I know but she somehow got FIL's doctor to sign him up for hospice when he obviously did not qualify.
That's scary.
But I'm not surprised. FIL convinced his team of doctors to let him into their cardiac care program instead of going to a skilled care facility. The hospital program is rigorous, and is for people who are relatively young and healthy, it has specific types and set times for PT, it's for 50 something year old men who have been active for years. FIL was 79, was getting over a massive infection (that he caused by not taking antibiotics (he was trying not to take his codeine-based painpills but didn't know which was which so stopped taking them both) and then trying to pull his bulb catheter out while in a fevered rage), and couldn't even walk TO the nurse's station let alone on a treadmill.
So it wouldn't surprise me that someone could go the opposite way...
I'm curious about something. When your MIL was so sick why didn't you call emergency services yourself, explain your MIL was very sick and was being denied medical attention. I would imagine they would have gone to her or at least sent an officer for a welfare check. It's something to keep in mind if this ever happens again.
I absolutely agree.
We got word from BIL and SIL that MIL was very very ill. BIL was not able to go check on her and SIL doesn't have a car, so they called us. DH called her, verified that she was out of it, and as we were driving the mere 20 minutes on the highway to her house, we were calling 911. We met them there, and they were bringing her down the stairs on the gurney as we pulled in.
Ya gotta call them on your own, if the description you're getting tells you that she needs help!
But I don't think you should butt out just b/c she's an in law. I DO think you should focus on MIL and getting her cared for, while just ignoring the SIL junk. If my in laws had listened to me, my FIL might still be with us. At one point during his care, they just sort of gave up on him, and REFUSED to listen to anything positive. It was very weird, b/c at the point where the shift in attitude happened, his body was healing and I felt he just needed a bit more time, but no one would give him time.
As background: I should mention that the hospital where he was is a HORRIBLE hospital for cardiac care (which I tried to tell them before he was transferred there...the rankings had JUST come out that week but they didn't want him in Seattle for some reason). They were a horrible hospital for me, too. They nearly caused my death, they released me 42 hours postop despite insurance being legally mandated to pay for 96 hours, I was at a nearly transfusable level of hemoglobin when they released me and they NEVER TOLD ME, it went on and on...they lied to my face, they lied on my records, they are a horrid horrid hospital.
So I am biased, BUT I was also on my guard when FIL was there. I didn't make up the nurse swearing under her breath after we forced her to look at his charts, as she realized he was supposed to be on IV antibiotics still and they hadn't given him any in something like 2 days (he'd been septic and they took him off abx). And I didn't make up the fact that he was healing but was also on a respirator.
When they took him off, he would freak out, but he was *trying to breath on his own*. While freaking out, he was flailing, and hitting the nurses. So they'd up the drugs so he would calm down. But he was breathing the whole time, or trying to, and the ONLY reason they wouldn't/couldn't get him off the respirator was b/c they wouldn't just get a couple big guys to hold him down while they took out the respirator. After this happened a few times, they switched from "he's doing great!" to "it's time to pull the plug".
And no one listened to me (or DH, who was much less respected in his family then vs now) and reason...and now BIL and MIL wish they had. They now realize how ridiculous the situation became, and how awful it was.
Oh, FIL lived for almost 2 days after they turned off the respirator....of course once that decision was made they weren't really supporting him, and they kept him in a heavy HEAVY morphine state, which of course depresses the natural breathing along with the other massive doses of things they were giving him...gosh it's almost like I'm saying the hospital killed him! Oh wait, yeah, I am.
So keep on speaking up, even if it causes a fuss. Because what's more important? MIL living? Or your rank in the family?
Anyway, focus on your MIL's care. Ignore your SIL unless and until she causes another problem.
You also might want to give your MIL's care providers info about your SIL (before just ignoring her). They probably can't give you info, but you can tell them about her actions and inaction. Just as a bit of a head's up should she visit again.
And maybe call the sheriff in the small town where she lives, to ask them what to do in a future situation where you're worried about MIL? Ask if they do checks on elderly/sick people who are alone? It gives you guys info AND gives them a head's up on the situation...