I just have to vent.

[brockash]

Well, after listening to hours this week of my friend talking to me about it, it kinda is my business.

What I feel isn't my business is to tell her what I think.

Which is why I came on here and vented. By venting, it makes me able to politely listen to her, nod and smile, and keep my big fat opinion to myself.

I think the Disboards are a lovely pressure valve .

To another poster who asked why she jumped jobs twice, it was because she felt like the previous bosses/coworkers weren't being tolerant enough of her repeated post-pregnancy absences. She did have the all-powerful doctor's note, and was complaining that the boss and her co-workers were not sympathetic enough to her new mother status.

And I also want to add that if you are a ball busting childless career woman, I totally support that. In my previous post I described myself as someone who was not that, however, if you are that (and several of my friends are), then you go, girl! There's room for all of us. .

Why can't you be a ball busting career woman with children

 

[mjkacmom]

She was due the week before the conference - which means she was 4 months pregnant during the interview when asked if there was anything that would prevent her from going to Hawaii for the conference.

And since you asked her the direct question, and she lied, she deserved to be fired. However, the OP's friend wasn't asked if she had any reason to think she'd be able to go on a conference.

 

[wvjules]

Why can't you be a ball busting career woman with children

I'm guessing because if you "bust balls" you can't have children.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Why can't you be a ball busting career woman with children

I never said you couldn't. Sure you can.

I just wanted to make sure I didn't inadvertently insult the ball busting career women without kids on the list.

 

[brockash]

I never said you couldn't. Sure you can.

I just wanted to make sure I didn't inadvertently insult the ball busting career women without kids on the list.

Oh, okay I was just a little confused

 

[kafitty]

just wow. i'm 22, and suddenly i'm completely horrified. i never, ever even thought of anything like this...probably because i'm so anti-kid in my life at this point, it never dawned on me that people would look at me like a breeding ground.

i'm really ticked off that there are people who abuse the system like this, and make things harder for me.

OP, i totally understand your need to vent! you're definitely doing the right thing by coming here to do it...nobody is really that good that they are above judging someone else, but we can at least be civil about it to their faces. hahah.

 

[bluesaturn]

Women seem to be outnumbering men in college. Once the baby boomers retire, employers may be forced to hire us evil females of breeding age.

 

[Cindy F]

I see both sides, have been on both sides...as a coworker as well as an employer dealing with this issue and it's a hard one all the way around.

1) I didn't want to feel like I couldn't have a career and children.

2) It stinks as a co worker when you are the one that is asked to work overtime constantly as well as working short because someone is out on maternity leave or using FMLA here and there due to morning sickness etc.
It's not like there are an abundance of nurses out there to step right in when someone is out...even if there were-you have to hold the position. You want to help, you know the other person needs the time off but...4 and 5 12 hour ICU shifts in a row is exhausting. Since most nurses are female it seems like there is always someone out on maternity leave, so it's not like it's a one or two time deal.

3) It is HORRIBLE as an employer to try and schedule shifts to where all the patients are taken care of, those out on FMLA are accommodated, and others are not asked to work extra.

I wish this problem had an easy answer but if it does--I haven't found it yet.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't understand why it matters to you?
Maybe she wanted her children close in age? She didn't get pregnant on her own. Not being rude but I don't really understand your vent.

A woman should NEVER apologize for being pregnant or feel she should be ashamed for accepting a position as a pregnant person. We are more than half the human race and childbearing is the nature of our biology. I do not understand why this offends you. If this country were more civilized in its treatment of pregnant and nursing women, women like your friend would not feel it necessary to "hide" their conditions.

She doesn't have to tell them she's pregnant and they're not allowed to ask her either. They could be sued. She's really done nothing wrong and it's up to the company to deal with it. It's not really your problem so why does it bother you so much? I was a SAHM and work now my kids are grown and those were our choices and I've seen others do what your friend did. Although I do have to question how much of a friend you are if you feel this way about her life choices.

BTW, the argument that a woman that doesn't have or plan to have kids should get the job sounds just as sexist as saying a man should get it because he won't be going out on maternity leave.

She didn't lie to her employer. Disclosing a pregnancy is not part of the job application process - by law. It has no place in a job interview.

btw, my thought process is that she keeps being offered what sounds like some pretty nice jobs. I'm thinking she must be talented and qualified.

----------------------

Only bothered to quote from the first page of this thread because it pretty much states how I feel..

Her life - her body - her kids - her jobs..

I'm not sure why it upsets you so much.. If she wasn't qualified for these jobs, she wouldn't be getting them - and no woman should have to "plan" her child bearing plans around their employers time table..

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I know someone who applied for a very prestigious job, she already knew she was pregnant but didn't tell them until after they had offered and she had accepted the job. I thought that was kinda unfair but as she pointed out, they cannot discriminate on the basis of her being pregnant. Well, no, but it does leave them high and dry when you go on maternity leave basically 4 months after you start the position. Fortunately she is still with the same company and they are happy with her. She's a smart woman and not a slacker so it really was just the one time thing.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I think it would actually be wrong for a woman applying for a job to tell her prospective employer that she was pregnant. Since they are not allowed to discriminate on that basis, to tell them would put them in an awkward position. If they then didn't hire her, they could be open to a lawsuit on the basis of discrimination. Sure, it might be hard to prove, but they could have a lot of legal fees to pay first. So by not telling them information that they are not legally entitled to have, she actually protects them from being tempted to do something illegal.

Teresa

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

----------------------

Only bothered to quote from the first page of this thread because it pretty much states how I feel..

Her life - her body - her kids - her jobs..

I'm not sure why it upsets you so much.. If she wasn't qualified for these jobs, she wouldn't be getting them - and no woman should have to "plan" her child bearing plans around their employers time table..

If you look at my replies, C. Ann, you'll see that I have no issue with how many kids she has or how close together, it was the abuse of her employers that annoyed me.

And it annoys me, it doesn't upset me. If it upset me, I would talk to her about it. Since it just annoys me, I vent on the Disboards because there's no point in talking to her about it.

 

[ginna74]

"If you look at my replies, C. Ann, you'll see that I have no issue with how many kids she has or how close together, it was the abuse of her employers that annoyed me. "

I get that as well... heck she can have 10 babies...it is being hired for a job and not telling them up front so they can prepare for her..and no she doesn't have to share but you know there is usually a probation period and employers can fire you if you are not working out for whatever reason ( ie um you just are working out, not what we are looking for, ie they aren't getting in trouble for fireing you) as long as it isn't illegal so it would be better to not spring a huge thing like this, yes I also consider it abuse by not telling.