I just spent the last hour and a half crying.. I wish Pop Daddy was awake..

[C.Ann]

Why Pop Daddy? Because no matter what is going on in my life it seems like he can always make me laugh.. He really has a "gift" in that regard..

So why was I crying? Well - I guess the sad events finally caught up with me big time.. I'm one of those people whose mind "races" when they try to go to sleep and although I thought I was tired, I laid down, my mind started to wander, and the next thing I knew I was just crying and crying and couldn't stop..

The odd thing is that I'm not crying for my DD - and I'm not crying for me.. I'm crying for DD's friend..

I just DON'T understand it.. She walked into that hospital on her own.. How could she never come back out again? What happened? What went wrong?

It's not fair.. In my eyes she was still a "baby".. She was only 31 years old.. She should have lived another 50 years.. She never got to marry.. Never got to have children.. Never knew the joy of a grandchild? WHY ??

When young people are taken away due to a tragic car accident or something of that nature it's every bit as painful, I'm sure, but when someone gets "sick" - just regular sick - not like cancer or something - don't they get a second chance? Why couldn't she have a second chance?

I keep telling God it's a mistake.. He has to send her back.. She's too young.. It's too soon..

I've always been good about accepting God's will.. For some reason I just can't do it this time.. It's not fair.. Her line of work was helping troubled kids.. Those kids NEED her.. Why would God take her away from those kids?

I keep thinking that this is nothing more than a very long and drawn out nightmare.. At some point I'll wake up and think, "Wow! That was a REALLY bad one!"

I want her to come back.. I really, really do.....

 

[preshi]

 

[mamajoan]

 

[KimRaye]

This is so NOT unexpected C.Ann. You have had to deal with a huge loss for your DD, all the while dealing with your own DH's health issues, and those of your DD's and then this, a real BLOW to your DD's stability. It's no wonder that the 'real' is setting in. You are feeling some enormous pressure as well right now, I believe, in keeping your DD safe. SO expected.

Please vent away, and get it out. Cry like you never cried before if you need to, but know that someone here will be listening and praying for you all.

 

[N.Bailey]

I don't have any hug smilely, or I'd send you one. It's all just building up. It was bound to catch up with though. You've been keeping yourself pulled together to help your daughter get through it all. It's your turn now! Just let it out. You don't have to be strong all the time.

I believe in God, and I don't know why he took her away at such a young age, but we have to believe he did this for a reason. I really wish we had the answers you're so desperately wanting to hear right now and I know it isn't fair, but we have to hold on to our faith at times like these. I believe that faith is the only way to get through difficult times. I will definitely say a prayer for you and your daughter tonight.

Did your daughter make it through the services ok? I really hope they didn't do anything to make her fell unwelcome.

 

[poohandwendy]

I could try writing "long post', but it just isn't the same coming from anyone but PD..

Hugs...very sad situation. I totally understand your feelings. I try to look at sudden death or fatal illness of a of a young person and try to remember that every life, long lived or short...has a special purpose for those who were touched by them. It's like the 'butterfly effect'. The people she 'touched' will never be the same because of her.

She LIVES on through those people. Sometimes thinking of it in that way is the ONLY thing that makes it at all bearable.

You and your DD continue to be in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[Serena]

Jason has that affect on me too. I don't know how he does it, he's just good at it.

If it's any comfort, I'm very sure that if he were here, he'd be doing his best to make you laugh.

I wish I could make the hurt go away.

 

[Pongo69]

C.Ann I often wonder why things happen the way they do, and even though we are not suppose to question God we do because it's human nature.
God has a purpose for everything he does. We might not understand it, but as you know his will be done. Remember "GOD WILL PUT NO MORE ON US THAN WE CAN BEAR"
I think about this all the time because I now know my dad wouldn't return to this earth for anything just as your daughters friend wouldn't want to either. They are seated in God's House rejoicing in all his glory. Although I know my daddy loves me, he nor anyone in heaven would ever give up that beautiful spiritual peace they now have with Our Father God.

God Bless

 

[wdw4us]

I'm not aware of the whole story but just reading yoru comments, you may be sliding down the slippery slope of depression. Be very careful and see a Dr. if you continue.

It is so easy to fall into this. I did the same thing after dealing with sickness with my Father. My husband saw signs of something but didn't know how to help. He called my Dr and brought me in.

I didn't know at the time what was wrong with me but talking to her and him helping me through it saved my sanity.

Take care, watch yourself and crazy as it sounds, your diet and exercise will help a lot.

denise

 

[goofy4tink]

Good morning C.Ann. Isn't a delayed reaction wonderful?! I know what you mean. My head does the exact same thing at night. I just lie there and think, think, think. And the outcome is usually not good. We're all here for you. It has been a horrible situation that you've been in, as well as your dd. It's bad enough when you go through it yourself, but to have your dd so involved in something so awful....well, like I tell my kids, mess with me and that's not so bad, but mess with my kid and something bad is gonna happen. So, you have had a double whammy. Hope today is better, and tonight you get some well-deserved rest. Crying is good, it helps get it all out. Okay, now it's pop daddy's turn.

 

[Pooh93]

You have been through so much over the last year and it could all be catching up with you. Good thoughts for you and you are always there to take care of everyone else, I hope someone can be there for you and if not, there's always us!

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[Pop Daddy]

Im sorry , sometimes it feels like if we slow down the world will run over us

 

[onecoolmama]

Hang in there!

 

[Dan Murphy]

 

[HollyJoy]

 

[browneyes]

Pop Daddy makes me cry (but that's because I'm laughing so hard he makes me cry).

 

[leahannpen]

You seem to be going through so much emotionally. Please hang in there.

I know EXACTLY what you mean about laying down, then every single thing going on in your life, runs through your brain and you feel you will never, ever sleep. That is a BAD feeling!

 

[TNCarole]

 

[Rajah]