I love when people make you feel like crap

[kwelch10377]

So my co-worker had off on Thurs and Fri, this had been planned for several weeks, I think she was going away and getting her engagement pictures done. Well I went over to her cube and was telling her that she was lucky she wasn't here on Friday because she mostly would have gotten the project that I was dragged in on if she had been here. Well she tells me "Well I would have rather been here, because my great-aunt died on Thurs and I would take on a million projects just to have her here". I understand she is upset, but really did you need to make me feel like crap. I didn't know and neither did most of the people on our team.

 

[C.Ann]

She's grieving.. Cut her some slack.. When people are grieving things come out of their mouths that make many people think, "Huh????"

I'm sure she didn't mean to make you feel bad intentionally..

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Nothing against your co-worker, but I don't know many people who are so close to a great-aunt/uncle that they would be that snippy about it...

 

[kwelch10377]

She's grieving.. Cut her some slack.. When people are grieving things come out of their mouths that make many people think, "Huh????"

I'm sure she didn't mean to make you feel bad intentionally..

I am trying to, but in recent months she has been giving me quite a bit of attitude about things at work and her attitude and tone today went right along with how she has been towards me.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It seems like you were trying to make her feel bad about having the time off when you said she was lucky she was not there and now not stuck on the project you are disliking. Then she tried to make you feel bad about her aunt dying (but she has the excuse that she is grieving--oh and th the PP; I am closer to my great aunt Cynthia than I am to nearly any other relative.).

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

You didn't know and now you feel bad. She probably also feels bad for how she reacted. I would just call it water under the bridge.

 

[Hannathy]

It seems like you were trying to make her feel bad about having the time off when you said she was lucky she was not there and now not stuck on the project you are disliking. Then she tried to make you feel bad about her aunt dying (but she has the excuse that she is grieving--oh and th the PP; I am closer to my great aunt Cynthia than I am to nearly any other relative.).

agree seems like you were trying to make her feel guilty for being off and sticking you with a project. so of course she snapped, were you hoping for an apology for her being off?


Also my DD was extremely close to her great aunt, took the place of a grandmother she didn't have.

 

[kwelch10377]

I said it in a totally joking manner and I was laughing as I said it....I actually don't mind doing the project because it is interesting. Our boss in on maternity leave and the big joke has been for the past 3 months that we all keep getting dragged in on projects that our boss would not have let happen if she were here.

I was in no way trying to make her feel bad for taking off.

 

[allison443]

Nothing against your co-worker, but I don't know many people who are so close to a great-aunt/uncle that they would be that snippy about it...

I don't think I understand what you're saying. The co-worker shouldn't be upset/snippy about it because it wasn't a more immediate relative or something?

You don't know "many" so that implies you know some. My kids are very close to certain great aunts, in fact one was their babysitter when they were small. These aunts of mine didn't have kids so my kids are like their "grandkids" in a way.

It could have been a non-relative that the person was close to. Would that be more acceptable to you?

 

[allison443]

I said it in a totally joking manner and I was laughing as I said it....I actually don't mind doing the project because it is interesting. Our boss in on maternity leave and the big joke has been for the past 3 months that we all keep getting dragged in on projects that our boss would not have let happen if she were here.

I was in no way trying to make her feel bad for taking off.

I would cut her some slack. I doubt she intentionally meant to make you feel bad.

 

[Arielle22]

So my co-worker had off on Thurs and Fri, this had been planned for several weeks, I think she was going away and getting her engagement pictures done. Well I went over to her cube and was telling her that she was lucky she wasn't here on Friday because she mostly would have gotten the project that I was dragged in on if she had been here. Well she tells me "Well I would have rather been here, because my great-aunt died on Thurs and I would take on a million projects just to have her here". I understand she is upset, but really did you need to make me feel like crap. I didn't know and neither did most of the people on our team.

I have had similar foot in mouth moments. I have teased a male coworker about being in a suit (usually casual slacks and polo) asking where he was going on a job interview. No, he was going to a funeral.

I offered my sympathy at his loss and dropped it.

I can understand this being annoying if she was giving you attitude about other things but think about if it came from someone else. If the conversation had happened with someone you were friendly with would you think she was trying to make you feel bad?

 

[december]

Nothing against your co-worker, but I don't know many people who are so close to a great-aunt/uncle that they would be that snippy about it...

Really? I'm very close to mine, and since they are all elderly I've lost a few. It was rough every time. My grandmother's only surviving sister is 92, and she is a big part of my family.

 

[MIGrandma]

When someone loses a relative to death, whether it be a parent, grandparent, sibling, aunt....whatever....I cut them a lot of slack. I don't know how close they were to that person, so if they say something I might think inappropriate I just shrug it off and know they probably just said it because their grieving their loved one.

 

[luvmy3]

Nothing against your co-worker, but I don't know many people who are so close to a great-aunt/uncle that they would be that snippy about it...

My aunt is a very important part of my life, so she is a very important part of my kid's lives. They will be heartbroken just like the rest of us when her time comes. I dont think the fact that its a "great" aunt has anything to do with the co-workers grief, its obviously she was close to her so why does it matter what branch of the family tree she was on

OP, she's grieving and I'm sure she wasn't saying that to make you feel bad.

 

[DizBelle]

Wait, she planned for several weeks to take off last Thursday and Friday for her great aunt to die?

How did she know several weeks ago that her great aunt would die last week?

 

[luvsJack]

Because of the crazy age differences in kids in my family, I am a great aunt. My niece is less than 12 years younger than me and her daughter is only slightly younger than my dd. I am very close to both of my niece's children. And expect to be close to them when they are old enough to be in the working world.

All great-aunts are not elderly. My brother is even a great-grandfather and he is less than 60.


OP, don't worry about it. Even if she meant it snarkily, there is no possible way for you to have known she had a death in her family. All you can say is "Oh, I am so sorry. I didn't know"

 

[kwelch10377]

I have had similar foot in mouth moments. I have teased a male coworker about being in a suit (usually casual slacks and polo) asking where he was going on a job interview. No, he was going to a funeral.

I offered my sympathy at his loss and dropped it.

I can understand this being annoying if she was giving you attitude about other things but think about if it came from someone else. If the conversation had happened with someone you were friendly with would you think she was trying to make you feel bad?

If this were anyone else I wouldn't be as bothered by it because I know it wouldn't have been intentional, but given that I have gotten the attitude about other things and she has intentionally made me feel bad with some work related things before, it came very much across that she saw an opportunity to make me feel bad.

 

[kwelch10377]

Wait, she planned for several weeks to take off last Thursday and Friday for her great aunt to die?

How did she know several weeks ago that her great aunt would die last week?

She had orginally taken off to go away and get her engagement pictures done, just a coincidence that her aunt passed away on an day she already had planned off. We knew that earlier in the week her aunt was sick, but no one knew until today that her aunt had died on Thurs. We all thought that she was going away as planned.

 

[dawnandnala]

Wait, she planned for several weeks to take off last Thursday and Friday for her great aunt to die?

How did she know several weeks ago that her great aunt would die last week?

I "think" she planned ahead for the time off for her engagement pictures and THEN the great aunt died (unexpectadely I presume?)

OP - I'm sure she didn't mean to make you feel bad - I'm sure she was just upset!

 

[tasha99]

She's grieving and what she said, frankly, doesn't sound that bad. I think you're being too sensitive. Cut her some slack and make it about her because she's grieving, and then it won't be about you.