If I Don't Travel Solo...

[VolvoManiac850]

OK, so I'm faced with a bit of a predicament. I may be taking my next trip, my 30th birthday trip, alone. However, there are two x-factors in there...

1. My mom wants to go on a trip with me.

2. I am no longer single as of today.

Now, this trip isn't until June, so if the relationship doesn't work out in the long run, #2 is a moot point (unless, of course someone else comes along). My mom is almost 62, still in good health, and has been with me on every one of my Disney trips. She now is the caretaker of Grandma, who needs someone with her at all times. We have my unreliable uncle in the family, but that's it.

I'm really torn. I can't get a room for 3 at Yacht Club (the only hotel I want for this trip) since I'm not sharing a bed until I am married (and no matter how well a relationship goes, I seriously doubt there will be a wedding in May right before this trip). Everything else can work itself into place financially if we need to bring someone along. I'd feel bad if we had two rooms and I just don't know if I can bring both. (Besides, my mom hasn't met this girl yet, and what if she hates her?)

I need some help, folks. Many of you have probably traveled like this before. I've been fortunate enough to have been single on the two trips in my 20s, so there was no question about this. This is a first for me with large-scale trips if it does happen, so assuming we're going strong come December when I start booking things, what should I do?

 

[bamacmac]

I would say you cannot plan on taking your maybe girlfriend and Mom both on a trip, and if you did do that, you can not all 3 stay in the same room. Just no. If I were dating a guy and he wanted that scenario to take place I would be out. Way out. If you want to take both, you have to have 2 rooms or a villa. (Maybe a Boardwalk Villa?? - close to yacht club)

I think you either have to book 2 rooms and wait to see how things play out (knowing that you can always cancel one room later on) or you have to choose in December between Mom and possible girlfriend.

You don't need to make any decisions now. Nor should you. I think you can't really hype the trip to either party if you aren't sure what you want to do. If you tell your Mom all about it and start planning with her...then things get serious with the girl...and maybe then you wouldn't want Mom to go...then you're hurting Mom's feelings. You tell girlfriend all about it and make plans with her...and then you break up in March. Then you want Mom to jump in to that spot and that may hurt Mom's feelings too that she was your 2nd choice. Unless you are committed to taking both if you are still with the girl and Mom can get away from being caretaker...then you need to wait to even talk about to either.

I really think you need to slow down and see what happens with the girl. You could break up next month and then you would have wasted time dwelling on this. And yes you could be with another girl by then too. Too many maybes and what ifs in this scenario to make any plans right now.

 

[loves to dive]

I would just plan the trip solo. You can add Mom and/or girlfriend later if necessary, no big deal. As far as travelling with both and you aren't going to sleep in the same bed with girlfriend, it's doable. There are a number of rooms in the deluxe resorts that have two queen beds and a pull out sofa and there are some rooms in the moderate resorts that have two queen beds and a pull down bed. Would it be crowded? Yep, I've traveled with my son and his wife and we've all stayed in the same room, of course they slept together but mornings did get a bit hectic. It would also depend on whether Mom and girlfriend get along. If they don't it can be a nightmare.

 

[bamacmac]

Yeah I think it would be ok with a son and DIL. I would probably not have an issue staying in a room with my husband and his mom if I were married. But I wouldn't want to with a boyfriend and his Mom. That's just really weird to me.

 

[kwdw]

Book two rooms now. Make it a ROOM ONLY reservation. Room-only reservations can be canceled just 5 days in advance.

About 180 days in advance - book ADR's for two.

About 90-75 days in advance of the actual arrival day - make a decision. Ask either mom or the girlfriend at that point in time. This should be long enough in advance for the person getting the invitation to join you to make a decision before the 60 day mark. You don't need to buy tickets until 61 days in advance in order to book FPs at the 60 day mark. You can also decide if you are going to add a dining plan (and maybe make this a package instead) at that point.

If this becomes a solo trip - you can just cancel the second room. I think it's easier to call dining to switch ADR's to one person - but you can do this online, too.

 

[JohndeV]

You created a poll but I think it's almost impossible to vote because we don't have enough info about how you feel about it. Does your girlfriend even like Disney for example (there are women that don't like Disney, believe me I know because I'm married to one). Perhaps if your mother hears about the girlfriend she doesn't want to do the trip with you anymore because she thinks that you should go with your girlfriend. If your girlfriend hears that you normally go with your mother then perhaps she wants you to go just with your mother. What do you want? Would you prefer going with your girlfriend instead of your mother or would you rather go with your mother. Or with both?

I think it's important that you shouldn't feel obliged by any means to invite your girlfriend if you don't want to. Ofcourse you do most things together within a relationship but there should also be room to do things on your own. If Disney is something that you always did with your mother and would rather do with your mother then your girlfriend should respect that. On the other hand if you'd rather go with your girlfriend then your mother should also realize that things have changed now and she should give you the freedom to go.

Seriously, how would you feel about sharing a double bed with your mother? That way you would only need one room and you and your girlfriend don't need to sleep together. I think by no means the situation with 3 adults in one room is an ideal one. Just think about how much time you need to get ready in the morning. 3 People that need to use the shower etc.

 

[VolvoManiac850]

Wow, thanks for all the replies!!

A few things:

1. GF does like Disney. I don't think she's as fanatical as me, but she does like it and has been to WDW before.
2. She knows there is a trip planned but I haven't gone into much detail and it certainly sounds like a family trip to her if I were guessing.
3. I have totally overhyped the trip to my mom. After all, it's my 30th birthday gift.

The main reason I was going with one room is because I tend to be frugal. Two makes much more sense. It's probably also a lack of thinking on my part last night because let's face it, what the heck was I doing up at 3:30 AM trip planning?!?

We are not a family which believes in bed sharing. When kids in our family are born, they get their own crib and then their own bed. We never let parents and kids sleep together and siblings only sleep together if they have bunks.

As far as preference...I really don't know. I think a trip would be a great barometer of a relationship at the ten month mark and if it goes well, time to head to the jeweler to get the engagement ring. On the other hand, I'd probably do Disney for a honeymoon regardless, so maybe I should take her somewhere else in the spring or something?

One thing that I am thinking about--again, my extreme practicality taking over--barring death or serious illness, Mom will be around and isn't going to kick me to the curb. Significant others can come and go at the pettiest of things. (Don't believe me? My last ex said one of the reasons we couldn't be together is because I drive too slowly around the city). I can plan a 3 day weekend in NYC on the fly. As long as it isn't Thanksgiving or something it can be done and could be just as romantic as Disney (arguably more so). She likes winter sports so perhaps there could also be a 3 day skiing weekend in there somewhere. Disney is a much larger commitment and I'd need someone reliable to commit with.

On the flip side, Mom would probably encourage a couple's trip since I'm her last shot at getting grandchildren and I think she wants to be in good shape when she gets them.

Why is this so tough? I seriously am wanting to say that I'll just go myself--which was my original plan!!--but then I'd have two ticked off parties, especially since I'll be off the grid on the trip (no cell phone).

 

[kwdw]

VolvoManiac - okay - I'm the vacation planner in our relationship - and I'm still going to tell this to you loud and clear - RELAX a bit!!!! It's Disney - you have been there before - and will be there again - and given the steady relationship with the girlfriend is NEW - take a chill pill. The first step for a new relationship is getting through Thanksgiving and Christmas in one piece. You have several months (it is August 22nd) - before you have to make a commitment to a June Disney trip. I think you are on the high of "this girl is the one" that we all have when we are first beyond the ************* stage and now calling ourselves a couple. In two months - hopefully you'll feel the same way!!! And then you will be in a better place to make a decision about this.

 

[SueDonym3]

Take the mom. She will love to celebrate with you. As the relationship is new, the gf will understand. If the relationship is solid, great. You can plan another trip soon! If not, you will have had a great trip with the Mom. I am normally pro solo trips, but it sounds like your mom is psyched and even if she is young, Disney is hard travel so next visit may be harder. Take her now while she is in good health and can enjoy.

 

[VolvoManiac850]

OK--I've reached my decision. It will be a mother-son trip.

The factor that went into it is actually a strange one. I watched Toy Story 3.

This may seem like a weird connection, but my mom LOVES Toy Story Midway Mania. I had never seen her so happy in her life. She's been talking about wanting to do it again since the last family trip.

The other connection that went into it? Believe it or not, a good buddy of mine. He got married two years ago and he picked "You've Got a Friend in Me" as his mother/son dance. I thought it was an awesome choice at the time, and after hearing the song while watching Toy Story again, I thought about his choice of music there.

If this relationship does work out--and I'm cautiously optimistic--I'll just do a trip to NYC with the girl in April or something. Thanksgiving and Christmas are indeed tests, but a trip seems to be the the true test, at least according to my buddies who either got married or dumped someone after travel. (I just hope work doesn't get in the way of a relationship for me...that's always been the barrier in the past...)

 

[Westcoastwild]

I think what motivated your decision is sweet! Strange but sweet. And I think you made the right decision.

If you change your mind, I think you should keep in mind the money issue. I would think it really strange if a boyfriend invited me to share a room he paid for anywhere, but especially somewhere like WDW. If your mother suggests inviting the gf months down the road, you could always ask the girl if she wanted to tag along Dutch treat. A lot of people don't have money for a Disney trip. You may put her in an awkward position assuming that she'd go anyway. If she wants to go badly enough to pay for it, she'll book a room and I would think most of those issues would evaporate.

 

[AquaDame]

I also feel like you made the right decision. Your Mom will always be your Mom but that is awful early in a relationship to be planning things so far in advance. On the one hand things fall apart and you regret not taking your Mom, on the other things go so well with your girlfriend you quickly realize there isn't much more time to have these son/mom trips since you'll want your lady by your side too.

I will add one caution to considering a trip to be a barometer of wife material - not sharing the aspects of being "stuck" together in the same room for an extended period of time and some of the more intimate aspects that can bring about are a part of that working. I have absolutely seen relationships made or broken on trips but thats because the gloves were off. I'm not saying it can't be done, but if you are trying to really know a person not having that decompression time and privacy pushes it to the top. Even better if several things go WRONG on the trip and you can see how they handle it...

 

[Alicefan]

I would say you cannot plan on taking your maybe girlfriend and Mom both on a trip, and if you did do that, you can not all 3 stay in the same room. Just no. If I were dating a guy and he wanted that scenario to take place I would be out. Way out. If you want to take both, you have to have 2 rooms or a villa. (Maybe a Boardwalk Villa?? - close to yacht club)

I think you either have to book 2 rooms and wait to see how things play out (knowing that you can always cancel one room later on) or you have to choose in December between Mom and possible girlfriend.

You don't need to make any decisions now. Nor should you. I think you can't really hype the trip to either party if you aren't sure what you want to do. If you tell your Mom all about it and start planning with her...then things get serious with the girl...and maybe then you wouldn't want Mom to go...then you're hurting Mom's feelings. You tell girlfriend all about it and make plans with her...and then you break up in March. Then you want Mom to jump in to that spot and that may hurt Mom's feelings too that she was your 2nd choice. Unless you are committed to taking both if you are still with the girl and Mom can get away from being caretaker...then you need to wait to even talk about to either.

I really think you need to slow down and see what happens with the girl. You could break up next month and then you would have wasted time dwelling on this. And yes you could be with another girl by then too. Too many maybes and what ifs in this scenario to make any plans right now.

I agree with this. I don't think this early on, mom and girlfriend need to be mixing on vacations like their best buds. If it were me, I wouldn't want mom tagging along if I'm the new girlfriend. That would be a turn off for sure.

 

[74fct9493]

I also think you made the right decision.