I need help/insight/advice/knock over the head-custody issues!

[JoiseyMom]

first phone number....that's a good one! I've thought of just giving a fake address. I really can't see a judge granting an emergency hearing over this, but I also don't want to seem uncooperative.

I won't qualify for any legal assistance. It's not that I couldn't come up with more money, it's that I would have to take away from the other kids to do it. I can't disadvantage three kids on the backs of one. Not only would they resent DS (and me!) but DS would struggle with his own issues on that. I need to pick and choose my battles. Once I go to court over something, it can't be used again in the future. So if I can put this off and let it build (meaning find other ways to deal with it without involving the judge) I'll have an edge if I ever do get to court again. Does that make sense?

Ok, document document document! Get yourself a notebook, and write down everything they have done with dates and who you spoke to! Do the best you can with the past info. But from today forward do it. If it is legal where you are, get a recording device to record phone calls from your ex! But document each time she tries to impersonate you! Set up passwords with all appointments that have to do with DS. I hope the offices will be agreeable. Explain why, it will cover their butts too, since step-mom is not entitled to this info! Just keep on collecting incriminating evidence!

Talk to the condo if you have to and tell them that you are having issues and you want to set up a password to make sure that only your or you and DH can change your reservation!!

 

[rigs32]

Based on the information in your signature, I'm assuming you're in michigan. A quick search of the criminal law in your state shows that they could possibly be charged with:

750.157v False statement of identity for purpose of procuring issuance of financial transaction device.

A person who, knowingly and with intent to defraud, makes or causes to be made, directly or indirectly, a false statement in writing regarding his or her identity or that of any other person for the purpose of procuring the issuance of a financial transaction device, is guilty of a felony.

750.157r Forgery, alteration, simulation, or counterfeiting of financial transaction device.

A person who, with intent to defraud, forges, materially alters, simulates, or counterfeits a financial transaction device is guilty of a felony.

And here is the link to the attorney general's website on ID theft:
http://www.michigan.gov/ag/0,1607,7-164--80479--,00.html

 

[ginna74]

"I really can't see a judge granting an emergency hearing over this, but I also don't want to seem uncooperative."



he is hurting your son, They are steeling your identity and you don't want to seem uncooperative.????????????? GO TO THE POLICEEEEEEE NOWWWWWWWWWW !!! there is no other way around it, you have yur answer, you know what to do, it is going to be hard yes, but you have to for your family, for your sons health, and for you!! ((((((((((your family)))))))))))))

 

[mfd25wife]

I don't see how you can be required to tell them where you are on vacation. I wouldn't even let them know when he had a doctor appointment if I didn't absolutely have to. But, yes. Any transaction they could do this on, I would try to set up a passcode. I'm sorry you are going through all this.

 

[NotUrsula]

She's definitely committing fraud to get access to medical information that she is not entitled to. It's a crime, and I personally would file a police report over it.

The doctors should be livid; they are being put in danger of making mistakes because information is being withheld from them, and they have been tricked into violating HIPAA all over the place.

I am an identity theft victim, and it doesn't matter if it is your word against the merchant's -- if the merchant cannot PROVE that the person who contracted for services was you, via surveillance footage, notarized signed documents, or the testimony of the employee who witnessed you signing the papers that say you are responsible, then your sworn word is good enough to support your claim that someone else impersonated you.
Just knowing your social security number and address is not enough.

Also, I'd call your vacation rental agent and insist that a note be put in the file that no arrangements may be altered by anyone who does not know the reservation number.

 

[claudia]

first phone number....that's a good one! I've thought of just giving a fake address. I really can't see a judge granting an emergency hearing over this, but I also don't want to seem uncooperative.

I won't qualify for any legal assistance. It's not that I couldn't come up with more money, it's that I would have to take away from the other kids to do it. I can't disadvantage three kids on the backs of one. Not only would they resent DS (and me!) but DS would struggle with his own issues on that. I need to pick and choose my battles. Once I go to court over something, it can't be used again in the future. So if I can put this off and let it build (meaning find other ways to deal with it without involving the judge) I'll have an edge if I ever do get to court again. Does that make sense?

There is also a possiblilty that if the judge decides in your favor you could be awarded your attorney fees due to the nonsense going on....somehow I don't think a judge is going to be happy to hear this story.
Sometimes in a family more money is spent in caring for one child than the other....it's just how life happens. It may seem unfair, but in this case it may be in everyone's best interest. When there are no external stressors the whole family is happier....you're stressed, the kids feel it even if you are not discussing what is going on.....they will know where it is coming from and that could also make them resent you and your DS.
I am only sharing my point of view with you because I went through very much the same thing with my DH's ex....she did so many of the things you have mentioned...everything from doctors, dentists, camp and school. ....she made life a nightmare until we ended it in court. I wish you all the best and because I know how awful this can be.

 

[TaraPA]

Why don't you go down to the police station and talk to somebody there. See what they say about the new wife posing as you. After that maybe you can see where you go from there. I really think you need to talk to a lawyer but see what they say at the police station. ID theft is a big deal now and they don't take that laying down. Maybe they can scare her a little and go talk to her.

I would call your hotel and talk to the manager.Tell him in not so many details what was going on and see if they can put something in to verify it's you if somebody should call.

I totally agree with this. It's free to go to the police, so start there.

Call the hotel/condo/villa & let them know right now that you are a victim of identity theft (you are) & that a password needs to be set up for anyone calling for information on the account, or to make changes. I'd also give them a family member's cell that they have to call first to confirm before anything is done on the reservation. I understand you don't want to seem difficult to ex-DH, so just give them a fake address & phone number. Seriously - if the new wife uses that info to try & cancel your ressie, she'd have to fess up that that's what she was doing - because why else would she need to come to you for the right address & number is she wasn't messing with the wrong ones you gave her? If they need to contact you while you're down there, like you said, they have your cells.

Documnet document document!

Also - watch what you post here - if she's crafty enough to impersonate you, she's sneaky enough to be watching you on here too. Don't give away any info whereas she could get a step ahead of you.

Hugs & good luck!!! I'm so livid about this & I don't even know you!

 

[squirrlygirl]

Judge wouldn't award attorney fees over child support fiasco, and that was cleary malicious on the part of the ex.

changed my pic to make it a bit harder also sent an email to the owner of the villa and asked him to passcode my information.

I sent an email to a friend that's a police officer for his take on this. I'm still waiting on the doctor's office. I'm beginning to wonder if they turned around and called dad

Issues with fighting this and DS go deeper than the surface. He's been making comments about hurting dad in his sleep, etc. It's best for him if I can absorb this as well as I can--dad will take anger over court out on him and I don't want him to go through that . He already spent several years in therapy when he was younger. The only reason support ended up in court was because dad fought the review.

 

[ginna74]

well seems as thoughyou really need to go to police because son is getting hurt now...not a time to back off now, YEP if son is having emotional problems then YOU NEED TO GO TO POLICE, This is not a time "take it in" , you can't control them you can't make them stop and they WONT stop hurting your son!!!! that is a fact! It has been going on for a long time. if you want it to continue then go ahead, take it in let it continue, password one account.. it will still happen.. they still will be jerks and you wont stop them and what will happen to your son????? how will his health be??? If you want it to continue DONT GO TO THE POLICE... I can't even say that , GO NOW GET OFF THE INTERNET AND GO TO THE POLICE STATION!!!!! just talk to the police...I know you you have got to know this is all wrong an illegal and must be affraid to go to them...

 

[squirrlygirl]

it will still happen.. they still will be jerks and you wont stop them

I appreciate your concern, and I wish the police could just make it all better for me. but that sentence above sums it up. Going to court will not fix it. It will, however, make dad take it out on son. Dad will be more of a jerk. Son will take more of the heat. how will that help him emotionally?

It takes two to tango. It takes two to disagree.

As for the identity theft, there is already a detective working on pinning the wife because she's done a few other things. I'm not letting this slide, but I cannot overreact, either.

 

[ginna74]

(((((((((((squirrl)))))))))))))))) ugggggggggggg dern ex's am sorry you have to go through this

and it will help son if rotten people aren't corrupting him and hurting him pysiclly(not getting the care he needs and such)!!! will take him a while to get used to the fact that they wont be doing it anymore and he will be a much happier and healthier child eventually! Sounds like he is going through some pretty rough abuse to be talking about him in his sleep. The quicker you can get him away from them the better. So talking about the identity theft and the health issues. You possibly could get a restraining order if you cared to go that far. IT is all on you though. you have the amunition to do it... you have your son who needs it...just do it

 

[squirrlygirl]

He's made it through 13; I'll help him make it the next 5. And beyond.

On a happier note, I just spoke with the pediatrician's office. My insurance (primary) will deny the doctor's well-child claim as it was with the wrong doctor. Other visits can be with other doctors, but physicals are to be with the doctor of record. Dad's insurance (secondary) might deny the claim because primary did.

Just caught this. DS is awake when he says he's scared he'll hurt dad. When DAD is asleep. That does really bother me. What has dad done to HIM that he feels this way?

 

[suejai]

knows we're staying at Windsor Hills while we're down there ( I wish we were onsite this trip!)

Not sure if you have stayed at Windsor Hills before, but they have a 24 hour manned gate and unless you have documentation saying you are renting a villa/condo, you can't get in, so I wouldn't think there would be any point in your ex even knowing exactly where you are staying.

Ex's can be a severe trial, especially if the new spouse is shoving their oar in. I'm on the other side - I'm the new(er) wife, and I promise we are not all like your ex's . Our problem has always been DH's ex making life difficult for everyone. (And I'm sure not all ex's are like his )

The only advice I can give is to maintain your cool, document everything as pp's have said, and don't start retaliating - that becomes nasty very quickly. Eventually, it all gets a bit easier once the kids get older and you don't have to be the middle man anymore in their relationship.

Have you said anything to your ex about his wife impersonating you, and that she must stop immediately? Or will this start a world war?

edited to add: just re-read your first post and all the other posts - you mention your DS having an elevated blood pressure when his father showed up at the dr's . Unless I'm reading this wrong it seems obvious that there is a correlation here, and maybe his headaches are stress related. Even if you don't say anything directly to him about the whole situation, he knows something is going on. Also, it is highly likely that his father and step mother are saying things in front of him.

 

[ginna74]

I wouldn't say anything directly,this has been going on for a couple of years now right and your ex was a part of it you said???? You would be dealing with the devil.They aren't going to stop because you caught them. Just hand everything to the police and put in papers to get a restraining order and custody. If it gets ugly (because he is making it that way) then so be it, your son needs you to be strong for him. Don't let this continue no matter what anyone else says, especially in light of what you said about what your son just said about him. I wish I could call for you and get this going so your child could be at peice and you too...

 

[agnes!]

If I were you I would put a fraud alert on all your credit cards, have fraud alerts placed at all three credit bureaus.

I would also put a fraud alert on your DS Social Security #.

And I'm so sorry about all this, you & your DS are in my prayers. From your immediate last post, I assume the therapist knows about your DS' strong feelings toward his father? I think a joint-appointment for the two of you to talk to the therapist would be a good idea.

agnes!

 

[ginna74]

very good idea there agnes

 

[squirrlygirl]

If I were you I would put a fraud alert on all your credit cards, have fraud alerts placed at all three credit bureaus.

I would also put a fraud alert on your DS Social Security #.

And I'm so sorry about all this, you & your DS are in my prayers. From your immediate last post, I assume the therapist knows about your DS' strong feelings toward his father? I think a joint-appointment for the two of you to talk to the therapist would be a good idea.

agnes!

fraud alerts are already in place. Can't put one on DS because he doesn't have a credit file. DS no longer sees the therapist. Therapist said there wasn't any more that he could do because dad was the problem. Dad refused to even talk to the therapist.

 

[JoiseyMom]

fraud alerts are already in place. Can't put one on DS because he doesn't have a credit file. DS no longer sees the therapist. Therapist said there wasn't any more that he could do because dad was the problem. Dad refused to even talk to the therapist.

Get a new therapist!! Your DS needs to talk to someone. He has issues, and a good therapist will help him deal with his anger at DH in a good way. Please...find another therapist!!

 

[squirrlygirl]

Get a new therapist!! Your DS needs to talk to someone. He has issues, and a good therapist will help him deal with his anger at DH in a good way. Please...find another therapist!!

ha. DS won't. There is an open door to talk to the therapist if needed; I meant that regular sessions are no longer occurring. Overall he's a happy kid; this "venting" is new, and I'm hoping some of it is 13-year old drama. If I overreact he'll shut down. We're kind of in wait-and-see on this. Trying to keep that worry in check.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

If your DS is 13 and is having all of these issues primarily because he has to spend time with his father, I'd be asking him if he wants to quit having to see him. Really, if he is so stressed out over seeing him why not eliminate the problem and get sole custody. At 13 he should be old enough to tell a judge he doesn't want to be around his father anymore and exactly why.

As others have said - I'd be going to the police over the ex's wife impersonating you, that is fraud and identity theft. If you think that ex will retaliate against your DS, all the more reason to slap him with a restraining order and seek sole custody.