I know something my SIL doest(tiny Thanksgiving)

[Mimi1965]

This is awkward

Yesterday at grandmas birthday celebration-the group started discussing Thanksgiving and what to cook
Then we got sidetracked and never continued

On the way home SIL's son went to our house to see our boat-we started talking WDW and his wife asked her husband if he had told his Mom (my SIL) they cant be there for Thanksgiving-they are going to the next state to be with her sister-who leaves the next day for WDW.
Well he didnt tell her-forgot

I know SIL doesnt see or talk to them a lot-

if we start discussing Thanksgiving (Who should bring what dish)-should I mention what they told me?

 

[Nancyg56]

I would not. This seems to be an issue with her DS and DIL so I would let them handle it . Plan the food and make changes as needed.

 

[agnes!]

I would make a point of telling the 'kids' you don't want to be the one to break the news first to SIL so they really *must* tell her as soon as possible. They've put you in a very awkward position.

Just wondering...why is this person 'SIL's son" and not your 'nephew'?

agnes!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

if we start discussing Thanksgiving (Who should bring what dish)-should I mention what they told me?

I wouldn't spill the beans, but HIGHLY encourage those not coming that they need to have a conversation... AND SOON!

My SIL routinely makes plans and then backs out, or does something else altogether. Drives.me.nuts!

On more than one occasion, my family's Thanksgiving or Christmas plans are turned on their ear to accomodate her, and no matter how often I voice my opinion, my father gives me the, "you're lucky enough to have both your parents and ILs in the same town, they are not, you need to be more tolerant" speech... and though I want to scream, I try to see both sides. (Though a good deal bit of better planning would make it easier on all of us...)

Encourage them to make a phone call. It's better than waiting until the 11th hour.

 

[luvmy3]

I assume that the DS is an adult since he has a wife, so I'm not sure why you even think you should be the one to mention it to his mother?

 

[4nana]

Nada, it's up to the son/DIL to tell his Mom they have other plans.

 

[Hannathy]

No! Never why would you even think you should? that is what I am confused about.

 

[tlbwriter]

Why is it a secret? If it comes up in conversation, I'd say "I thought they said they weren't going to be here for Thanksgiving." And if it doesn't, assume they will behave like grownups and tell her on their own.

 

[tlbwriter]

Just wondering...why is this person 'SIL's son" and not your 'nephew'?

Well, for me, it made the story more clear. Since she was talking about her SIL, obviously it's helpful if she points out that this nephew is the SIL's son. No need to make a big deal of it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd stay out of it OP. Let your SIL's son and DIL handle the "telling of the mother".

 

[agnes!]

Well, for me, it made the story more clear. Since she was talking about her SIL, obviously it's helpful if she points out that this nephew is the SIL's son. No need to make a big deal of it.

Just wondering if there was more to the story, that's all. Because sometimes on the DIS?...there *is* .

agnes!

 

[C.Ann]

Just wondering if there was more to the story, that's all. Because sometimes on the DIS?...there *is* .

agnes!

Noooooo.. Really?

---------------------------

I don't see what's so difficult here - even if there is more to the story.. Just do what you would tell any poster on here to do..

 

[LuvLDM]

I'd stay out of it OP. Let your SIL's son and DIL handle the "telling of the mother".

Agreed

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not make it a point to delve into it or run around gossiping however I am not going to "keep a secret" either.

If I am asked directly I answer questions as an adult. I left HS games long ago.

As far as the players in this, I am not even going to decode it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Or you can call SIL up and in a "singsong" voice say "Nyah, nyah...I know something you don't know...."

 

[C.Ann]

Or you can call SIL up and in a "singsong" voice say "Nyah, nyah...I know something you don't know...."

 

[Mimi1965]

Yeah-he's my DH's nephew-just trying to make the story clearer.

Yesterday both my SIL (Dh's sister)and her husband (2nd marriage-she was divorced and their Dad died) mentioned to her son "we havent seen you in so long"-so i dont think they communicate often

Usually it is me ,her and Grandma who get started planning the menu-via emails and texts-what meats-what sides. Thats the only reason I brought this up.

No drama

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So your nephew (in-law) didn't tell your husband's sister that they weren't coming to Thanksgiving. Your niece asked said husband if he told her.

What did he say? Did he say yes or no? If he said no, then his wife knows about the breakdown in communication and should deal with it. If SIL's son lied to his wife, then maybe you should mention it if your SIL doesn't know by a few days before Thanksgiving.

 

[robinb]

Yeah-he's my DH's nephew-just trying to make the story clearer.

Yesterday both my SIL (Dh's sister)and her husband (2nd marriage-she was divorced and their Dad died) mentioned to her son "we havent seen you in so long"-so i dont think they communicate often

Usually it is me ,her and Grandma who get started planning the menu-via emails and texts-what meats-what sides. Thats the only reason I brought this up.

No drama

I would say that once you start going through menu planning you do a quick nose count. If the nephew and the wife are included I would shoot a private email or text to the SIL and tell her what you know. Since there are 3 of you planning all of you need to know how many people are planning to attend.

 

[Mimi1965]

I think I might need a family tree or graph or something, but from what I understand:

So your SIL's son (nephew-in-law?) didn't tell your SIL they weren't coming to Thanksgiving. Your SIL's son's wife (SIL's DIL, aka your niece-in-law-in-law) asked said husband (SIL's son, aka your newphew-in-law) if he told her.

What did he say? Did he say yes or no? If he said no,

then his wife knows about the breakdown in communication and should deal with it. .

You are correct
Its totally no "big Deal" to them-but every time one or both her sons skips her Holiday Dinner (and attends the wife side-which HAS to happen-we all know)it breaks her heart.