I really need some advice from my fellow gays

[glenpreece]

We received a phone call the other day from a Doctor's office I went to as a child. I remember going there for trials and tests. Like leaving me in a room alone with a variety of toys to play with. Well since I have been watching Y&R (LOL) since forever I knew they were watching through the two way mirror and played with the boy toys. I was a very aware child. So after going to this place over the course of a year (I think) my family was referred to a child therapist. That continued for awhile until my parents came to the realization that me being gay was nature not nurture and we decided to forgo the boring and pointless therapy sessions.

Back to the phone call, my mother got the info from the woman who I called back another day. Turns out this place was the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) I was very shocked and hung up and questioned my mom about it (they didn't know back then what to do etc.) Back then it was the Clarke Institute but it's still the same thing, a mental health facility. I spoke with the woman and agreed to come down for a "follow up" interview and research session. I agreed as I will be reinburst for my time and travel, it's going to take 5 hrs to complete.

After finding out about it being a mental health facility I did some internet research and came across some pretty disturbing things. Mostly about how these people try to help children to stick with the gender they were born with, help diffuse and discount their homosexual tendencies/feelings and basically "cure" them. Not just children but teens as well. That this place is where one must go for the trans gender mental health assessments and how they discourage the process and try to get the person to stick with their current gender. The term ex-gay popped up here and there.

Should I go down and still the interview? Basically tell them off and say" hey I'm gay too bad!!!" Or just cancel the interview all together. Their practices seem really outdated and I was completely shocked that they even continue their work on "gender identity disorder" Here is a quote I found in a news article online about exactly what I went through.

"Even worse is a sub-disease they created called "gender identity disorder in children." They have made a lot of money claiming to "cure" hundreds of children who are "too feminine." The methods? No playing with dolls, no drawing with the "wrong" colors like pink or purple, and no playing with or drawing pictures of girls. The anxious parents who bring their children in to be "cured" are expected to enforce all rules. They are sent home with instructions to make the child go through all their possessions and remove anything "inappropriate," as well as ways to use reinforcement to "correct" their child's thinking and behavior."

I am sick to my stomach over this and really need some others who understand what all this means as my friends don't really get it and I don't have any gay friends.

Sorry it was so long & Thanks for any advice. For such a boring life I always seem to have some sort of drama.

 

[npmommie]

I'm not gay, but can I just say I would not bother going to the interview.

did your parents take you to this mental health place when you were a child, and now ( how many years has it been) they are calling you again to come in to follow up on what is going on with you?

I am confused over the whole thing and how you went there in the first place?
your parents did or didn't know it was a mental health clinic?

anyway, I think I would tell them thanks but no thanks, I am just fine!

 

[glenpreece]

I'm not gay, but can I just say I would not bother going to the interview.

did your parents take you to this mental health place when you were a child, and now ( how many years has it been) they are calling you again to come in to follow up on what is going on with you?

I am confused over the whole thing and how you went there in the first place?
your parents did or didn't know it was a mental health clinic?

anyway, I think I would tell them thanks but no thanks, I am just fine!

"did your parents take you to this mental health place when you were a child, and now ( how many years has it been) they are calling you again to come in to follow up on what is going on with you?"

Yes I would have been approx 9 now 27.

Yes they did know it was a type of mental health clinic they were uncertain of what to do about my feminine tendencies among other things.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Oh gosh.

My first thought is that I'd cancel the interview and then send a letter to the Director (or whatever the highest position in the place is called) and let them know that I did not respect their work, and that despite their "interventions" at an early age, I was quite happy to be as I was born; gay.

Ugh.

 

[MonorailMan]

This place seems to be using the term "Mental Health Facility" in an incorrect way, as they seem to have a hidden agenda. It sounds like they're giving real mental health facilities a really bad name. People who are in need of serious help and don't know where to turn to can be hurt by going to a place like this. I'm normally not one to take drastic measures like what I'm about to suggest, but I feel it should be done: I'd suggest doing some research on this place, and if they do in fact have a hidden agenda I would report them, especially if the term "Mental Health" is in their title. One of the first things people who want to work in a mental health facility learn is that you absolutely cannot be biased in any way shape or form about a patient's sexual orientation, race, gender, etc., etc. In most facilities this would be cause for dismissal. Mental hospitals are there for one reason--To help patients achieve mental wellness, or at least some clarity. Since homosexuality has officially legally been determined to no longer be able to be called a mental illness, I would think a facility trying to "cure" someone of it would be considered grounds for bringing it to the attention of the proper authorities (at least in the US).

 

[soulmates]

WOW! Soooo much to take in. Me personally, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want them trying to "Get in my head". I'm afraid by you going, it will be a very negative experience. You are who you are. I may be very wrong, but then, you asked for opinions.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Be strong and continue to love yourself!

Chris

 

[PeterPan09]

I wouldn't go-but I would make it very clear to them WHY I wasn't going.

 

[OrlandoMike]

I wouldn't go-but I would make it very clear to them WHY I wasn't going.

Same here!

 

[wallyb]

HELL NO!

 

[npmommie]

"did your parents take you to this mental health place when you were a child, and now ( how many years has it been) they are calling you again to come in to follow up on what is going on with you?"

Yes I would have been approx 9 now 27.

Yes they did know it was a type of mental health clinic they were uncertain of what to do about my feminine tendencies among other things.

I agree still about not going, everyone makes great points, I would tell them no and tell them why.
mm makes great points too

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I would call and cancel, then I'd send a letter with your personal thoughts, along with the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader".

 

[glenpreece]

Thanks everybody, I am still undecided on what to do but did find some more info. It is a publicly funded facility. (publicly funded health care in ontario) They have merged with other centres around the city that perform differnt services for addiction and other ailments. This facility houses Dr Zucker's GID research among other things. I still don't know if I should go one side of me does to just add another gay guy to their statistics and say nope sorry your "methods' don't work and you really need to stop doing this sort of thing.

Anyways thanks for your help everyone.

 

[PeterPan09]

Thanks everybody, I am still undecided on what to do but did find some more info. It is a publicly funded facility. (publicly funded health care in ontario) They have merged with other centres around the city that perform differnt services for addiction and other ailments. This facility houses Dr Zucker's GID research among other things. I still don't know if I should go one side of me does to just add another gay guy to their statistics and say nope sorry your "methods' don't work and you really need to stop doing this sort of thing.

Anyways thanks for your help everyone.

That's where I land on it.

A friend of mine in college was sent to one of those Bible places where they promise to "cure the gay". Her parents were very fundamentalist and they could not handle their only daughter being gay. She wrote me letters (yes, this was before email-I'm that old) that broke my heart and I was so afraid she would harm herself. In the end, she played the game until she got out of there, but as soon as she got back to school she went back to who she really was. That was our senior year and at graduation she said goodbye to her family and literally walked out of their lives. If they couldn't accept her as she was, then that was it. It was just horribly sad.

These people need to know that "the gay" is not something that can or needs to be "cured" or "fixed".

From the Biblical standpoint-there is a verse that says "before you were formed in the womb, I knew you" which is widely quoted as God speaking to us. If that's true-then God has known since before I was born that I was gay so He's obviously ok with it-and doesn't see me or anyone else in need of fixing.

 

[dale62676]

I'm so sorry you were taken there as a child.

I've been part of protests against Dr. Zucker and the CAMH. You would hope his position in the research community would have been diminished by now b/c of his horrible practices. But guess who is on a panel for the new version of the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders, specific to gender identity. Luckily a group of progressive health professionals are working to remove gender identity as a mental disease from the DSM, as homosexuality was done in 1973, but Zucker is still part of that group. Let's just say he thinks I don't exist, meaning I'm really just a very effeminate gay man, not a trans woman who is queer. See how messed up their view is, they can't even recognize the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity.

The reparitive therapy they perform is truly horrid, and I would not follow up with them. I would not want my medical history involved in any way with their terrible "research".

 

[jharrowell]

The very thought of a facility that tries to "cure" someone who is gay or transgendered makes me sick to my stomach.

I really would blow them off, this sounds way too much like a right wing, pushing their own view/agenda type of place.

An analogy just came to mind:

True story, I'm left handed. But like most left handed people in 70's/80's UK this was considered wrong and my school tried to train me out of it.

So they used loads of methods, from putting me on the right side of a two person desk so that I couldn't use my left hand without constantly bumping the person next to me, to the usual shouting/tellings off and detensions for using my left hand (I know draconian).

This didn't make me right handed. It did however make me lousy at writing with both hands, screw up my test scores to the point where I was considered "sub normal" and sent to a "special" school and scar me mentally to the point that I almost have a panic attack if I'm forced to write while others can see.

Only after I left school when I could do things my way was it discovered I had a High IQ that was just below genius level (someone else's words, not mine! ).

I was born left handed and I couldn't be "cured", but I could be seriously, screwed up.

I'm sure you can see the comparison that can be made here.


Personally I believe that in any caring anti-discriminatory country that places like this should be banned.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

The anxious parents who bring their children in to be "cured" are expected to enforce all rules. They are sent home with instructions to make the child go through all their possessions and remove anything "inappropriate," as well as ways to use reinforcement to "correct" their child's thinking and behavior."

I wouldn't bother going either for this simple statement right here. ^^

They would probably simply say that your "treatment" didn't work because your parents gave up and didn't follow through with the program. If it were me, I would simply call back and cancel and explain I will be sending a letter as to why and then in the letter I would explain my disapproval of their methods/beliefs. But I'm glad you were able to find yourself in all that chaos.

 

[Cdn Gal]

What is also disturbing is that it is being funded by our taxes!!!!

 

[darkeraven]

I would not go.

Their "cure", not playing with "girlish" toys or drawing with pink or purple crayons is like claiming you cured the common cold by preventing someone from sneezing.

They seem to have their own agenda. I wouldn't want to be a part of it, even obliquely.

Monica

 

[HenryHall]

What is also disturbing is that it is being funded by our taxes!!!!

Please, everyone in Ontario, write to your politicians (suggest Deb Matthews and George Smitherman) to protest that public money is being used by CAMH to promote an anti-gay agenda.

To the OP, I suggest you go along, tell them how it took years to overcome the stigma of being treated by Clarke, take their money and hand everyone in the waiting room a printed copy of the Torontoist article. Leave copies in the building reception, bathrooms and so on too.
torontoist.com/2008/05/but_for_today_i_am_a_boy.php

 

[npmommie]

good article, I agree with Henry, distribute copies of it.