if a friends sibling gets busted

[luvmyfam444]

for drugs would you end the friendship with the friend?

DD's friends' bro was arrested @ school for drugs (we heard it from another mom & then the friend comfirmed her bro was involved - but denied he was taking the drugs - was gonna flush 'em )

Been trying to decide what to do - right now I've decided to just not allow dd at the girls' house - but allow the girl to come to ours.

In this kind of case what would you tell the mom as to why your child can't come over any more to spend the night -when she once was allowed?

Just curious

 

[low-key]

Tread carefully, real good family's have kids on drugs

 

[JessicaR]

I'm sure the mom will know why and I doubt she will ask. If she does, I would be honest and tell her you arent comfortable. I would not end the friendship. Wouldnt even consider it. As you said, the girls can play at your house. Can you imagine how the girl would feel if she was punished for her brothers actions?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My son's best friend's brother has a drug problem. Parents recognize the problem, and are doing lots of things to try and help, but he still struggles greatly. Honestly, I'm consistently amazed at their strength and the way that their love for their child shines through in the middle of a very difficult situation. I'm not sure I could do such a good job.

I am confident that the younger brother isn't using. I have talked to my child, he knows the older brother is addicted, and knows the older brother might conceivably offer him something. He knows what to do if that happens. I still let him go there, still let him spend the night. In some ways I think it's been good for my son to see this boy go through this. He sees how the family is in hurt by this. He sees how the older child loses in so many ways because of his problem. He can't really deny that the older child has lost a lot, and changed a lot due to his addiction. If anything, I think it will make it less likely for him to use.

In addition, this is my child's best friend. He's going through a lot because of this situation. His parents are friends of mine. They're already suffering, and isolating them isn't going to help.

If my son wants to use, he'll figure out a way to get access. It's really not that hard. Keeping him away from this family won't make it less likely if he decides to use.

 

[Poohforyou]

I don't know how I could really end a friendship since I'm not with my child 24/7.

I wouldn't necessarily forbid my daughter from going to her friend's house unless she was very young and/or the drugs involved were something really hardcore like heroin. I don't condone drug use but I'm not naive enough not to believe that even good kids can stray over to the dark side so to speak.

By the way, what drugs was he caught with?

 

[sookie]

its not fair to that girl to end a relationship over that.
i'd say that would be punishing a child for something she didn't do.
if it comes up i would just invite the girl to your house and just avoid letting your girl go over there.

 

[luvmyfam444]

I don't know what the drugs were - my dd didn't know anything about it until I asked her after another mom told me - then she asked her friend. But the friend didn't say what it was.

I'm guessing prescription pills - but that's just a ramdon guess - there's really no reason to guess that other than the fact that the mom that told me works for child protective services & says that its pills that the kids are typically picked up for that she handles

 

[Tink888]

My son's best friend's brother has a drug problem. Parents recognize the problem, and are doing lots of things to try and help, but he still struggles greatly. Honestly, I'm consistently amazed at their strength and the way that their love for their child shines through in the middle of a very difficult situation. I'm not sure I could do such a good job.

I am confident that the younger brother isn't using. I have talked to my child, he knows the older brother is addicted, and knows the older brother might conceivably offer him something. He knows what to do if that happens. I still let him go there, still let him spend the night. In some ways I think it's been good for my son to see this boy go through this. He sees how the family is in hurt by this. He sees how the older child loses in so many ways because of his problem. He can't really deny that the older child has lost a lot, and changed a lot due to his addiction. If anything, I think it will make it less likely for him to use.

In addition, this is my child's best friend. He's going through a lot because of this situation. His parents are friends of mine. They're already suffering, and isolating them isn't going to help.

If my son wants to use, he'll figure out a way to get access. It's really not that hard. Keeping him away from this family won't make it less likely if he decides to use.

Great post. ITA

 

[BeefJerky]

No I wouldn't. It's not fair to punish the kid because of his brother. I think the best thing to do is be there for the family through this hard time.

 

[FireDancer]

for drugs would you end the friendship with the friend?

God no. I wouldn't blame my friend for what his sibling did and I sure as heck wouldn't stop being friends with them because anyone they are related to did anything. People are responsible for their own actions, not the actions of others.

 

[Hannathy]

absolutely not! I don't see why

do you honestly think your child is never going to be around people that use drugs? and if so what bubble are you keeping her in?

And unless it is your friendship you are discussing how would You end your DD's friendship with someone? I don't know how old your DD is but if she is over 3 I think you don't have a lot to do with it.

 

[AustinTink]

That would be a tough call for me. When I was in high school, I knew a lot of druggies. I wasn't one, but it didn't keep me from hanging with them from time to time. The point to to my story is this. All of them had younger siblings. And those younger siblings ended up on drugs, introduced by the older brothers and sisters.

Knowing that, I'm pretty sure I would limit exposure to the friend, but not cut them off.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I wouldn't end the friendship. Like a PP said, it would be like punishing the sister for her brother's mistake, and punishing your DD too.

 

[FergieTCat]

No. The actions of my friend's sibling does not reflect on my friend.

 

[castmember19]

I am not a parent but I know a lot of students who use drugs. If you ask me, if somebody (even a child) wants to use drugs, they will find a way to use drugs. If they don't, they will not- regardless of who they spend time with. I've seen it done over and over again in high school. I had the opportunity but never did, because I didn't want to. It is just a matter of how well you are preparing your DD for such matters, I think.

I think this poster had the right idea.

I have talked to my child, he knows the older brother is addicted, and knows the older brother might conceivably offer him something. He knows what to do if that happens. I still let him go there, still let him spend the night. In some ways I think it's been good for my son to see this boy go through this. He sees how the family is in hurt by this. He sees how the older child loses in so many ways because of his problem. He can't really deny that the older child has lost a lot, and changed a lot due to his addiction. If anything, I think it will make it less likely for him to use.

 

[DebbieB]

How old is your DD?

 

[dislaney]

One of my kids has a really good friend, who has a brother, who is doing drug and getting in all sorts of trouble. The sister doesn't even want to be at home because the brother is causing so much chaos. We have her over our house all the time. I like to think that we are her safe haven right now. I certainly wouldn't end a friendship over this.

 

[badblackpug]

Generally, no. It's not fair to punish the child for the action of her siblings. Now I would change my mind if the parents allowed the drug abuse/use... because, trust me, there are parents that do..... I have a friend who smokes a lot of weed. She allowed her son to smoke weed in their house. If this were the case my answer would be different, but in general, no.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My son's best friend's brother has a drug problem. Parents recognize the problem, and are doing lots of things to try and help, but he still struggles greatly. Honestly, I'm consistently amazed at their strength and the way that their love for their child shines through in the middle of a very difficult situation. I'm not sure I could do such a good job.

I am confident that the younger brother isn't using. I have talked to my child, he knows the older brother is addicted, and knows the older brother might conceivably offer him something. He knows what to do if that happens. I still let him go there, still let him spend the night. In some ways I think it's been good for my son to see this boy go through this. He sees how the family is in hurt by this. He sees how the older child loses in so many ways because of his problem. He can't really deny that the older child has lost a lot, and changed a lot due to his addiction. If anything, I think it will make it less likely for him to use.


In addition, this is my child's best friend. He's going through a lot because of this situation. His parents are friends of mine. They're already suffering, and isolating them isn't going to help.

If my son wants to use, he'll figure out a way to get access. It's really not that hard. Keeping him away from this family won't make it less likely if he decides to use.

Excellant post!

We experienced this firsthand when my DD best friend's brother started taking drugs. Both girls understund what was going on. There was no way I would have told my DD to stop being friends with this girl.

The girls were 11 when it started.

 

[MM27]

I would hope that people didn't hold me accountable for things my brother and sister did. The friend didn't do anything.

I agree with the poster that said even really good kids from good families can get caught up with drugs. In my opinion, those people need friends sometimes even more than the rest of us.

There is a guy that works at my school that I have become very good friends with this year. He recently told me that he had been a crack addict about 10 years ago. He said he was really afraid to tell me because even though it was 10 years ago, whenever he shares that information with people, they tend to treat him differently.