I think I may have a special needs dance student. Looking for some help.

[Hannathy]

I find it very sad that you would dismiss the child without even trying to let the mother help in the situation. If she continues to be a disruption with the mothers help is one thing but to not allow her to even try is just wrong.

Denise in MI

Nope sorry taking dance class is purely optional. No one has to take dance class but everyone has to follow the rules. Mothers don't belong in the studio, they are too disruptive and if you let in 1 you have to let them all in and then nothing will get done.

Dance is a very disciplined art and it starts at the very first class. There are plenty of other non structured non disciplined activities the child could go to or do if it is not ready or capable of dance in a structured setting.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Nope sorry taking dance class is purely optional. No one has to take dance class but everyone has to follow the rules. Mothers don't belong in the studio, they are too disruptive and if you let in 1 you have to let them all in and then nothing will get done.

Dance is a very disciplined art and it starts at the very first class. There are plenty of other non structured non disciplined activities the child could go to or do if it is not ready or capable of dance in a structured setting.

Exactly. It is not about not helping a child. If the child cannot participate in class without disrupting everyone then this is not the activity for her. Dance class at this age is not Mommy and me. If the child isn't ready to follow direction- and not every child is- then maybe they need another year to mature.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't know....if I might have a psychotic episode if I had to eat creamed corn.

Well as long as you don't take an advil or something with it because then you might become homicidal. then they definitely will have a problem with you in a dance class.

 

[Magic Mom]

Well as ling as you don't take an advil or something with it because then you might become homicidal.

I can only take advil if it's crushed up in a spoonful of high fructose corn syrup. The rage and the homicidal tendencies negate eachother so it's all good.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can only take advil if it's crushed up in a spoonful of high fructose corn syrup. The rage and the homicidal tendencies negate eachother so it's all good.

Well at least you have a plan. Check with your chiropractor first though. That western medicine is crazy stuff you know.

 

[kacaju]

if you are open to it, my dd14 took a class one year with kids with special needs.

The owner of the dance studio had her older kids come in and be one on one with the little dancers. There was only 3 in the class, but it was sure nice to be able to take my daughter to a ballet class without having everyone get *mad* at me because she could not *behave* like the other girls.

If I remember..she was about 3-4 and wanted to dance like her older sister. No, dance is not for everyone but at this age they just want to dance like every other little girl.

At 14 now she has found her place in the dog show world...her 17 year old sister is still very involved in dance.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Is your studio set up so parents are watching the class? I am wondering how many other parents are seeing what is going on, including the mom of this girl.

I agree with MHM. It is not fair to the other students or their parents for this child to be a near constant distraction/disruption and monopolizing the time of an assistant. The other children deserve to be able to learn without this child invading their "space" as well. (I am frankly shocked you have not had complaints yet for that one reason alone).

If it was a private class I would give you kudos for trying to work with her. But given the effect on the other kids; I think you should talk to the mom, lay out the behavior guidelines, and if there is no improvement, drop her from the class.

 

[janette]

She may be special needs but her parents might not know or be ready to admit it. Since she's not in school this might be her first social activity outside of family; don't know how you'd broach the subject with Mom but sounds like she could use an evaluation and most often with social based disorders early intervention is vital. You might can make small talk with Mom and mention the social issues and also ask about any other activities she's done. Approach it as maybe she's just not ready for group activities yet; if it comes up you could suggest that at her age most kids are able to do a dance class and that she might mention it to her pediatrician.

One of my DD's dance teachers taught special needs kids and they really did well with dance, it is a great physical activity and they loved it. They didn't always have the physical ability but they made up for it in their enthusiasm.

 

[kirstenb1]

OP, I know you didn't ask...but if the mom corners you about her daughter, you may want to suggest a hearing test at an ENT's office. This was my first clue that something was really wrong with our younger dd. Our older one had so many ear infections, that I assumed our younger dd just couldn't hear us (would't answer to her own name, or any direct questions from us). Our younger dd's hearing tested well, so I knew I needed to dig deeper.

Anyway, if the mom starts to ask you questions, this would be a tactful way to suggest that she might need outside help with her dd.

 

[MELSMICE]

I find it very sad that you would dismiss the child without even trying to let the mother help in the situation. If she continues to be a disruption with the mothers help is one thing but to not allow her to even try is just wrong.

Denise in MI

Parents are not allowed in the classroom & are aware of this. Last year she participated in the Mommy & Me class (we actually call it Tiny Tots). I do not teach the class, but was informed by the instructor that the mother was a continual disruption and had to be "gently" reminded how the class was run on occasion.

Is your studio set up so parents are watching the class? I am wondering how many other parents are seeing what is going on, including the mom of this girl.

I agree with MHM. It is not fair to the other students or their parents for this child to be a near constant distraction/disruption and monopolizing the time of an assistant. The other children deserve to be able to learn without this child invading their "space" as well. (I am frankly shocked you have not had complaints yet for that one reason alone).

If it was a private class I would give you kudos for trying to work with her. But given the effect on the other kids; I think you should talk to the mom, lay out the behavior guidelines, and if there is no improvement, drop her from the class.

Yes, I have a viewing window so parents can watch the class.

This is the first week that it has really gotten to me like it has. It could be because I was short an assistant today. I have 4 assistants & myself as the instructor for a class of 14, so the student to teacher ratio is fairly small. It was also costume measuring day & that always adds a bit of disruption.

I don't want to give up on the child, especially if it's a learning disability and she just needs some extra attention. Like I said, I'm willing to keep a one on one with her if I believe the behavior can be controlled, but if she continues even with that change I will have to speak to the mother about her behavior.

It is not fair to others that are paying for their child to learn. To be fair, there are a few other "challenging" students in the class, but nothing I haven't dealt with before. I've been working with 3 year olds for 30 years & I've never run into a child like this. Most children get a little timid when reprimanded. This child is not phased at all.

 

[southern_redhead]

I wanted to add- whatever you do do not let the Mother into the class. She does not belong there and will be a distraction to the other kids. The other parents will also be annoyed no matter how sympathetic they may appear.

I agree. Not necessarily because moms shouldn't be in the class but because A) The vast majority of children listen to teachers better when Mom or Dad is NOT in attendance and B) clearly this Mom wouldn't be trying to correct the behavior if it is going on in the hall after class and she is laughing and thinking it's cute. She might even get mad if YOU try to correct the child.

I find it very sad that you would dismiss the child without even trying to let the mother help in the situation. If she continues to be a disruption with the mothers help is one thing but to not allow her to even try is just wrong.

Denise in MI

I have two boys who are a little "different" but don't really have a formal diagnosis. The specialist called my oldest "Mild ADD" but I really think he has some very mild Asperger's traits. My youngest son is small for his age, has impressive gross motor skills but absolutely abysmal fine motor skills, and exhibits ADHD traits that I find strong but his doctors find on the low side of moderate. Both of them show drastic change in behavior depending on who they are with. When they are with me and/or they tend to be more mellow but let them go to the grandparents (who are like the OP's mom in question and think it's all cute and encourage it) and they are like wild animals. THAT is why I wouldn't ask the Mom in. If she were handling it after class and making an effort then perhaps yes but it sounds like she would be offended if her DD were reprimanded.

Nope sorry taking dance class is purely optional. No one has to take dance class but everyone has to follow the rules. Mothers don't belong in the studio, they are too disruptive and if you let in 1 you have to let them all in and then nothing will get done.

Dance is a very disciplined art and it starts at the very first class. There are plenty of other non structured non disciplined activities the child could go to or do if it is not ready or capable of dance in a structured setting.

Yes, this too. Dance is not only optional it is costly. It isn't fair to ask others who are paying just as much and whose children are participating and learning to disrupt what they anticipated and try to adapt to this one child. If her mom really wants her to try dance I'd be all for it but it sounds like she REALLY needs to either find a group that is geared for Special Needs kids OR go to a more parent/child focused activity like Kindermusik or Mommy and Me. Like I said above my youngest will try your patience like no other, sometimes discipline is a moot point. I was his soccer coach last year and actually had him removed from the field and taken home during 2 games. His behavior was disrupting everyone else's play and he wasn't able to focus or learn anything during that time anyway.

 

[ratlenhum]

I feel sad for this little girl. Everything you described SCREAMS autism spectrum. That could have explained my son at 3 years old. That poor mom is in denial and that poor child is not getting the help she needs.

Kudos to you for not wanting to give up, but if trying to constantly redirect this child is distracting the rest of the class and taking time away from other kids you need to do something. Do you have a teenage dance student that can act as a 1:1 helper for her?

My son takes a special needs creative movement class at a local dance studio and the young girls that dance there all help out and stand with the kids.

You may have to eventually tell the mother that maybe her daughter is not ready for something so regimented and structured as following a dance class. My son took violin and really wasn't getting it and not doing well. I was upset when I was told this at first but it didn't take long for me to come to terms with the fact that he just can't do this now, maybe in the future. Hopefully this mom will realize soon that her daughter is different and needs intervention.

 

[sunnyday123]

I think I would just discuss the behaviors that disrupt the class and leave the rest out of it. Perhaps mom could stand in and assist her daughter, or maybe she could wait until spring and enroll her in the 3 YO class then.

Just a side note...I definitely wouldn't suggest to the mom that her child may be in a HFCS psychotic episode psychotic episode though.

But don't you know it's the downfall of American children?? Seriously though, OP I think you've received a lot of good advice here. Good luck.

 

[megan4777]

I have a dd that is 7 now and is diagnosed with aspergers/anxiety. She is almost exactly what you are describing her to be.

She wasn't diagnosed until she was almost 6 b/c noone told us they had any concerns at all. Everyone told us that she was fine.

I would have been very upset to hear what you were telling me, as a parent, but VERY receptive. I do know how it hurts to hear that there may be something "wrong" with your child but I know it hurts them more to not get the help they need.


Thank-you for being an attentive teacher that is looking out for the students.