I understand not liking company but.....

[ilovesugar]

Neither of us checked on the Wii thing so that is completely our fault. It never occured to me that they would not want him to use it. It has never been an issue anywhere we have gone the kids always play Wii. But I will make sure to ask next time we plan on going to someones house that has a Wii. I will take completely responsibility for that part. We were outside with DS for the majority of the time but there were moments where he had to be inside because of rain.

I don't want people to think that I plan on letting my 6 year old act like a maniac at WDW, but he will be allowed to laugh and have a good time and yes, get excited.. We have rules, just like everyone else does and that does not change for vacation. But when you have 3 kids together who LOVE being together who only get to see each other a couple of times a year, there is bound to be some excitement.

We picked the 3 bedroom because that is what everyone said that they wanted and our family and the other family are very excited about it. I am not going to change that just because SIL cannot handle it. Like I said, they are more than welcome to book their own room, but I am not paying for it. So it will be her that will end up being miserable, not us. We will be out having fun.

SIL is just a very uptight person, I found that out very quickly when she acted as if every little thing was something to get frazzled over. If her kid whined she would take him in his room for like 15-20 and then come out and say he was having a meltdown. Umm no, he was just whining. When she could not find the white hat, the water spots on the floor, about the fact that she just could never have granite because it would make her to nervous (what?), that her child was eating a pudding pop and he normally does not get those kinds of treats, the way she carried around his monitor on her hip just in case he made a noise when he was sleeping and oh the fact that she was not sure how she was going to handle having her son out of his crib because he would be able to get out.

She is just very uptight, I am pretty laid back and we definately have different parenting styles. The scarey thing is that they are trying for another. Not so sure she is going to be able to handle that.

 

[design_mom]

If her kid whined she would take him in his room for like 15-20 and then come out and say he was having a meltdown.

This could be a "first time through the terrible twos" parenting issue. I thought DS had "meltdowns" until DD came along. His "meltdowns" were nothing compared to what DD can dish out... and a I feel silly ever having called them meltdowns. If your nephew is an otherwise quiet/compliant child, maybe the whining spells *are* his meltdowns. Lucky mom if that's it!

 

[Christine]

We picked the 3 bedroom because that is what everyone said that they wanted and our family and the other family are very excited about it. I am not going to change that just because SIL cannot handle it. Like I said, they are more than welcome to book their own room, but I am not paying for it. So it will be her that will end up being miserable, not us. We will be out having fun.

SIL is just a very uptight person, I found that out very quickly when she acted as if every little thing was something to get frazzled over. If her kid whined she would take him in his room for like 15-20 and then come out and say he was having a meltdown. Umm no, he was just whining. When she could not find the white hat, the water spots on the floor, about the fact that she just could never have granite because it would make her to nervous (what?), that her child was eating a pudding pop and he normally does not get those kinds of treats, the way she carried around his monitor on her hip just in case he made a noise when he was sleeping and oh the fact that she was not sure how she was going to handle having her son out of his crib because he would be able to get out.

She is just very uptight, I am pretty laid back and we definately have different parenting styles. The scarey thing is that they are trying for another. Not so sure she is going to be able to handle that.

Considering how your SIL is, I'm kind of surprised she would agree to sharing a home like that. Do you think she is totally unaware of her "uptightedness" or do you think she objects to these plans verbally to her husband but he just say's "hey, we're doing this..."?

 

[luvmy3]

Neither of us checked on the Wii thing so that is completely our fault. It never occured to me that they would not want him to use it. It has never been an issue anywhere we have gone the kids always play Wii. But I will make sure to ask next time we plan on going to someones house that has a Wii. I will take completely responsibility for that part. We were outside with DS for the majority of the time but there were moments where he had to be inside because of rain.

I don't want people to think that I plan on letting my 6 year old act like a maniac at WDW, but he will be allowed to laugh and have a good time and yes, get excited.. We have rules, just like everyone else does and that does not change for vacation. But when you have 3 kids together who LOVE being together who only get to see each other a couple of times a year, there is bound to be some excitement.

We picked the 3 bedroom because that is what everyone said that they wanted and our family and the other family are very excited about it. I am not going to change that just because SIL cannot handle it. Like I said, they are more than welcome to book their own room, but I am not paying for it. So it will be her that will end up being miserable, not us. We will be out having fun.

SIL is just a very uptight person, I found that out very quickly when she acted as if every little thing was something to get frazzled over. If her kid whined she would take him in his room for like 15-20 and then come out and say he was having a meltdown. Umm no, he was just whining. When she could not find the white hat, the water spots on the floor, about the fact that she just could never have granite because it would make her to nervous (what?), that her child was eating a pudding pop and he normally does not get those kinds of treats, the way she carried around his monitor on her hip just in case he made a noise when he was sleeping and oh the fact that she was not sure how she was going to handle having her son out of his crib because he would be able to get out.

She is just very uptight, I am pretty laid back and we definately have different parenting styles. The scarey thing is that they are trying for another. Not so sure she is going to be able to handle that.

I know I was way more uptight about things when I only had my first child, by the time the third came I didn't care if he was eating his entire meal off the floor

 

[ilovesugar]

This could be a "first time through the terrible twos" parenting issue. I thought DS had "meltdowns" until DD came along. His "meltdowns" were nothing compared to what DD can dish out... and a I feel silly ever having called them meltdowns. If your nephew is an otherwise quiet/compliant child, maybe the whining spells *are* his meltdowns. Lucky mom if that's it!

You could be right, maybe she thinks a child whining they are hungry is a meltdown. If so, I feel sorry for her because she has no idea what she is in for.

Considering how your SIL is, I'm kind of surprised she would agree to sharing a home like that. Do you think she is totally unaware of her "uptightedness" or do you think she objects to these plans verbally to her husband but he just say's "hey, we're doing this..."?

No she agreed because she was the one that responded and was all excited about it. Maybe she will rethink things now that she has had both of our familes at her home on seperate occasions and seem to not enjoy it in the least.

I know I was way more uptight about things when I only had my first child, by the time the third came I didn't care if he was eating his entire meal off the floor

This is SO TRUE. My second one has a lot more space to eat dirt.

 

[lovemygoofy]

In all fairness for the SIL, it is hard to have family visiting. It seems she is different way than alot of the other family and I'm sure that makes her on edge. Constantly trying to keep the house clean with several family members around as well as parenting her first child can be a difficult balance.

It really isn't her place to make sure the OP's son is entertained with toys or whatever. I do understand about keeping the house or floors clean. I have had company in and out for almost 2 months now. I think I'm mopping every morning and again at night. It's less trouble for me in the long run to spot clean than have to do a super cleaning.

In all honesty, the SIL may not even wanted the family over but went along with the husband and then the cooking and cleaning duties falls on the wife normally.

I think the poor SIL needs to be cut some slack about the WDW. Yes, she probably does have different parenting styles and may do things differently but that doesn't mean it is wrong. I hope she has a great trip even if it's not celebrated the way others see fit.

 

[jodifla]

In all fairness for the SIL, it is hard to have family visiting. It seems she is different way than alot of the other family and I'm sure that makes her on edge. Constantly trying to keep the house clean with several family members around as well as parenting her first child can be a difficult balance.

It really isn't her place to make sure the OP's son is entertained with toys or whatever. I do understand about keeping the house or floors clean. I have had company in and out for almost 2 months now. I think I'm mopping every morning and again at night. It's less trouble for me in the long run to spot clean than have to do a super cleaning.

In all honesty, the SIL may not even wanted the family over but went along with the husband and then the cooking and cleaning duties falls on the wife normally.

I think the poor SIL needs to be cut some slack about the WDW. Yes, she probably does have different parenting styles and may do things differently but that doesn't mean it is wrong. I hope she has a great trip even if it's not celebrated the way others see fit.

It's not hard to have company for 3 days though, IF your priorities are in the right place (Two months would be tough though!)

It's a shame that her house and material stuff are more important to SIL than ACTUAL PEOPLE! When I have people coming to my house here's what I do: Clean up. Find out what food they like, and stock it. Find out what activities they like, and plan them. If they have kids I find some toys that are age appropriate to have them on hand (borrow, buy at the dollar store, etc.) I PUT AWAY anything that I'd be heartbroken over if it got broken.

Then I have a good time with the PEOPLE, because the house and things aren't that important, especially for three days.

SIL needs a shrink.

 

[Scurvy]

SIL needs a shrink.

You really think that the fact that she prefers kids to be quiet, doesn't provide toys for a visiting child, doesn't want water on the floor and cleans more than the OP thinks is necessary means she needs therapy?! I think that's quite a leap.

 

[shortbun]

Never go there again. People get one chance and if they blow it that bad, they are no longer allowed to have company. I think she needs she needs therapy too but she's too OCD to figure it out.

 

[ilovesugar]

You really think that the fact that she prefers kids to be quiet, doesn't provide toys for a visiting child, doesn't want water on the floor and cleans more than the OP thinks is necessary means she needs therapy?! I think that's quite a leap.

I think are are many more issues than the ones you noted. I listed several things. She is high strung to say the least and while we could argue what she should and should not do, I think we can all agree that your job as a host/hostess is to make your guests feel welcome. She failed that task miserably.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My thoughts are probably most like design mom's (I try to keep my kids relatively quiet in a hotel) and scurvy's (I think you simply have different parenting styles and housekeeping standards; and agree on the dog).

Maybe the reason SIL was freaking out this weekend is because she was imagining what the WDW trip is going to be like. I'd be surprised if your DH gets the chance to tell them they can get their own room - my guess would be they've either already booked one - or, are having second thoughts about the trip altogether.

I agree with many others here, I don't think you will be happy staying together (other than you and your other BILs family).

I'd also bet it was more her husband who wanted the weekend visit.

As for the toys, eh. The only people I ever expected to entertain my children was me and my DH. There were times they were bored, but we just dealt with it. We learned who we enjoyed being around and who we didn't pretty quickly. Sounds like that's the case here.

Good luck, and enjoy your trip!

 

[design_mom]

ilovesugar wrote:
I think we can all agree that your job as a host/hostess is to make your guests feel welcome. She failed that task miserably.

Obviously this visiting situation did not work out and you were uncomfortable. A good host considers his guests' comfort, but a good guest also does his/her share to make himself as little of a burden as possible. You were staying as guests in a home, not at a hotel where you're paying people to look after you.

I sounds like SIL was uptight, but it doesn't sound like she committed any grievous hostessing sins either. She didn't forbid you from taking a shower in her bathroom, nor forbid you from eating their food, or insist that you babysit her child while she and her DH went off for a date night. She wasn't flipping out over every drip *your* kids dripped on the floor, while letting her own child spill milk all over everyone/everything.

In reality, you should have been keeping your children as quiet as possible. Yes, they're kids, but they should have been on "company behavior." They were the company. You should have packed activities/toys to entertain your kids or confirmed in advance to find out what would be available. You should have cleaned up after your own kids to the standards of the household (or beyond.)

IMHO staying as houseguests is not a stress-free vacation, but when you accepted the offer, you accepted the "rules" of being a good guest as much as she accepted the "rules" of being a good hostess. Obviously, whatever the situation... Your two families are not a good "fit" for staying together though.

 

[ilovesugar]

My thoughts are probably most like design mom's (I try to keep my kids relatively quiet in a hotel) and scurvy's (I think you simply have different parenting styles and housekeeping standards; and agree on the dog).

Maybe the reason SIL was freaking out this weekend is because she was imagining what the WDW trip is going to be like. I'd be surprised if your DH gets the chance to tell them they can get their own room - my guess would be they've either already booked one - or, are having second thoughts about the trip altogether.
I agree with many others here, I don't think you will be happy staying together (other than you and your other BILs family).

I'd also bet it was more her husband who wanted the weekend visit.

As for the toys, eh. The only people I ever expected to entertain my children was me and my DH. There were times they were bored, but we just dealt with it. We learned who we enjoyed being around and who we didn't pretty quickly. Sounds like that's the case here.

Good luck, and enjoy your trip!

She would be the only one having an issue so if that is how she wants to be about it, that is cool with me. As for getting a seperate room or not going at all, I would be perfectly fine with that. I am just not paying for it. I think that offering a weeks lodging is generous enough.

I do not expect others to "entertain" my kid either. That would mean I expect them to play with him. But when he is happily playing with something then what is the reason for telling him not to? Take for instance, they have a little tykes BBQ grill. My son thought it was pretty cool and was cooking up his own BBQ (because the "big guys" were cooking BBQ outside) and doing it quietly. Nobody seemed to have a problem with it, except her. She asked him not to play with it. Why not? What is the problem? He was keeping himself entertained with it so what is the big deal?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am just not paying for it. I think that offering a weeks lodging is generous enough.

I'm not really sure why you keep mentioning your paying for it. Who would expect you to do that?

I do not expect others to "entertain" my kid either. That would mean I expect them to play with him. But when he is happily playing with something then what is the reason for telling him not to? Take for instance, they have a little tykes BBQ grill. My son thought it was pretty cool and was cooking up his own BBQ (because the "big guys" were cooking BBQ outside) and doing it quietly. Nobody seemed to have a problem with it, except her. She asked him not to play with it. Why not? What is the problem? He was keeping himself entertained with it so what is the big deal?

What I meant by that was, if we were somewhere, even somewhere not "kid friendly", and our kids were "bored", we got up and did stuff with them ourselves. Maybe take a walk, or find a local playground, go to a local WalMart and buy a scooter or something, etc. I never expected, in a household that was obviously under tight wraps, that they were going to change their rules or their ways for me/us. Which is why I said we learned pretty quickly where we liked to go and where we didn't.

As for the Little Tykes, the only reason I could think of, assuming your DS isn't a wild man who'd destroy it is that SIL is a germ freak and doesn't want her son exposed to other kids' germs. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I have seen people like this and that would be my best guess as to why she wouldn't want him to play with it. I wasn't that way myself - my kids shared their toys and I kept toys for different age groups available for visitors.

Maybe SIL will lighten up a bit as her 2yr old gets older and she has another baby to worry about. Or maybe not. But now you know what life will be like when you're around her. One thing I learned after we had kids was that there were some people that we got along great with before kids were involved - but there were others that we grew apart from based on our different parenting styles. Sad when it's family, but it happens - you just learn to limit your time with them, which I think is what people are trying to say. Under the circumstances, staying together, in the same villa, on a trip to WDW is a bad idea.

She would be the only one having an issue

Really? That's not what it sounds like here.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The worst part is with Christian. Christian is severely mentally handicapped. He wears Depends and he drools, but we keep him clean as we can. Christian is not destructive; he doesn't break things or touch items on tables or cabinets. He just walks around from room to room. BIL and SIL literally follow 2ft behind him brushing up the footprints off the carpet. I'm not talking about mud. They can't stand the carpet to have those impressions. If he touches a countertop they're over there furiously wiping. They don't want him to sit on anything or come anywhere near them. What they want, and expect, is that *I* will take him outside and walk him constantly so they don't have to see him. Last Thanksgiving I spent 5 HOURS walking this kid through the neighborhood. It's really bad.

 

[ilovesugar]

I'm not really sure why you keep mentioning your paying for it. Who would expect you to do that?

I keep mentioning it because people keep saying that we should all get seperate rooms. While that is all fine and good, we have already paid for the grand villa so it seems like people are expecting me to get them a seperate room because they are not going to fit well. I have paid for the room and it was agreed 6 months ago that this was what we were going to do so we booked it. I guess it seems to me like people are suggesting that we get them a different room because they are not going to be happy staying with us. Now if I am not seeing that correctly and people are suggesting that they themselves get a seperate room, I agree with that and it will be mentioned to them.


What I meant by that was, if we were somewhere, even somewhere not "kid friendly", and our kids were "bored", we got up and did stuff with them ourselves. Maybe take a walk, or find a local playground, go to a local WalMart and buy a scooter or something, etc. I never expected, in a household that was obviously under tight wraps, that they were going to change their rules or their ways for me/us. Which is why I said we learned pretty quickly where we liked to go and where we didn't.

As for the Little Tykes, the only reason I could think of, assuming your DS isn't a wild man who'd destroy it is that SIL is a germ freak and doesn't want her son exposed to other kids' germs. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I have seen people like this and that would be my best guess as to why she wouldn't want him to play with it. I wasn't that way myself - my kids shared their toys and I kept toys for different age groups available for visitors.

Maybe SIL will lighten up a bit as her 2yr old gets older and she has another baby to worry about. Or maybe not. But now you know what life will be like when you're around her. One thing I learned after we had kids was that there were some people that we got along great with before kids were involved - but there were others that we grew apart from based on our different parenting styles. Sad when it's family, but it happens - you just learn to limit your time with them, which I think is what people are trying to say. Under the circumstances, staying together, in the same villa, on a trip to WDW is a bad idea.

Really? That's not what it sounds like here.

Yes, really. I am planning on going to WDW and having a great time with anyone who wants to have a good time. The other BIL and his family are just like ours and we are going to have a blast. She is going to be the one freaking out and have herself knotted up. What prompted this thread was wondering why someone would invite people to their home when they clearly cannot handle company, because it is not just my family she has had issues with staying in their home.

 

[ilovesugar]

Obviously this visiting situation did not work out and you were uncomfortable. A good host considers his guests' comfort, but a good guest also does his/her share to make himself as little of a burden as possible. You were staying as guests in a home, not at a hotel where you're paying people to look after you.

I sounds like SIL was uptight, but it doesn't sound like she committed any grievous hostessing sins either. She didn't forbid you from taking a shower in her bathroom, nor forbid you from eating their food, or insist that you babysit her child while she and her DH went off for a date night. She wasn't flipping out over every drip *your* kids dripped on the floor, while letting her own child spill milk all over everyone/everything.

In reality, you should have been keeping your children as quiet as possible. Yes, they're kids, but they should have been on "company behavior." They were the company. You should have packed activities/toys to entertain your kids or confirmed in advance to find out what would be available. You should have cleaned up after your own kids to the standards of the household (or beyond.)

IMHO staying as houseguests is not a stress-free vacation, but when you accepted the offer, you accepted the "rules" of being a good guest as much as she accepted the "rules" of being a good hostess. Obviously, whatever the situation... Your two families are not a good "fit" for staying together though.

I must have missed the part where I said I was letting my children run up and down her halls yelling and screaming and that I was letting them take out every toy and then leaving them out. My child was expected to behave, and he did. Like I said we were outside with him the majority of the time playing and going for walks. May I ask why you thought that we were being a burden? I made my 6 year old pick up after himself and I picked up after my 9 month old and put everything in its place. But she was taking things out of my kids hands and putting them away. That to me is completely rude.

I never asked anyone to "look after me" and my 6 year old followed the rules that I set for him, the same rules he always has to follow at other peoples homes. We are not some lunatics for crying out loud. Yes, I should have though more to brining more of his things, but truly this type of situation has never happend to me. Maybe it is a regional thing but when you welcome a family to your home here, they are treated with anything they might need and if you don't want someone there, you certainly never show it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I kind of had to chuckle about your thoughts about warning her that the kids will be excited and loud. We are going to DISNEY, what does she think is going to happen? And furthermore, I don't owe her that in the least. We are paying for the 3 bedroom grand villa for everyone so if they don't like it, they are more than welcome to pay for their own lodging. I am not going to make everyone else adjust their vacation to her expectations because she cannot handle excited kids.

Thank God you're paying for it! Your villa, your rules.
The first time she made a peep about my kids, the noise or anything else, I'd be all over her like white on rice!

 

[tlmdisney]

I do not think you are out of line OP. Your SIL and BIL need to remember that they are your children's aunts and uncles and not treat them like they are some cootie filled strays. I think what makes this over the top is that she made you feel so uncomfortable that you left after 1 day.

 

[dogluva]

About 19 years ago I was invited to my brother's and SIL's house. They live in well known city. They invited me and two year old son. They had just had their son four months ago. They were on my case the whole time I was there. They would not let my toddler anywhere near their son, had no where for either of us to sleep (but had somewhere for my young cousins), did not provide even a bottle of juice for my son and refused to make dinner earlier than 8 o'clock. I had no car or any knowledge of how to get around the city to get my son some food. I had taken a plane to get there and did not bring anymore than food for the ride. Toys, yes I did bring some but he got bored and just wanted to explore the baby's. Not allowed. They also got mad if he even touched a piece of furniture. He basically could barely breathe.

I was a horrible, horrible experience. I ended up leaving the next day. I couldn't take it. I felt like I was at the mercy of them and I finally just left. I had to pay to go home on an earlier flight but I did not care.

Since then, he has had two more kids and they are all almost grown. He is very different, so I have heard, but I will never visit him again as long as I live. He has visited us and I have always made him feel welcome. I think he regrets they way he treated us but it is too late. The memories of this miserable time (one I had really looked forward to) burns in my mind.

As a previous poster mentioned, people are more important than a house and toys. Don't have guests even you can't make them feel welcome.