I wish I could tell my mother we are going to WDW

[Lewisc]

Add me to the group who agrees with your Mom. She didn't loan you money for your vacation. Pay her back first.

 

[poober25]

My thoughts:

If you can change your plane reservations without too much of a penalty, you should do that and wait for your Disney vacation until you have pd. your Mom back. Maybe you could take a cheapie vacation somewhere close to home for the time being. (A day at Six Flags maybe??) I don't know how close you are, but that might be an option.

If you can't change your flight plans, Immediately cancel your rooms at the Beach Club. You can go to Skyauction and get a week in a two bedroom resort offsite for what you are probably paying for one night at BC. Don't spend as much time at the theme parks and do some free stuff around WDW. The point is, if you owe money to your family, that should be the 1st priority to pay back. You said yourself you are not very frugal, maybe you should start to get that way at least a little. I'm not trying to make anyone mad, just offer suggestions.

Whatever you decide to do, it's important to have a good relationship with your family for your sake and your children's.

 

[Daxx]

Simply put ... how would you feel if your Mom owed you money and, using the cash she saved to pay you back, she skipped off to a fab WDW resort vacation w/it?

 

[frannn]

If you are making/saving enough $ to pay for a DW vacation, and paying your mom monthly, you are obviously doing better than before. Is the reason you are booking a trip now because of the more affordable Fairytale package? If this is the case, I would downgrade my resort to an All Star or moderate, and use the savings as a larger lump sum payment to your mom. You can try to explain to her that you may never afford to go without this pkg, which hasn't been offered ever before, and may never be offered again. You can offer to pay more to her each following month, or pay interest, because you respect what she has done for you, and would like to show your appreciation for it. If your mom was understanding enough to loan the $ in the first place, and you can show her you are planning responsibly, and giving her a much bigger payment, she may tell you to go ahead.

 

[WDWorBUST]

I understand your dilemma - from a very personal point. My husband and I are buying our house from my dad. It's just like a mortgage in the fact that we pay him interest. It's a win win for our family. We were able to buy a house long before we would have otherwise and he's making more in interest from us than he would from his investments. We also have a trip planned the first week in September which will be our last trip for me and DH only - we are expecting our first child in November. (We are going with friends....but you get my point) However now the possibility of my DH losing his job is very real. If that happens my dad had told me it's no big deal if I don't make a house payment for a while. I have quite a stash (for us) in savings right now....enough for our trip and a fairly large chunk for baby expenses. But if my DH loses his job and is not able to find one quickly I will have to cancel my trip and I am HEARTBROKEN about it. But even though I have the money for vacation set aside I could not skip my house payments for several months and feel right about going on vacation. And we could make it on my income alone without our house payment. So my suggestion is first off - come clean with your mom - I truly feel like my dad would tell me to go anyway if I asked - but definitely change to an All-Star resort. Or if you can use your airline tickets later with only a change fee I would do that. Good luck with your decision - but I think the #1 thing you should do is be honest and upfront with your mom. Tell her how you feel and offer to change your vacation - she might just tell you to go ahead.

 

[tebright]

Wow...lots of responses on this one. I tend to agree with the rest of the posters here but I have a feeling that your mom is difficult and possibly controlling though. If I am completely offbase I'm sorry. Here's some of my experiences.

We are going to Disney in December and I have not told my mother yet either. She would have a fit. Here's my history. My mother is very controlling. Yes I have borrowed money from my parents before but always pay back. Sometimes in monthly installments sometimes right out depending on the situation. I do feel bad sometimes because I feel like they must think they are my bank...which I know is wrong. BUT....my mother always always offers the money...we don't ask and I believe she loves it when we borrow money from her. Then she can tell us all the things we should not be doing until we pay her back. We do not borrow much from her now because of this but I have a feeling that your situation may be a little like this. My mother will go out and buy clothes for my children on her own...I'll try to pay her and then she won't take the money. But if we decide to buy something that she doesn't agree with she gives us her opinion and then reminds us that she bought the kids clothes. It's a very sick sick cycle...lol.

At this moment I do not owe my mother any money but she will still think we cannot afford to go to Disney. I am not real big on credit cards because I am not good with them. I have one and hubby has one. They are emergency cards, we do not use them everyday. If I can't pay cash, then I don't need what I'm buying. But my mother thinks because I will say things like I can't afford something right now that I am broke which is not the case. I might be able to charge it but I choose not to. So sometimes I do wait until payday to pick up things the kids need for school. That's just how I like it.

I just paid my December trip to the travel agent and paid all cash. It feels wonderful. We are staying at HIFS because I needed to cut back and stay in my budget in order to pay cash.

Sorry this was so long winded I just wanted to point out that sometimes it's not that we ask for money from our parents, they choose to give and spend money and use it against us.

Good luck with your planning and I hope you do get to go to Disney. I would suggest paying your mother off and either downgrading your trip or postponing it for a bit. Good luck.

 

[DMRick]

they choose to give and spend money and use it against us.

My suggestion to you would be to say "no thank you, Mom". Then the control is yours.

 

[crisi]

I don't know how unreasonable your mom is on other things, but it is perfectly reasonable for her to expect you to pay her back before you take a Disney trip.

I want a lot of things for my kids too. Two of the things I really want is for them to develop a healthy relationship with money and a healthy relationship with the people in their lives - one that involves respect. I can't imagine a Disney experience that is more priceless than giving my children a respect for the people in their lives and a respect for money. My son's face can light up when seeing Mickey, but it lights up a lot cheaper (and just as bright) when he catches a fish or connects with the bat.

You may have to eat the airfare and chalk it up to a learning experience.

 

[simonmunro]

I so agree with the post by frannn. You might impress her so much with the bigger payment with the difference between
BC & AS that she would be happy and supportive of your decision. The FTP might be key in convincing her.

 

[Daxx]

Toni --

The difference between you and the OP is that you currently do not owe your mother any money.

Your mom might give you a hassle about how you're spending your money ... but as long as you are not indebted to her, it is YOUR money and you owe her no explanation of how/why you're spending it. Take what she says w/a grain of salt (and a large margarita) and spend your money the way you choose to. If it makes a difference, let her think she's right ... tell her "you're probably right, Mom" and drop it. She'll think she's "won" and you've gained b/c you won't have to hear it any more!

I also agree w/what DMRick says regarding refuse politely and the control is now yours.

 

[Lurieh]

I'm going to play the devil's advocate and disagree with IMADSNYLOVR's mom, and I guess most of the previous posters.

Here's my take on things. I understand the loan was made out of kindness and generosity during a hard financial time(possibly for both parties). However, the payment terms were agreed upon by both mother and child. IMADSNYLOVR's mom agreed to take payments of a reasonable amount until the loan was paid. Unless the agreement was for IMADSNYLOVR to make as large of payments as possible each time, I don't think it unreasonable to use your "extra" money as you see fit. My mortgage company doesn't complain that I go on vacation when I owe $160,000 on my loan. Why? Because I pay them the amount that was agreed upon at the beginning of the loan. Same with my credit cards, my car loan, my student loan, etc...

This situation might be different because it is family, but a loan is a loan. A family loan shouldn't be considered more important than any other loan/debt, and I believe should not be treated any better or worse. I believe IMADSNYLOVR's mom should establish a "professional" relationship as is deals with the loan, and separate it from the emotional relationship. That way the loan can be handled with the proper detail and consistency that it deserves, and IMADSNYLOVR can live life without feeling guilty.

That said, I agree with several posters who suggested scaling back the vacation and making a larger-than-normal good faith payment. After vacation sit down and hash out an amortization schedule that both parties can agree on.

Hope everything works out!

Lurieh

 

[poober25]

Originally posted by Lurieh
...

This situation might be different because it is family, but a loan is a loan. A family loan shouldn't be considered more important than any other loan/debt, and I believe should not be treated any better or worse. I believe IMADSNYLOVR's mom should establish a "professional" relationship as is deals with the loan, and separate it from the emotional relationship.
Lurieh

Lurieh

I agree with you to a certain extent, but in 99% of cases, emotions can't be separated out in family situations, on either side. This is why it's best to try never to borrow money from family (or friends). My sibs both are partially supported by my father and Stepmom and I would never take any kind of money from them. They feel like they have to have their approval for everything they do, while DH and I don't feel that way at all. I'm rambling, but HTH.

 

[figgy4me]

Originally posted by Lurieh
However, the payment terms were agreed upon by both mother and child. IMADSNYLOVR's mom agreed to take payments of a reasonable amount until the loan was paid.

I must have missed something. I even went back and read the original post again. And here is a quote: "I figure she never asked for it all at once so as long as I pay the payments we should be fine. "

I see no agreement in there. IMADNYLOVR is just paying what she wants to - as she wants to. In other words, because her mother has been patient and not asked for any more than her daughter can pay, then her daughter should do what she wants to with the money.

 

[DMRick]

It's hard, when you only get one side of a story. The poster posted this on a public board, so she is most likely feeling guilty for going on vacation when she owes her parents money, and is looking to us, strangers to give the OK. It sounds like she has had some rough times in the past, and has had mom and dad get her out of them. It's so easy to get out from the control felt here. Pay mom off, and then do what most of the rest of us do (and I'm sure my own kids do, since they sound so agreeable, but do as they wish LOL)...listen to your mom, tell her she hads great ideas, then do as you wish. The first answers we gave to the first post, were obviously not cared for, so a second post was made with more info, mostly telling that mom was controlling, etc. No adult has to be controlled, but when you borrow money from parents, you risk again become the "child" unable to manage your bills (I realize this isn't all cases, our children borrowed for other reasons..no problems with their bills). If you can go afford to go on vacation, you can extradite yoruself from this...just pay mom off. I personally don't think you sound very appreciative of the help your parents have given you..you really have no idea if this is a hardship..just like my own children would have no way of knowing, since that wouldn't be something I would share with them. We have loaned money to our kids, and it made us feel happy to do it, and they paid us back very responsibly, and appreciatively..thank God, since we took it from our pension. You took the money, and when you needed money, you didn't seem to remember what your mom (as you see it) was like. This sounds less like a budget board issue and more like a community board issue.

 

[Robinrs]

This sounds less like a budget board issue and more like a community board issue.

I was thinking the same thing through all of this, DMRick!

I have been a CB moderator for years and personally, I come here to escape the histrionics and the "community" that goes on there. People say things there that they can't tell their own mirror and usually with the "TMI", Too Much Information, comes what's tantamount of a public lynching. I can't blame the people who get angry because I know I have, I just wonder about the original poster and whether or not they realize that posts like this will give them more and more reasons to explain themselves, their history and their choices. I often wonder how the story would sound if we heard the OTHER side, also.

People do feel strongly about things like this, I know I do, MONEY is the number one reason why loved ones break up or refuse to speak to each other. It is really sad.

Whatever the matter, this is a life not a subject of debate. I don't know the OP but I know that she will do what she wants to do based on her life and her history no matter what any of us say or feel. I'm sure she knows now how most people feel about this situation... I know I do ... and maybe, not sure but MAYBE, it will affect her future decisions.

OP: I just wanted you to know my story. I went on a trip to Orlando last June and my company offered me a free rental of a SUV to go down with. I used a credit card my Mom and I shared to rent it. I was very careful NEVER to use this CC too much because we were both on tight budgets.

Well to make a long story short the company accidentally charged my card instead of the company. I decided not to tell my Mom because she'd be upset. I had to wait about a month and a half before getting the money back but I said "No problem... I'll pay it back"

During this time period we found out my Mother had inoperable cancer. I will never get over having to tell her something as stupid as this on her dying bed.

She told me just one thing that I'll never forget. "Just don't ever go down there unless you can afford it."

My Mother died 3 weeks later. If I learned nothing from this I learned that no vacation is worth going into debt or causing a riff with family about money.

I love Orlando and so does my son. I never go unless everything is paid for and my debts at home are taken care of. I know somewhere my Mom is smiling because she taught me a lesson I will never forget.

God bless...

Robinrs

 

[BethR]

Sometimes we just don't think.

See you on the Community Board.