I just need someone to talk to.

[DSNY4ever]

I totally agree with the waiting at least 6 months for your boyfriend to get settled and make sure he likes the new job. Because if it doesn't work out then you gave up your good job for no reason. Will you be able to find something else pretty easily when you make the move?

Other than that, just and good luck. Change can be scary but it can also be exciting. Will you be any closer to a Disney park?

 

[WaltD4Me]

I went through the same thing 10 years ago, it is a very, very hard thing.

My boyfriend got a great job 4 hours away, we were living together at the time, he wanted me to come, but all my family is here, I had a 4 year old niece I adored and another niece just born, my brother was planning to get married and I am very close to my parents. I just could not imagine living 4 hours away...especially from my nieces. In the end, I decided not to go. We tried a long distance relationship and it worked for awhile, but at that time, the plan was for my boyfriend to move back here. Then he got a great promotion at his job and couldn't find anything even close here, so he stayed and we eventually broke up. We are still friends to this day though. It was sad and really hard. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had gone, but I honestly don't have any regrets.

 

[QuirkyButterfly]

Maybe your mom can help you to make his decision. I really don't know what to advice you, but I know that "mommys" can help you most of the times when we are passing through a rough time or times were we have to make decissions.

Thanks, you're right she will probably make the decision easier for me. Mum's are very good at fixing everything

Keep working on the pros and cons.
The fact that you are likely to find a job is a great plus!
You might find that your friends will want to visit you in your new location.
Your mom might be excited for you to have this opportunity. Good luck with the conversation with her.
Dig roots deeper vs. spead wings? Good luck!

Thankyou for giving me more positives to think on. Conversation happens tonight after work. She left England for Australia when she was 16 and left her mum there, so she can't be too upset that I am moving elsewhere in the same country. I think she will be ok.

Best of luck in making your decision. It sounds like a tought one.Penny

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

Hi QuirkyButterfly

I understand how you feel, when my partner moved to a different city I chose to follow along too... I'm not sure how far you would be moving (being in Australia it could be really far!!!)

Roy

In Australia it could be really far, luckily it's not so bad just the next state over. Thanks for your thoughts, I really appreciate how many people are thinking of me.

A couple of thoughts - would it be feasible for your boyfriend to move and settle in for a period of time before you make the move?
Good luck with whatever you decide. It's a big step but I am sure it will all work out.

I think he will have to go ahead and get set up first, at the moment we are thinking that I will join him after Christmas. He needs to start pretty soon and I don't want to leave work until after Christmas because they will already be short staffed. Not to mention I want to be here to help mum with Christmas, not the best time to be leaving family. Thanks for your advice and kind words.

It is not hard now a days to keep in touch with family back home. Get a skype account and a couple of cheap web cameras and you can still see your mom every day. If you give it a shot and it doesn't work out you can move back. I would rather go try something and fail at it than sit around wondering what could have been.

Hope this helps. If not sorry for wasting 5 minutes of your life.

Thanks for telling me your story, hearing what everyone has to say and what they have already gone through is helping so much. The Skype account is such a good idea and one that I hadn't thought of. I already have a camera and mic built into my laptop, and it wouldn't be hard to get mum set up. Thanks for the idea.

I agree. I chose to leave New Orleans at a really young age and I don't regret it. I've lived a few different places and have benefited greatly from those experiences. I miss home and I may go back soon, but I don't regret leaving. There is so much that people miss out on because they aren't willing to go outside of their comfort zone. You can always move back to the place you are now. If it can be financially and culturally rewarding, then maybe you should give it a try. But, I would pray about it first.

You are right it is good to try something different, it is just difficult for me to step out of my comfort zone, but everyone’s post are really helping me to feel more confident and positive about change. Thankyou.

I agree on giving it 6 months to make sure your BF is happy at the new job. It will be tough. But take it one day at a time.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

At the moment it looks like it will be 2 months apart, I haven't spent more than 1 night apart from him since we started living together so it will be tough. Thanks for your best wishes.

 

[QuirkyButterfly]

This a very difficult and personal decision for you to make. I hope that our posts are giving you some things to think about and some insight for those of use who have followed wherever our partner has lead us. Let me share my story.
My first time away from home took me out of the country! That was a culture shock to say the least! I missed EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! My sister in law took the time to go around town with a video camera and filmed our family members at work, went to coffee with friends, etc and sent it to us. I wore that tape out! I was able to find work. I missed my family and friends dearly. This was before the internet boom and the phone was very expensive. Snail mail was my dearest friend.
I look at each move as a form of growth for myself and my family. I have the benefit of the having the mindset that if I don't like a particular place, I know it's not forever. We will soon be on the move again. We've never been in any one place for more than three years over the past 18 years. Some jobs my DH enjoys and he's happy, others not so much and he can't wait to be on the go again. I made the personal choice to follow this man. Someday we will settle down and live where it's always warm and I can throw away all the boxes that my electronics originally came in. We will live in a house that we took the time to find not the "hurry up and find a place" kind of home. But it's always fun/frustrating putting a house together and finding there isn't enough space for your existing stuff or the house is bigger than the stuff you have. It's all good and all part of the adventure.
It's all scary, exciting, joyful, stressful. Moving is taxing on oneself as well as a relationship. But we've made it work and I hope that it does for you as well.
My mom and I are very close as well. She looks at our various locales as an adventure for herself. Without us moving, she says she'd never get to see the country. She's been everywhere we've been, except Europe (one she shouldn't have missed!) She enjoys the travel. We enjoy "just us" time when she comes, as I usually take time off for her visit. We still talk on the phone almost daily.
I hope that you take some good time for self reflection and talk openly with your partner. It's a big change for both of you. Be open with your feelings and keep your pro/con list going.
Good luck!

Thanks for sharing your story, wow your are so brave to be on the move all the time. It is nice to hear from so many people who have followed their partners it makes me feel like I am not alone in this, if so many people have made it work I can too. It is just a hard thing to do.

i was in a similar situation when i was younger.

My husband works in politics, so it is very important for him to be close to our state capitol. BUT i wanted to live in the city where my family lives. We are not far, but it is farther than I want to be for sure.

I used to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins literally everyday, because we all had breakfast together at my grandma's EVERY MORNING before work (seriously) so even though i moved only a short distance away, it felt REALLY FAR.

It was tough at first, and for a LONG time I was reluctant to settle in. Just in the past year or so I have started to enjoy my location a little more. I have made some good friends, and I actually LIKE being at my house on the weekends, and don't feel the need to visit my family as often.

It took some time, and ultimately some effort, but now I am pretty happy. I spent the first few years lamenting that i wasn't where i wanted to be (of course i wanted to be with my husband, but you know) and i literally had to TRY to like it here, but once i did put forth some effort it worked.

It will be tough, but if you decide to move i urge you to not waste too much time wishing you were someplace else, I spent some pretty miserable years hating where I was, and that is no fun, and truly unnecessary.

Good luck to you. I hope that everything works out for you.

That was really good advice, thankyou. I will try my best to be 100% committed, and to do my best to like it. I really don't want to spend my time miserable. I will start looking on the internet for things to do on the weekends, I am a real foodie so if they have a good fresh food market close to where we will be it will make me happy, or a community garden. Wow I am thinking about good things I can find. Thanks.

I wish you all the best and hope you and your boyfriend find lasting happiness with each other.

Just as this is a change, there will always be changes you'll have to face throughout all of your life. This is just one of 1,000's that will come up from time to time.
Some of them will be monumental in scope & the others just ripples on an ocean.

Every day will always give you options... which one you choose is entirely up to you

This is really the biggest change we have faced, moving in together happened so quickly and smoothly that it was hardly a ripple at all. I really do hope that we will make it forever, I love him so much. Thanks for your kind words.

tough stuff...and there's great advice here

I always remind myself - if i'm asking a question out loud, I all ready know my true answer in my heart and mind, but i'm trying to justify it....by hearing from others.

Foremost - be honest with yourself - list your priorities in order, pros/cons a good idea, and most importantly - trust your gut instinct. It often tells us what we need to hear.

Good luck to you.

Thanks for your advice, with everybody’s input I am feeling better already.

Lots of good advice here.

For myself, I would not have BF go ahead first if I thought of him as my SO and was committed to a lifelong relationship. The move and transition to a new job will be stressful to him too and I'd want to be there to support him during that time to give him the best chance of success. Someone once told me marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. His success is my success and vice versa. I believe in that but then when it comes to relationships, I'm an old fuddy duddy

Also, if things worked out and you joined him, you would be moving into his space and would have to displace his things to find space for your things... Maybe you would have preferred a different neigborhood/community, etc. If I had to make a move like this (and I have) I would want to be an active part of the adventure.

Best of luck

cheers,

Unfortunately out of necessity it looks like we will be going at different times, but it wont be for 6 months which is good. He is really just going to find a place and then I will join him after Christmas, I will keep most of the things with me and he will just have the basics, so I won't have to move in on his space too much, Thanks for your advice, and your well wishes.

I totally agree with the waiting at least 6 months for your boyfriend to get settled and make sure he likes the new job. Because if it doesn't work out then you gave up your good job for no reason. Will you be able to find something else pretty easily when you make the move?

Other than that, just and good luck. Change can be scary but it can also be exciting. Will you be any closer to a Disney park?

I will be a couple of hours closer to Disney, but still have an over 20 hour flight. But every hour is an hour closer. I love that we on the boards automatically factor Disney into our decisions, I admit it has gone through my head that with the money used on the move means that I will have to save for longer

Thanks so much for your advice.

I went through the same thing 10 years ago, it is a very, very hard thing.

My boyfriend got a great job 4 hours away, we were living together at the time, he wanted me to come, but all my family is here, I had a 4 year old niece I adored and another niece just born, my brother was planning to get married and I am very close to my parents. I just could not imagine living 4 hours away...especially from my nieces. In the end, I decided not to go. We tried a long distance relationship and it worked for awhile, but at that time, the plan was for my boyfriend to move back here. Then he got a great promotion at his job and couldn't find anything even close here, so he stayed and we eventually broke up. We are still friends to this day though. It was sad and really hard. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had gone, but I honestly don't have any regrets.

I am so sorry that it didn't work out for you, but happy that you seem to have made the right decision for you in the end. Thanks for letting me know of your experiences, it means a lot to me that so many people have taken the time to write something.

 

[QuirkyButterfly]

I just want to give a massive big thanks to all of you who have shared their experiences with me, given me such good advice and sent their love and support. It has really meant a lot to me, and has helped me so much to get my thoughts straight. Last night when I first posted I was in such a negative head space that I really couldn't see anything good that could come out of moving. When I woke up this morning and so many people had left messages it really filled me with hope that I can make this work. I have started to think of all the exciting things that this could mean for us. I am still sad and have my concerns and I know that it will be very hard to leave everything behind especially my mother but as so many of you pointed out she is a phone call away and I can visit her. I think last night my mind went straight to doom and I was thinking that I would lose her completely which is pretty stupid. I will tell her tonight after work, wish me luck.

My boyfriend has been really wonderful as well, he is so happy to have gotten this job but he knows how much I will be giving up to move with him. He has been so supportive and understanding and he really is trying to make this as easy one me as possible. We are really lucky to have each other.

I think what makes these boards so special is the outpouring of support when one of us is going through a hard time in their life. You really all are wonderful people.

Thanks again.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

Oh Alice! We haven't spoken in such a long time! You'll have to PM me and we'll do AC when he leaves.

I left my family and moved from Missouri to Los Angeles to be with Ian. My mom was in a nursing home at the time, so you can imagine my guilt! Well, i discussed it with her and she gave me her blessing and boy was that a relief! I was 34 at the time, too.

My good friend went to the opposite coast, but for her it was work related and her mother ended up moving to join her a couple years later, when she had her first child. You are going to be just fine!!!!

 

[QuirkyButterfly]

Oh Alice! We haven't spoken in such a long time! You'll have to PM me and we'll do AC when he leaves.

I left my family and moved from Missouri to Los Angeles to be with Ian. My mom was in a nursing home at the time, so you can imagine my guilt! Well, i discussed it with her and she gave me her blessing and boy was that a relief! I was 34 at the time, too.

My good friend went to the opposite coast, but for her it was work related and her mother ended up moving to join her a couple years later, when she had her first child. You are going to be just fine!!!!

Nancy it was great to hear from you, I have been absent from the boards and AC for a while. Thanks for your support, I will get in touch to arrange a time to play. I also have high speed internet now so that should make it easier.

 

[adsrtw]

Please consider your feelings about moving before setting things in motion. If you aren't happy too, it could bring heartache and resentment (been there, done that, and I have the diploma to prove it).

Good luck! I am hoping for the best!

 

[chaoscent]

Sounds like you are happy with your choice. Good for you. Having a soul mate makes life oh so much nicer. Penny

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I agree with the PP that said you should give it a try.

The experience will be full of lessons and memories.

My family is all in Ohio, yet I took a job in North Carolina (about 500 miles away). I ended up finding my husband there and loving NC for 17 years.

It was so difficult to be apart from my family and friends, but you build new relationships, and the old ones stay strong and often don't involve the drama of living close together.

My husband's company moved us to WA almost two years ago. Now I'm 2300 miles from my family and friends. It has been difficult, but I wouldn't have traded this experience. The Northwest has been wonderful.

Last week we were asked to move to South Carolina. Though we will be closer to our loved ones, I'm so sad to be leaving WA. I have changed my feelings about this one hundred times a day. I just wish someone would make the decision for me at times. lol

I never would have imagined how attached I would become to this area, my home, and the friends I have made here.

You might be surprised as well. Good luck!

 

[3DisneyKids]

I am going to give a slightly different angle. And really, this is just something else to throw into the mix...you have already received a lot of great advice here, and I am certainly not the expert as to what is best for your life.

You say that you have been together for 4 years. This is a long time. You also say that you are great together and love each other very much and all of that goodness. I have to say that I think I would be hard-pressed to give up everything in my life (location, job, friends, family) for someone to whom I wasn't married; with whom I didn't have a lifelong commitment.

Certainly, you can't or shouldn't force marriage. But I would be wary, like I said, of walking away from my current life without that level of commitment.

 

[alebisi]

Hey Alice how did it went with your mom? Are you feeling much better now?