I love when people make you feel like crap

[dawnandnala]

:Ooops I guess I was posting at the same time
to OP!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I don't think I understand what you're saying. The co-worker shouldn't be upset/snippy about it because it wasn't a more immediate relative or something?

You don't know "many" so that implies you know some. My kids are very close to certain great aunts, in fact one was their babysitter when they were small. These aunts of mine didn't have kids so my kids are like their "grandkids" in a way.

It could have been a non-relative that the person was close to. Would that be more acceptable to you?

When you lose someone it always sucks. But in general I half expect the person to tear up over it instead of taking someone's head off. When my grandparents passed I couldn't talk about it without tearing up. My grandma went incredibly unexpectedly and I would never imagine biting at someone, even if I didn't care for them. Her response makes me think of other things that may have conspired over the weekend, not just the death in the family. I relate death more with saddness than anger.

Really? I'm very close to mine, and since they are all elderly I've lost a few. It was rough every time. My grandmother's only surviving sister is 92, and she is a big part of my family.

Being close with a great-relative is fewer and far between, especially these days. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it is a lot less common.

 

[DizBelle]

She's grieving and what she said, frankly, doesn't sound that bad. I think you're being too sensitive. Cut her some slack and make it about her because she's grieving, and then it won't be about you.

I think she was being too sensitive. Why in the world would she assume that anyone knew that her plans had changed?

 

[december]

Has nothing to do with this thread, but luvsJack brought up age of great aunts/uncles.....so I will share! Ds13 had a classmate who became a great-aunt in Kindergarten! I worked with the girl's father. He is older, and had several older kids with his first wife, and some of those kids had babies in high school. Then one of those babies had her first baby in 8th grade. He divorced his 1st wife, and married a younger woman. They had 2 kids, the younger one being my son's age. She was in K when the niece had that first baby (she now has 3)! She is a great aunt many times over now (at least 4), at the ripe old age of 13!

 

[sbell111]

So my co-worker had off on Thurs and Fri, this had been planned for several weeks, I think she was going away and getting her engagement pictures done. Well I went over to her cube and was telling her that she was lucky she wasn't here on Friday because she mostly would have gotten the project that I was dragged in on if she had been here. Well she tells me "Well I would have rather been here, because my great-aunt died on Thurs and I would take on a million projects just to have her here". I understand she is upset, but really did you need to make me feel like crap. I didn't know and neither did most of the people on our team.

Why are you making her loss about you?

 

[Michelle and crew]

agree seems like you were trying to make her feel guilty for being off and sticking you with a project. so of course she snapped, were you hoping for an apology for her being off?


Also my DD was extremely close to her great aunt, took the place of a grandmother she didn't have.

No kidding! Guilt is ok, I guess.

My kid's great aunt is only 10 years older than me. She raises horses, alpacas, and dogs. One of the most fun people they know.

 

[kwelch10377]

Why are you making her loss about you?

I am not making her loss about me, I am making her attitude towards ME, about me.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't have this be the hill to die on. If she's already like that to you when there's no death in the family, then having a death in the family is only going to magnify it.

 

[cm8]

So my co-worker had off on Thurs and Fri, this had been planned for several weeks, I think she was going away and getting her engagement pictures done. Well I went over to her cube and was telling her that she was lucky she wasn't here on Friday because she mostly would have gotten the project that I was dragged in on if she had been here. Well she tells me "Well I would have rather been here, because my great-aunt died on Thurs and I would take on a million projects just to have her here". I understand she is upset, but really did you need to make me feel like crap. I didn't know and neither did most of the people on our team.

That was probably not her intentions, but I would just apologize for her loss and leave it alone.

 

[Ceila]

Whether she has had an "attitude" with you recently or not, I think you are reading WAY too much into her response. She obviously was hurting. Even people we don't care for suffer losses and should be granted much leeway when they are grieving.

 

[C.Ann]

Why are you making her loss about you?

I've been kind of thinking the same thing since I first responded to this thread.. And the great aunt comment - along with how the "OP" grieves - well - that has nothing to do with anything.. No one has the right to decide how close a relationship someone has with a friend or a relative - and certainly no one has the right to decide if someone else should grieve with "tears" or a shoot-from-the-hip comment..

I hope the OP at least said, "I'm sorry to hear that.."

If there are other "issues" with this co-worker, then simply avoid her if her attitude is more than you can deal with..

 

[Allison]

I guess I don't see her comment as any worse than yours to her in the first place. I wouldn't spend any time being upset by it.

 

[kwelch10377]

I did extend my condolences to her and apologized that I didn't know. I have tried to overlook her attitude in general because my boss is very big on us all getting along and working as a team. Not knowing what was going I was trying to JOKE with her about something that our whole team has been joking about since my boss has been on maternity leave.

Another co-worker, who is very good friends with the greiving coworker at work, and I were walking out to our cars tonight and I guess she overheard what greiving coworker said to me and asked me what was with the comment the greiving coworker made. I just said, I don't know I guess she is just upset. Co-worker said she was fine and in a pretty good mood all day and thought the comment was pretty uncalled for considering I didn't know (she didn't tell anyone at work until today, so it isn't like she would have thought I found out from someone else).

 

[C.Ann]

I did extend my condolences to her and apologized that I didn't know. I have tried to overlook her attitude in general because my boss is very big on us all getting along and working as a team. Not knowing what was going I was trying to JOKE with her about something that our whole team has been joking about since my boss has been on maternity leave.

Another co-worker, who is very good friends with the greiving coworker at work, and I were walking out to our cars tonight and I guess she overheard what greiving coworker said to me and asked me what was with the comment the greiving coworker made. I just said, I don't know I guess she is just upset. Co-worker said she was fine and in a pretty good mood all day and thought the comment was pretty uncalled for considering I didn't know (she didn't tell anyone at work until today, so it isn't like she would have thought I found out from someone else).

Well - look at it this way then.. Just try to be pleasant with her as much as possible.. If she gives you a bad attitude in the future, don't give her the statisfaction of being dragged down to her level.. Just smile and go about your business - like you didn't even hear her.. She can only upset you if you allow her to upset you..

And I'm glad to hear that you did offer her your condolences.. That was the right thing to do - regardless of her tone..

 

[Minnie]

She's grieving and what she said, frankly, doesn't sound that bad. I think you're being too sensitive. Cut her some slack and make it about her because she's grieving, and then it won't be about you.