I need help understanding.

[Took]

Yes it is. (the military having a quickie legal wedding and a real wedding shindig later)

It's not so common to lie to your parents and other family and then ask them to pay for it though!

Why should it be common for folks in the military? Don't understand.

I mean, I know several older military couples who got married traditionally. What's changed nowadays?

 

[MushyMushy]

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the couple did this and it was a fiasco. My normally sweet-tempered, kind friend turned into a raving bridezilla!

She'd planned the wedding, lined us all up as bridesmaids, then went off and eloped. She had a meltdown when the rest of us weren't thrilled to pieces about it. She had temper tantrums about the wedding (her parents couldn't afford the grandeur she wanted), and criticized everything down to the way our hair wasn't cooperating and the shade of nailpolish -- we all bought the same shades, but they just didn't look perfect. There's so much more, but I'll stop there. Thankfully, my friend went back to normal after the wedding was over, but after that I never wanted to be in another wedding again.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Why should it be common for folks in the military? Don't understand.

I mean, I know several older military couples who got married traditionally. What's changed nowadays?

I do too. My grandma's wedding pictures show grandpa in his navy uniform.

Things are a bit different in the sense that with deployments and things sometimes people want to make it legal before the soldier goes off for 15 months but can't plan a real traditional wedding on such short notice. Many more people have long distance relationships or date for a shorter time before getting married or even live together before getting married, all things that weren't so common then.

Dh and I never had a wedding. We got married by the jop and that's it. I'm fine with that because I couldn't see spending thousands of dollars for the same piece of paper either way. I do wish we had a cake and a few pictures though.

 

[Stephanie218]

Funny you should say that. We had a conversation about that also. He is military and she says it is very common for military people to elope and then go back and have a big wedding. I said I only knew of one person who had done that and most of her family and his didn't know they were already married. She seems to think it is very common though.

It is very common to do this in the military. I have many friends who have eloped before deployments or during leave and waited until he got home or out of the military to plan. She could have had friends doing the same thing, and felt pressured.

My husband and I got married with 2 other people there...and had a vow renewal after his deployment. The difference between us and the person you're talking about is that our entire family knew the situation. It was made clear up front that there would be a celebration after he came home, because I did not want to deal with the planning during the deployment workup.

The couple probably should have thought about this more before they eloped. They can have a renewal, but it sounds like they want a re-do of the big day...which really isn't possible.

 

[Stephanie218]

Why should it be common for folks in the military? Don't understand.

I mean, I know several older military couples who got married traditionally. What's changed nowadays?

With all the deployments going on now, it is much harder to plan a wedding for the typical 9 - 12 months out. There is NO way to guarantee the military member will get leave. You can consider wedding insurance (we did look at it), but until leave is approved, the insurance won't cover anything.

Also, health care is a big deal as well, especially with the economy and job opportunities if you are moving often. Girlfriends don't rate anything with the military.

 

[sbell111]

... They can have a renewal, but it sounds like they want a re-do of the big day...which really isn't possible.

The thing is, the only people who matter as to whether it is 'possible' are the bride and groom. I seriously do not understand why everyone else is taking a hard stand on the issue.

 

[sunnyday123]

The thing is, the only people who matter as to whether it is 'possible' are the bride and groom. I seriously do not understand why everyone else is taking a hard stand on the issue.

because the op asked, and also stated that the bride wants help paying for this wedding and is also becoming agitated at others who are having a big wedding. She got married a while ago, it would be considered a vow renewal now.

 

[sbell111]

because the op asked, and also stated that the bride wants help paying for this wedding and is also becoming agitated at others who are having a big wedding. She got married a while ago, it would be considered a vow renewal now.

I was actually referring to the OP. I understand why everyone in this thread responded the way they did. That's a simple combination of internet boldness and forum voyeurism.

 

[disykat]

I was actually referring to the OP. I understand why everyone in this thread responded the way they did. That's a simple combination of internet boldness and forum voyeurism.

The OP is the one that has had to listen to several YEARS of this girl whining that she wants a "real" wedding and why won't her family give her one. OP, vent away. She has had her wedding. If she wants to do it differently, she should have a vow renewal that she throws herself rather than demanding her family pretend she isn't married yet and throw her a wedding as if she's just now getting married. You just can't have your cake and eat it too.

I didn't have a sweet 16 party, maybe I'll demand my parents throw me one now!

 

[sunnyday123]

I was actually referring to the OP. I understand why everyone in this thread responded the way they did. That's a simple combination of internet boldness and forum voyeurism.

and p.s., you might want to look up the definition of "voyeurism"....because, eww that is not what this thread is about. At all.