I think I just might skip Christmas

[Lorix2]

Have you ever completely skipped Christmas for your kids? I'm seriously considering it!

My two kids have been mouthy and fresh to us the point that I need to really show them we're fed up. This is the time of year to show you care and appreciate one another right?

My oldest (17) has mouthed off and called me names and swore at me in front of anyone who has been around with no shame. I don't even know who the hell she is these days. I'm absolutey disgusted.

My youngest (12) ADHD/ODD has also been a pleasure

I really think I'm going to let them both wake up Christmas morning without any gifts for them, I mean really, what for???? Just because it's Christmas?? I'VE HAD IT!

Anyone else feeling the way I do right now??

 

[Tinijocaro]

Let me know if you have the courage to do it. I've wanted to with my oldest on many occasions.

 

[stsomewhere]

I threaten my DD-8 if her room is not cleaned by this Sat.( our christmas party). I would be taking her presents back. She told me to take them for Toys for Tots

 

[Goofycampers]

I know how you feel, but no I probably wouldn't do it. But having said that only you know what's right for your family. It WILL get better though. My DD just turned 18 and she is finally just now returning to the sweet girl she was before the dreaded puberty phase. Hang in there.

 

[wenrob]

Well, knock on wood so far it hasn't come to that here. My DH talks about the time they did this to his brother, it's something that made an impression on all of the kids. They actually took his Christmas back, it wasn't even about shocking him and giving it to him later, it was NO Christmas.

I don't know if I could do it but your 17yr old sure sounds like she needs a taste of the real world. My tolerance for mouthiness is zero (ask my 13yr old, lol) add in the other stuff and I think I could be pushed to canceling her Christmas. I would give fair warning and follow through if it comes to that.

Good luck, I don't envy you.

 

[smkiya]

Have you ever completely skipped Christmas for your kids? I'm seriously considering it!

My two kids have been mouthy and fresh to us the point that I need to really show them we're fed up. This is the time of year to show you care and appreciate one another right?

My oldest (17) has mouthed off and called me names and swore at me in front of anyone who has been around with no shame. I don't even know who the hell she is these days. I'm absolutey disgusted.

My youngest (12) ADHD/ODD has also been a pleasure

I really think I'm going to let them both wake up Christmas morning without any gifts for them, I mean really, what for???? Just because it's Christmas?? I'VE HAD IT!

Anyone else feeling the way I do right now??

Maybe on Christmas morning you could take them to a Children's Hospital and have them hand out gifts to the children. It will teach them the spirit of giving and charity, and to learn to appreciate family because we will not always be there. Call the hospital first and see if the will allow this, sometimes they have an event set up for the children on Christmas.

I think you should do something, rather than nothing. Some sort of 'lesson' in appreciating what and who they have. I guarantee that they will remember this Christmas and the lesson forever!

 

[LuvBaloo]

You sound so frustrated.

I've never not done Christmas completely, but I've not done parts of it when I wasn't feeling any joy from it.

I saw go ahead of reduce Christmas to small or no gifts if you want to. You'll have miserable kids on Christmas day, but it sounds like they are miserable already, so you may as well reduce some of your stress.

Of course, my kids are much younger so I really don't know if I'd ever go that far to eliminate Christmas for my kids. DH & I have greatly reduced the money and effort into some of the family's gifts as it wasn't appreciated, so may as well put in less effort to get the same appreciation back.

 

[golfgal]

Have you ever completely skipped Christmas for your kids? I'm seriously considering it!

My two kids have been mouthy and fresh to us the point that I need to really show them we're fed up. This is the time of year to show you care and appreciate one another right?

My oldest (17) has mouthed off and called me names and swore at me in front of anyone who has been around with no shame. I don't even know who the hell she is these days. I'm absolutey disgusted.

My youngest (12) ADHD/ODD has also been a pleasure

I really think I'm going to let them both wake up Christmas morning without any gifts for them, I mean really, what for???? Just because it's Christmas?? I'VE HAD IT!

Anyone else feeling the way I do right now??

What do you do now when your children are swearing at you?

 

[smkiya]

I threaten my DD-8 if her room is not cleaned by this Sat.( our christmas party). I would be taking her presents back. She told me to take them for Toys for Tots

They are clever, very clever!

 

[clovergirl5]

My kids are younger but I still tell them every year that Santa is always watching and if you continue to be naughty, expect black rocks(coal) for presents. The little ones, completely believe it too. Never had to do it, but I would if I had too.

Do what you have to do op. If you think that doing that will get the point across, Im all for it! The 17 yr. old calling you names/swearing is just unacceptable. Im sorry you are having to deal with that. Hang in there...

 

[2Kds2K9]

I know how you feel.

I did it for Easter one year. Kids were about 7 and 9 and I had had it. Spent the whole week with them before Easter and they were monsters. On the night before, I just broke out in tears as I was getting their Easter Baskets together and putting candy in eggs. I could not believe that I was doing this for two very ungrateful kids. DH told me to stop what I was doing and just put it all away. The next morning, I came down to two kids just sitting at the kitchen table. There was no note from the EB telling them what to look for. I sat down with them both and had a very long discussion about their behavior the week before AND mostly, the reason for Easter.

After that, we went to chuch. DH stayed behind and pulled out their baskets. When we got back, DH told the kids that he spoke to the EB and that the EB felt they could have their baskets.

Believe me, I've been tempted to do the same for Christmas. DS is not cooperating by giving us a list. I told him that if he doesn't give us a list, he'll just get socks and underwear. He's 15, so he really WON'T appreciate that. (Just hope he doesn't find the Beatles Rock Band that is waiting to be wrapped.)

Good luck and I feel your pain.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sometimes a life lesson must be learned.

I ran into this woman at Walmart once. (okay--no walmart jokes, I thought what she did was a wonderful thing for her son!!!)

Her son got some gadget for Christmas. I don't even recall what it was. Something electronic.

In any case--he complained. Was that ever a mistake.

She took possession of said item and returned it the day after Christmas. When I met her it was months later and it was in the toy section. Wouldn't you know it that he had been drooling over this gift ever since. She mentioned that she'd be rebuying it and he would get it this Christmas.

I wish I knew what it was--or the reason our conversation began. In any case--she was tired of her son's ungrateful behavior and it was high time he learned a lesson. He was on the younger side of learning that lesson--but I bet he won't be making that mistake ever again.

That is the only person I met who did anything remotely close to what you are considering. In her situation, it stung her son for a little bit. But he got it.

My only concern for you is whether or not they've already had all privileges removed. If not--likely this won't have the learning moment impact you hope it will.

My mother would always do her darnedest to not remove special events such as birthdays and Christmas. To her--those were sacred. I do not recall her mindset of such a decision.

I will say that as much trouble as any of the three of us may have caused in varying degrees (mostly my sister, followed by my mouth and then my brother who hardly did anything wrong, literally)--we all graduated from college with degrees and all are presently in very stable relationships and pretty much don't have any lasting issues. We also do respect our mother--though on some of her off days, you'd think we were the meanest children ever. Those thoughts have no rational basis.

I'm not sure if she was ever tempted to remove the gift giving. She might have been---but she would never do it on behavioral issues alone. I never knew why.

There isn't anything that says you have to give them the gift they are coveting this holiday season.

 

[Mommy2cody]

Christmas isn't about the presents. It is about family. I say if you are serious about it, do it. I would keep the rest of Christmas the same. Like if you have a special breakfast you make or a movie you watch, do that. Maybe you could write them each a letter (from the heart) about what Christmas means and why they didn't get any presents this year and how upset you are. Put the letters under the tree. I wouldn't dwell on the no presents. Tell them the reason, and don't bring it up again. Then spend Christmas day as a family and SHOW them what Christmas is about.

That is what I would do it if I felt my son did appreciate it!

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I agree with the person it's time for a dose of reality- bring them to volunteer at a soup kitchen or help sorting Toys for Tots. This is something my son does regularly with his youth group. I won't say he doesn't still get mouthy, but he's usually more appreciative at least for a couple days after working at the soup kitchen.

Good luck, it is tough.

 

[LindaR]

OP, there isn't a "time of the year" to show you care and appreciate ALL family members..............that should be every single day. Love and respect is 24/7 and 365 days a year.

Do not "threaten" to do things......do them. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. This is your family. If you do not wish to exchange gifts, then don't!

I will say that you need to "Lead by Example". This is your responsibility as a parent. If you get angry and respond in the same manner that your kids are talking to you....you ARE leading by example! Just not a good example!

If you've never been a strict parent.....trying to become one when your kids are teens, is too little too late.

There are no laws that say that you must buy Christmas presents.

 

[LindaR]

And I am NOT saying that the OP does these things!!!! Before anyone gets bent out of shape.......I am just speaking and giving my opinion as a parent...things that I see other people do wrong!

Hope that made sense!

 

[honugirl]

They need to have their present be volunteering somewhere. It'll be a good life lesson that might serve them well. If you have a hospital that has a young adult oncology ward, that might be a good place to start. Show them that the gift of life is the best present of all. That's what I'm getting for Christmas this year and I am eternally grateful. Santa thought I deserved my present early this year. He collaborated with my doctors and brought my approval for surgery to remove my tumors!

 

[LindaR]

Well........I'm not sure that forcing kids to volunteer is the right thing. If they choose to exhibit "attitude" at the place they are forced to volunteer at, then how insulting would that be to the recipients? And how embarrassing to the parents?

 

[snarlingcoyote]

You could also call social services and ask if there are any teens in group homes without families who won't have any Christmas this year and donate what would've gone to your kids to some of those kids.

I have a friend who works for a large corporation and instead of exchanging prezzies, they do this, so it immediately came to mind. There are plenty of kids who, through no fault of their own aren't getting much Christmas this year, and I'm sure they'd be appreciative.

 

[Nette]

Well........I'm not sure that forcing kids to volunteer is the right thing. If they choose to exhibit "attitude" at the place they are forced to volunteer at, then how insulting would that be to the recipients? And how embarrassing to the parents?

MTE... don't ruin christmas for someone else.

I say just don't exchange gifts at all. When they ask about it you can explain, but then drop it and let the rest of the day progress normally. If they still give you attitude ask them to please spend the day in their rooms so as not to ruin your holiday. That's it.

If you're really fed up with this behavior, then I think you should follow your heart. I'm not the kind of parent that puts up with stuff though. DD7 was being a pain in the butt one day in the car on the way from school to the grocery store. When we first got in the car and I told her we were going grocery shopping she asked if she could get a donut. I told her if she was good that she could get ONE donut (she never gets that kind of junk food). Well, she was bratty and whiny the whole way there and when we got there I told her no donut. Boy was she mad, but she sure didn't complain a lick today when we went to the store (she didn't get a donut today either, didn't even ask for it, she wanted one of those horizon single serve milks... go figure).

Good luck, and I hope you have a peaceful holiday no matter what you decide.