I never thought parents like this existed until my wife became a teacher

[yoopermom]

As a teacher applying for jobs right now, I can tell you that almost EVERY application asks me "morality" questions like "have you ever contributed to the delinquency of a minor" (that's paraphrased, but you get the jist). So as a teacher and as a parent of a teen I cannot condone much less be a part of teens acting inappropriately, especially when it comes to drinking, or being in a situation where drinking is likely to occur (such as at most of these private parties). It's gotten to the point where I don't even go to h.s. grad parties anymore for fear of witnessing underage drinking.

Terri

 

[Tiger926]

I'm more surprised that people are surprised that a parent would object? There are always parents who object to rules and regulations - children learn what they live, so in my vast experrience of teaching at-risk kids, nothing surprises me. And I mean absolutely nothing...Most of my kids were introduced to drugs and alcohol by their parents. That's the reality in my school, and so we don't have proms, but if we did, I would absolutely expect parents to call and object. We see it with daily stuff, so I can only imagine something as big as a prom.

It's the nature of the beast, Tiger

 

[rgf207]

b4 I judge the parents, I'd like to see the guidelines.

unfortunately I don't have the guidelines. Sorry.

 

[iheartjacksparrow]

This is such a crazy topic.

I wish that proms were how they used to be, or at least how I pictured them.

I always pictured were a big, beautiful, princess style dress.
The style now of dresses for prom is like two pieces, cheap material, skin tight, and reavealing.
I have no problem with people who dress sexy, but there's a time and place.
I think a little cleavage at prom is okay, but I still thing that you really only have 2 times in your life to feel and look like a princess, and prom is one of them.
I don't know why girls insist on wearing short, tight, revealing dresses to prom when they can where the to clubs for the rest of their lives.
I hate it.
Of course, the style at my prom were the tasteless dresses..I went with what they call trumpet style which is a pretty tight top, and still a pretty poofy bottom.

I wish people would dance more gracefully, and not think of dances such as the macerena, electric slide, etc.as corny. They're fun and you are actually dancing, not just shaking your hips back and forth the entire night..or fist pumping.

I don't know that I'm making a point with what I'm saying, but I guess times are just changing...and there really is no way to stop it.
Yes, I think the schools should enforce the rules.
However, kids are going to do what they are going to do there's no preventing it. You may think you have the best well manered kid in the world, and they may be that good, but that doesnt mean they aren't going to act a certain way in social situations.
I'm a pretty good kid I think and always was. But when it came to prom I sort of found myself forced in the trend of dancing vulgarly. It was either dance like the rest of the kids or sit alone. I would love to be learning how to tango, or the fox trot, or whatever kind of real dancing is. But that is not what kids aspire to anymore. Jeeze, I even played with my barbies till 8th grade, god forbid anyone that age do that now!!

Sorry, this really just turned into me venting.
Kids are just ruining things for themselves...
Were going to see the world without proms one day.......

 

[castleview]

I'm a big believer that even when kids say they don't want to follow the rules, they really do want guidance. When I taught, I worked the post prom. The kids would come from the prom (a few hit the beach first) and once they were in they only had one chance to leave. I'd say 97% of the kids stayed the entire time.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Proms and other dances should not be allowed at school. They are irresponsible, and do nothing much else than promote the heterosexual agenda.

Do away with all such silliness and there might even be a drop in teen pregnancy, or teens driving drunk.

 

[castleview]

I'm all for killing proms and dances - too much pressure.

 

[iheartjacksparrow]

Do away with all such silliness and there might even be a drop in teen pregnancy, or teens driving drunk.

I think that's a little extreme....

Instead the kids will have their own end of the year celebrations where they will have sex and and drink and drive drunk....

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I think that's a little extreme....

Instead the kids will have their own end of the year celebrations where they will have sex and and drink and drive drunk....

Not as extreme as dead kids and pregnant teens.

Yes, some of them will, but none of it will be school sponsored. School is for learning academics, sportsmanship and how to display appropriate social skills.

Illicit sex, and underage drinking aren't appropriate anything.

 

[asktriplets]

Perhaps the parent's issue was NOT with the "banned" dances, but with the dress code?

Perhaps the dress code required girls to wear dresses and boys to wear tuxes/suits...I'd support my child's desire to skip a dance that made that mandatory.

 

[snowy76]

The comment about no one getting pregnant AT prom reminded me of the prom the year before I came to my current school. It is held at the same local hotel each year.

I asked another chaperone why the hotel had only put the short tablecloths on the tables for dinner (picture at a wedding how you might have the white long tablecloths and then a shorter one on top to match your bridal colors, you get what I mean). You could see the legs of the tables and I thought it was a little too casual for the event.

I was told the long tablecloths were banned after some kids crawled under the tables the previous year and... well, you can figure it out.



Some kids WILL find a way, even if the parents don't endorse it.

 

[iheartjacksparrow]

Not as extreme as dead kids and pregnant teens.

Yes, some of them will, but none of it will be school sponsored. School is for learning academics, sportsmanship and how to display appropriate social skills.

Illicit sex, and underage drinking aren't appropriate anything.

So how many people do you see having sex at prom anyway? Because I don't remember seeing anyone, nor was anyone drinking; they checked people at the doors and risked not graduating if you were. Sure, people did this stuff at hotels after, but they would be doing it anyway and that's not in school so I guess they displayed appropraite social skills.

 

[MoniqueU]

Well my mom wasn't allowed to wear tights or jeans to school or listen to Elvis or the Beatles because that was inaropiate at the time. I wasn't allowed to watch MTV at my grandmas house, she didn't approve of that either. Didn't like the music or the way Michael Jackson and others danced. Every generation is shocked at what the younger one does.

I have boys and girls and don't care how they dance. I just want them there and back safe and sound. I also don't think because my kids want to dance that way they are going to end up pregnant or get a DUI. We have open discussions about that stuff alot. That won't prevent it either. I just hate the hollier then thow parenting styles of some.

Now would I have set up a different dance or called the school, Umm no i wouldn't but I s just remember what shocked my parents way back when is mild compared to what goes on today and I am guessing when my kids have teenagers they will think the same thing,

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

My wife and a fellow teacher have volunteered their time to be a class adviser. This year, her class is in charge of planning prom for the seniors.

The school administrators sent a letter to the senior/junior class about prom and the dress code/guidlines for the prom.

The guidelines were very detailed. They stated, in detail, what types of behavior would not be tolerated. This included certain types of inappropriate dancing such as freaking (have no idea what this is), grinding and sandwiching. They also stated that inappropriate touching would not be tolerated (They went into detail about what types of touching were prohibited). This letter went home and parents/students had to sign

Well yesterday, one of the PARENTS called the school and complained about this. They said the guidelines were stupid and they were hosting a dance, the same night as prom, at an alternate venue, so the kids could do what they wanted.

ARE YOU SERIOUS. I almost fell out of my seat when my wife told me this. I can't believe this.

This actually happened last year with my sister's senior class. Parents and students had to sign a waiver that they would not drink or do any other illegal substance before or during the prom or action would be taken. It was a HUGE deal b/c in 18 months 4 kids from my sis' graduating class threw themselves in front of the train tracks and obviously, not being 100% sure is these incidents were drug/alcohol related the school/town obviously was concerned and did not want this to happen again.
WELL another parent was holding a "prom" at another local venue that allowed drinking, so sad so sad.

 

[manning]

While they are free to do that--I think it is more stupid for them to accept liability for a bunch of prom-night teens. Hope they have a very generious liability insurance policy.

Perhaps this should be pointed out to that parent.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I get rules and supervision, a detailed list is extreme. What "liability" occurs over a bit of dirty dancing and making out on the dance floor or a dress that shows too much cleavage as deemed by who?

I could see this being a huge issue. This is just conjecture, but a school could be setting themselves up for a sexual harassment lawsuit. That type of dancing is sexually suggestive, and all it takes is for the wrong guy to do it to the wrong girl and the parents find out. One issue we deal with in special ed is that sometimes our kids will begin to 'explore' their bodies in public places. My mentor teacher last year had to address that with several students and their families because while nothing was meant by it, it is a normal part of development that our kids reach later than other kids, but again, if the wrong girl sees it and her parents hear about it...

Unfortunately we live in a litigious society and schools are damned if they do, damned if they don't.

The liability comes when someone is unhappy with the lack of supervision and causes a stink. If anything unfortunate DOES happen, what is seen by the community as a lack of supervision could really hurt a school's credibility. It starts in elementary school. When anything happens on the playground parents are very quick to say "how could the teacher not see..." "aren't they being supervised..." "why were the children allowed to run..." etc. People EXPECT supervision from a school. It doesn't stop because the kids are older - it's still a public school. It is not the same as if the students are in their own homes, etc.

Exactly. A teacher I know was disciplined because one student punched another in their classroom. IT happened in a split second. The teacher was working with a group inside the classroom when it happened, but was written up for "improper supervision." A similar incident happened to me when I was subbing for a 4th grade class. One kid punched my professor's son in the face while they were working with partners. Thankfully my professor was udnerstanding and laughted it off and nobody placed the blame on me. It's terrifying to know that you can be held accountable for something that is beyond your control. So many rules get put into place because somebody has sued the school. We have a whole class in our master's program that covers the legal issues- most of which stem from lawsuits.

 

[FireDancer]

Hey, I've heard of parents renting hotel rooms for their kids (and their dates) on prom night. Insanity.

Insanity indeed. We had to settle for tents and cars, so should they

Proms and other dances should not be allowed at school. They are irresponsible, and do nothing much else than promote the heterosexual agenda.

Do away with all such silliness and there might even be a drop in teen pregnancy, or teens driving drunk.

I don't know of anyone who has prom at their school. Around here it is always at an outside venue, many of the same ones that my friends now get married at. Also, the heterosexual agenda? There is no heterosexual agenda just like there is no homosexual agenda. No group that large could have a single agenda. I'm all for people loving whom ever they love, and if a two boys or two girls want to go to prom together as a couple they can. If they are forbidden to that it is a problem at that school or in that community, not a heterosexual agenda.

I also highly doubt there would be a drop in either teen pregnancy or drunk driving. First, neither happen at the prom (for the most part), they happen after the prom on prom weekend. Even without the dance there would still be a party weekend at the end of the senior year. There was much more drinking at graduation parties then at prom at my school. If you want to put a dent in either underage drinking or teen pregnancy outlaw college.

If kids want to have sex or drink they are going to and there isn't anyone that is going to stop them. The kids that want to do these things (or one of them) will and those that don't want to won't. It is how it has always been and will be, even with draconian dance rules. Heck, maybe they should just make it a country bar and everyone can line-dance (ugh!), but then we would be pushing the line-dancing cowboy agenda and we can't have that.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

I remember dances when I was..ahem...younger that when slow dancing you had to be able to have a balloon pass in between you, always fun to tease a couple who were a little close by trying. And fast dancing you never even touched.

Just to prove I am not a prude (just an old fogie) I did have a nice time "after" my high school prom, but hey, we both were over 18 and very willing and very private about it and no laws were broken...