MIGrandma
Lives in the middle-of-the-mitten.
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2009
- Messages
- 10,528
This is a vent, but since I'm putting this out here for everyone to read I know I'm bound to get all kinds of opinions. I've hesitated to speak about what's on my mind but last night was "the last straw." I'm giving you fair warning as this will probably be a long post. 
Our DS is 34 years old. He has been out on his own (as in with his own house or apartment, and either a wife or live-in girlfriend) since he was 18. He had a good paying job (he was a salaried employee, a production manager at an auto parts manufacturing company) for about 10 years but got to where he hated it more and more each day so he put his resume out to find something better. Better pay, better insurance, so he took the job. He was there 5 months then Michigan's economy took a huge nosedive when the rest of the country's economy tanked as well. They downsized and he was let go.
He decided to go to truck driving school, and was hired by a trucking company soon after to drive over-the-road, long distance, for them. He liked the job, but hated being away from his family (he has 3 children) for long periods of time. Then over the winter freight slowed down so he wasn't making much, if any, money. He was leasing his own truck so sometimes he even had a negative paycheck. Can't pay bills that way. So he gave it up and came back to Michigan to work at a local grain elevator (he worked there last summer as well). He had given up his house (renting) when he took the trucking job, so we let him move back in here with us until he can make enough $$ to get his own place again.
Big mistake.
He is also using my vehicle until he can get one of his own.
Big mistake.
But how do you say no to your own kid? We want to help him get back on his feet, but he's sucking us dry.
He works 10-14 hour days, 6 days a week. He has a new girlfriend and he's so enthralled with her that he's making poor decisions. We try to keep our mouths shut, but I'm afraid we're going to have to talk to him about some of the decisions he's making. And we're going to have to set some rules, and some he probably won't like but we're going to tell him "as long as you're sleeping under our roof..."
He hit a deer, or rather the deer hit my car, about a week ago on his way home from work. We didn't think it did that much damage, but the estimate came in at $1100 so more than we thought. We have a $100 deductible so that's all we have to pay and of course he doesn't have the money since he is saving for a vehicle/apartment so it comes out of our pocket.
But like I said the "last straw" was last night. Sometimes I sleep on the couch in the family room because I'm watching TV and too lazy to get up and go to bed...so last night at 2:00 in the morning I wake up with a start and sit right up because someone is walking around near the couch! It was our son, said he was sorry to wake me...
His girlfriend (she is 22, he is 34...we kinda have a problem with THAT too) called him because she was at her best friend's and had drank too much alcohol to drive herself home. He had told her if that happened to call him and he would come and take her home. I told him I didn't want her throwing up in my car, and he said he would take her home in her own car and just leave mine at her friend's. So, how did he get to work this morning at 7:00? Did he drive her car? I'm sure she was in no shape to get up and drive him to her friend's to get my car at 6:00 in the morning, so my car sits in some girl's driveway now. And how is he getting home from work? She's a nurse and has to be at work at 3:00, he won't get out of work until 6:00 or later this evening.
We (my DH and I) are just so TIRED of it. We're going to have to sit down with him and talk, I know. I hate to, but we're TIRED of all the DRAMA. Like I said, he's sucking us dry, causing our hair to go gray, raising our blood pressure, etc. I'm going to tell him he can use my car to get back and forth to work, and for anything related to his children, but for everything else he will have to find another way. He is paying for his own gas, but still putting miles and wear and tear on my car, which is 11 yeas old and has 145,000 miles on it so it's rapidly wearing out.
We have property up north that we like to go to in the summer. We have not gone up there to stay because we're concerned about what will go on in our house when we're not here. We do not want his girlfriend, her kids and her dog to stay here. We do not want him to have his friends over for card/beer drinking parties. We feel like we can't get away, we have to stay home and babysit....a 34 year old grown man.
Like I said, I'm starting to understand why birds kick their babies out of the nest, and why animals push their young out on their own. We love our son, and want to help him get back on his feet, but enough is enough.
Thanks for listening.
Our DS is 34 years old. He has been out on his own (as in with his own house or apartment, and either a wife or live-in girlfriend) since he was 18. He had a good paying job (he was a salaried employee, a production manager at an auto parts manufacturing company) for about 10 years but got to where he hated it more and more each day so he put his resume out to find something better. Better pay, better insurance, so he took the job. He was there 5 months then Michigan's economy took a huge nosedive when the rest of the country's economy tanked as well. They downsized and he was let go.
He decided to go to truck driving school, and was hired by a trucking company soon after to drive over-the-road, long distance, for them. He liked the job, but hated being away from his family (he has 3 children) for long periods of time. Then over the winter freight slowed down so he wasn't making much, if any, money. He was leasing his own truck so sometimes he even had a negative paycheck. Can't pay bills that way. So he gave it up and came back to Michigan to work at a local grain elevator (he worked there last summer as well). He had given up his house (renting) when he took the trucking job, so we let him move back in here with us until he can make enough $$ to get his own place again.
Big mistake.
He is also using my vehicle until he can get one of his own.
Big mistake.
But how do you say no to your own kid? We want to help him get back on his feet, but he's sucking us dry.
He works 10-14 hour days, 6 days a week. He has a new girlfriend and he's so enthralled with her that he's making poor decisions. We try to keep our mouths shut, but I'm afraid we're going to have to talk to him about some of the decisions he's making. And we're going to have to set some rules, and some he probably won't like but we're going to tell him "as long as you're sleeping under our roof..."
He hit a deer, or rather the deer hit my car, about a week ago on his way home from work. We didn't think it did that much damage, but the estimate came in at $1100 so more than we thought. We have a $100 deductible so that's all we have to pay and of course he doesn't have the money since he is saving for a vehicle/apartment so it comes out of our pocket.
But like I said the "last straw" was last night. Sometimes I sleep on the couch in the family room because I'm watching TV and too lazy to get up and go to bed...so last night at 2:00 in the morning I wake up with a start and sit right up because someone is walking around near the couch! It was our son, said he was sorry to wake me...
His girlfriend (she is 22, he is 34...we kinda have a problem with THAT too) called him because she was at her best friend's and had drank too much alcohol to drive herself home. He had told her if that happened to call him and he would come and take her home. I told him I didn't want her throwing up in my car, and he said he would take her home in her own car and just leave mine at her friend's. So, how did he get to work this morning at 7:00? Did he drive her car? I'm sure she was in no shape to get up and drive him to her friend's to get my car at 6:00 in the morning, so my car sits in some girl's driveway now. And how is he getting home from work? She's a nurse and has to be at work at 3:00, he won't get out of work until 6:00 or later this evening.
We (my DH and I) are just so TIRED of it. We're going to have to sit down with him and talk, I know. I hate to, but we're TIRED of all the DRAMA. Like I said, he's sucking us dry, causing our hair to go gray, raising our blood pressure, etc. I'm going to tell him he can use my car to get back and forth to work, and for anything related to his children, but for everything else he will have to find another way. He is paying for his own gas, but still putting miles and wear and tear on my car, which is 11 yeas old and has 145,000 miles on it so it's rapidly wearing out.
We have property up north that we like to go to in the summer. We have not gone up there to stay because we're concerned about what will go on in our house when we're not here. We do not want his girlfriend, her kids and her dog to stay here. We do not want him to have his friends over for card/beer drinking parties. We feel like we can't get away, we have to stay home and babysit....a 34 year old grown man.
Like I said, I'm starting to understand why birds kick their babies out of the nest, and why animals push their young out on their own. We love our son, and want to help him get back on his feet, but enough is enough.
Thanks for listening.
. Honestly, I think that your "last straw" was actually a very nice of him to do. I'm glad that he agreed to pick her up and not allow her to drive home drunk. 
