I lost my Mother, How will I go on?

[1blessedmom]

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my mother in a sudden accident when I was 4.5 mos pregnant. I was 27, she was only 54. I wish I could say that the pain will go away, but it really never does. It does lessen and you do learn to deal with it.
My Dad died 2 years ago. I'm a 41 year old orphan.
Losing them so early has made me appreciate the beauty in an average day and in an average life. I hope you get that blessing one day too.

 

[princessjv]

In just a little over a week, I will be remembering the day my mom passed last year. Yes, I remember her each and everyday. Yes, I thought of her most of the day for many, many days after she passed. Time does heal. The pain never leaves you... but it does find a place to stay inside of you. It will find a place where you will be able to come to accept it. The place it finds will also help you move forward. Moving forward, you will do. Your mom would want you to.

Take the time you need to heal. Talk to friends. Keep yourself busy. Your memories will move you forward.

 

[LauraAnn630]

I really appreciate everyone sharing there personal stories.

Its been 11 days and Im hurting sooooo bad.

Im forcing myself to keep busy most of the time.

I have to clean her room and decide what to do with her stuff this Thursday night with the family.
My hubby doesnt think I should go but I have to. I know its going to be a bit of a set back.

Shes worth every tear.


Im so fortunate to have had such a good mother and a great relationship with her. I thank God for that everyday.


Everything Im reading here helps! Thanks to all of you!

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I really appreciate everyone sharing there personal stories.

Its been 11 days and Im hurting sooooo bad.

Im forcing myself to keep busy most of the time.

I have to clean her room and decide what to do with her stuff this Thursday night with the family.
My hubby doesnt think I should go but I have to. I know its going to be a bit of a set back.

Shes worth every tear.


Im so fortunate to have had such a good mother and a great relationship with her. I thank God for that everyday.


Everything Im reading here helps! Thanks to all of you!

 

[AshleyMWC]

I lost my dad, who I was VERY VERY close to last July. He was 57 and died from a type of dementia very similar to Alzheimers. I agree that as hard as I imagined it would be, it's incredibly more hard!! I was my dad's primary caretaker for the basically the last 2 yeares he was alive, so it was super hard to let go. I felt every emotion I could imagine- anger, sadness, guilt, you name it, I probably felt it! At first I was just like you, I woke up every single morning and in the middle of the nights, and all I could of was, he is gone. But, over time, you wake up not thinking that right off the bat. You never forget, but you will learn to remember the good times soooo much more. I have come to realize that I was luckier than a lot of people, to have such great memories of my dad. I still have nights that I stay up and cry, and honestly, I have learned that that is ok. It really does help. Keep your head up, and always remember that just because she's not right there in front of you, you can talk to her whenever you want- I know I still do

 

[lookingforward]

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away suddenly from a stroke in June at the age of 69. Nothing prepares you for any loss, much less an unexpected one. I still cry every day but the days are getting a bit easier to get through. My mom was my best friend and the one thing I know is that life will never be the same without her. What gives me strength is talking about her to my kids and dad and knowing that she would not want me to be unhappy. I cherish my memories of her and although this sounds strange I talk to her every day, while I am driving home from work. I know that I will see her again some day. And you will see your mom too. Life is eternal and I truly believe that your mom is at peace.

 

[Twende]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like she was a wonderful person. It is alright to shed those tears. Try to always find a way to smile or laugh just a bit over some good memory of her. It will help you keep her alive in your heart!

I am also dealing with a mother with Alzheimer's. It is such a terrible disease. I have not physically lost my mother yet but in one way she is already gone. I already really miss the mom that was always there for me.

Again I am so very sorry. I hope that you are able to move forward with your life and yet always hold the memory of your mom close.

 

[LauraAnn630]

Twende

I am also dealing with a mother with Alzheimer's. It is such a terrible disease. I have not physically lost my mother yet but in one way she is already gone. I already really miss the mom that was always there for me.

Exactly the way I felt.

Any kind of dementia is just terrible. We have lost family to cancer and heart disease but dementia/alzheimers was far worse.

You lose your loved one while they are alive then you lose them again when they actually die. You do everything right to care for them but they never get better, only worse. My mom got so agitated at times she was mean to us. She didnt know what she was doing. Its unbearable pain for everyone involved.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

I can't say it will be ok, because I do not know. I am going thru the same right now. My mom passed away on Friday. All I can say is that they are not suffering anymore. They are in a better place, a place where there is no pain.. only love and happiness. They will forever be with us and watch over us...

 

[Twende]

Twende

Exactly the way I felt.

Any kind of dementia is just terrible. We have lost family to cancer and heart disease but dementia/alzheimers was far worse.

You lose your loved one while they are alive then you lose them again when they actually die. You do everything right to care for them but they never get better, only worse. My mom got so agitated at times she was mean to us. She didnt know what she was doing. Its unbearable pain for everyone involved.

Oh yeah. I could have written what you wrote too. I understand the never getting better so well!

My mom has times when she is really out of control and other times when things are pretty manageable. The mean part is so crazy to me. My mom never had a mean bone in her body until now. It is so sad to see her that way.

I had a doctor describe the memory loss part of this disease like an onion. The things in the center of the onion are her earliest memories and each ring, going outwards, is a time more recent from that. The outer layers are her everyday life now and they disappear almost as soon as they happen. The layers peel away and are gone until only the center, very early life memories remain.

I am the only daughter that my mother had, but also her youngest child. I am so fearful that she is going to forget me first since technically I have been in her life the shortest amount of time.

I am the one who cares for her every second when she is not well and it is going to break my heart for her not to know who I am. I know it is coming but I am dreading that moment!


I hope you were able to sort through your mom's things and find some happy moments in all of it!

 

[bigbabyblues]

You lose your loved one while they are alive then you lose them again when they actually die. You do everything right to care for them but they never get better, only worse. My mom got so agitated at times she was mean to us. She didnt know what she was doing. Its unbearable pain for everyone involved.

This really, really hit home for me. My grandma raised me, and she's 65 now, but she also has dementia similar to Alzheimer's. She's not violent, but she doesn't speak. She doesn't seem to know we're there half the time. It breaks my heart. Like you said, I've already lost her once.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[it's kelly]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

I lost my mother less than a year ago and my father almost 19 years ago, and I haven't even made it to 30 yet. Cancer took both of their lives and it was a long, hard battle. I know how hard it is, I lost my bestfriend when I lost my mother. I can say I know I am not the same person I once was after the loss'.

 

[AllesonWonderland]

I feel exactly the same way you do OP. I lost my mom in Sept. after a 3 month battle with a brain tumor. She had just turned 56. It's very, very hard. {{{hugs}}} to you!!

 

[sandyh67]

Laura- Thank you for posting- I just found this board, and somehow it is comforting to know there are others feeling as I do. I lost my mom Dec 24th last year- She was 73, but a very young active 73 until she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer three years ago. She was my best friend as well, would choose her over anyone to go to the mall with, go to lunch with. I am lost without her, and it is still hard to believe she is gone. I have her purse in my bedroom closet and when I am missing her I pull it out and look through it, all her lists and notes. It may sound silly but it helps somehow to have that.
Shortly after my mom died my dad became very ill and died in March, not quite three months later, so it was a horrible year. Please let us know how you are doing, I will be here to post with you.

 

[zalansky]

Sandy,
My heart goes out to you! (and everyone here of course) But to lose both parents within a few months. Well, that is beyond tough. I lost both of my parents to cancer but 9 years apart. My mom was 62 when she died and I was only 29. Not yet married and no kids. I have really missed her terribly during those times when a girl really needs her mom. The holidays are always tough on me too. Dad died when he was 73 in 2007. At least he got to dance at the wedding and see my children. But I will never stop needing or missing my parents.
I just wanted you to know there are others out there like you, with both parents gone. Many hugs.

 

[sandyh67]

Thank you so much. I feel strangely alone in this world without them. Not that my husband and kids are not wonderful. No one will ever love you like your parents do, and they were the best, it is very difficult.
I have these crazy jealous feelings sometimes of others much older than me that still have their parents with them. Although I am 41, I feel waaaay too young to have lost them.
I am also heartbroken that my two littlest- ages 5 and 8 will not have the time and fun with them that my older kids did. Sleepovers with them ect. Katie the littlest may not remember much of them at all. I could go on and on. I guess I do really need someone to talk to about this. They loved the kids so very much, and my mom especially was just not ready to leave us, broke her heart knowing she would not see my oldest even graduate from high school.
Anyway- thank you so much. You see people all your life who lose one or both parents, until it happened to me I had no idea how unbearably painful it is.
to all of you

 

[Torontogal]

Thank you everybody!

Im hurting so bad right now. I know I will get better as time goes on. I know my mom would want me to go on with my life and take good care of myself and family.

It just hurts so darn bad! Its so much worse than I ever could of imagined.

I am so sorry. You will never get over it. I lost my Dad last year and I am approaching his 1 year anniversary. He passed away only 1 month after diagnosis from cancer. It is devastating and the pain is really bad. I was a daddy's girl. I told my husband that a part of me feels emotionally amputated. Take it a day at a time and take the time to grieve. Sometimes you just need a good cry. Have you thought of a local grief support group? I went to 2 and it feel comforting meeting others going through similiar losses.

 

[nana2tots]

Dear Laura,
I wish i had the words to heal you, but i don't, i lost my parent's at age 27, but losing my Dear Daughter, Sandi, (only child ) Nov. 2007, has about killed me, i thought i would never get out of bed, but thinking my Sandi would not want me to do this, and w/ my 2 Grandaughter's, her girl's, i guess that is what keeps me going, also the Faith of God!!!!
I hope and Pray that the Pain will heal.
nana

 

[LauraAnn630]

Thanks to everyone for all the nice words, experiences and prayers.

This is a most difficult time for a lot of us.

Im thinking and praying for all of you.

There are a lot of real good people here! I havent had such luck in the real world. The Disboards folks have reminded me there are still good people out there!

 

[Torontogal]

Thanks to everyone for all the nice words, experiences and prayers.

This is a most difficult time for a lot of us.

Im thinking and praying for all of you.

There are a lot of real good people here! I havent had such luck in the real world. The Disboards folks have reminded me there are still good people out there!

Hang in there - you will be okay and you WILL get through this.