Ideas needed for a friend going through a tough time

[Fishbone†]

One of the well-respected and loved ladies here at work just found out a couple days ago that her DH has four brain tumors (cancer), and there is nothing they can do for him. So, in just a few short days her world has been rocked off its foundation. He is in the ICU in a coma, and her family has been coming in to say goodbye. Just three weeks ago she lost her best friend to cancer, so she’s had a incredibly hard month. We would like to do anything we can to let her know we care, and to help her out. Last night someone brought supper for them, and I know we’re thinking about having premade suppers packaged (like at Let’s Dish) to help in that way. My question for you guys – anyone that’s gone through this, or helped someone through this – is what kind of things did someone do for you that were priceless during this time? What kind of things were a huge relief, a huge comfort, unforgettable, invaluable. We just want to do anything we can to help lighten the load or give her some of our strength.

TIA

 

[lecach]

Does she have enough sick/vacation time to be able to stay with her DH? Are you guys allowed to donate your sick/vacation time? We are at my work and I know that really meant a lot to people here that were going through similiar things.

 

[ccgirl]

I agree with donating the sick/vacation time. Could someone also help her clean the house? Prepackaged dinners are great too. Wow! I just don't know what to say. This poor woman. Does she have children? If so, maybe you can work out a childcare schedule??

 

[Fishbone†]

Thank you for the great ideas! Her kids are in college, although they of course have come home to be with their parents, and my guess is that the company I work for will continue to pay her through this - at least for the short term. She puts tons and tons of hours in on a salaried position, so I don't see them counting hours now - she definitely never does. That is a great idea though, and I'm going to ask about it just in case.

 

[Ember]

I appreciated quiet company. People who brought a book and were content just to sit close by rather than demanding a conversations which always took so much effort. I appreciated the food and juice people brought while I kept vigil. I appreciated someone making sure my cat was cared for. I appreciated having clean clothes, underwear, shampoo, a toothbrush, and a comb. (She may choose not to stay at the hospital for several days, but if she does, these things are helpful.)

And I really appreciated the people who gave of themselves without needing a lot in return, because I just don't have it right now. Some people want to call and talk, to make sure you're okay. But the conversations are hard on my already broken heart. I really appreciated the people who were a little more gentle in their concern. A text, a card, an email. These things all let me know I was thought of and cared about without needing anything back. Now, I don't suggest everyone is like me or needs this, but for me this is what I need.

Now that it's almost time to go home, I would appreciate coming home to a house that's been fixed up from the ambulance and paramedics being there. Or having the fridge cleaned out as we haven't been home in almost a week. (My friends have already done this. They're pretty amazing.)

You are a good person for caring.