I think DH is trying to kill me

[lovetoscrap]

I posted a few weeks ago that he got me a bike at a garage sale and was fixing it up for me. I posted the photos of my first attempt in 20 years of riding a bike when I tried my daughter's bike to see if I could ride a few feet.



He fixed up the bike.


Now he apparently expects me to ride the darn thing!



He lulled me into a false sense of security as most men do with their victims. He asked me around 4pm if I would like to "just go out for dinner tonight" Um, DUH! Not have to cook and clean, of course! He even picked the restaurant. We had a lovely meal with our daughters and on the way home, my stomach full and relaxation washing over me, he sprung it on me. .


"When we get home why don't we get out the bikes and have our first family bike ride."






OMG! He was serious! And cheerful! And now the kids are . This is how it is going to happen. One innocent bike ride, a heart attack and he gets all the life insurance, and nanny named Ingrid. I SAW THIS MOVIE ON LIFETIME!!!


I got my cell phone so I could call 911. Checked to make sure my Will was up to date. Called my family to tell them I loved them and put on my sparkly flowered helmet. I hugged and kissed my girls and we all took off. DD13 took off fast and got as far away as she could so she wouldn't be seen with us. DH and DD9 stayed in back of me the entire time. I think they were probably at me behind my back. DH said it was so he could tell the paramedics exactly what happened.

I made it the equivalent of going around the block, and fortunately didn't have to stop until I got home. Once around was enough for the first time. My legs are burning. Yeah, I am a fat wimp, and I fully admit it!


Apparently DH is disappointed his little scheme to get rid of me didn't work but isn't giving up! I heard him talking to the kids about "next time".

Someone save me!

 

[englishteacha]

Too funny! When I was 9 my dad got my mom a bike. She rode it once around the block. She never rode it again! Dad rode it sometimes (how embarassing...my dad on a sparkly blue Mommy bike), and then when I outgrew my little girl bike, I rode it (again, it was a sparkly blue, mommy one speed) until I got a real 10 speed.

Fast forward to my 23rd birthday. The 11 year old 10 speed was replaced by...a sparkly blue ladies' bike. A gift from my husband.

I've ridden it 3 times.

 

[coolbeans]

DH rides on a regular basis, DD doesn't know how to ride a bike and she is 13.. poor child just won't do it. I am perfectly fine with the fact that she won't ride. I told DH that I would ride with him if I could have a granny bike (big seat, pedal backwards to stop, purple or blue would be fine), I'm not that old only 36.. just hate riding... and I rode ALL the time as a kid.

 

[Imzadi]

One innocent bike ride, a heart attack and he gets all the life insurance, and nanny named Ingrid. I SAW THIS MOVIE ON LIFETIME!!!

He hasn't upped the settlement on the life insurance policy on you, has he?

BTW, yes, research shows: a DH suddenly wanting to get fit (like riding a bike, himself,) after all the years, is a sure sign he's having an affair.

 

[clarabelle]

Let me know when you are ready to shop for the padded shorts, water bottles, loud ugly jersey, and shoes with clips in them and I will point you in the right direction!

 

[Laurabearz]

I think your right.

My SIL just broke her ankle (needs surgery) while still in her driveway, on a bike her DH fixed up for her.

 

[Nie0214]

I would think the 1000000000 advertisements about dieting and weight loss might have something to do with wanting to shed a few pounds, not a woman on the side. I don't even know why you would bring up something so awful in a rather innocent thread.

I wish there were more bike trails around. We have great laws here for bikers, but it'd be nice just to have some trails to ride on instead of worrying about the cars you're driving next to (we can't ride on the sidewalks here). Make sure you get helmets for everyone and read up on biking laws in your state!

 

[nskjerven]

OP, I'm sorry

Nothing is worse than knowing that he is trying to kill you and then having to participate in the death activity yourself

Sneak out to the garage at night and pop the tire and when he asks again innocently agree and his plan will be trashed

 

[nskjerven]

coolbeans, thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only person in the world that has a DD that doesn't want to ride a bike. She has a bike (actually she is on her 3rd now at age 11) but refuses to have the training wheels taken off them She says she can ride it to college like that I think it's time to let her do away with the bike

 

[manning]

Remember the HELMET!!!

 

[tigercat]

I tried to ride my bike last week. Almost got on it, but got off it rather fast. Only skinned and hurt my elbows and knees. At least I didn't break anything. I really would like to be able to ride it but I'm just not sure how to get on and off of it without breaking something. My dh said that I could start on the curb but how do I get off it or stop?
tigercat

 

[lovetoscrap]

He hasn't upped the settlement on the life insurance policy on you, has he?

BTW, yes, research shows: a DH suddenly wanting to get fit (like riding a bike, himself,) after all the years, is a sure sign he's having an affair.

Fortunately for me DH is actually trying to help me with goal of getting in shape. He is already fine!

Let me know when you are ready to shop for the padded shorts, water bottles, loud ugly jersey, and shoes with clips in them and I will point you in the right direction!

Okay, did you miss the part about FAT? Have you seen my pics? Bike shorts and those tight jerseys would cause the entire neighborhood to need brain bleach!

I think your right.

My SIL just broke her ankle (needs surgery) while still in her driveway, on a bike her DH fixed up for her.

One of my bff's here had a very freak bike accident a few years ago and broke her leg and ankle in about 7 places. I was thinking of her when I was riding. And you know, she bought a new bike last summer and is riding again. I can't decided if she is brave or stupid.

I would think the 1000000000 advertisements about dieting and weight loss might have something to do with wanting to shed a few pounds, not a woman on the side. I don't even know why you would bring up something so awful in a rather innocent thread.

I wish there were more bike trails around. We have great laws here for bikers, but it'd be nice just to have some trails to ride on instead of worrying about the cars you're driving next to (we can't ride on the sidewalks here). Make sure you get helmets for everyone and read up on biking laws in your state!

Eh, no worries. I don't think Imzadi was serious, and even if she was it doesn't bother me. My DH has 2 daughters and me. He doesn't need any more women in his life!

I think we do have trails here somewhere, but I am not ready to go too far from home. . . and the fire dept and hospital are all close by!

OP, I'm sorry

Nothing is worse than knowing that he is trying to kill you and then having to participate in the death activity yourself

Sneak out to the garage at night and pop the tire and when he asks again innocently agree and his plan will be trashed

You are SMART! I like how you think!

Remember the HELMET!!!

Blue with flowers and some sparkles! I couldn't find pink. I need to see if I can get a tiara on it now. . .

I tried to ride my bike last week. Almost got on it, but got off it rather fast. Only skinned and hurt my elbows and knees. At least I didn't break anything. I really would like to be able to ride it but I'm just not sure how to get on and off of it without breaking something. My dh said that I could start on the curb but how do I get off it or stop?
tigercat

Starting and stopping are the hardest parts. I wanted to wear the kids knee and elbow pads but they all went when I suggested it. Sorry you got skinned up. I guess it is just as when we learned as kids--you have to keep trying. Is your bike small enough that your feet touch the ground when you are sitting? I feel much more comfortable knowing that my feet will touch the ground and I am not stuck up in the air. I think many times people get a bike that is to big and that makes it much harder.

 

[OctMtnWoods]

You use a scooter and he wants you to take family bike rides? I would just use the scooter!

Ironically, I thought about getting the bikes out this weekend but I know I need a more comfortable seat. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

 

[Imzadi]

Eh, no worries. I don't think Imzadi was serious.

I forgot to add the little: at the end, but lovetoscrap knew I was joking anyway.

 

[Nie0214]

I forgot to add the little: at the end, but lovetoscrap knew I was joking anyway.

Ah okay. The threw me off.

 

[lovetoscrap]

You use a scooter and he wants you to take family bike rides? I would just use the scooter!

Ironically, I thought about getting the bikes out this weekend but I know I need a more comfortable seat. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it.

He and my doctor seem to think I am not getting any exercise the scooter. That battery is heavy! I should get weight lifting credit everytime I put it in and out of the car. And um, well, there is the exercise I get um. Yeah, I guess I don't any.

Since I have to find ways to exercise that don't put weight on my heels I have biking and swimming. The pool just opened and it is still COLD so that is my excuse to get out of that.

 

[JR6ooo4]

Just think how much time it would save if we could (safely) bike between attractions at Disney?

besides trying to find a spot in a bike rack....

Mikeeee

 

[clarabelle]

Lovestoscrap -even though I teach spin I am no stick myself.
I have ridden some of those charity bike events -and you see ALL sizes.
If your butt is hurting -you can get the tight padded shorts and wear them underneath some baggy ones.
They do make bike clothing in Women's sizes

 

[lovetoscrap]

Lovestoscrap -even though I teach spin I am no stick myself.
I have ridden some of those charity bike events -and you see ALL sizes.
If your butt is hurting -you can get the tight padded shorts and wear them underneath some baggy ones.
They do make bike clothing in Women's sizes

Hmmmm, now you are making more sense! While I thought I had more than enough padding on my rear, apparently not enough for biking!


DH is telling me that I should do this every morning now. He has changed his plan to killing me while he is at work so they can never trace it back to him. . .

I went back out and did another loop a few minutes ago. It is nice and cool here so the weather was perfect. I rode DDs bike which I like better and she has the gel seat. Still not enough to pad my sore rear. And my legs are officially on strike! I can't even imagine taking a spin class. But they do seem more fun and doable than aerobics. Do you have to be coordinated to do a spin class? I can't even imagine how many more times around the block I will have to be able to do to work up to that though!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

LTS: I so enjoyed your first bike trip report and was hoping there would be pics to accompany this one as well. I give you credit for pushing away your fears (and thoughts of death) in order to spend some aerobic time with your family. DH sounds like a great guy -- just enough push without being pushy. Why do I get the feeling we'll be hearing from you in about 6 months and you'll be telling us about some bike ride for charity you'll be participating in.