I need some opinions, please... update with reply last page...

[zakatak]

Hi.

Here is the problem. My dh's Aunt and Uncle came for a visit over Memorial Day Weekend and stayed with us. My dd and ds are big nature nuts, and so are they (they live in the Adirondacks on 200 acres). Now, his uncle pretty much MOCKED my obsession with Disney the whole weekend, even going as far as to tell the kids they should stay with THEM instead of going to Disney and they would have more fun. See where this is going?

NOW, my dd (4.75) and ds (7) don't want to go to Disney, they want to stay with them in the Adirondacks. Now, they NEVER had any intention of having the kids (they are childless), he just wanted to start crap, I think. My dd this morning asked HOW we were going to make the early plane ride after dropping them off?

I've told them they aren't going to the Adirondacks, that this is a Family vacation... I've also tried telling her that it hurt my feelings when she says she doesn't want to go. This morning, I was lowered to tell her that if she mentions it one more time, that she can stay with her Grandparents while we go to Disney, not the Adirondacks.

How can I get this OUT of their minds that they would have more fun THERE than at Disney. I personally know that my dd wouldn't eat for three days since they are vegan and all she eats is cheese (lol). Also, limited activities to do (except look for bugs and frogs). I've also told them that we WILL go there later in the summer when we get back from Disney... Nothing seems to be working.

What should I do? Ignore it? Agree with it? Pull my hair out? It is really upsetting me.

Karen

 

[honeywolf7]

I'd talk to DH's aunt and uncle and personally, I would tell them that I don't appreciate the lack of respect they showed you while in YOUR home.

 

[bsnyder]

It doesn't sound like they were actually invited to stay with the aunt and uncle (unless I'm reading your post wrong) so I don't see where there's even room for an argument with your daughter.

I'd tell her the family is going on vacation, and that at age 4.5 she doesn't get to dictate where or when. And then ignore any future complaints.

 

[newmousecateer]

I agree with Bet. I would just tell them it is not up to them to make decisions like that, and I too would just ignore any whining about it.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I have to agree. It is NOT the decision of a 4 or 7 year old. I also might actually call the aunt and uncle and see if they really meant it. If they did, send the kids up to them for a week AFTER Disney.

Perhaps the uncle wasn't aware how much trouble this can cause to a small person. They do not understand that kind of "joke".

 

[aahmom1]

If I were you, I wouldn't even worry about it, 2 minutes into WDW and they will have forgotten all about the Adirondacks. Don't stress yourself out over it.

 

[honeywolf7]

Sorry, I thought you were asking for a response to the Aunt and Uncle, not the kids.
I wouldn't even worry about the kids.

 

[zakatak]

Well, I just sent off this email to them... tell me if I was too nasty (I tend to be ALWAYS taken the wrong way, hence the black sheep comment)...

Hi.

I would like to ask you a favor. Could you please possibly call Zak and Ellie sometime soon and explain that they can’t come to your house instead of Disney with the family? I put up with quite a bit of the mocking, but when you involved the kids, I don’t think you knew what that would do. Although I know they love your house and surrounding area, I do know for sure that they will have more fun in Disneyworld. They, however, now don’t think so. They have visions of frogs, bugs, toads and other wild animals all over the place, which is fine. But now it is affecting their attitude toward a vacation that THEY have been looking forward to for a while.

If this is coming across as rude, well, I’m the black sheep, so what did you expect. I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just that we can like different things. I have always respected your beliefs and interests. I expect the same in return. I don’t appreciate having these discussions about WHY they can’t go to your house instead of on vacation with the family. I don’t think that saying, “they would have more fun at your house than at Disney” was appropriate to a 4 year old and 7 year old. I think you should have kept your opinions to yourself in this matter.

So, if you could, would you please call them and tell them personally, that they should go and have fun with their family at Disney and that they can come visit after they get back? I think it would end any arguments and brighten their outlook again, instead of making Disney the bad vacation. My kids and I love Disney. We also love you guys. I don’t think it was fair to compare the two in the eyes of Zak and Ellie.

Thanks for listening.

Karen


Well? I think I got my point across... we'll see what they do.

 

[honeywolf7]

It was almost exactly what I would have written.

 

[glo]

I hope they listen and do what you asked of them. I think it was a strong letter, but it needed to be said. I agree with others that from what you posted they were really never invited to stay at their house. Sometimes adults really never cease to suprise me...poor kids. Anyway, hope it turns out well for you.

 

[holycow]

Good luck to you...I think the letter was fine and I totally understand about the 4 yrs old! I've got one too and she never gives up when she gets something in her head! Life can be miserable whether your in charge or not! LOL

HC

 

[Amy]

Karen, I thought your e-mail to DH's aunt and uncle was fine. I don't know your "family dynamics," but I wanted to warn you to be prepared for a totally different reaction from them than you're expecting. Years ago, DH's brother flat-out lied to us; I wrote him a very nice noted explaining that I don't appreciate being lied to, that he should have told us what was going on and allow us to make our own decisions. Well, he fired back a letter, bringing up all kinds of old stuff and making up all kinds of lies, and we haven't spoken to him since. We're talking almost 10 years. Sometimes people don't like being told that they screwed up.

 

[Desiree]

Although I will say that I liked your letter. I thought it is well written. But I would think that your DH should have been the one to talk with his aunt & uncle. Sometimes when you get spouses in the middle of things it makes for bad blood down the road.

I pray that your dh's aunt and uncle do realize what they did and will remedy the situation.

Best of luck!

 

[Keli]

Karen, I think I'm a much more non-confrontational person so I probably wouldn't have sent the email. I am afraid that as Amy said you might not receive the type of reply you are looking for from them. If you don't I would just try to keep this from spiraling into something that divides you guys because it is obvious that although they aggrivated you (and I would have been aggrivated too!) that you love them and want them in your lives.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I came back here to suggest a letter, but I see you have already done that. I would have taken a little different tone on the letter. I would have thanked them for their invitation to babysit the little ones while you go to WDW, but that you had expected this to be a family vacation, and could they please come a different time. This puts the guilt ball in their court.

 

[damo]

Sounds to me like they were just pulling everybody's leg. It'll do them good to realize that little kids take things very seriously. It would be nice if they could have both vacations. Keep us posted on the response!

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by honeywolf7
I'd talk to DH's aunt and uncle and personally, I would tell them that I don't appreciate the lack of respect they showed you while in YOUR home.

I am with honeywolf7 on this. I thought your e-mail was way too nice. I understand that you are trying to be polite, but your e-mail seems to be on the defensive. Why? You have done nothing wrong.

I also think it is a bad idea to have them call your children to try to smooth things over. Obviously, they feel WDW is a bad choice and I can't see a "sincere" effort on their part to clear things up since, no doubt, they will not change their opinion. They could make a bad situation worse.

I would call them and politely explain to them that their actions have caused a lot of problems and that you would appreciate it if they would be more sensitive to this in the future. As for you DD, I would tell her to zip it!! JMHO!

 

[clutter]

Shoot, I would have sent them an email telling them what time to expect me dropping off the kids.

"Since they absolutely REFUSE to come with us, knowing that they can spend the week with you two insead, we'll be there at such a time. Unfortunately, due to the hectic nature of our schedule, it will have to be the weekend before we actually leave, so you will have the kids for two weeks. While we will miss our children on our vacation, we will rest well knowing that they will be better taken care of physically, spiritually and intellectually, than we sould have done at Disney. Thank you for your kind offer so my husband and I can share this special time together."

 

[janette]

I wouldn't try to discount the way the kids feel. Use the old empathy, recognize that they'd like to go visit their uncle but that the trip you have planned is for Disneyworld. Let them know when they come back they can give uncle a call and try to arrange something.

We go every year to a camp in the mountains, my kids love it! The main amusements are things they make up on their own or hiking and other things. Don't assume that your kids wouldn't have a good time exploring the outdoors for hours. I'd hate to know the result if I made my kids choose between camp & wdw. I might be going to wdw on my own.

 

[mtemm]

any chance you can take them for a weekend to the mountains? You don't have to camp if you hate it, or even stay with the uncle. Nature walks, small hikes, etc, can be so much fun! I'd be pretty fired up too if I were a kid. Or if that just won't fit into your schedule, maybe take a day and hit fort wilderness...they can get into the woodsy/campy feel of things.

I think its rotten for anyone to do that to your kids!