I just need to freak, vent, cry, scream.... (deployment)

Silent1CB

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 23, 2009
Messages
1,519
Too much to go into here. Let's just leave it at we knew DH would probably be assigned to a unit to deploy nearly next year. There were some signs months ago that he could deploy this fall. Most likely wasn't going to deploy with a unit leaving this summer. We've been asking for about 6 months. Maybe longer. Looked good so we booked a non-WDW trip for this summer.

And of course, a letter arrives today saying assigned to unit deploying this summer. Honestly, the trip is not what I'm upset about.

I'm just sort of freaking at the short notice when we thought we would have a year notice like the unit he's being assigned to had. I'm not ready for 3 months short notice. First deployment.

Actually, hoping its a mix up because Monday he was supposed to leave for training with unit he was to go with next year, and he was going to be gone all of June to train with them again.

Now its pushed up & he's going with another unit. He didn't get all the training they've done over the past year. He's HQ. He hasn't been in a unit for years. He really needs this training.

Keep in mind this is all immediate reaction to letter that just arrived. I haven't had a chance to process this all yet. I'm reacting.

27+ yrs and 1st deployment. We know he needs to go. We accept that.

Trying not to cry. Feel sick to my stomach. We do not live near a base. No other wives to talk to. Full time & part time ARNG.
 
I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be.. I wish I had some words to make you feel better but I know sometimes nothing really helps.

Thank you to you and your family for the sacrifices you make for our country. :hug:
 

I don't want to be a blubbering idiot. I want to be stronger than this. Can others tell me how you've reacted. I don't want to be a burden to him.
 
27+ yrs and 1st deployment. We know he needs to go. We accept that.

Trying not to cry. Feel sick to my stomach. We do not live near a base. No other wives to talk to. Full time & part time ARNG.

Holy cow! You've been lucky so far. I'm sorry he has to go now. It might not seem like it now, but the short notice is a good thing in a way. There is less time to dwell on it, less time for pre-deployment arguements, less time to worry. The sooner he goes, the sooner he comes home. Hang in there.:grouphug:
 
:hug:

Years ago during the first Gulf War, my DH was Marine Reserves. He was activated the day before Thanksgiving. (I was pregnant and on bed rest) We were expecting it, but it still was a HUGE shock.

He was on the Kuwait border within two weeks.

So two weeks to get ID cards (they were screwed up) Move me and DS to my parent's basement because I was a pitiful pregnant person and try to take it all in.

Girl, I am with you, because I was there. Back then there wasn't email and Skype - and Marine's don't tell you where they are. I didn't hear from him until March. Had the baby April 10 and he was home 10 days later.

That whole time in my life was a blur.

Take advantage of your support system. They will be your strength.
 
My ex was in a non-deployable unit the first 7 years we were married. We got orders to another duty station. Within 4 months he was deploying. It was exactly as you stated when you said you felt all those emotions. Its harder there is no one there to talk to. I lived in a different state, far from family with all of the kids to take care of etc. I was mad, sad, weepy, fearful etc.

Just remember, honestly, some get even less notice than we did. Some wives hear about hours ahead of time depending on the task of their dh's unit. Hold on to the fact you have 'notice' at all and make these coming months wonderful. Do fun things, do the chore list together before he goes. Remember when you are arguing about inconsequential things it is probably because he feels the same way you do. So, try as hard as you can not to carry over those feelings into the day to day relationship. Open up and say to him the truth...this was unexpected and emotionally you are having a harder time getting used to the events. Be honest that it isn't him or the Army...its your emotions and you are trying to get a handle on it.

Just my two cents..and God Bless you and your family. I am very thankful for your dh and I am so very sorry your family will have to go through the separation ahead.

Kelly
 
I don't want to be a blubbering idiot. I want to be stronger than this. Can others tell me how you've reacted. I don't want to be a burden to him.

A lot of couples detach or become distant right before deployment. It's common to fight more as the deployment nears. He may be a little excited about going and that might make him feel guilty. You might start to feel desparate to make "every moment count." To fit in enough family fun to last the year. You might even find yourself wishing he would just go already and get it over with.
Talk about your feelings, don't hide them. Realize that these emotions are very common reactions, you aren't alone.

DH has been away for 15 months now. He was in Germany, now Afghanistan. We have 11 left to go. This is his umpteenth deployment, and everytime we go through the same sort of emotions. The only difference is that now I know how to deal with them better.
 
Thank you for the replies. I know I should be thankful for any notice. I get that.

Yes, he's HQ which is a non-deployable unit, but we aren't stupid & knew he would probably go as a fill-in for units that needed more. That's what he's doing. Most of his HQ non-deployable unit already has or will be.

I think I was mentally prepared for next year. Just shocked by the letter that said July 2010. Honestly, when I read it, my brain read it as 2011. It wasn't until I reread it as 2010 that I freaked.

I called him at work about the letter. He had no idea. He made some phone calls since we works at HQ & some are telling him he's still going with the unit next year, and to still go on his training next wk(& wk after) and to disregard this letter.

Disregard? I hope they are right, but I would feel better seeing that in writing so he isn't picked up for being AWOL when he doesn't show up to train with them or deploy with them.

Obviously, someone isn't talking to someone at HQ. :confused3 I hope this gets sorted out ASAP so we know what the heck is going on.
 
A lot of couples detach or become distant right before deployment. It's common to fight more as the deployment nears. He may be a little excited about going and that might make him feel guilty. You might start to feel desparate to make "every moment count." To fit in enough family fun to last the year. You might even find yourself wishing he would just go already and get it over with.
Talk about your feelings, don't hide them. Realize that these emotions are very common reactions, you aren't alone.

DH has been away for 15 months now. He was in Germany, now Afghanistan. We have 11 left to go. This is his umpteenth deployment, and everytime we go through the same sort of emotions. The only difference is that now I know how to deal with them better.

15 down & 11 to do? OMG! I had no idea. :grouphug: :worship: I don't know how you do it.
 
All I can offer is a thank you to your family and pray for God to bless all of you.
 
:hug: I don't know what to say. :( Hang in there.
 
Many thanks to your DH for serving our country.:cheer2:
 
15 down & 11 to do? OMG! I had no idea. :grouphug: :worship: I don't know how you do it.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant to say that I understand where you are right now, because we've been there.
 
Since you said he is at HQ, has he talked to anyone in S-1 to help him figure out what in the world is happening? Is he Reserves currently serving on Active Duty or is he Active Duty? If he is Reserves, his branch should also be able to help him sort this mess out.
 
I am in the same boat as you. DH works in HQ ARNG and got his orders about a month ago that he would be deploying this fall. Been in for 19 years and this is his 1st deployment to a war zone. He has gone away before to Kosovo, but only for 3 months at a time. So, we were getting prepared for a October/November deployment when we were told last week that oh, we moved your deployment up, you are now leaving Aug 5th!! Needless to say, we were not too happy.

We are heading to WDW in May and then when we get back he will be leaving for training on June 1. From then on, we probably won't see him again until a few days before his deployment date, to say goodbye. I have a plethora of emotions going on right now. Sadness, anger, grief, frightful, etc. DD7 has been very strong about it which makes me feel guilty, because I should be the strong one for her!

We are just trying to focus on the time we have together now and we don't even talk much about the deployment. We filled out all the paperwork and have everything in the house in order, so we are now just living out life as usual. Some nights I wake up and look at him sleeping and cry because I know in a few months I will be looking at his pillow instead.

It's a toughh thing to go through, but we can get through it. PM me if you ever want to talk. BTW, where are you from?
 
I am in the same boat as you. DH works in HQ ARNG and got his orders about a month ago that he would be deploying this fall. Been in for 19 years and this is his 1st deployment to a war zone. He has gone away before to Kosovo, but only for 3 months at a time. So, we were getting prepared for a October/November deployment when we were told last week that oh, we moved your deployment up, you are now leaving Aug 5th!! Needless to say, we were not too happy.

We are heading to WDW in May and then when we get back he will be leaving for training on June 1. From then on, we probably won't see him again until a few days before his deployment date, to say goodbye. I have a plethora of emotions going on right now. Sadness, anger, grief, frightful, etc. DD7 has been very strong about it which makes me feel guilty, because I should be the strong one for her!

We are just trying to focus on the time we have together now and we don't even talk much about the deployment. We filled out all the paperwork and have everything in the house in order, so we are now just living out life as usual. Some nights I wake up and look at him sleeping and cry because I know in a few months I will be looking at his pillow instead.

It's a toughh thing to go through, but we can get through it. PM me if you ever want to talk. BTW, where are you from?

:grouphug:
I would say glad to have company in my boat, but would rather neither of us were in the boat honestly. Good luck. Yes, PMs might be in order.
 
Too much to go into here. Let's just leave it at we knew DH would probably be assigned to a unit to deploy nearly next year. There were some signs months ago that he could deploy this fall. Most likely wasn't going to deploy with a unit leaving this summer. We've been asking for about 6 months. Maybe longer. Looked good so we booked a non-WDW trip for this summer.

And of course, a letter arrives today saying assigned to unit deploying this summer. Honestly, the trip is not what I'm upset about.

I'm just sort of freaking at the short notice when we thought we would have a year notice like the unit he's being assigned to had. I'm not ready for 3 months short notice. First deployment.

Actually, hoping its a mix up because Monday he was supposed to leave for training with unit he was to go with next year, and he was going to be gone all of June to train with them again.

Now its pushed up & he's going with another unit. He didn't get all the training they've done over the past year. He's HQ. He hasn't been in a unit for years. He really needs this training.

Keep in mind this is all immediate reaction to letter that just arrived. I haven't had a chance to process this all yet. I'm reacting.

27+ yrs and 1st deployment. We know he needs to go. We accept that.

Trying not to cry. Feel sick to my stomach. We do not live near a base. No other wives to talk to. Full time & part time ARNG.

First of all, :hug:. My DH was deployed in 2007 after 26 years in the Guard, and after never having been deployed before. He was a year in Afghanistan as part of an embedded training team for the Afghan National Police. In real life, he's a musician, but in ARNG, a field artilleryman (from way back when), and had also been HQ for several years before being deployed. Actually, they pulled 16 people from all over the state -- didn't even deploy with a unit.

First things first. Google deployment list and start working. You don't have time to worry, etc. He will have the support he needs through his unit. You need to get your act together. Get your network of people that will be able to help (if you have kids, who can babysit). Put together a control journal of sorts with names and phone numbers -- handymen, neighbors, everything. This is a time for you to show your mettle, what you're made of. You can do this.

Get involved. There will be a family readiness unit, and there will be opportunities to support the unit throughout the deployment. Ours was very disjointed because they were pulled from all over, but a very dedicated and very passionate wife took it upon herself -- scheduled conference calls monthly, coordinated needs of the men, and really made the time bearable. So much can be done electronically. We're in Illinois and they tried to hook us up with a group from Kansas (totally different unit), but this woman took it upon herself to coordinate our group.

When I realized that his safety was too big for me to worry about, and that there was nothing I could do about it, I was able to focus on what needed to be done on the homefront to keep things running.

Hang in there. You are stronger than you believe you are. Best wishes -- feel free to PM me.
 





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