I need help with how to support a cancer patient

[acejka]

I just found out that an older grandmotherly type lady that I am friends with has cancer. We know it is in her reproductive organs but aren't sure whether it is uterine, ovarian etc.

She asked me to keep her in my prayers, and I will definitely be doing that, but I want to try to bring some positive vibes her way.

I'm making her a card which I hope is appropriate.

A problem with this all is, she is agoraphobic. It is going to be so hard for her to get the strength to come out of the house for treatment and appointments.

I want to take her some goodies to let her know someone is thinking of her and hopefully help cheer her up some. (Granted in my opinion a few days (or even more) of shock and utter sadness are normal when finding out news like this.)

Does anyone have recommendations? When my grandmother had lymphoma, she took chemo, but this friend will be having radiation. Also, my grandma wasn't restricted to her home either. She was able to get up and go out places (though carefully b/c of germs)

Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

 

[ScrapperBelle]

Just BE THERE for her. I know this sounds really simple, but she will know you care and that is what is most important. My sister is currently battling breast cancer and I have found that some of the simplest things people have done have "made her day".

I don't mean you have to physically be there at all times. Let her know that you are ready to do whatever you can for her. Things like doing errands for her, making a trip to the store to get whatever food/drink she is craving, being on the other end of the phone when she needs to talk. These are little things...but they make a big difference to the person who needs them.

As for the agoraphobia, I've never had any experience dealing with that...but maybe if she feels like she has someone to depend on for little errands, then the trips to the dr. won't seem so overwhelming. But, like I said, I don't have any experience with that.

I am so sorry she was diagnosed with cancer. But, just by posting this, I know that you care about her and that will be the most important thing she needs...just someone to care and listen. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's your job to keep her cheered up. She will need to be sad at times and she will probably even say/do things that offend you from time to time. Just keep in mind that it really is the cancer talking and allow her time for sadness and anger. Listen to whatever she has to say. You don't always have to have an answer, just listening can make her day better. She is lucky to have a friend who cares.

 

[cbg1027]

My mom has ovarian cancer. When she first started treatment we had tons of people bringing food over. The problem was that my mom craved really specific foods at certain times. She was happy that everyone was thinking of her and putting in the time and effort, but a lot of the food was wasted because she was really picky about what she wanted to eat while going through her first chemo.

I think something great to do would be to ask your friend what exactly she wants to eat and either make it or pick up take-out for her. As she is an agoraphobic, this seems like something that might be especially well-received!

Also, My mom is a past-president of the local humane society, and she really liked that some people made donations in honor of her. She can't devote any of her time or manpower to the HS right now, so she feels like the donations are helping out while she's gone. Maybe there is a charity your friend is particularly fond of you could donate to?

 

[mcco5543]

i thankfully do not have cancer nor agoraphobia, both sound difficult. I encourage you to visit your friend regularly in person if you can or if by phone. Consisistency is something she wont' have in her life very much while dealing with the medical world. A consistent friend is the greatest. I forgot to mention. While I dont' 'have either of your friends issues, I have had 90 plus surgeries and hospital stays due to a disability at birth. The friends that have meant the most are the ones that made an effort to stay in touch (most don't) and ones that let me know that i can be honest with how crappy or sad or scared i feel , but also that we can talk /do soemthing else if i dont' feel like dealing with it and want distraction.

 

[AnnaS]

My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and is having surgery tomorrow. She has a few other medical issues. Saying she is worried and scared is an understatement. I think the older they are, the more they think this might be their time. Try to reassure her and comfort her.

As everyone has suggested, let her know you are there for her and if she wants to talk about anything, you are there to listen. Asking her if she needs anything picked up, dropped off, mailed, etc. Does she need something done around the house? Can she call you if she needed to be taken to an appt?

Stop every so often just to say hello. That is very nice of you. We try to look out for a neighbor of ours also who is in the early stages of Alzheimers. It's nice to know someone cares.