I received sad news today

[sleepingbeautymama]

I know this if off topic but I just found out today that my friends 6 yr old little girl died. She had been battling cancer for a couple years and had actually been released from the hospital and was seemingly doing well. I'm just shocked. This weekend we are leaving for WDW which is suppose to be the happiest place on earth but right now I don't even want to be happy. I really don't know what to do for my friend. I'd like to send her something before we leave. I don't even know what to say in a card. I'm speechless myself right now and I know nothing I can say will make things better. The thought of even going on this trip and being happy doesn't seem right. Any advice on what I could do or say to my friend? Thank You

 

[G8RFAN]

It's definitely the toughest thing for anyone to go through. Try to help your friend celebrate her daughter's time and how it had impacted so many for the very short but wonderful 6 years. I'm sure your thoughts and prayers will mean so much to your friend. However, in order to help her, you need to keep you spirits and strength high. Good luck and I'm sure whatever you say from the heart will mean a lot.

 

[momamy]

im so sorry no one should have to know that pain not a mother or even a friend!

your friend and your famil will be in my thoughts!

Just let her know your there and that you love her! not much else at the moment would help i dont think

Amy

 

[java]

I'm very sorry for their loss. I am sure any words of love and support would be very much appreciated in this most difficult time. And remember that the pain will be there for a long long time so support need not to come only at this point - but in the weeks to follow as things settle down and the reality of it all sets in. They will be in my prayers.

 

[Darling729]

Just spend time with her if you can....go to your friend and sit with her.....don't feel as if you have to say anything to "make her feel better". I think she will appreciate you just being there for her.

I'm sorry for your friend & her loss...my heart goes out to them right now.

 

[MomOfDisneyBoys]

I'm so sorry for the loss.
Do not worry about what to say to your friend. As someone who has lost a child, I can tell you that there is nothing in the world that you can say that will make her feel better, and probably nothing that will make her feel worse either, so don't worry about the words.

The people who helped me most during my loss are the ones who were simply THERE. If I needed a hug, I got one, some family and friends came and helped with meals and laundry, things that I didn't want to think about, but had to be done. Those things helped more than words could.

Ask your friend if there is anything you can do for her, or just sit with her for a while.
Hard as it sounds, try to enjoy your vacation, even if only for the sake of your own child. I'm sure seeing her joy at WDW will lift your spirits.
God Bless.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

in the coming months and years ....always mention her daughter, (out loud..) like say, boy Cassidy would have loved these cookies... or Cassidy would have loved this hat, etc,
I find that people tend to not mention children who have died thinking that will make it easier on the parents if they dont bring up thoughts of Cassidy, when IMHO parents are saddened when people dont mention their childs name because they think we have forgotten their child, In reality we never forget them. So in the years t come mention how cute she was when she did this, or used to say that...KWIM? Hope that helps, and I am truly sorry for all of you in your loss.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

Do not say
Maybe its for the best..............
or
you can have another baby, youre still young............
or
I know how you feel..........
please try REALLLLY hard never to say these things.

 

[disneygal66]

When my beautiful mother passed away, it was the hardest thing for me to go through, As a mother, I can't even bear the thought of losing one of my precious children. Just be there for her and her family. Don't avoid her or not call because you aren't sure what to say. Just listen when she wants to talk and cry. I think that was the hardest when people acted like it never happened.

You and your friend will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[GoofyGolferGirl]

I second everything that MouseKaMaddi said!! I appreciate it so much when family and friends remember my DD or mention her. Don't be afraid to mention her name thinking you will stir up emotions again, a parent never forgets!!! Time does help the pain. I lost a baby and one lady had the nerve to say that it would not be as bad as losing a 35 year old daughter witha husband two kids! I was so mad I was afraid to open my mouth for fear of what I might say!!! We were at church! THAT is not a good thing to say!

 

[Love the Mouse]

Unfortunately when a child dies there are no real astounding answers that you can come up with and there are no real emotions that you can put into words.

I, unfortunately know from experience. After our son died, so many people would say that God had His reasons or Maybe it was for the best. All of the other stupid things that people say to "make you feel better". I have found that I think that they say those things to make themselves feel better.

All you can do for your friend is be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on, be there to talk when she wants to talk, and just say your sorry. Those were the 2 words that meant the most to me...I'm sorry. It helped us just knowing that people were there to lean on and weren't trying to justify why our son died.

It's hard enough to deal with the loss of your child. Our son was an infant, but we have a Memory Box that was painted and we have pictures of him, locks of his hair, is hospital bracelet, and things from his funeral, among other things as well. Maybe you can put a box together of things that your friend's daughter liked, pictures of her and whatever memories that you have of her.

Hoped this helped and I hope that your friend can find some peace.

Michaela

 

[mytwinklestar]

As a bereaved Mom I agree with the posts here. Just being there is the best thing a friend can do at a time like this. I hope this doesn't sound harsh but your friend surely wants you to enjoy your trip. She would feel responsible (possibly) if she were to learn that this horrible tragedy and loss caused further grief. My niece was married nine days after my 3 yr old daughter's funeral. Marissa was buried in the flower girl dress she was to wear at the wedding. The wedding had been planned for 18 months. I felt guilt - whether unwarranted or not - about bringing sadness to what should have been the happiest time for my niece - and our family. It has been eight years since Marissa passed away and now we are able to celebrate her life. I wholeheartedly agree with the poster who said mentioning the child's name will mean so much in the future. IMHO, just being there in the quiet moments, being quiet in the moments that your friend will need to vent her sorrow, anger, longing, etc.... that is priceless. My heart goes out to your friend and you and your families. Listen for her cues - you will know when she needs an ear, a shoulder, a hug, or a good cry. Another poster mentioned doing little things like helping with meals, laundry, etc. That is incredibly helpful. I don't know if the family has any other children, but if so, offer to take them for a play date or to a movie, etc. The parents will need time to grieve privately and the children need to be able to be children. (kwim?) You are a good friend. God bless you. I will pray that you enjoy your family vacation and find quiet moments to reflect and rejoice in the memory of this precious child's life.

 

[flortlebap]

I'm so sorry for you and the little girl's family.

Just wanted to send some cyber hugs.

 

[sleepingbeautymama]

I really appreciate all your kind words and advice. Thank You

 

[NemoMOm]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The girl and her family will be in our thoughts and prayers.