I need some advice about a friend (long)

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Hey Sandy--> aww you are such a good friend (will you be my friend )!
okay i think you should just stop sending e-mails and such and just reply when he sends one to you, you are then not letting the friendship go, but you are also not investing too much into it. Maybe then he will realize what has happened. have a great day!!!

 

[Froggyswife]

I wouldn't end the friendship. My best friend and I sometimes go for months without calling or coming to visit because we get caught up in our own lives. Then we will get together and it is just like we had been seeing each other every day (after catching up anyway lol)

BTW I had a friend that talked all the time about her "poor miserable life" all the time and would bend my ear on the phone for hours and never could get a word in edgewise. I finally got fed up with it we don't talk much anymore but I do occationally stop by (she is never home when I do but I leave a note saying I came by she never calls me afterward) The only time she ever called was when she wanted to vent over something or wanted me to stop whatever I was doing to do something for her. I do miss her occationally (hence the stopping by) but my life is better without her constant verbal venting.

 

[roseprincess]

Sandy-
to you.
I'm not sure if I can give much advice. For me, I only keep in touch with one female friend from jr. high. We only talk or email once in a great while.
For your friend, maybe he is going thru some rough times, too. He may have not verbalized his situation/situations to you yet, other than being real busy.
Your friend may just be going thru a "season" in his life that he really can't invest in the friendship right now, like you would like to.

At my church, I have gone thru this SO many times with different friends. I have been involved with different small groups of women throughout the years. When our small group disbands, usually I don't hear from my girfriends in a long time. I try to email them or call them once in a great while. As of church friends, I learned to move on and meet new people, hopefully bumping into my old church friends sometime at church.
At church, we call it being in a different "season" relationally.
I've had my feelings hurt many, many times from friends, where I've expected more than they wanted in a friendship.

I know your friendship with this guy has been a long term one because he is Stephanie's godfather. Maybe you might need to cool down the friendship for now and not send gifts, etc. Maybe email him once in a great while and tell him "you are thinking of him and hope he is doing well".
Friendships do come and go and sometimes it can happen that you go a couple of years without talking or emailing and then restart the friendship up again(this has happened to me).


Rosemarie

 

[Bunchkin]

Sandy, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. But I totally understand. I have a similar situation with my younger sister.

If I were in your shoes, I would not end the friendship. But I would not send any more cards or gifts. He obviously realizes what he is doing because he has appologized for it in the past. So at this point I would think that his interest in this friendship is low, for whatever the reason. This doesn't mean to say he would like to end the friendship. He's just not engaging in it. I would stop sending emails to him as well. Even with the kids pictures in them, they don't seem to provoke a response from him. And who wouldn't respond to cute kid pictures!!!
Respond to him if *HE* sends you an email or calls you, let him know you think about him and wish him well and that you'll be here for him when he's ready to particiapte in your friendship with you and his relationship with your family.

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings more by what I said. Just trying to give some insight to my opinion.
I've had long term friendships that have ended because of this. It's hurtful and heart breaking. But I think of my friends and wish them well. And remember all the good times we had. Some of the most precious things we hold dear can just slip away before our eyes without us ever understanding why.

 

[2sweetangels]

oh slo, I wish I had some advice or something for you.

 

[roseprincess]

I do agree with Bunchkin, that sometimes long -term friendships sometimes end and no idea why. I've had this happen with me several times. Sometimes the friendship drifts apart for whatever reasons.
About 3 yrs. ago, a long term friendship I had with a friend ended over the internet. I emailed her and she was in a very strange mood, I suppose. She was offended about anything I said to her via email that day. I was trying to be positive with her, but she was very angry. A lot of things spilled out from stuff that happened a few yrs. back. She told me via her email that I drove her crazy with me calling her every once in a while and that I kept her on the phone too long in the past. She said she hated that I called around her daughter's birthday to wish her and her daughter a happy birthday ( her daughter was 2 yrs old then).
Other things she vented about me she hated. I did ask for the baby clothes and stuff she borrowed from me, to send back to me. She said she was going to stop by and drop off the baby stuff she borrowed, but she never did.
After we ended our 15yr friendship via email, I realized that SHE had the problem. I thought about it for a couple of hours after that and discussed with dh. We both thought my friend was trying to end the freindship because she had remarried recently and I think she wanted to get rid of her old friends from her previous husband. She kinda had a soap opera- life going within that yr. She divorced her 1st husband about a yr before. All thru their marriage, they didn't want children(or at least she didin't want children). As soon as the divorce was final, she ended up getting preggo with her soon divorced husband. She then fell in love with another guy and then married him a yr later. Her new husband was a totally different personality than her 1st husband. Anyways, as far as I knew, her and her ex were taking turns taking care of their daughter, while she is still married to hubby #2.
They were in the process of selling their condo when I emailed her and I had positive things to say. She was extremely angry that the potential buyers at the time didn't buy her condo. The way I knew my friend was she wouldn't worry too much on that, well she was in a very bad mood and very snippy in her emails. I felt I didin't know her much anymore because her personality had changed so much since marrying hubby #2. Whether she wanted to end our friendship because of stress or she didin't want me in her life anymore, I'll never know . I haven't heard from her since and it has been 3 yrs.

I have realized in my life that sometimes you may know a friend for a certain time, and then they disappear from your life. I have realized just to be blessed to have known them ,even for a short time.

Sandy, know that I and all of us on the Chicago dis thread are your friends and are thinking of you.


Rosemarie