I need some advice. School related

[binny]

My ds11 is in the gifted program. He is very smart but completely UNMOTIVATED.

He is so unorganized, no matter what I do to try to help him. He isnt doing well in school this year. Not because he cant do the work but because he doesnt turn it in. I just dont understand this at all. Wouldnt you think if you did the work you would want to get credit for it?

He is also a talker, he is very social, I understand that but we have always made it a point to tell him that class time was for working and after school time was for socializing. He has plenty of opportunities to socialize outside of the classroom.


I need help please!

 

[JoyG]

I taught in a gifted and talented school for many years. The traits you describe can be very characterstic of gifted and talented children...high intellect definitely doesn't always correlate with good work habits.

I would be on top of him at home even if it means checking his bookbag when he comes home and before he leaves the house for school. If you make sure the homework is in the bookbag as he leaves the house then it will get to school. He might not hand it to the teacher, but if she knows you make sure it's in there she can ask him for it if he forgets to turn it in.

I would make sure your communication with the teacher is consistent so nothing gets by either of you.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I could have written your post about my 11 year old. I don't think being gifted factors in at all. An unmotivated kid is an unmotivated kid- they don't care what their IQ or potential is.

My son isn't a talker, he just fails t turn in assignments.

I have a 8 year old dd who must work harder at things, isn't quite as gifted as ds, but she does her work and takes pride in it. I'd rather a hard working average kid, than an unmotivated gifted kid any day.

I have no answers for you, as I am in the same boat. If his midterm reports (coming this week) say he isn't working, then his social life will be changing drastically, until the 9 week report card comes in. Then, if all is well, I will allow him to have a social life again.

Good luck to you.

 

[binny]

Thank you. Yes I think youre right that this is pretty common for gifted kids.
He refuses to ask for help as well. He went from a to d in one class this week because he "couldnt find" his record sheet.
I said did it occur to you to ask your teacher if he might have misplaced it? ( the teacher keeps in them in a basket at school) nope he didnt think of that.


We have tried rewarding the good grades punishing the bad. We have taken away video games, after school activities. Nothing seems to make a difference


He doesnt seem to want to be this way, it really bothers him, but he doesnt seem too motivated to change either.


His gifted teacher this year ( he has her for 3 classes) is not the best teacher that we have dealt with either. This is her first year and I dont think she "gets it"


Thanks for the advice I really do appreciate it

 

[binny]

Do you all have access to power schools? we can log in at any given time and they tell us what their grades are for the week, what assignments are missing and if they have been tardy or absent.

 

[mjkacmom]

My 10 year old dd is the same way. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, but it might just be the gifted and talented thing. She's never gotten less than a B, but I think this might be a tough year.

 

[Fan2CSkr]

We're in the same boat except my son will soon be 14. I am most annoyed that he scores A's on all his tests and projects but doesnt hand the completed homework in either! The average plummets. He has zero organizational skills and it seems they cant be taught since he will not retain them! His handwriting is horrendous. It makes me nuts and I am at a loss as well.

His 4th grade teacher decided to grade all his work/homework based on his writing skills. He suffered D's that year! The best thing that came with age is that his teachers for the past 3 years have allowed him to do all work/reports on the PC. Our first quarter is ending soon and the progress report came home yesterday. Every honor class grade is in the A range and each comment states must hand in homework or incomplete work, WTH???

I am very interested in this thread and so glad you posted about it! I hope you make some headway too.

 

[Fan2CSkr]

Do you all have access to power schools? we can log in at any given time and they tell us what their grades are for the week, what assignments are missing and if they have been tardy or absent.

We have a similar program implemented in our area. I follow it with him to the letter and hold him accountable. I cant be there to watch and make him hand in the homework! I wonder if he misplaces everything?

 

[kellyg403]

Has he always had great report cards? Possibly when he gets his first one this year and sees the bad grades it might be the one motivating factor. My 12 year old ds is alot like this. All his classes are academically gifted and starting about 4th grade he starting using the first quarter to gage the teacher, how hard he had to work etc. He always knew he could and does catch right back after the class. Almost like summer lasts for him until about December!

No great words of advice. At his age I think they are starting to get to the point where we can instill motivation and dedication to schoolwork, homework and housework but their peers are starting to have such an influence we can only hope for the best. That motivation has to start coming from within! In 5th grade I just decided to let the chips fall where they may. He somehow managed to get motivated. In 6th grade, it was devistating to him that his teacher for AG English (who happened to be his prek teacher) didn't give him the grade he thought he should have the 2nd quarter. She basically told him I know that you can do the assignment but I want to see you do it better. You would have thought the world ended until he realized it was a CHALLENGE. Just another word for motivation for ds.

Hope you are able to turn the corner!

Kelly

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I teach GT kids and have for the past five years.

The traits you describe are common among GT students.

Here are some resources I suggest:

Gifted Kids Survival Guide

http://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Kids-Survival-Guide-Handbook/dp/1575420031


The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575421119/ref=pd_cp_b_title/002-2135256-2316853?ie=UTF8

When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answershttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575421070/ref=pd_cp_b_title/002-2135256-2316853?ie=UTF8


Also the following sites:

http://www.prufrock.com/

http://www.ditd.org/


Also, the work of Jim Delisle is outstanding.

 

[Liberty Belle]

You just described my son (only he is not in the gifted and talented program - he missed the IQ minimum by two points and since he was having trouble in school, I didn't push it or re-test).

He is now in the 8th grade and doing wonderfully. This is the first year that he's actually had a "good" report card since 3rd grade.

We tried just about everything we and the teachers could think of. Nothing really worked.

I don't know what happened, but for some reason, he decided this year that he needed to be on top of things, organizationally, and his grades reflect it. Maybe it was a maturity thing.

 

[alanapapa]

I feel your pain. Our DD12 is very much like that. She was in the Pre-AP classes last year at her Middle School, but isn't this year due to the fact that she did not turn homework in on time and neatly. She is now in classes teaching pretty much what she was taught last year and she still is struggling to get her work in. She does have ADHD and is on new meds this year. We swtiched her over to a transdermal patch as school started and I think it is helping. Her core-class teachers have offered to stay after school Monday thru Thursday to help her with homework and do a bag check before she goes home and that too is helpfull.

OP: Have you had DS checked for ADD? Good luck, here is some PD

 

[Liberty Belle]

We're in the same boat except my son will soon be 14. I am most annoyed that he scores A's on all his tests and projects but doesnt hand the completed homework in either! The average plummets. He has zero organizational skills and it seems they cant be taught since he will not retain them!

Again, that's exactly my son. He scored really well on tests, but on assignments would usually either get an A or a zero. He's had no zeros this year so far!

 

[PlutoPony]

Do you all have access to power schools? we can log in at any given time and they tell us what their grades are for the week, what assignments are missing and if they have been tardy or absent.

We have something like that here, ours is called "Edulink". All gradebooks are kept on-line beginning in MS and are updated each day. For those graded items not handed in "NHI" is entered which is a big red flag to parents! At the beginning of the school year it was especially helpful as many 6th graders are pretty clueless at first and often didn't know what assignments should be turned in as opposed to just keeping them in interactive notebooks, so the NHI's were very helpful. I think it would be much harder to stay involved in your child's progress without Edulink. The schools here also use a program called "Schoolnotes" to which teachers post assignments, updates, announcements, etc. Each day we check that to see what's going on, etc. Very helpful tool! I was dreading MS, thinking it would be more difficult to keep up with what's going on and how he's doing (plus his school is 1700+ students). But between these 2 programs we're much more informed than we ever were in elementary school....
BTW, I've heard countless stories of the suddenly unmotivated student this school year so it must fairly common FWIW. DS hasn't shown that tendency yet but the year is still young. Good luck!

 

[Martha7]

My DSs went through this as well. If they're not listening when the teacher announces that she's collecting the homework, they're often too embarassed to hand it in late or at the end of the class. The teacher may give them a hard time in front of the other kids, and especially for those in middle school, this really gets to them! I think I actually brought it down to such an elementary level as to promise them a candy treatwhen they got home if they had all if their homework turned in. Somehow you need to keep the importance of turning it in foremost in their minds, and rewards may work. It's so hard, and honestly, my younger DS only improved when he started high school, I believe, so I agree that maturity has a lot to do with it! He still procrastinates like crazy, which I hate, but I have to learn to let go and let him fall on his face, if necessary. I completely feel your pain!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sounds a lot like my 16yo son, especially at that age. He has ADD and is "gifted", but does not (did not) live up that that, esp. in elem and middle school. He would test well and do his homework, but would then forget to hand it in or would lose it. It was so frustrating to me because I would make sure that he would do it. And it would take forever for him to do it because he would get distracted so easily.

The more that I have stepped back and let him take the fall, the better, though. He's matured a lot, which has helped. Also, he's had to suffer some bad grades because of his disorganization. He's had privileges taken away at home (computer, tv, etc), so he knows if he doesn't keep it together, that his life won't be as fun. He's not on any medication for the ADD because he has Tourette's Syndrome, and the medication makes his tics worse, so we've had to figure out other coping strategies for the organizational problems.

To say that life has been interesting with this kid would be a big understatement, but I'd say it's also been the most rewarding because he has a heart of gold and I've seen such wonderful paybacks, too. Hang in there with your son because he's likely trying his best, but needs some help to figure out some strategies that will work for him. Just because he's smart doesn't mean that he has come complete with common sense (at least my older son was daydreaming when that was handed out).

 

[Disney Doll]

I have heard that often disorganization can be a symptom of OCD. Most of us think OCD means the person is a Felix Unger type, with everything always perfect and organized. But the "control" part of some folks with OCD is not being organized...sort of like "the heck with you...you're not telling me what to do". And that is the "control" they exert, rather than super-organizing their environment.

 

[spazzyjazzy]

I taught in a gifted and talented school for many years. The traits you describe can be very characterstic of gifted and talented children...high intellect definitely doesn't always correlate with good work habits.

I would be on top of him at home even if it means checking his bookbag when he comes home and before he leaves the house for school. If you make sure the homework is in the bookbag as he leaves the house then it will get to school. He might not hand it to the teacher, but if she knows you make sure it's in there she can ask him for it if he forgets to turn it in.

I would make sure your communication with the teacher is consistent so nothing gets by either of you.

This is the best advice ever. My son is gifted also. I did all the reading about gifted kids and how to books. But, I don't think I was fully prepared for it. I sometimes tell my son use the other half of the brain please. He laughs when I tell him that.

 

[daisyduck123]

I am a teacher & have not read the other posts, but here is my take on the subject....

I can tell you that being gifted in no way correlates with your ability to turn in school work or not. It is just carelessness. I suggest some consequences are in order, if you wish to change the behavior. If you try this & the behavior does not change...then you have not found the correct consequence. If you make the child's life miserable...then he/she WILL correct the behavior. It works. Right now, he sees it as, "Why should I change this, it's not affecting me in any detrimental way?"

 

[LanaJayne]

I am a teacher & have not read the other posts, but here is my take on the subject....

I can tell you that being gifted in no way correlates with your ability to turn in school work or not. It is just carelessness. I suggest some consequences are in order, if you wish to change the behavior. If you try this & the behavior does not change...then you have not found the correct consequence. If you make the child's life miserable...then he/she WILL correct the behavior. It works. Right now, he sees it as, "Why should I change this, it's not affecting me in any detrimental way?"

I have always had the best results with positive reinforcement. I'm glad that the teachers we've dealt with encouraged using a reward system instead of negative consequences. Negativity breeds negativity. Positive results with a positive attidude...works extremely well here.