I was original poster on "attitude" and SAHM

[Camping Griswalds]

I just wanted to thank everyone whom gave encouraging thoughts, feedback and info about staying at home with the kids. For me personally, I didn't much l ike the arguing, and guess it kinda proved my point some about attitude. Either way thanks for the advice and thanks for closing the thread. It was never my intention to start a "bash" on ANY type of Mom!!

 

[roseprincess]

I usually post on the disABILITIES and Community boards. Just came by here this morning(on this board). Was going to post on the original thread, but noticed it was closed. So I'll post here.

I am a SAHM for 8 yrs. I do love it. No, I don't eat bon bons and lay on the couch all day. lol.
I have 8yr. old special needs twins. My dd has a complex congenital heart defect since she was born. She has had 3 heart surgeries so far since birth. She also has some mild-mod. cognitive delays.
My ds is high-functioning autistic/Aspergers.

I am so blessed to stay at home. I also worked as an RN for 6yrs. Worked in nursing homes day shifts, PM shifts, and graveyard shifts for those 6 yrs, before kids came along. Was on my feet all the time when working as an RN. Now, by choice, am a SAHM for my 2 special needs kids. If I would have worked, I don't think my kids would have done as well. When my ds was younger, I took him to floortime ( autism therapy) thru my school district for a few yrs. My dd also had a lot of Dr. appts. to go to.
For me, I don't have any of my parents or my dh's parents to help out babysitting during the week. Everyone I know works full-time(as of my family, grandparents of my kids). So, it was and still is best for me to be a SAHM. My dh works about 45 min. away, unfortunately does not work from home. So, I do most of the organizing, day to day activities with the kids. My dh does help out in the evenings and on weekends.

I have also have been undervalued by one of my aunts ( my mom's sister) and my mom, also. They are both very career-oriented. I know a few times about 4 or 5 yrs. ago, my mom kept asking me when was I going to go back to work? I said, are you kidding? Who's going to take care of my kids? What was my mom thinking? So far, the past couple of yrs, she hasn't bothered me about this. My aunt( I don't see her that often), she kept emailing me about what are my "goals". I emailed her back that my goal is to be the best mother I can be. I guess she didn't like my answer. I guess she was looking for a professional answer that I was going to go back to work or something like that. Sometimes I wonder, can't my family that want me to go back to work just leave me alone? My dh does not have a problem with me staying at home.
I know for me as a mom of special needs kids, I'm always going to team meetings at school( for my kids), IEP meetings,I also volunteer every once in a while at school for school events or class parties and class field trips. My ds is in Cub Scouts and dd is in Brownies, so I take them to their meetings and volunteer once in a while at those meetings. About 3 yrs. ago, I started the potty-training process with both my kids. It was extremely difficult to potty train my special needs kids. But with a little help from my school district and mostly me and my dh, potty training was successful about a yr. later.

Being a mom, whether if you are SAHM, or working part-time or working full-time is a very difficult job. I commend all you moms out there.
For me personally, I enjoy being a SAHM. And I know every mom has a choice to stay-at home, work part-time ,or work full-time. Depends on your personal family situation.


Rosemarie

 

[WDWorBUST]

Camping Griswalds -
Just wanted to say that I pm'ed you the other day if you hadn't checked lately.

Amanda

 

[lovin'Mickey]

I agree being a mom of any kind (stay at home or work) is a FULL time job. My husband and I have talked about this a lot. I do work, however I work part time. I use to work lots of hours before children, I am a hairstylist for 12 years now and have a very full book, but I could not stand the thought of using day care when I have the ability to change my schedule to work when my husband is home and be home with the kids when he is not. So when we were blessed with our children I went part time, HUGE PAY CUT...LOL, however I would not change it for anything. I love being home and working (best of both worlds).
I see in my line of buisness all walks of life, SAHM's, working moms, no children families that are all about there jobs, I feel if you are happy WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE THINKS!! If working makes you happy then work, if staying home does then stay home, if no children is your cup of tea then so be it. The world is made of all different people for a reason....and I don't think it is to fight about what a mom should or should not do with her job. The diversity in people is what makes this world exciting and fun.
I am glad you are home with your kids and having fun with it...... just remember NO ONE HAS THE ABILITY TO MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. No you should not be taken advantage of either, you are home to be with the kids not to have a spotless home or run errands for the community, do things for other people if you wish to but do not feel you must. You will find your balance for dealing with people who expect you to what they think is right, you will learn to say "no".
Let your heart lead you and you will alwyas find the right path!! HAVE FUN WITH THOSE KIDS!!!!

 

[mookie]

Just wanted to say I read the closed threat and found it VERY interesting, considering, (my boss doesn't know it yet) I'm quitting my job in a month after 6 years of working to be a SAHM w/ dd2.5. I can relate to a lot of the comments from the last thread, and there were definitely good points made on BOTH sides. Obviously don't want to debate, just wanted to let you all know how much the comments made me realize how big of a change I'm in for in a month. Regardless, I'm just excited to have more time with DD!!!

Good luck to all of you!

 

[The Sorrentino's]

I've been thinking about this topic since I first the other thread and this topic never came up:

I wonder if there are any SAHMs who ever thought about having a career outside of the home or who actually went out and got a job and I'm not just talking about for monetary reasons. Going from career woman to SAHM has been mentioned A LOT.

Three years ago I tried a few courses at a local college but it didn't work out because I didn't have time to study and all of three of my children were homeschooled and one was in Pull-ups. I will like to try again in the future since my children are older now. Also, my DH is home more so he can help with the baby while I study. I love being a SAHM, but I'd like to go to college and eventually work outside of the home sometime in the future. Maybe it's too late for me now but it's worth a try.

Cadence

 

[michvin]

I don't think it ever too late to go back to school...and I know what you mean about maybe not having to go back to work (or start) but wanting something else. My husband and I married young for today's standards, 21, both without college being finished. We both did go back and get our degrees before we had kids, BUT, got pregnant immediately when it would be doable for one of us to stay home. The kicker is we always thought that I would be the breadwinner...I had a BA and a BS, and had completed my first year of law school when our son was born. We figured I could finish at night and on weekends while he worked, then I would "take over" financially. Well, as you know from your own experience, babies sometimes make their own way into this world, planned or not! I got pregnant when our son was 9 months old as I was going back to law school and guess what...never finished that...Two kids under two, a husband that traveled a LOT, and school? Well, something had to go...so now, 6 years later and another baby for a total of 3 under 6 , I haven't had "real" paying career job EVER...did do some part time at the local YMCA where I could take the kids, but nothing using all that education! I do still think that one day I would like to do something for me, and for the family. We live pretty decent, but saving for college and retirement is hard. I would like to contribute...especially with paying off my student loans. But, I'm 32, educated and figure one day I will have a career or business. I figure that around 40 I may figure it out and actually have some time to do it. But, in the meantime, I do the best I can do as a SAHM...craziness and all. You can do it when the time is right!

 

[mom23boys]

I also do not have a degree, I married at 23 but worked full time after 1 year of college, it was not for me. I also want to get a degree and work outside the house.

My youngest is now 3 and I think in a few years the time will be right. Cadence, do not give up on that dream. My DH also traveled a few years back and now he is home most nights so it will be easier for me to go to school and study.

 

[hellow]

Hi:

I am not a SAHM, but I have definitely put my career in neutral as I raise my kids. I have worked part time and now that my kids are in High School, I work full time but definitely do not do what others seem able to. (masters degrees while working full time, traveling internationally for work on a regular basis, 50+ hour weeks). I started thinking that even after my kids are out of the house, I will still have 20+ years to work before I can afford to retire. That is a lot of time to either go full force into my current profession or go to school and change professions. I think that it is similar to SAHMs--even when you are ready to do something different and go back to work, there is plenty of time ahead of you to start a career if that is what you want to do. You always hear stories of 80-year-olds getting their college degree, so getting one at 50 is no big deal!

 

[MiaSRN62]

I never read the original closed thread, just hopped on this board tonight. But I always felt like I was kind of both SAHM and working mom. I worked the graveyard shift for over a decade when my kids were little. I'd go 33-34 hours with no sleep but I chose this because I wanted to avoid daycare (had a bad experience once). Anyway....I worked all night while the kiddies slept and then I was up with them during the day. So I can sort of relate to both sides. I did find keeping up with things like shopping and laundry harder because of working the night shift. Just never seemed to get enough sleep to do those things on a schedule. LOL

 

[Carrie Ellis]

Wow, I just read some of the other thread!!!! Shocking and sad.

Let me say...we are lucky to have choices. We might not have choices at the present time but that might be result from a "choice" made earlier in life. Many woman in many other countries do not have this ability therefore we should all be grateful.

I am a mother of 2 sets of twins. 8,8,4,4. I have a B.S. and a M.S. degree. I have worked FT,PT and SAHM. Right now I work in DC the one day that is my husband flex day...which is today (I work for the gov another 5-12 hours on my laptop out of the home the rest of the week). So I can totally relate right now! Here it is 11:13pm and I have been up since 4:30am! It is about a 1 1/2 hour commute into DC and it is usually 1 1/2-2 hour commute home. I had to drive the 14 passenger commuter van this morning and evening. After all that today, being home is still more work IMHO. At work I can actually work on one thing at a time. I can actually complete a task and get praise at that very moment. I can sit and eat a well rounded lunch without someone hollering for me to wipe their rearend. etc... Going to work is actually relaxing.

I have a FT friend who is a mom of 3 and her kids are wild. Her house is torn up and they crave attention. I think the bad kid issue can swing in any direction. That is not a SAHM problem.

Still, I would not trade staying at home for anything. I homeschool too. Life is short and our kids are #1 in our life. We work to make the money that we need and some to cover our wants. They will grown soon and it will be too late to enjoy their childhood with them. You have to consider what you will regret.

I think the Hokie guy attacked me once a year ago about using the leash on my kids at WDW....I am not sure but I believe so.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Hi everybody..I just thought I would say with no sence of attitude attatched....We are all moms!! Some mom's have to work to pay bills, and others choose to work for self fulfillment. Some stay home b/c they are fufilled taking care of their children and others stay home b/c its a childcare/cost/trust issue.
I currently Stay at Home with my dd, who is 3 and LOVE IT! I love it more and more the older she gets. I personally don't think I will ever go back to work FULL Time out of the home. (i think being there for kids afterschool is just as important) But thats me..Everyone has a reason for what they do. I think that previous thread was closed for a reason..and it was because it was causing bickering on boards that should be for planning vacations. And by starting another thread on the same topic..

Camping Griswalds: I just wanted to thank everyone whom gave encouraging thoughts, feedback and info about staying at home with the kids. For me personally, I didn't much l ike the arguing, and guess it kinda proved my point some about attitude. Either way thanks for the advice and thanks for closing the thread. It was never my intention to start a "bash" on ANY type of Mom!!

I think is just opening another can of worms for people to start bashing again. I am sure that wasn't your intention..but can't you see how this is going to happen all over again.

I just think that all mom's are created equal..we all have our kids not knowing exactly what to do with them, or what choices to make that are going to be perfect. But as long as we are doing the best that we know how to do than I don't see why there even has to be a debate on SAHM's vs. Working Mom's. B/c we are all doing what we belive is best for our families. Lets support the common bond we all have as mothers and share our ideas on how to create magical Disney Vacations for our children!!!

 

[JennsBabySky]

So, I have a question about this. I am a work at home mom (with occasional visits to the office). I've considered becoming a SAHM, but the number crunching doesn't work well for our family. But, I think being a SAHM mom is one of the most wonderful things to do! However, I'm always a little perplexed what to say in conversations when this comes up. What is a good response when someone tells me that they are a SAHM? I don't want to seem like I disapprove or consider myself superior (which I don't and in fact I probably am a bit jealous that we haven't been able to make it work), but I don't want to seem like a liar since I am a working mom and I'm afraid that some of my responses could seem insincere. What would a good response be because I think it is terrific and want to sound sincere and appropriate?

Thank you,
Jennifer

 

[The Sorrentino's]

When people ask me what I do for a living I say I'm a SAHM mom who does not homeschool. Most of the wives I know at SAHM and their husbands are the ones who bring home the bacon.

I only get attitude from my MIL and my own sisters. Sometimes at parties I get the occassional "Oh! That's nice." But when I tell them I never had a real job before and that's the kicker. A lot of the SAHM mom's had careers before switching over to home mode.

Cadence

 

[MiaSRN62]

being home is still more work IMHO. At work I can actually work on one thing at a time. I can actually complete a task and get praise at that very moment. I can sit and eat a well rounded lunch without someone hollering for me to wipe their rearend. etc... Going to work is actually relaxing.

Now Carrie's working experience is exactly the opposite of mine. I don't necessarily agree with her statement that being a SAHM is more work---but I'm sure opinions will vary much on this and I respect everyone's feelings on the matter.
Anyone who is a hospital-based nurse will for the most part agree with me. My experience at work has been run, run, run......I counted myself lucky if I got a bathroom break at the end of a 12 hour shift......when I packed my meal for work it had to be portable because I could always count on being mobile as I ate ! As for getting praise (VERY rarely in my line of work). I work in a high stress area. A good night was not to have patients or doctors screaming at ya. lol
I, otoh, cherised my days off with the kids.....I used to always wish to be a full-time SAHM. Even though children have a way of dictating when things get done, I still always felt most comfortable in my role with the kids at home. On my days off (and sometimes I have 4 or 5 off is a stretch), I could actually get wash and shopping done etc. These were things I always struggled with on my days working. I felt I had more time and energy to play with the kids when I wasn't working. So I much preferred not being at work. But I don't think my kids are any worse for the wear for my working. OTOH, I feel they gained an appreciation for what I do now that they're old enough. Rather, I feel, it was me who fought-off guilty feelings at having to work and leave them at night. But I also know SAHM's who feel guilty because they feel they should be working and contributing to the family bills etc.
So I truly feel there are pros and cons to both sides.....I think both working and SAHM's go through a spectrum of emotions in relation to the roles they play. I say, we do what we have to do (or choose to do) and make it work for our families. We should all support eachother because the bottom line is we're all good moms and care about our kids.
I loved your post ThreeMuskateers !!!

 

[alisonbestford]

Well, I'm a SAHM from 'across the pond'.
I worked for many years when my 2 oldest kids (now 17 and 21) were little as a RN, 2 nights a week.
I gave up working 5 years ago to spend time with DD (6), care for my husband who has a brain tumour and GET MY DEGREE at the grand old age of 43. The letter came this week Yippee
Now a days it seems it's never too late to change direction and, as Carrie Ellis said, we're lucky to have choices.
It may be a while before I'm able to use my degree as my going out to work will depend on DH's health but I'm so pleased to have it

 

[Carrie Ellis]

When I posted my full intent was to give confidence to mothers who choose and are able to stay at home with their family. I am really not trying to compare jobs and what not. Since I have went to college and worked FT, it is hard to fight in your brain that it is "ok" to be at home while your kids are little. Only because I have been there do I feel like I can comment on that type of situation. It is hard to go over that hump of worrying what others think of you. I just want to say that it is ok, it is alot of work and to be proud.

MiaSRN62, I fully respect your job and I do think that you should get a break to at least eat!! I once was a federal food inspector who work on a 100 degree kill floor at a beef plant. The beef carcasses came by every 30 seconds. We had to inspect every one that came by. We only got a 30 minute lunch and stood for 8-16 hours. So I do understand a little. My first set of twins were only 1 years old when I started with the gov but I still believe that home was more work for me....when the kids are little and demanding. I think it would change when your kids are older.

In whatever we choose we should not worry about what others think and be proud! Even if you are a SAHM! Every situation is different and we do not get an opportunity to walk in eachothers shoes!

Good luck!

 

[kimisabella]

I just read the other thread and am shocked that some people can get so crazy about how other people live their lives and the decision they make for themselves. I am a SAHM now, but once my youngest daughter goes into school, I will be going back to work. It is tough on one salary, but we make it work because we know that our children are being cared for by me. Every family is different, and every family has to make decisions for themselves. No one has the right to berate or look down upon one choice or the other. People should worry more about their own families, and less about others.

 

[MiaSRN62]

I once was a federal food inspector who work on a 100 degree kill floor at a beef plant. The beef carcasses came by every 30 seconds. We had to inspect every one that came by. We only got a 30 minute lunch and stood for 8-16 hours. So I do understand a little.

Carrie....I think you understand ALOT ! Wow, this sounds stressful. There are moms that have to do work like this and still come home and do all the normal "mom" stuff as well.

It is hard to go over that hump of worrying what others think of you. I just want to say that it is ok, it is alot of work and to be proud.

I think this goes both ways as well. I was a working mom when most moms in my neighborhood/development were SAHM's. I was never really able to bond with them. They'd all talk about play groups or getting together for lunch when the kids went off to school at the bus stop, while I had to worry about either getting some sleep from working the graveyard, or going back into work. I don't think they really welcomed me into their group. I felt very much like the outsider. So you're right----one cannot worry about what others think of you (whether SAHM or working mom). The stereotypes and judgements can swing both ways. We should all be proud (and support eachother !) that we do WHATEVER we do to be the best moms to our kids. No matter what any individual mom does (SAHM or work outside the house).....our kids love us because we're the only moms they know !

 

[crazymomof4]

It was never my intention to start a "bash" on ANY type of Mom!!

We know that!

I just hope things stay nice on this thread as it appears to be a resurrected version of the original. So far, so good huh?