I have a "What Would You Do" question

[honeywolf7]

Okay, to be honest, I was faced with this situation. As you know, I'm in a somewhat serious relationship right now. I am also friends with this other guy....let's call him Bill. He is gorgeous (we're talking blonde Ben Affleck gorgeous and I think most of you know that I have a major thing for Ben Affleck.) We went out as friends a couple of weeks ago (dinner and a movie....each paying our share.) Yesterday, after I dyed my hair, I was sitting her listening to music on the computer. There was a break between songs and I heard someone knocking at the door. I went there and Bill was standing there with a bouquet of flowers. He said he had just "stopped by" on his way to another friend's house. He lives about half an hour from here. (no, I was not naive enough to believe him and yes, I saw through that especially since when we first started being friends, he wanted me to go out with him but I told him I was taken and all of a sudden a week later, he said he had met a girl in Wisconsin online and they were going out now.) He knows I have a boyfriend and I let him know that even though the flowers were pretty I couldn't accept them because I wasn't interested in him as more than a friend. One of my roommates saw him and thinks I was crazy to turn him down because of his looks. What would you guys have done?

 

[aahmom1]

If your feeling for Roger are as stong as you say, there is no question.

 

[CamColt]

If the current relatiosnhip is serious, and I was happy & in love, then I would have done what you did, because I wouldnt have been interested. However if the current situation wasnt a good one, then I would have been all over Ben...I mean that opportunity.

 

[TigerBear]

I think if you trusted your feelings for Roger you wouldn't even be asking this question. I think it is something for you to think about...

 

[jipsy]

I would never have gone to dinner and a movie with him in the first place. Everyone gets the wrong idea, as you are finding out, even if it is as innocent friends.

Does Roger know you went to dinner and a movie with this guy? What did he say about it?

 

[Princess_Aurora]

First, I would've accepted the flowers...I love flowers

Then I would have given him a line like, "Oh what a great FRIEND you are!" and "I sure am lucky to have a FRIEND like you." Every time you use the word FRIEND make sure you stress it and say it just a tad louder than the rest of the words.

Now, if you're relationship with your boyfriend isn't very serious and you think you might have some feelings for this other guy, you should tell you BF about it and try to work it out.

 

[ratsrule]

I would invite him back when the Mormans are there.

They could act as chaperones

 

[Serena]

Becki, think about why you would even ask this question. Think seriously before you get in too deep.

 

[Disney845]

I think that your actions were correct in this situation. Accepting the flowers wouldn't have been a good idea. However if this is making you think twice, then maybe your feelings for Roger aren't as deep as you thought. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. Attraction to a man isn't a bad thing. Anyone in a relationship who says they haven't ever looked at another guy/girl is lying. But usually looking and perhaps a little innocent daydreaming is all there is to it, like your Ben Afflack fantasy, that is safe because there is no way it could ever be acted on (ok,ok, I suppose there is a gazillion in one chance he could dump JLo and show up on your door tomorrw saying he was madly in love with you.....but I doubt it (though don't we all wish it ). It is possible that your attraction to Ben's double is nothing more than a manifestation of your feelings of inadequacy with your current relationship (hey your a psych major right??? ). You are also still young, and only recently got out of a bad marriage situation. From what I remember reading you and Roger jumped into it pretty quickly, maybe this is a subconscious reminder to you to slow things down a bit, see some other people, and see where your feelings go from there?

 

[Serena]

Becki, re- read what she said a couple of times.

 

[honeywolf7]

Jipsy, of course Roger knows. He doesn't care if I have male friends. Now, I don't know about telling him about the flowers because he would get angry at "Bill."
The reason I'm asking the question was whether to see anyone else would respond the way my roommate did. Basically, "Hey, he's hot....I wouldn't turn it down no matter what." I knew what the right decision was and that's why I did what I did.
As far as Roger goes, he said the "L" word yesterday and he has been exactly the way I want him to be lately so I know what I want. The thought of either one of us actually seeing other people isn't one that I want to even think about.

 

[Mom2Em]

Yeah, what Disney845 said...

 

[danacara]

Sitting on hands ... sitting on hands ...

 

[wvjules]

"L" word? Is love a censored word?

 

[CookieGVB]

If you're a single male it is!

I don't get why if you knew you were doing the right thing, you'd come and ask a bunch of strangers about it???

 

[Serena]

Okay, I think I get it.

You weren't asking us, what would we do if we were you. You were asking what would we do if we were the roommate??

maybe, possibly??

 

[SilverLily]

Is "Bill" the same guy that you considered going out with when you were mad at Roger for not communcating? The one that Roger almost lost you over?

If so, then this is the second time "Bill" has made you think about your relationships. That should tell you something right there.

 

[gepetto]

Originally posted by honeywolf7

As far as Roger goes, he said the "L" word yesterday and he has been exactly the way I want him to be lately so I know what I want.

Did you say it back?

 

[aprincessmom]

I'm in a somewhat serious relationship right now

Red Flag!

You are either in a serious relationship or you're not. That statement is like saying you are somewhat pregnant.

If you are second guessing your response based on what your roommate said then perhaps you need to look again at your relationship with Roger more honestly.

That a roommate could get you to second guess a "serious" relationship because a guy looks hot doesn't say much for your relationship.

Sorry...I call 'em like I see 'em.

 

[honeywolf7]

I'm not second guessing the relationship....Serena got it pretty much right. I'm asking if you would say something like that just because a guy is hot.
Aprincessmom, the reason I called it somewhat serious is that to me serious=engaged to be married. Roger has told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he calls me every day now (even today when he was stuck at home because of the snow), and he said he loved me. I did say it back.