I think i am being rude but don't know what else to do

[sissy_ib]

Wow.

Is it really so wrong for someone to start a conversation on the bus or subway and be friendly?

Must we all stick headphones in our ears and avoid eye contact at all costs?

I usually try to be friendly to anyone sitting next to me and will strike up a conversation (NOT if they have a book open) if possible.

Never thought I'd be looked at for being weird for attempting to be nice.

Gone are the good ole' days when people actually TALKED.

I'm sorry but yes, it is a problem when people ask you where you work, where you live, and other very personal details after knowing you for all of 5 seconds. This is not "friendly" conversation. This is about people are invasive and keep asking the same questions over and over. I have had people ask me where I work, am I married, where I live, if I have kids, etc.. Sorry bus stranger, I'm not telling you that when you didn't even tell my your name. Not everyone is looking for a pleasant conversation and a new friend.

 

[Ceila]

OP, if I recall correctly, you had a lot of anxiety over taking the bus previously, and you were worried about something horrible happening to you on your way to work. It sounds like you may be misinterpreting normal conversation as sinister based on your own fears instead of what is actually taking place. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

 

[sissy_ib]

If I recall correctly, you had a lot of anxiety over taking the bus previously, and you were worried about something horrible happening to you on your way to work. It sounds like you may be misinterpreting normal conversation as sinister based on your own fears instead of what is actually taking place. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

I'm assuming you meant to quote the OP and not me??? Not sure.
It has been at least 7 years since I have taken public transportation, well before I was on the DIS and I have never talked about it before. I never had any issues with it in the 2 1/2 year I took the train. In fact I really liked it because I didn't have to deal with traffic and could spend the time reading. Needles to say I did a lot more reading back then. I just don't like it when the first thing out of someones mouth is "Where do you live?". Fortunately that didn't happen often.

 

[threeboysmom]

I feel like I must come from another planet or something.

I would have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with someone asking me if I had kids Sure, I do! I have 3 of them! Boys! Gosh, it's even in my screen name here on DIS, and as far as I know, all of you are STRANGERS!

I have no problem telling people where I live either. Not street address, lol, but certainly the town, and I'm sure that's all people are wondering when they ask you where you're from, lol.

When I ask you on the plane or wherever if you're from around here, I am most certainly NOT looking to attack you or rob you or kidnap your children, lol. I am just looking to be a little friendly in a very cold and mean world....

 

[Ceila]

I'm assuming you meant to quote the OP and not me??? Not sure.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit "quote!" I'll edit it right now...

 

[abdmom]

I feel like I must come from another planet or something.

I would have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with someone asking me if I had kids Sure, I do! I have 3 of them! Boys! Gosh, it's even in my screen name here on DIS, and as far as I know, all of you are STRANGERS!

I have no problem telling people where I live either. Not street address, lol, but certainly the town, and I'm sure that's all people are wondering when they ask you where you're from, lol.

When I ask you on the plane or wherever if you're from around here, I am most certainly NOT looking to attack you or rob you or kidnap your children, lol. I am just looking to be a little friendly in a very cold and mean world....

Some people's situations make them more vulnerable. Disclosing their life circumstances is not always in their best interest.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

And they what to know the exact location of the school and given what just happen up north I am not giving it out.

 

[sissy_ib]

I feel like I must come from another planet or something.

I would have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with someone asking me if I had kids Sure, I do! I have 3 of them! Boys! Gosh, it's even in my screen name here on DIS, and as far as I know, all of you are STRANGERS!

I have no problem telling people where I live either. Not street address, lol, but certainly the town, and I'm sure that's all people are wondering when they ask you where you're from, lol.

When I ask you on the plane or wherever if you're from around here, I am most certainly NOT looking to attack you or rob you or kidnap your children, lol. I am just looking to be a little friendly in a very cold and mean world....

I've had people, who after telling them what town I lived in, then ask what street, do you live near XYZ. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable telling a strange guy I've never seen before anything like that. Plus a bus only goes so far, there is a good chance we all live in the same town. A public bus or train at 10pm is a much different crowd than a plane. They guy asking could just get off the bus when you do and follow you home. (Sure someone could do that from a plane but that would need to be way more dedicated, lol)
As a young woman traveling alone I never felt comfortable with men talking to me and questioning me like that. Maybe they weren't sinister but they weren't "nice" guys either.

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit "quote!" I'll edit it right now...

No problem. I was just confused.

 

[MIGrandma]

Wow.

Is it really so wrong for someone to start a conversation on the bus or subway and be friendly?

Must we all stick headphones in our ears and avoid eye contact at all costs?

I usually try to be friendly to anyone sitting next to me and will strike up a conversation (NOT if they have a book open) if possible.

Never thought I'd be looked at for being weird for attempting to be nice.

Gone are the good ole' days when people actually TALKED.

No, it's not wrong for someone to initiate a conversation on the bus, or anywhere for that matter. But. If the other person obviously doesn't want to converse, then let them be. Not all of us are outgoing people (sounds like you are and there is nothing wrong with that) and not all of us want to have conversations with total strangers.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

When did I get to be the bad guy for wanting to keep my coworkers safe as well as the kids I work with

 

[lizabu]

I feel like I must come from another planet or something.

I would have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with someone asking me if I had kids Sure, I do! I have 3 of them! Boys! Gosh, it's even in my screen name here on DIS, and as far as I know, all of you are STRANGERS!

I have no problem telling people where I live either. Not street address, lol, but certainly the town, and I'm sure that's all people are wondering when they ask you where you're from, lol.

When I ask you on the plane or wherever if you're from around here, I am most certainly NOT looking to attack you or rob you or kidnap your children, lol. I am just looking to be a little friendly in a very cold and mean world....

It probably depends where you live too. The bigger the city the more nuts. I've had people I don't even know start screaming at me, I had someone throw a drink at me and various other things like try to touch you or rub up against you. Most of the time the only thing you have to do to provoke such behaviour is make eye contact. Who knows what would happen if you actually engaged in conversation. That's why you see so many people walking briskly to where they need to be and not making eye contact. I grew up in a small town and if you passed someone on the sidewalk you said good morning. The small town I grew up in didn't have so many crack heads and meth heads though.

 

[goofyintoronto]

OP, if I recall correctly, you had a lot of anxiety over taking the bus previously, and you were worried about something horrible happening to you on your way to work. It sounds like you may be misinterpreting normal conversation as sinister based on your own fears instead of what is actually taking place. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

Yes! I remember that thread about the bus ride! It was something about being afraid to ride because the BF and dad said it wasn't necessary for her to call them when she got to work anymore.

People ask me often if i have kids, and i quite happily tell them that i do. I have one boy. I don't have a problem sharing info with strangers at all. I certainly don't over share thou. Lol. I think its kinda nice when you strike up a conversation with a stranger.

OP, maybe its not a bad idea to talk to someone about your anxiety with this issue?

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I am talking to a professional and maybe I am over reacting

 

[goofyintoronto]

I am talking to a professional and maybe I am over reacting

Good for you for getting help. Youre headed in the right direction.

 

[turkeymama]

I am talking to a professional and maybe I am over reacting

I think you are fine. As a true southern girl, I have no problem speaking to strangers. At the same time, I know I have limits on sharing. It's just a smart thing to do.

Just to give you an example, I have my Facebook page locked down pretty tight. I will not list the name of the school I work at even though most of my "friends" know that info. You just never know.

 

[Lynne M]

Wow.

Is it really so wrong for someone to start a conversation on the bus or subway and be friendly?

Must we all stick headphones in our ears and avoid eye contact at all costs?

I usually try to be friendly to anyone sitting next to me and will strike up a conversation (NOT if they have a book open) if possible.

Never thought I'd be looked at for being weird for attempting to be nice.

Gone are the good ole' days when people actually TALKED.

No, there's nothing wrong at all with starting up a conversation with a stranger. In the OP's case, the personal nature of the questions made her feel uncomfortable and threatened.

I think we all have that internal sensor that tells us when the stranger talking to us is just trying to be friendly, and when they're a potential threat. You're talking about the first case, the OP is talking about the second.

We've all had that moment when the alarm bells start going off that something's not right about the person talking to us, and it's important to listen to those alarms.

OP, there's nothing at all rude about not wanting to share personal information with someone you don't know. If someone's being too pushy, it's OK to get up and move to another seat, maybe closer to the driver. I've done that myself when someone is making me uncomfortable on public transportation. That way, it looks like you're just moving forward because your stop is coming up and you want to be closer to the door.

 

[PeterPanic]

Wow.

Is it really so wrong for someone to start a conversation on the bus or subway and be friendly?

Must we all stick headphones in our ears and avoid eye contact at all costs?

I usually try to be friendly to anyone sitting next to me and will strike up a conversation (NOT if they have a book open) if possible.

Never thought I'd be looked at for being weird for attempting to be nice.

Gone are the good ole' days when people actually TALKED.

I know this has been responded too a number of times, but, what the heck that never stopped me before...

There is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with starting a conversation on a bus, etc. The problem is not knowing who you are talking to, what their condition (mental & physical) is and if you are prepared for some strange and sometimes bazaar conversations then why not?

My experience in the field of public transportation is that cultures (social mostly) do not mix well. I have had some people on buses that start out conversing and everything is perfectly normal, then all of a sudden it takes a sharp right and the conversation becomes disjointed gibberish and sometimes really scary. If you know the person you are conversing with, at least by observation and you know how to react and when to close the conversation, then all will be alright, but if you can't the outcome can be an awfully uncomfortable ride to your destination.

This is not your local PTA meeting. You are liable to meet all kinds of people on public transportation, if you're prepared you'll be fine, if you can't handle it due to your own personal makeup, hiding behind earphones is a very effective way to make it home or wherever, without any problems.

I have heard everything from a conversation between two rather tough looking guys talking, at high volume. One asked the other..."hey, where you been, I haven't seen you in a while?" The other replied..."I just got out of prison! The first asked...What were you in for? The reply..."You remember that guy that was nearly beaten to death with a 2X4 over in (neighboring town)? Yea, well I was the guy on the other end of the 2X4. To a rider that spotted a lady and her young son when she got on the bus with a birthday cake. He started out talking reasonable enough and the lady happily responded to his question. Then he started asking what they had for supper, then what they had for lunch, then what did they have for supper yesterday and so on. The lady at that point knew that she had taken up conversation with someone that didn't have an elevator that went all the way to the top floor and started to get really scared looking. Fortunately, I knew the guy and simply said...OK, Steve you've asked enough questions for one night, give it a rest. He said, OK and didn't talk anymore.

I could tell stories like this all night, but the moral of the story is...unless you know the person personally or by observation over time...it is best to not be overly social.

 

[afnaechiquita]

Once upon a time I was riding the bus with my headphones in and a guy, around my age, said something to me, I didn't hear it, so he waved his hand in my face until I took my headphones out. Introductions were made and I was nice and cordial and he gave me his business card. My friends told me I should reach out to him because I had just moved into the city and hadn't made non-work friends yet. So I bit the bullet and we started talking. He wanted to take me for ice cream. He knew I had a very comfortable job, and yet on our ice cream not-date, he launched into his business pitch. He had a "side job" with a company selling energy drinks and also helped you develop "leadership skills to succeed." On and on and on and he had gotten "a few of his friends" to join in with him, and he was going to be a millionaire and be done with his suit job before he was thirty, and I could be one too!

I politely declined his offer and said I was quite happy with my job/earnings.

I should have just cut off contact then, but I knew we'd still be riding the bus together, so I maintained it. THEN he asked if I wanted to go to the movies, implying he'd buy my ticket. I got to the movies, and he walked up with another girl, and it was very clear they had just had a dinner date and now were going to the movies, and to this day I still do not know why he invited me.

So then I started staying later at work so I would catch a different bus.

And now when I meet people on a bus, or have a taxi driver ask me questions about myself, I make up elaborate stories. It can be fun if you let it be.

 

[mfd25wife]

Wow.

Is it really so wrong for someone to start a conversation on the bus or subway and be friendly?

Must we all stick headphones in our ears and avoid eye contact at all costs?

I usually try to be friendly to anyone sitting next to me and will strike up a conversation (NOT if they have a book open) if possible.

Never thought I'd be looked at for being weird for attempting to be nice.

Gone are the good ole' days when people actually TALKED.

I'm like you. It seems ruder not to at least smile and say Hi. If they act like they don't want to speak, I just read or play with my phone. If they act like they are friendly, I'll talk.

I'm one of the ones at WDW who ends up talking to people in line, on the bus, etc. I don't get pushy, but sometimes they start and sometimes I do. A lot of times, it will be a child that starts talking to me and I look at the parent to see if it's ok. I've always been good with kids. For some reason, I even understand most of what the little ones are saying. . lol! I will say there have been a few times I am thinking that mom or dad needs to talk to their kids about being less open. Obviously, I'm not going to do anything and I always include mom in the conversation. But, I've had a couple of the kids tell me all about their trip, which is great except when they get excited and tell me where they are staying and much more than they should tell a stranger.

 

[mfd25wife]

I've had people, who after telling them what town I lived in, then ask what street, do you live near XYZ. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable telling a strange guy I've never seen before anything like that. Plus a bus only goes so far, there is a good chance we all live in the same town. A public bus or train at 10pm is a much different crowd than a plane. They guy asking could just get off the bus when you do and follow you home. (Sure someone could do that from a plane but that would need to be way more dedicated, lol)
As a young woman traveling alone I never felt comfortable with men talking to me and questioning me like that. Maybe they weren't sinister but they weren't "nice" guys either.


No problem. I was just confused.

I've had people ask where I'm from because I'm have a southern accent. But, I've never had anyone ask what street I live on whether I was at the doctor, or on a plane, or anywhere.