I need child rearing help (chore related)

[BernardandMissBianca]

OK I am at my wits end here. I am beyond tired of playing maid all the time. I am tired of being treated like crap. I need help!

I have tried paying, yelling, threatening, taking privileges away, even going on strike but one can only stand living in a trash heap for so long. DH is no help because he is just as messy. The whole house exploded but I can't catch up, if I do get caught up it will be easier to manage but 1 against 5 is bad odds.

Their room is the worst, I know 3 boys sharing 1 room will not stay spotless but pick up the clothes for God's sake! I have a triple hamper, labeled for darks, lights, and whites and the stuff still doesn't get put in the right place! And I have made them do their own laundry, but then you should see the basement. There is lint and laundry soap everywhere!!! And lets not get started on the toys, there are everywhere even after we got rid of 1/2 of everything they own!

So what do you do to get the kids to help?

BAMB pity party of one, your table is ready.
sorry for the vent, we will now resume your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[Queenie]

*hugs* No ideas here (the joys of being a non-parent) but you have my sympathies!

 

[Kim1964]

I'm sorry......it gets that way here, too. My DH grew up in a VERY messy household so he's no help at all. Here's what I do. My girls are 6 and almost 12 and each has her own bedroom:

-DD#1 is very bad about putting her clean clothes away. I give her her clean clothes back, folded, in a laundry basket. All she has to do is put them away. She doesn't, the clean stuff sits in the basket in her room, and the dirty clothes are scattered about. She now gets one reminder that it's laundry day. If she doesn't get her clothes to me, she finds herself in the uncomfortable position of deciding which of her dirty clothes are the least offensive to wear until the next laundry day (I wash clothes on Wed and Sun, period). She's still not perfect, but she's getting better.
-We have one television, in the living room. No TV until all toys are cleaned up on the 1st floor. That means actually removed from the 1st floor and put away (in either their rooms or the basement). No toys come up from the basement unless one is taken down to the basement first.
-Their bedrooms are trashed........I shut the doors. They are not allowed to have friends over until their rooms are cleaned up. It's been months since they've had company. DD#1 has a birthday coming up and she wants to have a sleepover....which is fine, but she has to clean her room first and she knows it.

 

[Juliegirl1]

I put parental controls on my tv - if my son has any chores to do he can't watch tv until they are done and I put in the code myself. Also I keep the game controllers to the Wii put up until his stuff is done. He earns time in front of the tv by doing his chores, keeping his room clean and doing well in school. This will only help if your kids are big tv watchers though!

 

[Juliegirl1]

You know, BAMB - what if you decided on a weekend to do nothing but clean on Saturday and then reward them with a trip to ..... on Sunday if they help. If they don't all help, get a babysitter for the ones that don't and take the rest - then they learn that you mean business. Maybe a trip to a waterpark, or the beach or something they would all love to do. Make a big deal out of it and tell them it's a surprise but you will give them a clue once a specific task is completed. Make it fun - play loud music and use a timer to play games like who can put their clothes away fastest and neatest or who can come up with the biggest bag of legitimate stuff for charity/garage sale.

Once the house is clean perhaps it will be easier to use bribery or a rewards system to keep it clean.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

I gave up a long time ago.. Now I just do it all myself and I don't budge from not going out and buying them stuff.. they either earn it or go with out....

DD's room is similar to your boys' room.... I don't see how she lives in it.. DH and I are neat..but not neat freaks... I don't mind disorder... but it's gonna be my kind of disorder...

Right now they are helping more because I took all their spending money away for Disney..(easy target for me right now)... Of course we just dropped mega money on Duke and his home so DS11 is doing what he is responsible for because I refuse to clean up/care for the rabbit like it's mine... KWIM..

I wish I had an easy solution..but scoot over at the pity party table because I'm join-ing you because Miss Thing is on my last flippin' nerve.... where's the margarita mix AWM??

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

I live with slobs, but I am one too. Makes it really hard to keep things picked up when you don't want to do it yourself.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

where's the margarita mix AWM??

When can you come over??

 

[Queenie]

Can I join, no kids to need pity over but as you can see on the thread I posted, I have my own pity needs! Margaritas sound GOOD right about now (and more productive than my previous thought of applying for a gun permit...!!!)

When I was a teen my mum had a rule, my room can be as messy as I want it to be, but I had to keep the mess behind that door. If it snuck into the kitchen or anywhere else - woe betide!

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

Come on over!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

When can you come over??

If I could get away; I'd drive right over... my gosh.. this stuff is never ending today..and it doesn't help w/ PMS... someone is gonna get hurt.. Maybe someone could email the school and warn my kids before they hit the door!

 

[lewdyan1]

I, too, am living this battle. I also don't understand how hard is it to put clean, folded laundry away! I have help every other week and the kids know if their rooms are a disaster, I tell the maid to skip their room. She usually lands up in their room once a month. My biggest battle is my DH and paper stuff. He keeps everything, including junk mail and he likes to keep it in the living room. It's horrible!

So pour another drink, I am joining this party!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

DH never sees the mail unless I have a question about! LOL

DH is a paper tosser though.. he'll toss kids' spelling words away on Tuesday w/ the test on Friday.... That took one time this year and I ripped his head off and handed it back to him in pieces.. he know only sees the kids' homework maybe once a week if I haven't had time to deal with it!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

You know, BAMB - what if you decided on a weekend to do nothing but clean on Saturday and then reward them with a trip to ..... on Sunday if they help. If they don't all help, get a babysitter for the ones that don't and take the rest - then they learn that you mean business. Maybe a trip to a waterpark, or the beach or something they would all love to do. Make a big deal out of it and tell them it's a surprise but you will give them a clue once a specific task is completed. Make it fun - play loud music and use a timer to play games like who can put their clothes away fastest and neatest or who can come up with the biggest bag of legitimate stuff for charity/garage sale.

Once the house is clean perhaps it will be easier to use bribery or a rewards system to keep it clean.

I would love to do this but weekends are a bust for us. DH comes home late Fridays and leaves mid afternoon Sunday. We are tied up doing all his stuff Sat and Sunday we pack, do lunch and drive to the airport. I really need the help during the week. Plus getting DH to participate in the clean up is like pulling teeth, he start doing what he is supposed to do around here at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. By then I have given up, why try if no one helps, ya know.

The TV is going away this summer, they have one in their room and it is now going into my room. I like the idea of the parental codes, now to figure out how to do that!

I will be the first to admit that I am a slob too, but I am trying to get better. Lead by example, but it's so overwhelming sometimes. The house is so small, but we are hanging on to some things because we will get a bigger house soon. But I'm beginning to think it's not worth it.

I don't know, the car accident just pushed everything over the edge. I stopped caring (for the house not the kids) and DH was and is hurting so bad that he can't do the outside stuff so that is dumped on me too. Everything from cutting grass to cutting down trees. And DS11 can not cut grass!!! OMG, he can't walk a straight line if his life depended on it!

Plus his job is aggravating me, he is at 100% travel and starts international travel in 2 weeks.

All right, move over I need a Strawberry Margarita!!!!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Oh and shortly after starting this thread I left to make the kids lunch, DD tore all the keys off my computer!!!!! I just spent the last 2 hours putting them back on. But only 3 are broken, not bad. Except the E, you never realize how much you use the E til it's busted.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

That 100% travel has got to be killing his back!! Poor guy.. doesn't make it right that he is not helping....but good gracious you can't do all of it!!!

I have more to say...but I'll talk to you about it later.. prying little eyes of the rugrats.. can watch me type but can't pick up their rooms!

 

[PrincessNancy96]

OOh! I know someone who is gonna have to move in here w/ her Auntie sooner than she thought!!! Young lady, don't make your Auntie drive up there and get you!!! *Go ahead, tell her Auntie N wants a word with her!*

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

Maybe I got the wrong BAMB here, but I thought the new job was supposed to be LESS travel?

And that whole lead by example thing, it only works if some leads. Did I ever mention that I'm a helper, not follower? You need something done, you have to tell me. No initiative going on here.

Strawberry Margaritas & Daquiries coming up!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

That 100% travel has got to be killing his back!! Poor guy.. doesn't make it right that he is not helping....but good gracious you can't do all of it!!!

I have more to say...but I'll talk to you about it later.. prying little eyes of the rugrats.. can watch me type but can't pick up their rooms!

it is, and they are talking surgery but he can't take 6 months off to heal. We have another DR appt on June 20. Then we see what's next. And then we have to deal with the settlement.

OOh! I know someone who is gonna have to move in here w/ her Auntie sooner than she thought!!! Young lady, don't make your Auntie drive up there and get you!!! *Go ahead, tell her Auntie N wants a word with her!*

trust me I am sooooo ready to ship her off to you!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Maybe I got the BAMB here, but I thought the new job was supposed to be LESS travel?

And that whole lead by example thing, it only works if some leads. Did I ever mention that I'm a helper, not follower? You need something done, you have to tell me. No initiative going on here.

Strawberry Margaritas & Daquiries coming up!

it was but they are so behind. They have 20 sales people, selling the product and only 2 guys who can implement it, we just hired a 3rd last week but he is in the UK. He will be DH's wing man til he gets comfortable with the product and can go out on his own. The new VP of finance is a real jerk too, he's complaining because all the customers have paid $$ but nothing has been delivered. DH told him to pack a bag, or start cloning everyone.

Oh and I'll give you DH's line for leading:

Lead, Follow, or get out of the way! I would like to be helper and let the boys lead but no one does any of the above! Well eventually they get out of the way when mommy blows a gasket.