I would like your opinion on DH's motive: **UPDATE**

[The Mystery Machine]

Don't bring it up again. Wait a couple of days and then check his phone when he's in the shower. Check again a few days later. If it turns out to be nothing, then you can kick yourself for not trusting him. Better to be safe than sorry.

MTE

I would prefer to look stupid in private or form plan of action behind his back. If you are going to play, then play to win.

Oh and get the phone records without his knowledge as well.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Don't bring it up again. Wait a couple of days and then check his phone when he's in the shower. Check again a few days later. If it turns out to be nothing, then you can kick yourself for not trusting him. Better to be safe than sorry.

I agree. By now I'm sure he's already deleted all messages, numbers, etc. Any chance you have a birthday, anniversary, etc. coming up soon?

 

[MoniqueU]

My DH wouldn't LIKE me to use his phone but I wouldn't take no for an answer. He gets lots of incoming calls from work some of which are from people i know or know of and he hates when i pick it up and answer it and say random stuff. i think i am just being friendly it gets on his nerves. I no longer answer his phone but i look at who has called from time to time when I can see it. I also know my DH's email account unless he has another one I don't know about. I check his every couple of months to see if we have any free night offers for vegas.

I would be on high alert if i were you but thats just me. I would say by now though that all incriminating evidence is gone from the phone. Names of girls changed to guys names etc, texts deleted. Good luck with that one but I would be at the mailbox waiting for the next bill or if it is online getting access to that ASAP. I am not one that likes to put stuff off and pretend things are going well.

 

[jen_uk]

Like other people have said I would be checking that phone later. However, unless he is stupid he will have deleted anything incriminating so I would also get the phone records and have a snoop at his emails.

 

[sunnyday123]

I would absolutely be checking his phone tonight. Also, you can access phone bills online-if he has that password protected that is another huge red flag. Unless you guys were in the midst of a huge fight or he's the type of guy who doesn't like anyone touching his stuff-there is obviously something he's trying to hide.

I'd be trying to figure out his password to his emails too.

 

[Rebelmom67]

Nobody here can tell you his true motives, we don't know him. You know him. You know if he is capable of cheating or if he was being a first class jerk, not us.

 

[OK!]

Any chance you have a birthday, anniversary, etc. coming up soon?

This was my thought, too. Maybe he was expecting a call from someone organizing a party or something that he didn't want you to hear about.

 

[dsny1mom]

I have a Blackberry as my cell phone. It is synced to my e-mail so it seems to use my battery faster than other cell phones I have had. (My DH told me that was the case.) I don't know if I am doing something wrong but when I run my battery down to the very lowest point, it has to be recharged to a certain level to "restore connections" which means I cannot just plug into a charger and use that power to use my phone once it is that low. There may be a solution to this problem but I don't know it.

Here is the senario:
I had to go to Wal-Mart which is 10 minutes from my house. Not enough time to charge my phone where it will be of any use. I left my children (8 & 4) at home with my DH. As I am leaving the house I ask my husband if I may borrow his cell phone to run my errands. Every time he or I go to the store, there is some question about "do we have enough milk to get us through the weekend" or "do we need toilet paper" or "I forgot to tell you, I need deodorant." He knows this and does the same thing when he goes to the store while I am at home. I also do not feel comfortable not having a phone, should I have car trouble or should one of my children get hurt and need medical attention in my absense. So I ask him if I can use his phone. He tells me "no". His reason: he only has a little battery left on his phone. But his phone can be used on that little bit of battery and can be charging and used at the same time. I told him I did not care and that I wanted to use it anyway. My thought is I don't care what the battery level on his phone is........he should allow me to use the phone regardless for as long as I can get it to work. I expressed this to him and he still told me "No." He is not territorial over his things. I can't think of anything else of his that he would have not let me use. Except his laptop which is a work laptop. ( BTW: I also have no access to his e-mail and he pays the phone bill. Therefore, he has access to every number I call and my e-mail account.) We, I THOUGHT, are not secretive people.

Let me clarify: this is not a work phone. He is not on call for his job nor is he awaiting an important call today. He came across as very adament that I not use his phone and the only reason he gave me was his low battery. Can anyone give me a reason why he would respond that way that does not seem shady or devious?

I wouldn't waste my time checking the phone. He may have deleted anything he didn't want you to see and getting caught could drive any wrong doings further underground or if it was just rudeness it could really embarass you.

What I would do is access the cell phone bill online, print it, look for unfamiliar numbers and look for patterns (like the same number incoming and outgoing during his travel times to and from work, lots of calls from the same number, lengthy calls to and from the same number). If anythign fits what I mentioned do what you have to do to get the name of the person that owns that number (including paying a PI to get the name and addy for the phone number). Whatever you do do NOT confront your DH with your findings. If he knows you are on to him he will just get another cell and keep it hidden.

How you handle any deception, if there is any, will be very important.

I pray this isn't the case, but his refusal to let you use his phone with such a lame excuse, is a red flag that he is at least having conversations with someone that he doesn't want you to know about.

dsny1mom

 

[Carly_Roach]

I suggest you ask your DH about it.....rather then just getting speculative answers here on the Dis

Thank you. I was hoping I wouldn't be the only one to say this.

He's YOUR husband. None of us know him. Your description of him to us is likely swayed so we'd agree with you rather than objectively assess a situation that none of us have witnessed.

My first thought when I read your post? It's HIS cell phone. He didn't want you to use it because the battery was low. End of story. Case closed.

If you think he's cheating on you, hire a PI.

 

[diznygirl]

Some people are really protective of their stuff. And they might know it's goofy enough to make up a reason why instead of "it's mine and I can't handle you messing with it." Dh sometimes is very particular, BUT he would definitely let me borrow his phone rather than have me be without. So I'm with the rest that say he's hiding something.

 

[sbell111]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.

Talk to him. Walk up to him, tell him to hand you his phone. Tell him he is either acting like a jerk or like he is hiding something and you want to look at the phone. Watch what he does. And I if he hesitates, tell him you must assume his is hiding something.
Tell him he is making you nuts and you have to find out what is going on.

I always figure the direct approach is more convenient and doesn't waste time or worry. I worry enough, why worry about what might be going on. I'd rather know either way.

You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

 

[Rebelmom67]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

It should be no problem. My husband would NEVER care if I looked at his phone. If a spouse has a problem with the other one looking, "Houston, we have a problem".

 

[sunnyday123]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

So if your wife asked to use your phone, and you said no, what would the reason be? ( not being accusatory, just figured a guys opinion would be great right about now)

 

[jsmith]

OMG-you are the most suspisious people-she asked to use his phone-it was low on battery-he told her that-and that should be the end of it.
OP if telling you you cant use his phone because the battery is low is suspisious-you two need some help.

 

[Rebelmom67]

suspicious

 

[MoniqueU]

Give me a break. You asked to borrow his phone. He said no. You asked why and he told you why.
You know, the only calls on my phone are to and from my wife and work stuff, but if she did this to me it would cause a huge fight.

She would be basically calling my a cheater. Given that I'm not a cheater and there is no evidence that I am, implying that I am would cause quite a stir.

And now see I would be willing to battle that battle no flipping problem. I would never of left that house without the cellphone once he told me no like that. And yes my DH IS possessive of his cell phone and that is his right I am TOTALLY OBSESSED with my laptop, I don't like anyone even doing a google search on it it makes me uncomfortable, I get physically ancy. My whole family and most of my friends do know my email, shopping, message board etc log ins or could crack them real fast. I don't have anything to hide ON my computer that they cant check up on and vice versa. My DH did just make a facebook acct in the last couple of weeks which he didnt tell me about right away but thats what kids are for!! My dS let me know and showed me his profile page with his list of friends all of whom I recognize and a picture of my DH and DD. We don't tell each other every keystroke or purchase we make but we are open with each other.


We do not know the OP's DH and maybe he is just possesive of his cell but really who tells their wife to go shopping without one rather then sucking it up for them??? Like I said having someone touch my laptop sets me off but if my DH or kids need it I let them on it.

 

[bumbershoot]

...it was low on battery-he told her that-and that should be the end of it.

And so was hers. But his phone can be used while charging, and hers can't. They have a long tradition of phone calls while one is at the store. She felt she needed a phone.


My hubby would trade no problem. We often do! If he said no, I would be very weirded out, and since we are open and honest and can have ANY conversation (even the ones "accusing" the other of being up to sneaky business if that's what the other person is wondering about), we'd be hashing it out, no store trip would have been taken.

 

[IDoDis]

Didn't the OP ask her DH if she could borrow his phone a different time, and he also said no that time, too? That's what is strange. It could be nothing, but you should check his phone anyway -- just to put your mind at ease.

Not to scare you, but a friend of mine caught her DH cheating by seeing a number on his phone come up a few times. She decided to send the number a text from her DH's phone. It said, "Hi." That's it. The text that came back said, "I love the roses!" So my friend started going through her DH"s receipts and found a receipt for a florist. She called him at work and asked if he had bought flowers recently. He said no, he hadn't. They hung up, but then he called back a few minutes later and said, "Oh, I do remember buying some flowers. A customer of mine had to have her cat put to sleep so I sent her some flowers." Her DH referred to the woman as "old." Come to find out her DH had been cheating on her for over 6 months with this woman who lived down the block!

 

[Imzadi]

Can't help you on the DH situation, but have you thought that maybe you have a bad battery in your Blackberry? Perhaps another one will have a longer charge or not have that "restore connections" problem.

 

[darlak]

As has already been mentioned, I would be checking that phone after he went to sleep tonight. I honestly don't care if that seems overly suspicious.