Karrie Davis
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2006
- Messages
- 197
SO. This is the silliest place to post my feelings but I just need to put them someplace and get feedback from many different people. Maybe it will help and maybe it wont but what the heck! I need to put my feeling SOMEPLACE.
I am married to a really great man. He is a good person, helpful to those who need help, cares about my family more then his own, a great provider and I think for the most part just a great guy. We have been married for almost 17 years, we got married YOUNG, I just turned 35 last week.
The problem is I am so lonely and have been almost our whole marriage
He does not talk to me or really anyone else actually. He had almost no input into any part of our lives. He actually would not even house shop with me for our last 2 houses, he just came to the closing and signed the papers, it is the same with cars, vacations and everything. We can't talk about anything, especially not personal things. He like me around but thinks that makes a relationship, I am lonely.... He is also a work-aholic and works 7 days a week. He is not able to spend any time with us becasue he says he is tired. He chose to do this about 8 years ago. We do take a 2 week vacation every winter to Disney together 
and we have fun but he still is on the phone with work and if we were not at Disney he would want to hang on the coach and watch TV the whole time. If it was not for out son I don't believe he would even go at all. AND on a even more personal note, he is not that into "intimacy" either and can go months, maybe even forever without. I truly believe he is not having an afair though.
3 years ago he said he thought we should get a divorce because he knew I was not truly happy and that he did not have it in him to do what it takes to have that kind of marriage where I would be happy, that he would make sure I could afford to keep the house, give me full custody of our son (as long as he could spend time with him) and that I would not need to worry.
The issue is that I love him and he is not a bad person. But he is not a good husband.
Our son is 6 1/2, he loves his dad but jokes all the time about how boring he is and that he never does anything with him or us as a family. We have started taking small mini vacations without him this year because he would never go. I love my son and I am not going anyplace right now. There will come a day when I can't stay because I am actually too lonely and lonely with someone hurts a lot. There will be a day when my son has a life all his own and even though he is 6 it will happen so fast even in the next 5 years (with friends and sports and all that growing up stuff) where the loneliness will be to much.
It is SO on my mind though, I hate feeling this way. I have been taking to a therapist and also have in the past who has said it is not OK to stay just because he is a good man and that the time will come when I am ready to leave but even as I type this I am so sad and torn.
I own my own business and can do it with some help but I also love him AND know that it will always be this way.......... I am not ready to do anything yet but I am still scared for the future too.
Have you been though this?
Is a good man better then a good husband?
A note about my husband - he has gone to lots of therapy sessions himself and that is why he knows he can not give more. He has tried to learn to do it but is unable He does love me and our family though.
I am married to a really great man. He is a good person, helpful to those who need help, cares about my family more then his own, a great provider and I think for the most part just a great guy. We have been married for almost 17 years, we got married YOUNG, I just turned 35 last week.
The problem is I am so lonely and have been almost our whole marriage
He does not talk to me or really anyone else actually. He had almost no input into any part of our lives. He actually would not even house shop with me for our last 2 houses, he just came to the closing and signed the papers, it is the same with cars, vacations and everything. We can't talk about anything, especially not personal things. He like me around but thinks that makes a relationship, I am lonely.... He is also a work-aholic and works 7 days a week. He is not able to spend any time with us becasue he says he is tired. He chose to do this about 8 years ago. We do take a 2 week vacation every winter to Disney together and we have fun but he still is on the phone with work and if we were not at Disney he would want to hang on the coach and watch TV the whole time. If it was not for out son I don't believe he would even go at all. AND on a even more personal note, he is not that into "intimacy" either and can go months, maybe even forever without. I truly believe he is not having an afair though.3 years ago he said he thought we should get a divorce because he knew I was not truly happy and that he did not have it in him to do what it takes to have that kind of marriage where I would be happy, that he would make sure I could afford to keep the house, give me full custody of our son (as long as he could spend time with him) and that I would not need to worry.
The issue is that I love him and he is not a bad person. But he is not a good husband.
Our son is 6 1/2, he loves his dad but jokes all the time about how boring he is and that he never does anything with him or us as a family. We have started taking small mini vacations without him this year because he would never go. I love my son and I am not going anyplace right now. There will come a day when I can't stay because I am actually too lonely and lonely with someone hurts a lot. There will be a day when my son has a life all his own and even though he is 6 it will happen so fast even in the next 5 years (with friends and sports and all that growing up stuff) where the loneliness will be to much.
It is SO on my mind though, I hate feeling this way. I have been taking to a therapist and also have in the past who has said it is not OK to stay just because he is a good man and that the time will come when I am ready to leave but even as I type this I am so sad and torn.
I own my own business and can do it with some help but I also love him AND know that it will always be this way.......... I am not ready to do anything yet but I am still scared for the future too.
Have you been though this?
Is a good man better then a good husband?
A note about my husband - he has gone to lots of therapy sessions himself and that is why he knows he can not give more. He has tried to learn to do it but is unable
He does love me and our family though.
. I'm sorry your going through this. It sounds like it has been very hard on you.
) and make it all better. That way I could have my husband AND a good marriage/friend all in the same situation. This is a hard place to be. I feel like, actually I will eventually have to decide between a good guy who is not able to love me OR being alone. I am tired more then ever now.
goodvibes just in case you didn't know that AND we all need to be reminded once in awhile). I was WOWed by your insight and true LOVE for your husband and family. 
But hold on - it was written in the 1930s - WAY BEFORE our narcissistic society came to be. And one thing that really grabbed me was this psychologist writing that we can indeed be with the wrong person for us and we have no expectation of business partners that don't work out together and try to work together over and over to call it quits (yes I know business isn't marriage - just the idea that we can never come to the point that two people can choose wrong). Why do we do this with marriage? Keep going and going and going and trying and trying and trying when in some cases we just chose the wrong person. Now I"m a firm believer in fighting for a marriage. I believe that some have no IDEA the beauty on the otherside of working through agonizing issues. And a lot of the time people divorce thinking my wife or husband did this or that or they're this or that when in fact it's our own crap or issue we're not facing. 
