission. It does give them the obligation of expressing their gratitude in writing immediately, and to refrain from complaining about what a burden it is to be the recipient of so many people's generosity. Presents are voluntary, and should be selected by the giver, but never brought along to the wedding, where collecting them causes no end of trouble.
*That anyone who seeks to resist the pace, expenditure and anticipated take of a wedding, while increasing the amount of thoughtfulness required from and on behalf of the guests, must have no sense of romance. Or be impossibly romantic."
