I need help and ideas for struggling son (14)

[MUFFYCAT]

Any update? I'll be praying for you and your son

 

[patsal]

I left work early and went to school--big surprise when I got there no one could help me. Let's see, administration was out of the building, his counselor was not in, and the bullying continued for the day. I told DS he did not have to go to school today if he didn't want to, but he said he didn't like the idea of running away from his problems and if he stayed home the bullies would win. I told him I would leave work immediately if he needed me to get him, I also told him he should just go to the office if he feels threatened at all. He is staying after to work with his science teacher, he is not using his locker, and he is avoiding the hallways these kids are in between classes--though I don't agree with him having to "hide out" it may work for the day.
I have already called school and left a message for the Principal stating that if I do not feel we have reached an acceptable solution by the end of today that I will go above him and that my lawyer will be stepping in. I have also contacted the four main people on his team--math, science, soc. st. and English. They are aware now. I can't believe that they were not catching any of this before.
One more thing to note, DS has been very talkative so I am now learning that this has been going on since 6th grade, and that the original bully began referring his minions to my DS. In additon DS started out thinking he could handle this and it progressively became worse and worse and he thought that he should be able to put up with it. His reactions at home are starting to make more sense--we don't hit our children but when I was goofing around with him he flinched and started yelling at me (the reaction one would get from a battered child), he has been more aggressive at home and one day really went off on the director of the Religious Ed. program at church--I had to go pick him up and really couldn't figure out the outburst. I think that he has been transferring his anger to people he feels he can safely do that to without the consequence of getting hurt.

UPDATE** I have been on the phone all morning with the counsellor, she has informed me of what will happen and how the school is planning on dealing with the situation as well as the plan for "fixing" his academics. I am happy with the approach they are taking--by the way this was just the tip of the iceburg so to say--they purpatrators have a "huge ring" and have been harrassing many others who were also afraid, they have been operating out of others lockers and there is a plan in place that will have them removed from the school permanately should any other incidences occur. The math grade will be reworked to eliminate homework from the formula (as well as his other subjects--they were stonger so he was still passing w/o the homework) for the first two and half quarters and all homework will be electronically turned in via email attachments as backup to insure that all homework is turned in and so if the bullies try to take it again they will be revelaed when the homework matches up exactly. I think we are onthe right track. He will not go to summer school, I will be using a tutor for the summer to insure math skills are on par for the start of HS.
Thanks for all the support and ideas. I've never dealt with this at this magnitude before and I know it is going to take time to help DS to feel safe and comfortable again.

 

[DizBelle]

I'm just sick that kids (your kid, any kid) have to put up with this kind of stuff. What kind of adults do we expect these bullies to grow up into. If only their parents cared as much as you do...

 

[patsal]

bump for update!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Thanks for the update. Hopefully they can get these kids out of school.

I'll be praying for you and son to get through all of this