I have to hand it to you SAHMs!!!

[disnutt]

Do you get the daily FlyMails and if so are they helpful?

I've been doing the Daily Digest version of the FlyMails because I was working and couldn't read the individual ones anyway! I find them helpful at reinforcing what the plan is. Also, they remind you of the zones and give you a daily mission (your special chore of the day). You can just check on the site daily if you prefer.

 

[luvdiz2]

I'm a SAHM, for almost 10 years now to two boys, 9 and 7. When they were young, the older one was hard on the younger one, and as they got older, the fighting was driving me crazy

Strangely enough, last September, I decided to keep them home and homeschool (school was cutting into WDW time ) due to problems with the school here, and lo and behold, they actually get along better. I personally thought they would drive me to drink - lol - and they surprized me.

My house has its moments, untidy/clean/untidy/clean but really, in the long run Who Cares!!

 

[disnutt]

Oops.

 

[BuzzPrincessMom]

I am a SAHM with 5 year old twins, Boy and Girl....

I haven't read all the posts, but I wanted to say Flylady.net has helped me with the housework. I don't follow everything she says, but the idea of routines and tackling something in 15minutes helped me.

And yes, somedays I want to pull my hair out and find a job. But I know this is the best thing for my family.

 

[disnutt]

I'm a SAHM, for almost 10 years now to two boys, 9 and 7. When they were young, the older one was hard on the younger one, and as they got older, the fighting was driving me crazy

Strangely enough, last September, I decided to keep them home and homeschool (school was cutting into WDW time ) due to problems with the school here, and lo and behold, they actually get along better. I personally thought they would drive me to drink - lol - and they surprized me.

My house has its moments, untidy/clean/untidy/clean but really, in the long run Who Cares!!

I agree that school interferes with Dis time too much! I'm looking forward to being able to travel off the school calendar once I'm staying home and homeschooling, too.

We notice that our kids get along better when they spend more time together. They seem to be negatively influenced by friends who don't think it is 'cool' to hang out with their siblings. After we visit one particular family where the daughters fight all the time, our girls will take days to regroup and get along like usual.

 

[jstbcuz]

I want to thank you for making me feel better. I have struggled with being a SAHM. My kids are 13, 10, and 5 months. When the first one was little I was in college and thought it was important to finish my degree (was only 1 1/2 years left) Along the way we had some issues/bad experiences with daycare. I graduated in Dec 1995 with my degree and had the second child in Jan 1996. We decided I had the rest of my life to work so I would stay home with the kids. It was tough and we went without things.....didnt drive the best cars, etc. WHen the youngest started school I had very bad seperation anxiety.....so my MIL suggested I substitute teach. Didnt think I could do it. Tried anyhow, and fell deeply in love with it. So I have been doing that the last 5 years, even considered going back to get a teaching degree. Now DS comes along, and all is fine. DH worked Sat, Sun, Mon so I could continue to teach. He recently changed jobs and works M-F now. Working is not an option as gas and daycare are way too expensive. Thoughts of daycare 12 years ago keep haunting me too. I cant stand the thought of not teaching and seeing the adults/kids on a daily basis (gives me a bit of a push in the self esteem dept, and I feel respected). When I look into Logans eyes I cant imagine him home with anyone but me or his dad. However, thanks to you all, I realize that being a SAHM is important once again in our lives no matter what sacrifices are made and what the kids are arguing about.

 

[sbpuckett]

I have been a SAHM for 4 years now. I quit teaching when my youngest was born and haven't looked back. I don't miss anything about work except for adult conversation. The first year I had an in-home daycare and hated that to be honest with you. Then we moved back home and our bills weren't nearly as much. I did start selling candles with a DS company when the baby was about 9 mos old and that provides some extra cash and some much needed adult conversation for me. Other than that - I wouldn't trade places with any working mom out there. I love taking my oldest to school every day and picking him up. I love seeing every new thing and just enjoying the highes and lows of my boys growing up. I've tried to just drink it up b/c they grow up way too fast and then they're gone. So... as someone already said, this too will pass.

I suggest outside time if you can - when my boys start fighting I know they're bored so we head outside to swing or something. Sidewalk chalk and bubbles are a big favorite for mine this summer as well. For older kids, how about some super soakers and swim trunks and set them loose outside. If we're stuck inside I just try to get them to focus on something else. A movie, a snack, reading a book, coloring, anything but what started the fight.

Once school starts back up MOPS is great for mom and the little ones!

Just hang in there - our moms got through this and so will we...

 

[natenapril]

WOW!! It's great to see so many SAHMs!!!! I have been a SAHM for 9 years now. I have 2 girls, 9 and 4, and 1 boy who is 16 months. Lately all my friends have jobs so I feel all alone in this crazy house . But it has been rewarding.
I did try to work. My DH work from 7-3. Then I would work from 4-12. That was rough. Clean and take care of the kids all day. Come home and the baby would get up to eat and need to be rocked back to sleep. I was averaging 4 hours of sleep a night. After 3 months we decided that sleep deprivation was just not worth it!!
So now I am working on my degree through U of M online. I love it !!

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I'm a SAHM to my two little ones ages 3 and 2. It's busy!

I have been doing Flylady for a while now and absolutely recommend it. It really is a fantastic program. I love to read the emails(when I get a chance) to get the encouragement, ideas, the "flywashing", etc. My house is always nice and clean, and now it's really on it's way to being decluttered.

 

[llqool]

I have four words that get me by.

THIS TOO WILL PASS!!!

Wow -- that's exactly what my mom says when I frantically call her during the middle of the day for advice on how to survive my two daughters (3 1/2 and 16 mos).

I keep trying to tell myself that, but it's so hard sometimes. Like when I am trying to cook or do *anything* and the 16 month old keeps climbing up on the table, or any other high place, over and over and OVER. And she only says a few words, so she gets terribly frustrated and then just lets out these earsplitting shrieks. During the school year, the older daughter is in a mother's day out program at a local church that is a total lifesaver to me, but in the summer, both girls are too little for "regular" camps, so it's been something of an ordeal. My husband is in the military and was deployed for two out of the last 3 years. Now he's not deployed but is working 16 and 18 hr days and lots of times gets home after the girls are already in bed. so i'm a single mom by default!

what has been giving me something of an outlet lately is doing some freelance writing for a couple of local magazines. It doesn't pay much, but it lets me use my brain and it does make me feel good to see my name in print! it's just hard sometimes to do phone interviews with people when i have two "critters" screaming in the background (or telling me -- loudly -- that they need to use the potty for #2 !). i told one guy that I was interviewing that I was "working from home today". of course, I'm working from home every day!

now, back to that article i got up at 5 am to work on (but then got on this board!)

 

[belle&beast]

I am so glad I am not alone in this endeavor! I have to say that since I posted originally, things have been better and I have been better able to enjoy my children! I guess we were all a little wired. DH even took them both to the grocery store so I could vacuum- what a guy!

 

[gottalovethem]

subscribing - I need to go back and read the posts, a SAHM, I have no time right now to read them all But I can relate to lots of what I read so far!

like the idea of having them say positives to each other
parenting specialist said to focus on the positives, which I know a mom mentioned, so I guess we are all on track

LOVE the one day at a time song

 

[dustysky]

Hmmm ...... I guess by reading here that I must be the only one who thinks its pretty darn easy to be SAHM.
I just went to work and would give anything to not HAVE to work in order to get by.
I loved being at home for all the years I did, I didn't HAVE to get up to an alarm clock, worry about being on time to punch the clock or the many other stresses that come along with working out of the home.
I loved cleaning my house and having dinner ready, being able to read a book to my kids, take them out when ever I wanted to and for how ever long I wanted.
So for me being a SAHM mom was not the hardest job in the world as so many say , being a GREAT mother and a full time employee, trying so hard to be everything to everyone,and fit it all into one day, everyday.....that's the hardest job I have had so far.

 

[gottalovethem]

Hmmm ...... I guess by reading here that I must be the only one who thinks its pretty darn easy to be SAHM.
I just went to work and would give anything to not HAVE to work in order to get by.
I loved being at home for all the years I did, I didn't HAVE to get up to an alarm clock, worry about being on time to punch the clock or the many other stresses that come along with working out of the home.
I loved cleaning my house and having dinner ready, being able to read a book to my kids, take them out when ever I wanted to and for how ever long I wanted.
So for me being a SAHM mom was not the hardest job in the world as so many say , being a GREAT mother and a full time employee, trying so hard to be everything to everyone,and fit it all into one day, everyday.....that's the hardest job I have had so far.

I love it too and am very thankful that I have this opportunity to be home with the kids. But some days are exhausting and overwhelming.

I have to say, that working PLUS being a mom has got to be quite the extra challenge, as there are even more balls to juggle. I think it's just nice for us sahm's to have someplace to go to get good ideas and to relate to other moms who may have the same frustrations -- and need for adult interaction.

 

[emma'smom]

Ok...since so many SAHM's are reading this, here's my question: Why does it seem like some (not all..not generalizing) SAHM's snub working moms? I was at a neighborhood fourth of July party the other night and talking to a woman who stays at home with her children. Another woman was sitting near us with her children and joined our conversation. She said "Oh are you a stay at home mom? When the other women said "yes" and I said "no, that I taught at the local college", she completely ignored me (wouldn't even talk to me) and eventually turned her body to block me out of the conversation". I just moved on to another conversation nearby, but it was pretty clear she was only interested in talking to SAHM's.

Also, I have a good friend who is a SAHM and she invites me to gatherings with other SAHM's sometimes. I always try to go because I want to get to know as many mom's in the community as possible (our kids go to school together) and I don't like the SAHM/Working Moms divisiveness that is out there. Anway, they are always very nice, but I always feel about like an interloper and am afraid to even mention anything about work while they openly mock childcare and even leaving children with a sitter for an evening while serving on a community board. I thought about being a SAHM and fate sent my career in another direction that had different advantages (read different, not better or worse) than me staying home would have.

Why does it seem like some SAHM's aren't interested in befriending non-SAHM's. Many will choose to go back to work eventually (when children are older). Wouldn't working moms be a good networking resource to have if nothing else?

Thoughts?

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Emmasmom, that's terrible that happened to you. It's a shame people have to act that way.

I find that it happens to me with the opposite happening. My husband had noticed this type of behavior and had pointed it out to me with backlash against SAHMS. Many times I'll see slams against moms that choose to stay home, or at a gathering the Working moms will try to shut me out as a SAHM because I'm currently not in the work force (although I had been for years before).

I guess it is happening on both sides, and it's sad because it shouldn't. We are all in this wonderful but tough field of motherhood together.

I think a lot of it comes down to people who are insecure with their own choices (on either side of the issue) and that they feel this need to shut out the person who has made a different choice.

I've really learned that those select individuals aren't worth my time. People like that aren't worth your time either.

Emmasmom, you can hang out with us anytime. I just love grown up company!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Why does it seem like some (not all..not generalizing) SAHM's snub working moms?

I don't know why either. But here are some possible reasons:
1. Envy: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Working moms are envious of the amount of time SAHMs have to spend with their children. (I know this was true of me and all my friends at least!) SAHMs are envious of the (in comparison) more interesting life of being in the work force. My life as the human kleenex today is a far cry from working for a large corporation in the technical field I recently left, and I do miss the adult interaction and mental challenges.

2. Guilt: I always felt so guilty that I didn't spend more time with my kids. Now I feel guilty that we can't give them the educational and extra-curricular opportunities we could have if I'd continued working.

3. Lack of respect: SAHMs are perceived as less interesting people, less educated, lacking ambition, and perhaps even catering to a stereotypical role of what a wife and mother should be. Working women are portrayed as callous women farming their children out for others to raise, people who value money and status and material things above the welfare of their children.
4. We are sheep: People feel more comfortable around others who are more like them. Perhaps the SAHM who snubbed you felt like she didn't have anything in common with you? (Doesn't excuse her poor behavior IMO.) Or perhaps she'd previously been snubbed by a working mom?

All the women I know strive to be the best mother she can be. We worry over the challenges we face with our children, cheer on their successes, and do the best we can with what we have. If you love being a mom but also love your career, you don't have to choose one over the other; you can do both, but it's hard to do both well. Hats off to those who do it!

I knew I needed a change when I was stressing out that my personal life was interfering with the success of my career. WHOA... Time to step back and re-evaluate! Life is too short, a childhood is even shorter, and I felt I was missing out on too many wonderful moments in these early years. I wasn't enjoying my career anymore, I felt obligated to do it. So DH and I spent the next year figuring out if/how we could make it work so that I could stay home with the boys.

Nearly one year later, we both agree that for us it was the best decision we ever made. We are both happier, less stressed, DH is even more successful in his career. The kids? They were happy before; they loved the school/daycare they were in, and had wonderful and caring teachers that we still visit today. They are also happy having Mama at home, getting more 1-on-1 time, and more fun time with Daddy in the evenings. Being around children day and night is certainly not for everyone. Doing it well is hard work (some days more than others!), and requires much patience and love. Hats off to those who do it!

 

[graygables]

I'm a SAHM/WAHM of 2-still-at-home (2 down, 2 to go as we say at my house! ) They are 10 and 7 and both have special needs. To top it off, I homeschool them. I lost my mind about 6 years ago and have yet to find it.

I've been an advocate of the Flylady system almost since the beginning, but am sad to say that I have fallen off that wagon big time. I guess I'm too much of a free spirit to follow it that closely.

The OP's children are too young, but when mine start to fight, they have to take it outside. It's amazing how much LESS fighting there is when there is a foot of snow on the ground. Fortunately, I am also around and aware, so can often diffuse the fight by sending them to their "corners" (just physically seperate them into different rooms).

As far as snubbing goes, there was recently a big to-do about the Mommy Wars between SAHM and WOHM and I think there is a lot of hostility there. I experience being talked down to *frequently*, esp with the homeschooling aspect and I do have a college degree and did work for awhile. I am often treated like I just fell off the turnip truck and have hay stuck between my teeth. I feel that it is my responsibility to rear my own children and know that many SAH/homeschooling moms feel the same way. We tend to clump together in self-preservation since we experience a similar condescension from WOHM or even SAH/non-homeschooling moms. It would be nice if everyone could just agree that we are all doing what we feel is best for *our* kids and not everyone has to be raised the same way (and it's really nobody else's business)

and if one more person asks me, "what do you *DO* all day???"...

 

[belle&beast]

and if one more person asks me, "what do you *DO* all day???"...

My DH asked this question once, and it has never been asked again!

Actually I can relate to both the SAHMs and WOTHMs because I kind of consider myself both. I work part-time in the school system, so I am at home a lot- that's why I started this post! I think people react without knowing what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. Unfortunately it is unfair and unnecessary. It is extremely difficult to work full time outside of the home and take care of the home and family as well. And it is extremely difficult to be at home and do everything with a child or many children needing you at all times. I think we need to respect each other's choices and understand that we are all doing our best to be good parents for our children.

 

[crisi]

Hmmm ...... I guess by reading here that I must be the only one who thinks its pretty darn easy to be SAHM.
I just went to work and would give anything to not HAVE to work in order to get by.
I loved being at home for all the years I did, I didn't HAVE to get up to an alarm clock, worry about being on time to punch the clock or the many other stresses that come along with working out of the home.
I loved cleaning my house and having dinner ready, being able to read a book to my kids, take them out when ever I wanted to and for how ever long I wanted.
So for me being a SAHM mom was not the hardest job in the world as so many say , being a GREAT mother and a full time employee, trying so hard to be everything to everyone,and fit it all into one day, everyday.....that's the hardest job I have had so far.

Can I ask how old your kids were when you went back to work? Because I think its really challenging with two (or three) in diapers (and bless those who choose this), but I do think its probably a pretty easy job when your kids are in school six hours a day and outside for another four....

Also, kids have different levels of challenging, and moms have different levels of acceptable mom-ness. I have a bunch of friends where both mom and dad stayed home with little ones at different times. The moms all spoke about how hard it was - the dads loved it and thought it was easy. But, the moms all had expectations - clean houses, homemade bread, dinner from scratch. The dads spent two hours at the playground, picked up and did laundry over nap, then spend two hours playing with the kids and made mac-n-cheese for lunch (Mom still cleaned the bathroom on weekends). It was really facinating to listen to both how easy/hard it was and the differences the genders had in expectations of what it meant.

Which may be an idea for those struggling - look at your own expectations. If you are trying to be a SAHM AND do a lot more, see if you can drop the unnecessary stuff and just focus on the things that need to be done.