I think I just might skip Christmas

[Cinderella94]

If you want to do it, go ahead. But if you haven't punished them at all thusfar, it won't really work (coming from a 15 year old).

 

[Lorix2]

What do you do now when your children are swearing at you?

well quite honestly, I spanked her mouth and she deserved it.

the youngest only calls me a monster and he hates me when we make him take responsibility for himself and his actions - the ODD is like fighting with a wall.

They get punishments handed down like car keys taken, all electronics out of the youngest' rooms, no bike, no tv, no computer, etc.

It just starts all over again because neither will care what's taken away, kwim?

 

[Lorix2]

Well........I'm not sure that forcing kids to volunteer is the right thing. If they choose to exhibit "attitude" at the place they are forced to volunteer at, then how insulting would that be to the recipients? And how embarrassing to the parents?

Exactly. My oldest would come around, but the youngest would not hide his own feelings and would push every button with me to make us leave.

 

[golfgal]

well quite honestly, I spanked her mouth and she deserved it.

the youngest only calls me a monster and he hates me when we make him take responsibility for himself and his actions - the ODD is like fighting with a wall.

They get punishments handed down like car keys taken, all electronics out of the youngest' rooms, no bike, no tv, no computer, etc.

It just starts all over again because neither will care what's taken away, kwim?

I think your family might benefit from some counseling. I can't imagine my kids talking to me that way and punishment not having any effect on them. I do know that if my kids were treating me this way they would have a mattress on the floor of their room and NOTHING else in the room, the door would be removed. They would not be allowed OUT of their room other then to go to school, work and bathroom. I would be driving them to and from everything. They would be responsible for ALL the housework, cooking, laundry, etc. They would have to earn back every little bit of freedom.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

well quite honestly, I spanked her mouth and she deserved it.

the youngest only calls me a monster and he hates me when we make him take responsibility for himself and his actions - the ODD is like fighting with a wall.

They get punishments handed down like car keys taken, all electronics out of the youngest' rooms, no bike, no tv, no computer, etc.

It just starts all over again because neither will care what's taken away, kwim?

Are you in counseling with the ODD kid or for yourself for that matter? That has to be very hard to deal with. Normal punishments are not going to work.

As far as the teen, I am going to have to cut the teen some slack. You have a younger child with ODD. That cannot be easy to deal with in your home.

My dd is a freshman in college and a pain. However home is a place where you can work things out and a place of peace. It does not sound like this is the case with your family.

Teens start freaking out about their future, esp. if they do not have a clear plan. What are you doing to foster the teens anxiety about their goals after HS?

 

[threecrazykids]

well quite honestly, I spanked her mouth and she deserved it.

Good for you! My 15 year old got popped in the mouth 1 time and I tell ya what, he's never talked like that to me again!

I think you SHOULD hold all their presents and not give them to them if they are acting like this!

I know people will judge all they want (parents who spank) but I could care less to be honest.
I look and listen to kids and how they talk to and treat their parents and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Call me crazy but kids never EVER used to talk to their parents and other adults the way they do these days. Zero respect for anyone other than their friends. And I completely relate this to the "you should never spank or yell at your children".

God forbid a kids feelings should be hurt or embarrassed.

A little bit fear of ones parents can be a good thing. I think kids are put on wayyyyy to high of a pedestal anymore. All these parents who only find happiness in themselves by making their kids happy and content. And then the parents are *****in' up a storm when the kid is older, has zero respect and stands at the door every day waiting for their handout.

Sorry...off my soapbox now, but I'm glad you are actually going to do something about it instead of talking about it!

 

[newholidayx2]

actually i will be - working 930-4 Christmas Day, working 10-430 Christmas Eve
wont be able to spend anytime with my 17yr son who is up in MA

 

[kellyg403]

OP, I know the frustration of dealing with an ADD/ODD child. There were many many days I went to my room and cried. I agree with the pp about counseling. I went myself actually because I couldn't make it another day. Boy, the things I learned that got us through some really tough times. DD is still a handful at 22 but she is respectful. Just makes some crazy choices still.

If it were me...honestly..I would take away their christmas, donate their stuff and leave a note, wrapped in a box. I would explain that as their mother you realize what Christmas is about and now it is their turn to learn. They need to learn that treating others is the way they would like to be treated, period. They are well old enough for that lesson alone.

Since nothing else is working, I would say at this point they realize you are a softie. My dd knew that. That is why we constantly at battle. But the day I stopped being her doormat is the day we came to the end of the battle stage. She knew when I meant something I meant it. The other children learned to. By example.

It sounds like it is time. They will be mad and upset. But, hey we all are to some point in some point in our lives. But, trust me...they won't forget that you, their mom...the one who takes all the crap and keeps on giving..well, she is a person too. And that is what they are missing. You are a person too not just their mother.

Kelly

 

[Darcy03231]

I'd do it, but then I'm also the person who made my kids spend the day in a hotel room while we were at WDW because they weren't behaving in the park - no pool, no tv, no nothing. All they could do was school work, read or sleep. I can honestly say it never happened again!

 

[livie1205]

my boys have been greedy and selfish lately...they would not clean their nasty rooms and fought about EVERYTHING! well they have learned a BIG lesson, we now have a guest room!! lol They have a room with 2 twin beds and can share now...we painted the other room and made it our beach themed guest room, it looks really pretty.They went from having their own rooms with big beds to sharing and small beds...they are in middle school so they are HATING it.
They are also going to the local homeless shelter (for familys) to give out gifts to kids that have no home for christmas.I also had them send a christmas card to a soldier over in the middle east.I have HAD IT!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

my boys have been greedy and selfish lately...they would not clean their nasty rooms and fought about EVERYTHING! well they have learned a BIG lesson, we now have a guest room!! lol They have a room with 2 twin beds and can share now...we painted the other room and made it our beach themed guest room, it looks really pretty.They went from having their own rooms with big beds to sharing and small beds...they are in middle school so they are HATING it.
They are also going to the local homeless shelter (for familys) to give out gifts to kids that have no home for christmas.I also had them send a christmas card to a soldier over in the middle east.I have HAD IT!

I love the sharing of the bedrooms. You WIN and are a super genius.

 

[Disneylover79]

Have you ever completely skipped Christmas for your kids? I'm seriously considering it!

My two kids have been mouthy and fresh to us the point that I need to really show them we're fed up. This is the time of year to show you care and appreciate one another right?

My oldest (17) has mouthed off and called me names and swore at me in front of anyone who has been around with no shame. I don't even know who the hell she is these days. I'm absolutey disgusted.

My youngest (12) ADHD/ODD has also been a pleasure

I really think I'm going to let them both wake up Christmas morning without any gifts for them, I mean really, what for???? Just because it's Christmas?? I'VE HAD IT!

Anyone else feeling the way I do right now??

WOW!!! I mean WTH I would totally be on your side with this...why buy them things to encourage what they are doing, I think NOT!!!!...Good luck and keep us posted.....

 

[jemgumby]

If your instinct is to withhold presents from this year then I would say do it. It won't kill them and I do believe they might learn a lesson in the long run. Just because its Christmas doesn't mean they get rewarded for unacceptable behavior. I think your kids do need to see the bigger picture in life and see that others are not as fortunate as them. I think some type of volunteer work would definitely do them some good!

 

[allison443]

I love the sharing of the bedrooms. You WIN and are a super genius.

I better not tell my two dds who share a bedroom that on the dis sharing a bedroom is considered a form of punishment!

(we have three kids and a three bedroom house)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I better not tell my two dds who share a bedroom that on the dis sharing a bedroom is considered a form of punishment!

(we have three kids and a three bedroom house)

Yea well my dd's who are 18 and 13 would absolutely die if they had to share a room.

I already had a guest bedroom. Hmmmm....

I could lock them out of their rooms and force them to sleep in the guest room until their rooms are cleaned.

Oh now that is a good one. I might have to do this.

 

[puffkin]

I would not make them volunteer on Christmas, especially if there is the potential of them acting up/mouthing off there and ruining someone else's Christmas. But maybe in the future you can work that into your life?

I also would still do Christmas presents, but very, very small. I would still have a few presents under the tree but only very practical or useful things....not "wants". Ie school supplies, or socks and underwear....things like that.

I also would pick one item that each kid really wants and that you would normally have got them for Christmas. I would let them know that it would be purchased for them in XX days if their behaviour improved. Outline what improved behaviour is. Make it a reasonable time...like 1 month or something like that.

I would keep all other Christmas traditions the same...just scale the presents way back.

 

[livie1205]

I love the sharing of the bedrooms. You WIN and are a super genius.

lol and I get my computer OUT of my bedroom! we are going to have a housefull on Christmas so now we have plenty of space to put people...one grandma in dd3 room (big bed) and my parents in our bed with us in our guest bedroom...the boys can duke it out in theirs!

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I would take away Christmas, if they were younger and still believed in Santa I don't think I'd have the heart to do it but they're both old enough to be taught a lesson. Tell them they have to earn their gifts and that rewards are not given to kids who do not listen and who are disrespectful! My ds(13) is getting a scaled down Christmas this year because of his behavior and school work, he didn't do anything too bad BUT I'm certainly not rewarding him with a psp and ipod touch like he asked for. He's getting mostly clothes and a movie gift card for when he's off punishment.

btw you said your youngest is ADD/ODD, I know what ADD is but what is ODD? pardon my ignorance.

 

[honugirl]

For those who say don't make them volunteer on Christmas because it might ruin someone else's holiday, I doubt that would happen. I've taken many kids that were oppositional and defiant to volunteer (I used to teach at-risk youth to play ice hockey) and even the worst ones were balls of mush by the end. Even on my worst days when I feel like I can't get out of bed, if I go volunteer and help someone else, I always come home cheerful and energized. How can you not?

 

[NYPDwife]

Do not "threaten" to do things......do them. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words....There are no laws that say that you must buy Christmas presents.

ITA!!!

I have a friend who's constantly threatening to do this and that and her kids run amuck. I say do it. Either they'll be really pissed and continue the crappy behavior or they'll learn to appreciate you more. Either way, they learn a lesson.