If someone invites themselves?

[hereyago]

Ok,
I don't know how to do a poll,but :

If someone invites themselves to whatever you are doing, what do you do?
Do you tell them not this time, or do you go along with it just to be polite?


I myself tell them not this time, as I find inviting oneself is rude. And if there is something I am doing that I know a self inviter would want to do, I keep it hush hush.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Depends on what it is and how they do it.

If they "assume" they can come along--that would rub me the wrong way.

If they say "Do you mind if I come along"--depends on what it is.

If it is someone whom I prefer not to hang out with--but as you say, they seem to always want to be part of it....I don't say a word.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I hate confrontation and wouldn't say a thing. Not saying that is the right way but that's just me

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Easy to take care of, just tell them to come to your house a couple of hours early.

when they arrive, take them out to mow the lawn and tell them to weed any flower beds you have. let them know you will be done in plenty of time for whatever activity they invited themselves too.

if the lawn care is not needed, maybe doing the laundry?

or dusting/vaccuming?

 

[hereyago]

Easy to take care of, just tell them to come to your house a couple of hours early.

when they arrive, take them out to mow the lawn and tell them to weed any flower beds you have. let them know you will be done in plenty of time for whatever activity they invited themselves too.

if the lawn care is not needed, maybe doing the laundry?

or dusting/vaccuming?

I almost spit my water onto the computer monitor. That is a good one!

 

[MommyJack]

Here's my question, how do you uninvite someone once you've invited them? A couple of years ago MIL and my mother came with us to disney for a big family vacation. It was great and we all feel we had a good time. The problem is that now MIL thinks that everytime we go to disney she's coming with us.
How do you say no thanks we just want it to be us this time?

 

[Bluestars]

Since it is the MIL, I would have my husband do it.

 

[Heidict]

Here's my question, how do you uninvite someone once you've invited them? A couple of years ago MIL and my mother came with us to disney for a big family vacation. It was great and we all feel we had a good time. The problem is that now MIL thinks that everytime we go to disney she's coming with us.
How do you say no thanks we just want it to be us this time?

Oh, I know what you mean. I feel like we have to bring my mother on family vacations. Partly because her DH has refused to travel the last 4 or 5 year and only goes out to his DD's house or to a local restaurant and won't take her anywhere, plus my DSis died less then a year ago and because she went with us on our last family vacation. She is going to be going on with us next year on a cruise also.

We had fun when she went, but it is nice to just have it be the 3 of us also. I guess it won't be the end of the world if she comes and I'm sure we will have a good time, but I'm sure my DH doesn't want every family vacation to contain my DM either. :lol

So, how do you do it without hurting your mothers feelings?

 

[bigbabyblues]

Since it is the MIL, I would have my husband do it.

Yep. It sounds horrible, but my IL's have hinted about going to WDW with us, and DH told them not so politely that they could go when h@ll froze over. I love them, but there is no way in this world I'd go on vacation with them and DH agrees. We tend to forget to tell them our vacation plans until the day before we leave.

If they (or someone else) invited themselves when we went to the park or something like that, I probably wouldn't say anything.

 

[MommyJack]

Unfortunately DH thinks it's great to have MIL along. Don't get me wrong we get along and all, it's just she has a tendancy to take over if you don't reign her in.

 

[Cat0727]

Ok,
I don't know how to do a poll,but :

If someone invites themselves to whatever you are doing, what do you do?
Do you tell them not this time, or do you go along with it just to be polite?


I myself tell them not this time, as I find inviting oneself is rude. And if there is something I am doing that I know a self inviter would want to do, I keep it hush hush.

I have been trying to figure this question out for myself, lol. I don't really think there is a polite way to tell someone they can't come to whatever plans you have. Annoying isn't it?

 

[hereyago]

Here's my question, how do you uninvite someone once you've invited them? A couple of years ago MIL and my mother came with us to disney for a big family vacation. It was great and we all feel we had a good time. The problem is that now MIL thinks that everytime we go to disney she's coming with us.
How do you say no thanks we just want it to be us this time?

It is easy for me because I have no filter really. But I would just say, MIL, we are just going ourselves to have quality time together.

 

[hereyago]

Oh, I know what you mean. I feel like we have to bring my mother on family vacations. Partly because her DH has refused to travel the last 4 or 5 year and only goes out to his DD's house or to a local restaurant and won't take her anywhere, plus my DSis died less then a year ago and because she went with us on our last family vacation. She is going to be going on with us next year on a cruise also.

We had fun when she went, but it is nice to just have it be the 3 of us also. I guess it won't be the end of the world if she comes and I'm sure we will have a good time, but I'm sure my DH doesn't want every family vacation to contain my DM either. :lol

So, how do you do it without hurting your mothers feelings?

First, sorry about you losing your DSIS, my condolences.

Your mother should understand that even though you love her and love spending time with her, your thing now is with YOUR family. is there a reason why your DM won't do trips by herself? perhaps go with her friends someplace?

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Vacation is one thing, but if it's something like going to the park, shopping, movies, out to eat, etc., I say the more the merrier.

 

[Evi]

Here's my question, how do you uninvite someone once you've invited them? A couple of years ago MIL and my mother came with us to disney for a big family vacation. It was great and we all feel we had a good time. The problem is that now MIL thinks that everytime we go to disney she's coming with us.
How do you say no thanks we just want it to be us this time?

you have kids right?? I'd let MIL come as long as shes willing to pay her way and she gets her own room or one with your kids then you'd probably have to pay for the room but hey you'll have a free sitter. I guess it all depends on how much time she wants to spend with you. If shes not in the least bit independent I'd have a problem with it but thats me. My df mother keeps trying to get us to go where they go for vacation and I keep booking other vacations.

 

[shortbun]

Who are we talking here? Adult? Child? What kind of event? Zoo? Wedding? Grocery shopping? Out to dinner?

DS has a friend who's always imposing himself on our family activities. He's told us he thinks of us as his '2nd parents.' Sometimes, I just say "XXX, I can take you home or somewhere else but we're not entertaining other people tonight". I've said, 'XXX, we are guests at this party and it would be rude to take someone the host does not know.'
I've even said, "Darlin, as someone who cares about you very much, you just crossed the line of being polite. We can't take you this time and it would be a good idea to wait for an invitation next time.'

 

[hereyago]

Who are we talking here? Adult? Child? What kind of event? Zoo? Wedding? Grocery shopping? Out to dinner?

DS has a friend who's always imposing himself on our family activities. He's told us he thinks of us as his '2nd parents.' Sometimes, I just say "XXX, I can take you home or somewhere else but we're not entertaining other people tonight". I've said, 'XXX, we are guests at this party and it would be rude to take someone the host does not know.'
I've even said, "Darlin, as someone who cares about you very much, you just crossed the line of being polite. We can't take you this time and it would be a good idea to wait for an invitation next time.'

Both. One of dd's friends was famous for it until i explained to her it was rude to invite yourself. as for adults, i can't imagine someone inviting themselves along for a vacation, because that is rude as well. If I want to invite someone to something, I will invite them, not have them invite themselves.